It's Now or Never (22 page)

‘Oh god, I'm sorry,' I said, snapping back into the moment, realising I'd been wrapped up in my own thoughts for the last half an hour.

‘Look I'll tell you what, this place is a bit of a dump.' We'd found ourselves in a pub which was tired and past its best, full of mainly young loved-up couples eating their steak and chips, and felt slightly out of place. ‘Let's go somewhere else, somewhere a bit more happening, a bit more hip, a bit more us.'

I giggled. I wasn't sure we were any of those things, but I was happy to move on.

‘I know somewhere,' I said, decisively. ‘There's a really nice wine bar down by the river.' I hadn't been there since the day of the wedding, but now I had a burning, over-riding desire to go there again. I wasn't sure why. It wasn't as if Alex would be there. Or that silly note would still be waiting for me behind the bar. But I just knew I needed to go there, now, tonight, dragging Angie along with me, screaming and kicking, if necessary.

‘Oh this is much better,' said Angie, when we arrived. She led the way through the doors and I followed her, with still a tiny part of me expecting to see Alex sitting at a table waiting for me.

‘Ah, Miss Faraday,' he would say, James Bond like. 'I've been expecting you. Come and sit down beside me. I have something for you.'

My head even did a quick scan around all the nooks and crannies of the wine bar just to double-check if he was there or not and there was a ridiculous sense of disappointment when I realised he wasn't. What could I possibly have been expecting?

‘I'll go and order, Ange.'

‘Don't worry they'll be over in a minute.'

‘No, it's okay,' I said with a smile, completely ignoring Angie's puzzled expression. I wandered over to the bar and ordered two glasses of Prosecco from the young good-looking barman, peering over his shoulder at the extensive well-stocked bar.

‘There you go. Eight pounds forty please.'

I handed over a ten pound note and decided if I didn't do it now I never would.

‘I know this might seem a strange thing to ask, but I wondered if there was a letter for me behind the bar. My name's Jen Faraday.'

He looked at me blankly.

‘What sort of letter? From the manager you mean?'

‘No, nothing like that. It was a letter from a friend of mine, a customer. We were here about sixteen months ago and we had this funny little agreement, like a bet, and he left a letter for me here, behind the bar, but with strict instructions that I couldn't open it until about now. So, I'm here to collect it.'

Half a smile lifted one corner of his mouth.

‘Right, can't say I've seen anything like that. Let me go and have a look.'

He wandered off to the main till station and I watched him all the way. He looked underneath the counter, pulled out a small black cash box and opened it up, before quickly closing it again and returning it to its spot. He pulled out an A4 reservations book and flicked through its pages. He spoke to another bartender, who shrugged a response and shook his head, and then he wandered back in my direction.

‘Sorry no. I've had a good look but can't find anything. It's quite a long time ago now and most of us wouldn't have been here then. Was it very important?'

‘No, not really, it was just a fun thing,' but as I heard my words trail away, I realised, suddenly, just how important it had been to me to find that letter and read what was inside. I masked my disappointment with a smile. ‘Thanks for looking though.'

I should have just asked Alex what he'd written in that damned note or we could have come back together to find it and laughed over what he'd written and been reminded of how we'd met and the lovely day we'd shared together at Angie and Tom's wedding. Oh shit! I hurried back to Angie who was sitting waiting impatiently.

‘I've just had an awful thought. Did I miss your wedding anniversary?'

‘Yep,' she said gleefully, raising her glass to me.

‘Oh god, I am so sorry! What kind of friend am I?'

‘A forgetful one? Nah, don't worry. So much has happened in this last year I have trouble keeping up with it all myself. We had an Indian takeaway and a bottle of champagne to celebrate. It was lovely actually.'

‘Oh you should have said something. I would have been more than happy to babysit.'

She laughed, looking radiantly happy.

