It's a Vet's Life: (33 page)

‘I’ll get her, dear,’ Frances says, and I wonder if she already has some inkling of the terrible event that has just occurred at Talyton Manor. ‘Emma, it’s Maz for you.’

‘Hi,’ I say, when Emma comes on the line, ‘something’s happened and I wanted to ask for the day off tomorrow, if we could swap.’

‘Is it true about Old Fox-Gifford?’ she says. ‘Alex was at Chris’s when he got the call. Chris called Izzy.’

I find I can’t answer.

‘I take it that’s a yes then. Oh, Maz, I’m sorry. What was it? A stroke?’

‘Emma, it was …’ I can hardly speak. ‘He shot himself, in the surgery. He threatened to do it in front of me, but I thought … I thought I’d convinced him not to. I went down to find Sophia and then … he was gone.’

‘Maz, no! Why? Why did he do it, and why did he inflict it on you, of all people? Or did you just happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time? I’m sorry,’ she repeats. ‘All these questions …’

‘He asked me to look after Hal when he’d gone. I tried to stop him,’ I repeat, ‘but you know what he’s like … He wouldn’t take any notice, and he had the gun … and …’

‘You don’t have to go into detail,’ Emma says gently. ‘Maz, stay where you are. I’m coming straight up to the Manor. I’ll have George while you and Alex do whatever you need to do.’

‘You don’t have to drop everything,’ I say, but I don’t mean it. I need Emma here. I need someone I can trust to look after my son, while I support Alex.

‘Of course I do. What else are friends for? You’re in shock. I can hear it in your voice. Listen, I’ve got three waiting. I’ll ask Will to see them. I’ll be right over.’

Not knowing what else I can do until Alex gets here, I get George up.

‘Hi, George.’ I lift him out of the cot and sit him on my hip to carry him to the bathroom before we go downstairs.

‘Mumma,’ George says, wide-eyed as he traces the
tracks
of my tears with his fingers. I touch my forehead to his, and strangle the cry that starts in my throat. I don’t want George to be sad because I am, but life is going to be strange for a while.

I take George outside, handing him over to Lisa when I notice Alex’s car turning up. Although I’m shocked and sickened by what’s happened, and know he’ll be utterly devastated, my spirits lift slightly at the thought of seeing him. I rush to his side as he gets out, and throw my arms around him to comfort him, and be comforted.

‘Alex,’ I breathe as he holds me tight. ‘Oh, Alex … I’m so sorry.’

‘Maz, what happened?’ he says, his voice gruff as he looks into my eyes.

‘There’s no easy way of saying this. He shot himself.’

‘He what?’ Alex’s brow furrows. ‘He wouldn’t …’

‘He threatened to do it and I thought I’d talked him out of it, but when I left him, he went ahead anyway …’

Alex is silent, his eyes dark with emotion, shock and disbelief.

‘So you were there? Oh, Maz, that’s horrendous. What was he thinking of?’ Alex shakes his head. ‘Why?’ He pulls me closer, running his fingers through my hair as I sob into his shirt. ‘I don’t understand. What was so bad? Why did he have to drag you into it? My poor darling.’

‘He said he wanted to have a word with me.’ I raise my head as Alex takes half a step back and gazes at my face.

‘With you? Why would he pick on you?’ Alex releases me. ‘I need to see him.’

‘Are you sure?’ I say doubtfully.

‘It’s something I have to do.’

‘I’ll be with you then.’ I take hold of his hand, but when I reach the bottom of the steps to the surgery where Ben meets us, I can’t go any further. I can’t face going up there again. It’s too much. ‘I’ll have to wait here for you.’

‘Go back to the Barn, Maz. You’ve had more than enough trauma for one day. I’ll catch up with you later.’ Alex squeezes my fingers and he’s gone.

When Emma arrives a couple of minutes later, she’s looking larger than ever, still in her maternity tunic top and with her stethoscope around her neck. She throws her arms around me as far as she can.

‘I have never been more pleased to see you,’ I say, hugging her back.

‘I didn’t stop to change.’

‘I can see.’ I retrieve George from Lisa. He is pleased to see Emma, holding his toy tractor up to show her. It helps somehow. It’s a small gesture that hints of normality.

