Iron (The Warding Book 1) (39 page)

For all the good it had done me. That was hardly his fault by any stretch of the imagination, so I strove for some small burst of decorum. “Thanks. If it’s any consolation, you certainly made me work for it.”

“Indeed. All the same, I must ask a boon of you.”

“I’ve had shit luck in making promises with your kind,” I told him, giving him my best don’t-mess-with-me stare. “Forgive me if I insist on hearing the fine print before agreeing to anything.”

“I would expect no less. Your Gift is quite possibly the rarest there is. This poses a unique danger, both to you and to myself. Many would seek to do you harm, to quell or possess your Gift—a fate I well understand. I too have many enemies and quite a few of them who would love to be able to find me, as you have. I ask for your word that you will never use your Gift to locate me at the behest of another again. In turn, I will keep your secret safe and never breathe word of your name to another soul.”

I didn’t think he would betray me, with or without my promise. He just didn’t seem the type to sell me to the highest bidder. Still; it never hurt to have your tracks covered. I nodded, “Deal. I will not lead another to you, ever again—so long as you keep my identity a secret.”

We shook hands, as Kaine and I once had. There was no exchange of blood this time and I wondered, briefly, if this pact was as binding as the one Kaine and I had struck. It didn’t matter, really. I had every intention of keeping my promise. My honeymoon with the fae was over. Knowing that there was at least one person out there watching my back, even in the vaguest way, was a comforting thought.

When we broke apart, he smiled at me fondly. “You are an extraordinary lady. There are not many who would have adapted to this so well, so late in life. The Warding is a hard Gift to bear, and the danger you will face will be no easier. I wish you the best, in all that you do.” Sadness overtook his smile. He reached out, his hand hovering in the air next to my cheek for a moment before it fell back to his side. “You have her way about you. She would be proud to see such strength in you.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Who would be proud?”

“Your mother.”

He grinned and then he was gone.

My jaw worked soundlessly, my wide eyes staring at the blank space he had occupied only heartbeats ago. My mother? He couldn’t have been talking about Sarah Moore, the woman who had birthed and raised me. No one had ever compared me to my mother. We were polar opposites in just about every way, from looks to personality and then some.

I wracked my spinning mind but could not think of a single plausible instance where she could have crossed paths with such a man. Never mind that she was the most mundane woman on the planet; there was no way in hell she knew anything of the fae or had any idea of what I was going through with them. But if he hadn’t meant her, then who?

Well. Didn’t that just throw me for a fucking loop?

Chapter Twenty-Four

My mother.

Those two words kept ringing in my head.

I sat on my bed, which was still stripped bare to the torn mattress, and stared off into space. An open duffle bag sat at the foot of the bed, with Mairi stretched out beside it. She was also staring off into space, though she kept her hands busy at unknotting one of my necklaces. I didn’t think she was tearing herself up internally as I was, but I was glad for her company. It made the emptiness of the room feel a little less oppressive. I had been right about how depressing it would be, to sit here and look at all the stuff in my life that was now missing. Having some company, even the silent kind, made it hurt a little less.

We had left Kaine and Gannon to their private powwow in my living room. They had ignored us from the moment the Lynx had handed over the lead anyway. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised by that. They had never included either of us in any of their planning before. Since I had pushed Kaine to absolve me of any further involvement in his quest to return home, why would they bother to include me now? It had been easier to let them be, and run off to wallow in my own confused thoughts.

I had intended to pack up some more of my stuff when I had first stormed off. It made sense to get it over with and figure out if there was anything else worth taking. Then, I could be done with it and make the final break from this life. Once I was smack dab in the middle of it, however, it all suddenly seemed so much less important. What did it matter if I took more clothes or another pair of shoes with me? How would any material possession help me figure out the next step in my broken life?

