It's Never Enough: Book 1 in the Never Series (4 page)

Next came replacement mom number two and her three kids—two girls and one boy. The boy was her golden child. Apparently, he was a miracle baby who wasn’t supposed to survive after he was born. She treated him like a king, and he totally abused his power. She’d make him whatever he wanted for dinner and make her daughters and me make our own food. She totally neglected everyone but him. Once my dad realized she wasn’t just neglecting him but also his kid, they got divorced.

Then came replacement mom number three. She was a nurse—which made me feel comfortable since I was always afraid of getting hurt—and her son who was two years older than me. He was a piece of shit. Every chance he could, he’d punch me in the leg or monkey bite my arm. He loved to collect bags of insects and then show them to me. Ants, worms, beetles, he even came at me one day with a bag of some dead bees he’d found. His mother didn’t seem to care, and I soon found out why. Being a nurse, she had easy access to drugs, and soon it overtook her. Thankfully, my dad kicked her and her bug-collector son out as soon as he realized it.

Finally, my dad brought home replacement mom number four. Janet. She came with Fiona. Fiona was so beautiful that I was totally intimidated by her. I was sixteen, and she was seventeen. Once she told me about the horrible marriages and stepsiblings she’d had to deal with, I just knew that we were going to bond. Janet and my dad seemed to be in sync also. We even started a tradition of family game nights on Fridays. We’d sit around eating pizza and playing card or board games until midnight. In the summer, we’d sit out on the covered porch, and in the winter we sat in front of the fireplace. It was picturesque. Janet was nice to me, and Fiona had become more like a sister to me than anyone else I’d ever met. We were all so happy. I finally felt like I was part of a family. A real actual family, and it made everything about me feel whole again.

Sadly, that feeling didn’t last. Like lots of couples, my dad and Janet quickly grew apart. The odds weren’t in their favor from the start: fourth marriage for my dad and third for Janet. They probably had a fifteen percent chance at best. They split amicably, but of course, it was never the same again. My one true family had shattered, and it made me feel like that second grader all over again. With a big hole inside me that nothing could seem to fill.

***

Maybe now the word family would actually mean something if it all worked out somehow.

“Oh, Hun,” my dad said, swirling the phantom contents of his glass while sharing an uncomfortable look with Janet.

“Don’t say it,” Fiona said, her arms crossing over her chest.

“We’re not.” Janet cleared her throat. “Getting back together.”

My head spun to my dad. “What? What the hell happened here?”

My dad puckered his lips like he’d just eaten a large lemon. “Look, girls, sometimes a bad storm knocks the cable out here, and you have to kill some time.”

Silence. Janet’s eyes bore into my dad.

“I’m kidding!” he yelled. “Look.” He cleared his throat and put both elbows on the table. “What happened, happened. We’re both very happy about the baby. It’s just that…” He looked to Janet, a confused look in his eyes.

“We’re not good together.” Janet chewed on her bottom lip. “Jack and I are like oil and vinegar; we just don’t mix.” She scanned Fiona and me, giving us an
I’m sorry
grin, and then placed a piece of chicken parm on her plate.

My dad followed her lead and grabbed the largest chunk of garlic bread.

“Hold on.” I pressed my hands on my thighs to stop them from bouncing. “You two got a little crazy one night, made a baby, aren’t getting back together, and that’s the end of it?”

My dad shrugged. “What more do you want to hear?”

My mouth gaped open for so long that I half expected to swallow a fly. “I want to hear that for the sake of the
baby
, you’ll try to work things out!” Wasn’t that what parents were supposed to do? For the sake of a baby? Then again, my dad and Fiona’s mom weren’t the spokespeople for balanced parents. They just weren’t the type to stick around once the going got tough.

“Mallory, what’s done is done, and Janet and I will raise this baby as we see fit.” He popped a large chunk of bread in his mouth, bits of Parmesan cheese sticking in his beard.

“No!” I shouted, surprising myself. “No!” I stood up. “You two are acting like two teenagers who got drunk one night and, oops, the condom broke! When are you going to grow up? When are you going to take responsibility for your actions? When are you going to think about anyone else besides yourselves?” I felt like the broken-hearted ten-year-old girl inside me was about to burst out into a temper tantrum.

