Italian Folktales (70 page)

“I don't have to tell you a thing.”

“Take me with you to the dance!”

“I'll kick you in the seat of your pants!”

 

And he gave her a kick. Maria returned to her roost, slipped on the gown the color of meadows and printed with all the flowers in the world, and went off to the ball herself.

There the unknown lady was the belle of the ball in her gown, the likes of which had never been seen. The king's son invited her to dance with him, and asked her where she came from and what her name was. Maria said, “I am the Countess Thwartboot.” The king found it hard to believe, never having heard that name; not a soul knew the lady, and she said nothing other than “Thwartboot.” The king's son had truly fallen in love with her, and made her a present of a gold pin, which she put in her hair, then flew away from the ball laughing. The king's son ordered his men to pursue her and see where she went, but she scattered a handful of gold coins behind her. The men stopped to pick them up and got to squabbling among themselves.

The next evening, torn between hope and despair, the king was getting ready for the ball, when Wooden Maria came in with her eggs and said, “Majesty, you're going dancing again tonight?”

“Don't bother me. I've other things to think about!”

“Can't you take me with you?”

Losing patience, the king's son grabbed up a small shovel from the hearth and struck her.

Wooden Maria returned to the poultry house, donned the sea-colored gown displaying all the fish in the sea, and went off to the ball. The king's son was overjoyed to dance with her again. “Tell me who you are this time.”

“I am the Marquise Thwartshovel,” answered Maria, and not one more word would she say.

The king's son gave her a diamond ring, and she ran away just as she had done the evening before, getting rid of the servants once more by means of gold coins. The king was now more in love than ever.

The next evening he was in no mood for Wooden Maria's wit. As soon as she came asking him to take her to the ball, he hit her on the back with the reins, as he was just harnessing his horse. At the ball he met the lady wearing a dress still lovelier than those of the evenings before, this one the color of air and displaying sun, planets, and stars. The lady told him she was the Princess Thwartreins. The king's son gave her a medallion bearing his picture.

And not even that evening were the servants able to follow her.

The king's son was overcome with love sickness, and the doctors
were completely baffled. He refused to eat and wouldn't touch even one spoonful of soup. One day he said to his mother, who was constantly after him to eat something, “Yes, I feel like a pizza. Make it yourself, Mamma, with your own hands.”

The queen went into the kitchen, and there was Wooden Maria. “Leave everything to me, Majesty, I'll gladly help you,” she said, and set to work kneading dough and baking the pizza.

The king's son took a bite, liked it, and was complimenting his mother, when he suddenly bit into something hard—the pin he had given the beautiful stranger. “Mamma, just who made this pizza?”

“I did. Why?”

“No, you didn't. Tell me the truth, who made it?”

So the queen had to admit Wooden Maria had helped her. Right away the son said to have her make him another one.

Wooden Maria's second pizza arrived, and in it the king's son found his diamond ring. “Wooden Maria must know something about the beautiful stranger,” said the young man to himself, and ordered that she make him a third pizza. When he found the medallion bearing his picture, he jumped out of bed and ran to the poultry yard. There he found all the geese gathered round the tree singing:

 

“Pa-paparapà,

Lovely girl there up high

Like the Moon, like the Sun in the sky,

King's child or emperor's, that's no lie!”

 

And looking up in the branches, he saw the beautiful stranger coming out of the wooden hide and combing her locks. Maria told him her story, and in less than no time they were man and wife and as happy as happy could be.

 

(
Rome
)

 

104

There was once a king who, during a leisurely stroll one day, found a louse on him. A king's louse, he thought, is to be respected. So instead of delousing himself, he took it home to the royal palace and cared for it. The louse grew fat, as fat as a cat, and spent the whole day in a chair. Then it got as fat as a pig and had to be moved to an easy chair. When it became as fat as a calf, it had to be put in a barn. But the louse continued to fatten and soon outgrew the barn, so the king had it slaughtered. Once it was slaughtered, he had it skinned and the hide nailed to the palace door. Then he issued a proclamation: whoever guessed which animal's hide it was would have his daughter in marriage; but whoever guessed wrong would be condemned to death.

No sooner was the proclamation out than a long line of men formed before the royal palace. They guessed and lost. The hangman worked day and night. Now the king's daughter, unbeknownst to her father, had a lover, and was on pins and needles until she found out from certain servants in the know that the hide belonged to a louse. In the evening when the lover showed up as usual under her window, she said in a low voice, “Tomorrow, go to my father and say the hide is that of a louse.”

But he didn't catch her words. “Of a mouse, you say? A giant mouse?”

“No, louse!” answered the king's daughter, raising her voice.

“Grouse?”

“Louse! Louse!” she yelled.

“Oh, I get it! I'll see you tomorrow.” With that, he left.

But under the window of the king's daughter a hunchback cobbler had his workbench, and overheard the whole conversation. “We'll just see now who marries you,” he said to himself, “me or that man there.” And in a flash, without even removing his smock, he jumped up and ran to the king. “Sacred Crown, I have the honor to come before you and guess what hide you have here.”

“Be careful,” said the king. “Ever so many men have already lost their lives guessing.”

“We'll just see if I lose mine too,” said the hunchback. The king showed him the hide. The hunchback took a good look, sniffed it, pretended to rack his brains, and said, “Sacred Crown, I have the honor to inform you that it doesn't take so much effort to recognize what animal this hide is from: it is from a louse.”

