Jack and Jill Went Up to Kill (3 page)

A
ll around the cobbler's bench,

The monkey chased the weasel.

The monkey thought the brains were good,

Pop! goes the weasel.

The monkey now he is Undead,

And looking for a free meal—

That's the way the Zombie goes,

Pop! goes the weasel.

Jimmy's not got whooping cough

And Timmy has no measles

That's the way the virus grows

Pop! goes the weasel.

T
he Owl and the Pussycat went to sea

Because Zombies do not float:

They took a shotgun, and a “no Zombie doctrine”

In their beautiful pea green boat.

The Owl looked up to the stars above,

And sang to a small guitar,

“O pussycat, pussycat, my love,

We're away from the undead out here,

Don't turn,

Don't turn!

For I would hate to have to shoot you!”

Pussy said to the Owl, “You elegant fowl,

How charmingly sweet you sing!

Oh! Let us not turn; for one of us would burn:

Let's hope the virus stays away.”

They sailed away, for a year and a day,

To the land no Zombie knows;

But there in a wood a Zombie pig stood,

With flesh hanging off his nose,

His nose,

His nose,

With brains at the end of his nose.

“Dear Pig, don't come near us; you'll certainly fear us.

I'll blast you clean up to the sky.”

Then Pussycat noticed that Owl looked feverish

And cocked the shotgun with a sigh.

“I'm sorry, my friend, but this virus must end.”

And sent Owl to the nest in the sky.

B
rains! Brains! Mother Goose,

Or have you any femurs loose?

And I have thighs, my pretty fellow,

Half enough to fill a pillow.

Here are spleens, take one or two,

And lungs to make a bed for you.

M
ary, Mary, quite contrary,

How does your garden grow?

With Zombie yells and revenant spells,

And Undead maids all in a row.

H
ey! Diddle, diddle,

The cat and the fiddle,

The cow turned under the moon;

The Zombie dog laughed to see such sport,

And ate their brains with a spoon.

H
ickory, dickory, dock!

The mouse upon a Zombie clock.

The clock bit once,

The mouse was turned,

Hickory, dickory, dock.

Z
ombie Simon ate the pie man,

Going to the fair;

Said Zombie Simon to the pie man

“Let me taste your hair!”

Said the pie man to Zombie Simon,

“Show me first your penny.”

So Zombie Simon chomped the pie man,

Who tasted good as any.

J
ack be nimble,

Jack be quick,

Jack kills a Zombie

With a candlestick.

Jump so high

And do not tarry

Or Zombies away

You will carry.