“Mal,” Fiona tried to interject, but I couldn’t stop.

“When are you going to act like a parent?” I shoved my chair into the table and started for the door.

I heard Fiona behind me as I booked it to the car. “Mallory, wait!”

With brute force, I thrust the door open and dropped into the driver’s seat. Fiona fell in beside me.

“Damn, don’t make me chase you,” she huffed.

My head felt like it weighed a hundred pounds. “They’re nuts, right? It’s not just me, right?”

Fiona laughed. “Oh yeah, they’re bat-shit crazy.” She picked on a piece of garlic bread she’d snagged on her way out.

“Exactly.” I slapped the dashboard. “The two of them are staying apart, in the same friggin’ house, screwed one night, and are now having a baby?” It sounded asinine as I said it. “What the—”

“Fuck.” Fiona took the word out of my mouth.

CHAPTER FOUR

The next morning, I was sitting in my usual booth at Perked with my mocha latte while still stewing over the news my father and Janet had dumped on us the night before. The scent of chocolate permeated my nose, and hot mocha flavoring danced across my taste buds as I took a long sip. My phone showed two missed calls from my dad and one missed call from Janet. I wasn’t ready to talk to either of them. Maybe it shouldn’t have bothered me so much. Maybe it all stemmed from the fact that I never felt like I truly had a real family, and the thought of it for one brief moment made me feel happy. Maybe I was just kidding myself thinking that would ever happen. Maybe I’d never feel whole, and that was just something I had to accept. Tension vibrated through my entire body. I needed to relax. The coffee and chocolate probably weren’t helping matters any.

Hearing bright laughter from the check-out stand caused me to look up. There with Eliza, I saw Casper’s daughter—Zoey, I thought her name was. Quickly, I closed my book and gathered my things.

The two were engaged in conversation, and I kept waiting for a break to interject. “Hey, Mallory, do you need something else?” Eliza asked, her false lashes fluttering at me.

“Oh no, thanks,” I focused on Zoey. “Could I, um, ask you something?”

She placed her hand to her chest. “Me?”

“Yeah, we met, well, sort of met the other day. At your dad’s apartment?” I phrased it as a question to see if she had any clue of who I was.

Her eyes studied me for a moment. “Oh wait, you’re the one who helps with the dogs, right?”

“Mallory. Yes. That’s me. You had mentioned something about a yoga studio that day—”

She nodded. “Zen. It’s on Main Street. About a five-minute walk from here. They’re great. They have classes every hour, and you can just walk in.”

“Cool, thanks.”

Taking a sip from her iced coffee, she politely smiled as I walked past her. When I began to push the door open to exit, I heard her call to me. “Don’t forget to be peaceful!”

When I looked back, she winked at me. She was obviously making fun of her dad’s favorite catchphrase. But a little peace was just what I was looking for.

***

At nine forty-five, I left the bookstore where I’d been killing time and walked next door to Zen. Luckily, I was already in yoga appropriate clothing: t-shirt and yoga pants. A low chime rang out as I opened the door. A girl with dark black hair that draped all across her back sat at a small desk.

“Hi. I’m looking to take the ten a.m. class?” I asked permission.

She grabbed a clipboard and placed it in front of me. “Fill this out. That’s forty-five for the class and a five dollar mat fee if you don’t already have one.”

“Oh, okay. Yeah, I don’t have a mat.” I began filling out my information card. Who to contact in case of emergency? How intense was this class? “Is this a relaxing class?”

“That will be fifty for today. And all yoga is relaxing.” She took my debit card and swiped it through the machine. From my observation, this girl was not very Zen. “Place your shoes and your purse over there by the wall.”

“But that’s right by the front door. Isn’t that sort of inviting someone to come in and steal it?”

She arched a perfectly plucked brow at me. “We lock the door at the beginning of class. Your items are perfectly safe. And absolutely no cell phones in the studio.” With that she ducked under the desk only to appear a moment later with a purple yoga mat, which she handed to me.

