It Runs in the Family (17 page)

When you’re doing a great job, life is smooth and happy and the snacks are free-flowing. That is what the kids expect, so they don’t line up to thank you afterwards. There is only one person (God bless you, Patrick Sheehan-Gaumer) who regularly tells me I’m doing a good job. Right now, that one person’s gratitude and admiration is more than enough. Right now, the fact that my kids take my efforts for granted is A-okay. They appreciate me implicitly and will learn to express it explicitly as they mature—and the seven-year-old does a pretty great job already, with a little nudge from her dad.

So, if it’s not for the praise and if it’s not for the ego trip, why am I doing this? Why am I a stay-at-home mom? Because it doesn’t make economic sense for us to have kids and pay someone else half—or two-thirds—of our money to rear them while we work. Because it doesn’t make political or social sense to miss out on—and have very little hand in shaping—the most dynamic developmental stage in my children’s lives. Because I love it, the kids love it, and my husband loves it. Because it is the right thing for us right now.

Being a stay-at-home mom can be lonely, repetitious, and boring. But in truth and upon reflection, it is not forever. I am not alone and we—the kids, me, and our world—are always growing. In talking with other stay-at-home moms, I get the sense that our culture celebrates, hyper-validates, and commodifies our contributions, while simultaneously making them invisible, value-neutral, and second-strata. There are lots of magazines, advertisements, and inducements for us to be thin, fit, happy, and 110 percent there for the baby, but not a lot of encouragement to create and sustain a culture and community that truly supports women as mothers. We have to make that up as we go along and thank goodness we are doing it. I am ready to embrace this new phase of life and this new identity—as the mom of two kids in diapers, stepmom of a dynamic second-grader, wife of a social worker, and one whose world is small but demanding. I am ready to embrace this new phase of life, knowing that the larger world and its universe of needs and ills will still be there when me and my little ones are ready to tackle—head-on and with our full attention—the work of building a more just and peaceful society. In the meantime, that work is being carried forward by countless able hands and hearts. It is not—and never was—ours alone. And I believe that the love I lavish on those closest to me is large enough to heal some small but suppurating wound in the world.

FROM LEFT TO RIGHT: Patrick holding Madeline Vida; Rosena Jane; Frida holding Seamus Philip. Photograph by Arther Lerner.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

T
here are countless people to thank; in fact I could write a whole book of thanks (it might even be better than the book you have in your hands). Jasmine Faustino, Bryan Farrell, Eric Stoner, and Nathan Schneider—the brains, brawn, and brio behind Waging Nonviolence—thank you for the opportunity to write and the encouragement to write about nonviolence and parenting. Thank you for making me write this book. (Just kidding, I did say YES). Thank you for being my friends! I thank my mom, brother, and sister—Liz McAlister, Jerry Mechtenberg-Berrigan, and Kate Berrigan—for their keen memories, constant encouragement, and steadfast example. I thank my mother-and father-in-law—Joanne Sheehan and Rick Gaumer—for wonderful stories, steady support, and energetic childcare. I thank the kids—Rosena Jane Sheehan-Gaumer, Seamus Philip Berrigan Sheehan-Gaumer, and Madeline Vida Berrigan Sheehan-Gaumer—for all the good lessons on parenting, for their patience and understanding as I muddle through motherhood, and for their smiles, laughter, and loving natures. I thank the many communities I am honored to be part of—New London, All Souls Unitarian Universalist Congregation, Saint Francis House, War Resisters League, the Catholic Worker, Witness Against Torture, the Atlantic Life Community, Jonah House—for being home, inspiration, and friendship, and always reminding me that our goal as human beings is to leave things a little better than we found them. Finally, I thank Patrick Sheehan-Gaumer, for being my first reader, my best teacher, my life partner, my greatest love. This book is dedicated to you, because it would not exist without you.

It goes without saying, but I take sole, total, utter responsibility for all the errors, misrememberings, and unintentional hyperbole in this little book.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

F
rida Berrigan serves on the board of The War Resisters League, a 90-year-old pacifist organization, and helped to found Witness Against Torture, a nonviolent direct action group focused on shutting down Guantánamo and ending torture. She long served as a researcher at the New America Foundation’s Arms and Security Initiative in New York City, writing and speaking on the topic of militarism. She lived at the New York Catholic Worker before moving to New London, CT with her husband Patrick Sheehan-Gaumer. Patrick is a social worker, second-generation peace activist and father to their 7-year-old daughter Rosena Jane. Their son Seamus Philip was born in July 2012 and Frida became a stay-at-home mom. Their daughter Madeline Vida was born in February 2014. While the baby naps or plays, she writes the “Little Insurrections” blog for
Waging Nonviolence
, tends a few plots at the community garden and helps keep a busy household on its toes.

WAGING NONVIOLENCE

W
aging Nonviolence is a source for original news and analysis about struggles for justice and peace around the globe. Ordinary people build power using nonviolent strategies and tactics every day, even under the most difficult of circumstances, yet these stories often go unnoticed or misunderstood by a media industry fixated on violence and celebrity. Since 2009, WNV has been reporting on these people-powered struggles and helping their participants learn from one another, because we know that they can and do change the world. Visit us at
wagingnonviolence.org

RECOMMENDED READING

The Harrisburg Seven and The New Catholic Left
, William O’Rourke, University of Notre Dame Press, 2012

Doing Time for Peace: Resistance, Family and Community
, Rosalie Riegle, Vanderbilt University Press, 2013

To Dwell in Peace: An Autobiography
, Daniel Berrigan, Harper Collins, 1988

Fighting the Lamb’s War: Skirmishes with the American Empire
, Philip Berrigan with Fred Wilcox, republished by iUniverse in 2011

The Time’s Discipline: The Beatitudes and Nuclear Resistance
, Philip Berrigan and Elizabeth McAlister, Fortkamp Publishing, 1989

All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenthood
, Jennifer Senior, Ecco, 2014

The Long Loneliness: An Autobiography
, Dorothy Day, Thomas More Press, 1989

Witness Against Torture: The Campaign to Shut Down Guantánamo
, Witness Against Torture, Yellow Bike Press, 2008

Also of note: the childrearing series by Louise Bates Ames, a wonderful collection of books covering children from one through ten, titled
Your One-Year-Old
,
Your Two-Year-Old
, etc.: all from Random House, first published beginning in 1979.

A
re you interested in reading more from one of the liveliest independent publishers working today? See our entire list at
www.orbooks.com
.

Consider buying direct from OR, and take advantage of our special web-only discounts: it’s better for you, our authors—and us as well.