Is It Just Me or Is Everything Shit? (27 page)

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* Dash famously refuses to wear any item of clothing twice, but does it count if he goes swimming? When he gets out of the bath—and presuming he hasn’t lost his locker key—does he put his clothes back on, or does he take a box-fresh set with him? And what if he forgot to have a shower? He’s just slipping on a nice Thomas Pink shirt when—d’oh!—he realizes he smells of chlorine. So he slips off the shirt and his boxers and he has a shower. But when he gets out, does he pop the shirt back on, or does he require a new one? And if he does require a new one and he hasn’t got one with him, does he go home in the buff? Or what?
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* This entry is EXCLUSIVE to the print edition of
Is It Just Me or Is Everything Shit?
The audio book shits on people who waste time reading when they could just listen to it on CD, leaving their hands free for doing jigsaws and eating fudge.
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* One literary critic called this entry “Truly stupendous—a work of unparalleled greatness. It actually made me aroused. I’d be very surprised if the authors didn’t cure cancer. Just by looking at it.”
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*We have been asked to make it absolutely clear that, to the best of our knowledge, Dr. Frank-N-Furter has never worked for Mossad—neither as an agent nor as an agent of influence. Although they did attend a midnight screening on at least one occasion, only to run for the exits when rice was thrown at them.
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* Currently serving over twenty-four years in prison for fraud and insider trading. When indicted, Skilling petitioned for his trial to be moved away from Houston after a poll showed a third of area residents associated his name with negatives like “pig,” “snake,” “economic terrorist,” and “financial equivalent of an ax murderer.” Yes, those are negatives, all right.
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*Other titles include
My Abs Are OK, Your Abs Are OK
by Vince Grundtzenecker. There’s also
Make Every Day an Abs Day
by Bunt Masterson. Another alternative is
Abs: The Cosa Nostra Way
by Nico The Chip. Finally, there’s
Neat Abs for Invading and Mating Good
by Clay Harbourmouth.
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