Though uncomfortable, I placed my shoes and purse in the line with the others by the front wall, knowing that anyone looking in through the large front window could have a field day. Door locked or not it wouldn’t be hard to break that glass if they were really desperate. Fiona always said I went straight for the worst-case scenario. Either way, I shoved my phone snugly inside my bra before walking into class.

Class consisted of a lot of focused breathing and gentle stretching. Nothing that seemed too different than what I could do at home. At one point, we were in tabletop position, on hands and knees, and all I could think about was this guy Drew that I dated who only wanted to have sex from behind. If it had been good sex, I guess I wouldn’t have cared, but the fact that he could only be compared to a jackhammer left me with plenty of time to wonder why the hell I was on all fours letting this guy pound me. But he was hot, and I was seventeen and didn’t know shit. Live and learn.

When class finished, I grabbed my belongings from the lobby; thankfully, they were still there, and I headed outside.

“I like a girl who’s flexible.” His voice was deep and sultry.

I spun around to see those green eyes staring back at me. My heart began to pound and I wasn’t sure if it was excitement or panic or both. “Devin?”

“Ah, so she does remember my name.” A broad smile covered his face. “Good class?” He leaned casually against the side of the building.

“How did you know I was here?”
Beat, beat, beat
. Him sitting in my seat at Perked. Him placing the note there. Him here now.
Beat, beat, beat
. It was panic. “Are you, like, following me?”

“Mallory—” He moved from the wall and stepped a little closer to me.

Fight or flight, fight or flight
. “Because if you are that’s so not cool.”

“Mallory—”

“I mean, you’re cute and all, but this really isn’t cool.” I stepped back, and a little boy came running past me from behind.

“There you are!” he said to Devin. “I was flipping out. I didn’t see you!”

Devin smiled down at him. “Sorry, bud, I was just talking to my friend, Mallory.” He winked at me. “Mallory, this is my little brother Kyle. Kyle, this is Mallory.” It was silent for a beat, and then he added. “Kyle takes a karate class here on Saturdays.” He gestured to the karate studio behind me, and that’s when my eyes noticed the little boy was wearing a karate uniform.

“Oh. Karate. Sure.” My mouth was dry. “So you took him to karate.” My heart rate slowly returned to normal.

Devin’s eyes sparkled. “Yeah, I was just killing some time at the bookstore while he was in class and on my way out to get him, I happened to see you gathering up your stuff.” Gleaming teeth smiled at me. “Sorry if I freaked you out.”

“Me? No.”
Liar, liar, my crotch is on fire
.

Kyle tugged on Devin’s arm. “Can we get something to eat now? You promised me pancakes?”

Devin tousled Kyle’s hair. “You’re right, I did.” To me, he said, “How about it? Did yoga work up an appetite?”

“You want me to come?” I tucked a loose hair behind my ear. Could I eat in front of him? Looking at his eyes caused my stomach to flip-flop. “Sure. I can do that.” Pancakes with a side of anxiety for me, please.

***

It was weird standing in line next to Devin and his little brother as we waited to be seated at the restaurant. We were going out for pancakes together. Me and this guy I didn’t even know. A guy that could be a douche bag. A guy that could be an asshole. A guy that could be a stalker. A guy that I was totally hot for every time I looked at him.

We followed a server to a table for four that sat in the middle of the room. “Is there any chance we could have that booth over there?” Devin asked the server who shrugged and walked us across the way to the open booth.

“I hope you don’t mind I requested a booth,” Devin said.

A small laugh escaped me. “No, that’s cool. Every time Fiona and I—she’s my stepsister—every time we go out, I’m always the one who requests a booth.” We sat down, Devin and Kyle on one side and me on the other. “She says I should leave the booths for the big families. That I’m being greedy getting a booth for just the two of us.” The server handed us each a menu along with a kids coloring page for Kyle. “But I just hate being out in the open in those awful table and chairs.”
Stop talking you’re rambling!
“I just feel like you’re on display.”
Seriously, stop it!
I bit my bottom lip, opened up my menu, and pretended to focus intently on the words.

Devin just laughed. A big, hearty, Santa Claus type laugh. He had no big belly to jiggle like a bowl full of jelly, though. All I pictured under that green t-shirt that hugged his biceps like they were old friends was a set of six pack abs.