‘We thought about it, but we decided we'd both actually prefer to stay in with Liberty. But give us another couple of months and you know we're going to be making full use of all the offers of babysitting we've had from our friends. You know, Jen, I don't know what I spent all that time worrying about. Everything seems to have fallen into place since Liberty arrived. We're really happy, she's such a little sweetheart and Tom is simply besotted her.' A dreamy expression spread over her features, before her familiar throaty laugh resonated around the wine bar. ‘Oh god, I've become one of those awfully smug mums who can bore for England on the marvellousness of her own baby.'

‘No you're not. Besides, as godmother, I would have to agree with you that she is simply the best, most beautiful baby there has ever been. And that's not an opinion. That's fact. I'm just so happy for you all.'

‘Excuse me.' We were interrupted by the bartender I'd spoken to earlier. ‘You're in luck. It was in the main office at the back,' he said, handing over the envelope as if it was a Golden Ticket giving me a pass to all sorts of wonderful delights.

‘Ooh, what's that?' said Angie, leaning across the table trying to sneak a look.

‘Oh, it's just a letter,' I said, glibly, trying to make out it was a normal everyday occurrence type of thing. ‘From Alex.'

‘From Alex?' she spouted, her eyes growing wide as she snatched the envelope from my hands. ‘Why is Alex sending you a letter? And here of all places? What's going on, Jen?' she asked.

‘Oh, it's nothing. Just a silly little thing we had going when we met. We came here the night of your wedding. Did I tell you?'

She shook her head looking at me amazed, as though I'd committed a cardinal sin in not telling her.

‘It must have slipped my mind,' I explained. ‘He wrote me this note and left it behind the bar. Apparently he's predicted my whole future in here. It was just a bit of a giggle really, but he told me I couldn't open it until at least one year after we met. I'd forgotten all about it until we got here.'

I ignored the doubtful look she was giving me and instead faffed around with the buckle on my handbag before putting the letter away in the side-zipped pocket.

‘Oh come on, aren't you going to read it then? You've got me intrigued now. I'm dying to know what's inside there.'

So was I, but I felt fearful now, though of what I wasn't sure. Half of me wanted to rip the paper apart and read the note and the other half of me wanted to preserve it for when I got back to the sanctuary of my own place. When I was all alone. The only trouble was, Angie was looking at me all expectant now, in between checking her watch for the time.

‘Look I'm going to have to get back for Liberty soon. Are you going to read that thing or not? I'll read it for you if you like.'

‘No! What if he's said something rude, something he wanted to keep private.'

‘Ooh, the sly old dog. What do you mean, like an erotic ode listing all the filthy things he wants to do to you? Well if that's the case, then you definitely have to open it now.'

I fumbled with my bag again and pulled out the envelope, wondering if I was being disloyal even talking to Angie about it. I stroked the envelope, my finger tracing around the outline of the big, expansive handwriting.

‘You're not to breathe a word of this. Not even to Tom. Do you promise me? I don't want Alex thinking I've been talking about him behind his back and he probably won't want people knowing about something he did over a year ago.'

‘I promise. Girl guide's honour,' she said, giving me a three-fingered salute. ‘Just read the bloody thing, would you.'

I carefully prised open the letter and pulled out the paper, unfolding it in front of me.

‘Blimey,' said Angie, noticing the writing on either side of the paper, ‘that's not a note, that's a bloody novel. What can he possibly be saying? Read it before it kills me.'

I took a deep breath and started reading.

Saturday 19th April

Dear Jen

Today I met the woman I'm going to marry. You think that's mad? Well, just think how I feel! You can probably imagine this was a pretty momentous occasion for me and I hope it will come to mean the same to you one day, as you Jen, are the woman I've fallen so unexpectedly, so suddenly, in love with.

Now, I suspect if I told you this outright, at this moment, as we sit sharing a rather nice of bottle of wine together, after only knowing each other for a matter of hours, that my disclosure would send you running in the opposite direction. You would quite rightly think me a madman or a drunkard at the very least and while it's true that I have had far too much to drink today, I know that this thunderbolt that has struck me hard on the head and in the heart has nothing to do with the amount of alcohol I've consumed.