The king was quite put out by the hunchback's cleverness, but without
a word, since a king's promise is sacred, he sent for his daughter and right away declared her the rightful bride of the hunchback. The poor girl, who had been sure of marrying her lover on the morrow, was now beside herself with woe.

The little hunchback became king and she was his queen. But having to live with him took all the joy out of life. In her service was an old chambermaid who would have given anything to see the queen laugh again and said one morning: “Sacred Majesty, I saw three hunchback buffoons passing through town dancing and singing and playing, and everybody just dying laughing. How about me bringing them to the royal palace to entertain you too a bit?”

“Are you out of your mind?” said the queen. “What would the hunchback king say if he came in and found them here? He'd think we'd brought them in to mock him!”

“Don't worry,” replied the chambermaid. “If the king comes in, we'll hide them in the trunk.”

So the three hunchback musicians went to the queen and entertained her royally, and the queen split her sides laughing. Right in the middle of their act the doorbell rang loudly: the hunchback king was back.

The chambermaid grabbed the three hunchbacks by the neck, thrust them into the big cupboard, and locked the door. “All right, all right, I'm coming!” she said, and went and let the king in. They ate supper and then went out for a walk.

The next day was the day the king and queen received visitors, and the hunchbacks were completely forgotten. The third day the queen said to the maid, “By the way, what became of the hunchbacks?”

“Oh, my goodness!” exclaimed the maid, clapping her hand to her forehead. “I forgot all about them! They're still there in the cupboard!” They opened the cupboard at once, and what should they find but three dead hunchbacks. They had died from lack of food and air, and they looked quite sulky.

“Now what will we do?” asked the frightened queen.

“Don't worry, I'll think of a way out of this,” replied the maid, and she took one of the hunchbacks and stuffed him in a sack. She then called a porter. “Listen, in this sack is a thief I killed with a slap as he was stealing the crown jewels.” She opened the sack and showed him the hump. “Now take him on your back and, without letting anyone see you, throw him into the river. I'll pay you when you return.”

The porter flung the sack over his back and went to the river. Meanwhile that devil of a chambermaid stuffed the second hunchback into another sack and placed it beside the door. The porter returned to be
paid, and the maid said, “How do you expect to be paid when the hunchback is still here?”

“But what game are we playing?” asked the porter. “I just now threw him into the river.”

“Here's proof you didn't do it very well. Otherwise he wouldn't still be here.”

Shaking his head and grumbling, the porter once more loaded the sack onto his back and trudged off. When he returned to the royal palace a second time what should he find but the sack with the hunchback, and the chambermaid as angry as a hornet. “Am I not right, you don't know how to throw him into the river? Can't you see he's back again?”

“But this time I tied a stone to him before throwing him in!”

“Tie on two! Just let that sack come back here again, and not only will I not pay you, I'll beat the daylights out of you!”

Once more the porter took up the sack, walked to the river, tied two boulders to it, and threw the third hunchback into the water. He watched carefully to see that it didn't reappear, then returned to the royal palace.

As he was climbing the steps, he met the hunchback king on his way out and thought to himself, Damnation! The hunchback has escaped again, and that old witch will now beat me for sure! In a blind rage, he grabbed the hunchback by the neck and shouted, “You hangman of a hunchback, how many times do I have to throw you into the river? I tied one stone to you, and you came back up. I tied on two, and here you are back again! How can you be so ornery? I'm going to fix you for good!” At that, he put his hands around the hunchback's throat and strangled him. Then he caught him by the neck and dragged him straight to the river, where he tied four rocks to his feet and hurled him into the water.

When the queen learned that her husband had gone the way of the other three hunchbacks, she showered the porter with presents: gold, precious stones, hams, cheese, and wine. Without hesitation she then married her first love and from then on was happy as happy could be.

 

“Wide is the leaf, narrow is the way,

Tell yours now, as I have had my say.”

 

(
Rome
)

105

There was once a couple who had a daughter, for whom they had found a husband. All the relatives were invited to her wedding, after which everybody sat down to the table. Right in the middle of dinner, the wine gave out, so the father said to his newlywed daughter, “Go down to the cellar and fetch more wine.”

The bride went to the cellar, placed the bottle under the cask, opened the tap, and waited for the bottle to fill up. While waiting, she got to thinking, Today I got married. In nine months I'll have a son and name him Cicco Petrillo, dress him, put shoes on him. He'll become a big lad . . . but suppose Cicco Petrillo dies? Oh, my poor son!” At that she burst out crying as no one has ever cried before.

The tap was still open and the wine meanwhile ran all over the cellar. The diners sat and waited for the bride to come back, but there was no sign of her. Her father said to his wife, “Go down to the cellar and see if she's fallen asleep, by chance.”

The mother went down to the cellar and found her daughter in a flood of tears. “What on earth's the matter, daughter? What happened?”

“Ah, Mamma, I was thinking that today I got married and in nine months I'll have a son and name him Cicco Petrillo, and what if Cicco Petrillo then dies?”

“Oh, my poor, poor grandson!”

“Oh, my poor, poor son!”

And the two women burst out weeping together.

The cellar meanwhile was filling up with wine. The diners upstairs continued to wait for wine, but no wine came. The father said, “They could have both had a stroke. I must go and see.”