‘Tea?’ I ask, walking across the yard to the Barn with her and George.

‘I thought you might need something stronger. I stopped by Lacey’s Fine Wines and bought you a bottle of vodka. Have you got any orange juice or tonic?’

‘There’s some tropical fruit drink in the fridge. That’ll do.’ Once we’re inside the Barn, Emma pours me a large one with a splash of juice and hands me the glass.

I take it, swirl it around as though it’s medicine that requires mixing, and knock it back.

‘I can’t believe he’s gone,’ I say, as Emma pours me another, and juice for George and herself. ‘He said he wanted to have a word with me, so I went to see him,
assuming
it was about the accident yesterday – when he ran into the lamp post and I reported him to the police because he drove off. Em, I couldn’t bear to think of him carrying on driving, causing an accident and wrecking lives, because he was too stubborn to admit he couldn’t do it any more. I feel so bad.’ I want to curl up into a ball and hide. ‘This is all my fault.’

‘Of course it isn’t. Old Fox-Gifford made his choice.’ Emma frowns. ‘It couldn’t have been an accident?’

I shake my head slowly. ‘It was no accident. He threatened to kill himself. I thought I’d talked him out of it, so I left the surgery to find help. I thought Sophia should be with him. Then there was this huge bang …’ I shudder. ‘Why did they let him keep that bloody thing? You would have thought, after what he did to Hal, someone would have made him give it up.’

‘I ’ungry,’ says George.

‘Again? You’re always hungry.’

He nods, his expression serious, and I allow myself a small smile. Life goes on …

‘Where’s Alex?’ Emma asks when we’re watching George devouring pasta and tomato sauce. ‘I don’t want to intrude, Maz.’

‘I think he’s up in the surgery.’ I want to be with him at a time like this, but he’s saying goodbye to his father, and then, I guess, he’ll have to talk to Ben and the police, and be there to comfort Sophia. I’m part of the family. I shall be a Fox-Gifford by Christmas. Unless. A tiny doubt springs into my mind. It spreads like strands of cancerous tissue throughout my brain. How can there possibly be a wedding so soon with Old Fox-Gifford dead?

I am guilt-ridden for even thinking about it, gutted at the thought that all that work and planning might go
to
waste, and devastated that we might have to delay our marriage. And then I’m more angry than ever at Old Fox-Gifford for wrecking everything. The shot might have lodged in his brain, but the consequences of his death will ricochet through the family, his friends and the Talyton Manor practice for a long time to come.

‘There’ll have to be a funeral first,’ I say aloud.

‘First?’ says Emma.

‘Before the wedding … it doesn’t seem right.’

Emma reaches out and holds my hand. It’s comforting.

‘I held his hand,’ I say, remembering.

‘It’s a human instinct,’ says Emma, and I recall that she’s seen more human death than I have, with her dad dying suddenly when she was in her teens, her mum dying from cancer, then the miscarriages and the loss of baby Heather … ‘Maz, would you like me to ask Ben to prescribe you something to help you sleep tonight?’

I shake my head. ‘He’s already asked me. I’d rather not. I need to be compos mentis for George.’

‘What about arranging a meeting with a counsellor? Maz, you have just been through the most harrowing experience.’ Emma talks about post-traumatic stress while the memory of Old Fox-Gifford’s demise replays in front of my eyes over and over again.

‘Maz. Maz? Have you heard a word of what I’ve been saying?’

‘I’m sorry, Em.’

‘Why don’t you go up and have a warm bath?’

‘Why?’

‘Because you’re shivering. I’ll look after George.’ Emma smiles. ‘I need the practice. In fact, I need all the
practice
I can get. Come on, George, let’s go and run Mummy a bath.’

‘It’s all right,’ I say. ‘I’ll do it.’

I go upstairs to the bathroom. Having undressed, I glance at the mirror. I look haggard. In the bath, I scrub myself clean with soap and hot water until my skin stings.

‘Shall I stay?’ Emma asks when I return downstairs. ‘I know, I’ll stay until Alex is back. I don’t think you should be alone tonight.’

‘I’m not alone.’ I wave towards where George is sleeping on one end of the sofa, and Ginge the other. ‘I’m never alone.’