I threw the shirt I was holding into the bag with a frustrated snarl. Try as I might, I just couldn’t make myself stop thinking about what the Lynx had said. Those words rattled around in my head like a ping pong ball. I kept thinking back to the night I had met Kaine and the gang; the night someone had first questioned my parentage. I had thought them crazy at the time. Who wouldn’t have? Only, now, I couldn’t so casually dismiss it as being a ridiculous notion. There were too many questions I couldn’t answer and, to be frank, I wasn’t sure I wanted to answer them anymore. The specter of “what if?” loomed over my shoulder.

Mairi was the voice of reason. “He could have been lying, you know.”

“And monkeys might fly out my butt.” Oh, how I wanted to believe that. So much of my internal strife would be quelled if I believed that. Only… I didn’t. I couldn’t. I drew my knees up to my chest, resting my chin atop them. I was probably pouting, but I didn’t care. I said it aloud, to make it real. “You don’t believe that and neither do I.”

She put the chain, kink free once more, atop the clothes in the bag. Her sad eyes only made me feel worse, so I focused on my feet. I heard her sigh. “Yeah; okay. I guess you’re right. I figured it was worth a shot though. I’m fresh out of ideas to cheer you up with.”

I shot her a grateful smile. “Thanks. Unfortunately, lying to myself hasn’t gotten me very far. Might be better to just nut up and accept this curve-ball.”

The Lynx had no reason to lie and we both knew it. I had already agreed to his terms; we had agreed to cover one another’s asses and make sure no one used one of us to find the other. Why on earth would he lie to me? He knew something. It sounded like he knew or had known this woman, who he somehow thought was my mother. I had been too dumbstruck in the moment to find out more, and now it was too late. I didn’t think I’d have much luck finding him again, even if I tried. Something told me he wouldn’t be sticking around Riverview much longer, and I highly doubted he would ever cross Gilroy’s doorstep again, just in case.

Maybe I was better off just letting it go, however hard that was. I mean, what choice did I have? My throat was tight as I zipped the duffle bag shut. There was no point in prolonging the agony any further. When I looked up at Mairi, my heart broke. Her cheeks and nose were red behind her tears, her bottom lip quivering. She threw herself across the bed at me and clung to me like it was the last time we would ever see one another.

It probably was, so I could hardly fault her.

Hot tears streamed down my own cheeks as I hugged her, my words interrupted by the occasional wet sniffle. “I’ll keep in touch. As soon as I find a place to settle down, I’ll find a way to let you know. I promise.”

“I’ll miss you so much.” Her voice was a whisper.

It made me cry that much harder.

After a moment, she finally pulled away. She turned away from me, scrubbing at her face, and I knew there was nothing more to be said. Neither of us had any words to make this any easier. I grabbed my bag and tossed it over one shoulder. I paused once, in the hall, and looked back over my shoulder toward the dim light of my living room. I knew I should thank them and part ways on better terms—but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t face them and let them see me losing my shit, even to say goodbye.

I hurried out the front door and let it slam shut behind me. Even that sound cut straight through me. It was the goodbye to everything I had ever known.

Outside, the chilly evening air slapped me across the face. It was just what I needed to keep the shaking at bay. I took a deep breath and choked back a sob. I was nearly at my car when the stairwell door banged open behind me. Gannon called out, “So this is it then? You’re just going to run away?”

I couldn’t turn around; couldn’t let him see the tears glimmering in my eyes. I popped the trunk and tossed my bag inside. “Yup, pretty much.”

“Come on, Caitlin. This is stupid…”

My laughter was harsh and ugly. I hated how hearing my name fall from his lips shot a shiver up my spine. I snarled and slammed the trunk of my poor little Camry closed as hard as I could. “Well that’s me, isn’t it? The stupid, silly little human, running away and trying to save herself before the High King squashes her like a bug.”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” he said, sounding exasperated.

“I really don’t care how you meant it.” I was being petty; whiny—but, who the fuck cared? Not me. “This is the one chance I have to get ahead of whatever that bastard sends after me and I’m taking it. Not like I have much to stay for anyhow. A shitty job? A family that hates me? A best friend that won’t even speak to me anymore? Oh well. I’m sure I’ll survive.”