Funny really, I've heard other people talk about meeting that special someone, maybe even just picking them out across a crowded room, and knowing, almost instantly, that that person is the one; the one they are going to spend the rest of their lives with. I never really believed those things could happen so to find that it's actually happening to me, here and now, is mind-blowing to say the least.

I'm tempted to come clean, to tell you now in this nicely mellow mood we've created together, exactly how I feel, but I know it would be foolish. There's no doubting the chemistry, the simmering tension between us, but, to me, it's much much more than that. I'm surprised you can't tell the effect you've had on me by the way I can't keep my eyes off you and the way a stupid smile has fixed itself to my lips. I'm not arrogant enough to believe that you could be experiencing the same strength of feeling as me, but I really hope you like me. I think you do!

No, I have to bide my time and hope to goodness that you like me enough to want to see me again, that we can start dating and get to know each other better. Do things the proper, accepted way, although if it was up to me I would take you home with me tonight and never let you go so we could start the rest of our lives together right now! I want to know every single thing there is to know about you, Jen, all the depths and secrets that are hidden behind those beautiful green eyes of yours.

So you see, Jen, your future is all too clear to me. I don't need to look at your hand to see what's in store for you because it's already written in the stars, but much more importantly it's etched into my heart too. Your future is with me. Forever. Together.

Obviously I can see there will need to be some areas of negotiation. I always imagined having four children; two girls and two boys, but I must admit you looked slightly shocked at that suggestion. Still, these are mere incidentals, we can thrash out the detail at a later date ;)

I really hope you get to read this letter one day and that my predictions come true. If I was laying money on it, then I would say it's a dead cert, but obviously I realise it's not only me involved in the decision making process and there is the possibility that you might actually hate me and choose never to see me again. If that's the case then obviously I would have to accept your decision, but at the risk of sounding scarily stalkerish, I really hope and believe that won't be the case.

But if it is, then this letter will be redundant, and you'll no doubt forget you ever met me. One thing is for sure though, Jen, I will never forget you. And I hope I will never have need to because if things go the way they're destined to then you'll be at my side for the rest of our lives.

So, Jennifer Faraday, will you please marry me?

Lots of love, today, tomorrow and always,

Alex xxx

I took another big breath but this time neatly folded the piece of paper in half, returning it to its envelope.

‘Well,' said Angie, clearly impatient now. ‘What did it say? You've gone all blotchy up your neck.'

‘No, I'm fine,' I said, fanning myself with the envelope. I knew I'd gone all blotchy from the tingling on my skin and the hot fire burning in my veins. My head was doing a merry dance too. ‘I'm really sorry, darling, but I can't tell you what it says. Not until I've spoken to Alex and then once I have, I promise, I'll tell you everything about it.'

Chapter Twenty-Four

‘Hello Jen, it's Polly here.'

‘Hi Polly!' After a rocky start, my relationship with Ms Powers had moved on to a new level of understanding. In her own sweet way, I think she almost quite liked me now.

‘Listen, I've had a brilliant new assignment come in this morning and immediately I thought of you. Would you be interested?'

‘Oh god!' I groaned, the words slipping out before I had a chance to stop them. A huge ball of dread lodged in the centre of my chest. I hardly dared ask. ‘What is it?'

‘It's a six-week assignment working for an electrical contractors. They want someone to go in to take an inventory of items that have come back into stock from different outlets around the country. Then the information would need to be transferred onto their internal database system. It sounds very straightforward.'

Straightforward, but incredibly boring.

‘Thanks for thinking of me, Polly,' I said with a huge sense of freedom and relief, ‘but to be honest with you I couldn't really commit to a job for that length of period of time right now.'

It was true. In the last couple of weeks life had become incredibly hectic. One afternoon a week I was running a kitchen garden course at the local arts centre. I was also planning a series of one-day workshops for later on in the year and my blog posts had proved much more popular than I could ever have imagined. In the last week alone my number of followers had doubled in size, and I was constantly being asked when the next blog post would be up. I could hardly keep up with the demand.