‘You know what I mean.’ Emma makes my mind up for me, saying she’ll sleep in Lucie’s bed.

‘I sleep in Loose’ bed,’ says George cheerfully. Loose is his name for Lucie.

‘I don’t mind,’ says Emma, looking at me.

‘There won’t be room for you, the babies and George,’ I say, afraid that George will accidentally kick her in the stomach. ‘He isn’t a good sleeper.’ It occurs to me that he might not sleep at all because he had an unusually long nap today, as if he understood something bad was happening and chose to sleep through it. It also occurs to me that, if I’d taken George to see his grandfather this morning, Old Fox-Gifford might still be alive.

When I tell Emma of this theory over another small vodka, she dismisses it.

‘Don’t torture yourself, Maz. He would have done the deed eventually.’

‘Yes, but I’m sure he wouldn’t have done it if George had been with me. I would have had time to get him some help.’

‘Do you really believe he would have accepted it? Of course he wouldn’t. The fact that you said he was tidying up the paperwork, and that he asked you to go and see him so he could talk about Hal, suggests he had this planned.’ Emma strokes her bump. ‘He could have had it planned for years.’

‘He always said he wanted to die in harness. He didn’t want to be turned out to grass.’

‘He wasn’t the retiring kind, in more ways than one,’ Emma sighs.

‘I can imagine he always wanted to go out with a bang, and he succeeded there,’ I say blackly. Whenever my conversation with Emma falters, I can hear the ringing of the shot in my ears.

‘Where is George?’ Alex’s voice cuts into my consciousness. It’s strident and harsh, but my heart lifts. I stand up from the stool in the kitchen and walk across towards him, holding out my arms, but he bypasses me without even glancing in my direction. He bends down and whispers in George’s ear to wake him before sweeping him up from the sofa.

‘Dada, Dada, Dada.’ George clasps his hands around Alex’s neck and kisses his cheek.

‘Hello, Son,’ Alex says quietly, while I look for clues as to how he is feeling. His face is impassive, unreadable when he turns to me. I recognise that look, yet I don’t recognise my fiancé. I begin to shiver again. He’s brought the evening chill in with him.

‘Emma.’ He acknowledges her with a nod of his head.

‘I came as soon as I heard the news,’ she says, getting up to greet him with a brief hug. ‘I’m so sorry, Alex. How is Sophia?’

‘She’s in shock,’ says Alex gruffly. He lowers George to the floor.

‘If there’s anything Ben and I can do, just say.’ Emma takes George by the hand.

‘Thanks.’ Alex bites his lip.

‘I’ll take George up to bed and read him his favourite bedtime story,’ Emma says. ‘What do you like best, George?’

‘Poteman Pah,’ says George, sticking his fingers into his mouth.

‘Postman Pat,’ I say, translating. ‘I’ll be up to kiss him goodnight.’ I turn back to Alex.

‘Will you take the phone, Maz?’ he says. ‘It won’t stop ringing. It’s upsetting Mother no end.’

‘Of course. What if someone wants a visit?’

‘Then you can hand it over to me.’ Alex makes to move away, but I stop him, my hand on his arm.

‘How about you, Alex? How are you?’

His eyes are dry, his mouth set in a grim straight line.

‘All right, I suppose.’ He shrugs, and reconsiders. The barrier between us lifts briefly when he adds, ‘Numb,’ and falls again.

My chest tightens with the agony of feeling that I can’t reach him. He isn’t going to let me.

‘Would you like me to come back over to the Manor with you?’

He shakes his head.

‘How is Hal? Is he with you?’

‘My father has just died and all you can ask after is the dog?’ Alex swears.

‘That isn’t fair, Alex,’ I say, hurt.

‘Isn’t it?’

‘I asked because your father asked me to take care of Hal.’

‘He did, did he?’ The muscle in Alex’s cheek tautens.
‘Was
this before or after he found out that you reported him for driving away from a major accident? I know all about it. He rolled into a lamp post at what, two miles an hour, when he was turning out of the car park at Otter House. Kevin – PC Phillips – told me.’

‘He shouldn’t have done—’

‘It was good of him to let me know, seeing you were too cowardly to mention it yourself. What were you thinking of?’