“You’re being overly dramatic,” he said, scowling. “Come back inside. Let’s talk about this, before you make a rash decision.”

“Oh yeah? Is that an order from your
prince
?” He looked away; his shame clear. I had to spit the words through clenched teeth. “You knew all along and not a single one of you told me—warned me!—who I was dealing with!”

He gave me one of those perturbed looks that made me feel like a petulant child. “All the signs were there. You should have figured it out.”

That only made my face burn hotter. “Yeah, well I didn’t, did I? I was in deep over my head from day one and no one thought to tell me. But I guess that’s my own fault, because I was too
stupid
to figure it out.”

He heaved a sigh. “I never said—”

I cut him off with a decisive wave of my hand. “You didn’t need to. You’ve made your feelings about me pretty clear.”

“Oh, have I?” The words were a sneer; a taunt. The little half smile that accompanied them made me want to punch him.

“Yes, you have; thanks. You’ve made it very clear, from day one, that you thought I was a fool for trying to live in this fucked up world of yours. And you know what? You were right. All it’s done is fuck up my life. I haven’t been able to walk down the street without jumping at every shadow for months. That was bad enough. Now the King is going to find out who and where I am. I’ll never be safe as long as I stay here. It’s too much, Gannon. I can’t live with that kind of fear hanging over me. I have to go.”

I tried to breeze past him, hopped up on righteous anger, but he grabbed my arm and forced me back around. I could see the concern in his piercing gaze as he searched my face and I hated him for it. It made me weak. I looked away; up at the dark sky and the blurry pinpricks of light I could make out beyond the ambient glow of the city lights. I couldn’t afford to be weak. I couldn’t let my resolve waver. I yanked my arm free of his grip and stood there awkwardly, still feeling the heat of his hand on my skin; like it had been a brand burned in to me.

His voice was lower, gentler. “I know you’re angry. I get it. I’m not trying to say you don’t have every right be pissed off, but we didn’t have any other choice. We couldn’t tell you who Kaine was. He’s in hiding and we were protecting him because that’s our job. It was nothing personal.”

“It certainly feels personal,” I grumbled, flashing between being angry and feeling stupid for being so angry. I hated it when he used logic on me.

“I assure you, it isn’t.” He fidgeted and rubbed at the back of his neck, clearly as uncomfortable as I was. Heart-to-heart chats weren’t what we did. Neither of us knew where to go from them. Finally, he said, “Stop and think about what you’re about to do. Out there you’re going to be all alone. Who will you have to watch your back? Come back inside. Let’s all sit down and talk about this. Running away isn’t going to fix this. Let’s figure this out.”

Nu-uh. No way. Those were the opposite of the magic words. I had spent too many nights planning my escape; plotting my way into a newer, less scary life. I couldn’t let this show of compassion undo me—and I was perilously close to letting it do just that. I held up my hands, key rattling as I took two steps back, warding him off. “No. I can’t. I’m done, Gannon.
Done
. The pact is fulfilled and I’m finally free. I have to go now, while I still can; before they find me.”

He ran a hand back through his hair, pulling it up at odd, spiky angles. “You don’t need to run. We can help you; protect you, I promise—”

“Yeah?” A spike of rage ran through me. My laugh was an ugly bark; disappointment tainted by bitterness. “Like when you promised to find Texas Pete?”

Silence. He wouldn’t meet my eyes.

My jaw clenched so hard my teeth hurt. I nodded to no one in particular. “That’s what I thought.” I turned and unlocked the door, throwing it wide.

“Caitlin.” I froze, one foot in; hand still gripping the doorframe. My heart was thumping in my throat. He hadn’t moved but his voice seemed to whisper in my ear. “Don’t go. We still need you.”

Inside, I wavered. I damn near
vibrated
with the need to turn around, to throw myself at him and beg to be held; to be told that this all could be fixed and that I could still be safe here. But it couldn’t and I wasn’t. So, I didn’t. I didn’t even turn around. “And when I needed you, you failed me.”