“No I totally get it. It’s like you’re a fish in an aquarium out there,” he said.

I dropped my menu on the table. “Oh my God, I said that same thing to Fiona once!”

My excitement made him smile, and I instantly blushed.

Kyle blew his straw wrapper on the ground. “Are we sitting on the right side? Can you see an exit?” he asked Devin who immediately looked uncomfortable.

“We’re good, buddy.” He pushed some crayons in front of Kyle to distract him.

Self-conscious of my burning face, I turned my attention to Kyle who was very busy coloring in a picture of a robot. “So Kyle, how old are you?”

“Six,” he said without looking up.

“Wow, six,” I said before looking at Devin. “Second marriage, I’m guessing?”

Devin took a quick sip of ice water. “No actually. My dad had a—” He looked at Kyle, who was still deeply involved in coloring before he spoke again in a quieter tone. “Vasectomy. But somehow or another, a tough guy snuck his way through and I finally got the little brother I’d been asking my parents for forever.” He took another sip of his water.

“Wow,” I said.

“Yeah. I didn’t realize he’d come around when I was sixteen, but hey, it’s still awesome.” He tousled the top of Kyle’s hair like he’d done before.

He looked at Kyle with such love in his eyes that it made my insides feel warm. “Wow,” I said again. “So you’re twenty-two?”

“Flexible and able to do math in your head. Those are two things I like in a girl.”

I shifted my gaze from his full lips to the table. “Yeah, well, simple math, no problem. My high school trig teacher wouldn’t say math was my strong suit.”
Way to talk yourself down, Mallory
.

At the mention of the word high school, Devin’s eyebrows raised. “You’re not still in high school, are you?”

“No, I’m a year out.”

“Are you in college?”

Inadvertently, I choked on my water at the mention of college. “I took a gap year.” I’d been set to start college last fall but after Haley died—meaning I practically died too—I just couldn’t handle the thought of it all. Plus, I was put into recovery—at the precaution of my dad—to ensure I didn’t end up like Haley. Even though at that time, part of me wanted to. It was agreed that I’d take the year and get myself together and start college fresh a year later. Now it was the summer before when I was supposed to start college, and unbeknownst to my dad, I hadn’t even applied anywhere. I was officially floundering.

“That’s cool. So do you have plans for this fall then?”

“Well.” Just as I was trying to think of a better response than a simple
no
, the server came to take our order.

The distraction of the server allowed me to sidestep the what-about-the-future question from Devin. Instead, I shifted the topic to movies–something safe and easy that anyone could talk about. Throughout our meal, we bounced around topics. He was witty, funny, and obviously intelligent. When he correctly used the word osmosis, parts of my body began to throb. Where had this guy been hiding?

“Are you done with this, Miss?” the server asked me when he came to clear our plates.

I nodded as I pushed my plate over to him.

“Are you sure?” Devin asked me. “You hardly touched your food.”

I waved a hand at him. “I’m fine, really. I had a big breakfast earlier.” Not only had I been worried about not being able to control myself in front of a plateful of perfectly cooked pancakes and bacon, but sitting across from Devin in all his gorgeousness made it almost impossible for food to settle in my stomach.

When the server dropped the bill off at our table, I reached for my purse to pay my portion.

“Don’t worry, I got it,” Devin said as he scooped up the check.

“It’s no problem. I can pay for mine.” I didn’t want him to think I was one of
those
girls.

“Are you gonna ask for your discount?” Kyle piped up.

Embarrassment washed over Devin’s face as he looked at me, then to Kyle. “No buddy, I’m cool.”

“But you know Dad says to always ask for your discount. You deserve it,” he slurred the word deserve in his little six year old mouth. “For all you’ve done for this country.”

Confused, I looked at Devin, who was staring at the table.

He exhaled slowly. “He’s talking about my military discount.”

“My brother’s a hero!” Kyle shouted. “He’s a vet, but not like the kind for animals. Like a different kind of vet.”

I was stunned. I didn’t quite know why, but I was. “Wow,” I said due to the lack of a better thought coming to my mind. “What kind?”
Was that a stupid thing to say?