Jacob's Odyssey (The Berne Project Book 1) (27 page)

"Jake," he stated resolutely. "I need a weapon."

I didn't say anything because I didn't know what to tell him.

"I will not die a coward," he told me, the timbre in his voice rising with each successive word. He said it with a desperate but firm conviction.

"You're not going to die, Raj," I told him. I spoke as calmly as I could. But I knew my simply saying it would in no way satisfy him.

Raj's eyebrows were pinched together and the skin between them furrowed. He appeared conflicted. "My whole life, I have believed in non-violence, Jake. This is how I was raised." He was speaking nostalgically as if he were reminiscing about a lost love. "Non-violence has always been the core of my spirituality. I believe we are all connected, all a part of each other, and that all life is sacred. All life."

But Raj's voice was subdued and lacked conviction. He was obviously struggling to reconcile his beliefs with the insanity the virus had wrought and he seemed lost in the effort.

"I cannot sit by and watch them be hurt. Not again." And he said it with utter determination.

"Maybe we can look around and find you something," I told him, not knowing what else to say.

"We need to protect them, Jake," he said firmly. "We need to make sure they're safe. I do not know about guns, but I know I could hit the grays very hard if I had a bat like yours."

I had no idea if Raj's words were the stuff of false bravado or not, but I wasn't going to give him my bat. I knew he needed something, but if a dangerous situation arose, I would need the bat. The Glock would always be a last resort because of the noise factor. At the same time, I knew it would be best if Raj had some kind of weapon. I had no idea whether he'd use it when the time came, but if we could find him something, at least he'd have the opportunity.

"Okay, Raj," I told him. "We'll find something for you."

I wanted to let Raj know that there was nothing wrong with being frightened, and I thought about telling him how frightened I had been at various times since the virus struck, but I suspected it wouldn't do any good, and it might make things worse.

He seemed satisfied for the moment, but there was something else on his mind. He looked at me awkwardly and then looked down at his feet.

"I am sorry, Jake. I should not have made Sarah tell you about Becky. I did not do it for the proper reason, and I am very sorry." And he looked ill at ease and embarrassed.

I thought he should have been explaining it to Sarah rather than me, but I didn't say anything.

"Sarah is a very wonderful person, Jake. Very wonderful." He couldn't seem to look me in the eye and he said it with a deep sadness. "I know you will take very good care of them. I know you are a good man, Jake. They are going to need you now."

I knew what he was doing, or what he thought he was doing. Raj was stepping aside. But I had no interest in taking his place, whatever that entailed. I already felt responsible enough for them, and I didn't need anything more added to my plate. Where Sarah and Becky were concerned, my responsibility would end when I deposited them at Jorissen Pharmaceutical tomorrow. But I couldn't tell Raj that. Not now. I knew I needed to tread lightly. Raj wasn't himself and I knew how much Sarah and Becky meant to him.

"I'm sure Sarah and Becky will be just fine," I said softly.

But I don't think Raj heard a word I said. He was off in his own world. He shook his head emotively side to side as if he were frustrated. "Sarah always thinks she can do everything on her own, but sometimes she needs help. She can be very stubborn, Jake," he said. "Yes. Very stubborn. There will be times you will need to be just as stubborn as she is." And he nodded his head in self-agreement.

Raj seemed to be feeding me information he thought I'd need to know in order to take care of them. He continued to stare at his feet, his head canted at a thoughtful angle. In a strange way, it was as if he were talking to me without being aware I was even in the room. "Becky needs you too," he said gently in a soft, compassionate tone. "She needs a good role model in her life after what happened with her father. I think I did the best I could." And then Raj locked his warm, dark eyes on mine, and I thought I saw a flicker of the old Raj in them.

"You will take care of them, Jake?" he asked.

I couldn't possibly say no to him. "Yes, Raj. I'll take care of them."

And then he nodded, satisfied.

"I am a Hindu, Jake. When I die, my body must be purified by fire. That way I cut all ties with the physical body. This is a very sacred thing, Jake," he said quietly. "Very sacred. I am sorry, but you are the only one I can ask. Will you promise to burn my body, Jake?"

He said it as if his death were a foregone conclusion. But I wasn't going to let that happen. I couldn't. But I told him what he wanted to hear. "Yes, Raj. I'll do it."

"Very good, Jake. Thank you so much. I knew I could count on you." And he walked over and gave me a hug and clapped me affectionately on the back.

We found a mallet hammer in the garage and Raj seemed thrilled with it. It had a thick steel head and looked like a mini-sledge hammer. If Raj could manage to hit the infected on the head with any kind of force, it would certainly kill them. He practiced swinging the hammer with a high overhead arc, using his long arms. Raj angled his swings to avoid hitting himself with his follow through. He held the hammer with both hands and his eyes grew big each time he swung the hammer. Each swing brought a muffled grunt that Raj did his best to stifle. The pain that had been evident in his eyes had been replaced by a wild-eyed look that would frighten anyone. Raj had become a tall, gangly man with crazed eyes wielding a mini-sledge hammer.

When he was finished practicing, he placed the steel mallet hammer in his backpack. I suspected he didn't want Sarah or Becky to see it. I thought the hammer a little heavy to be carrying around in his backpack, but Raj was happy with it and that's all that mattered at the moment. Besides, if all went well, we'd be driving and wouldn't need to be lugging the backpacks with us over backyard fences.

I settled in a young boy's bedroom upstairs and lay quietly on a twin-sized bed. The room had a large window facing west, offering a spectacular view of the valley. I'd checked the view earlier and was struck by the idyllic beauty of the Salt Lake Valley. The valley was dense with lush green trees, and from the angled view I had, the trees appeared to hover over the homes like an emerald canopy.

The natural light in the room had faded with the evening's blue twilight. It would be dark in less than an hour. Before getting settled in the boy's room, I'd turned the thermostat up to seventy-five. I wanted the air conditioner to be quiet during the night so I could hear any possible neighboring sounds.

For once, I didn't try to figure out what had happened to the people who had lived here. I was too mentally and physically exhausted to expend any energy on it. Besides, I had my own dramas to deal with.

I lay on the bed and imagined everything going perfectly come morning. The way I pictured it in my mind, there were few if any infected out on the street. The street was quiet and peaceful like it might have been early on a Sunday morning before the virus hit. I imagined the four of us piling into the Tundra and driving quickly to the facility without incident. And when we arrived, we texted the virologists and they let us in the back door. Sarah and Becky and Raj were safe and I was free to go my own way. Everything had unfolded just the way I'd imagined it. But I knew my imaginings were pure fiction. The best-laid plans rarely unfolded without a hitch or two along the way.

I believed in the existence of chaos as an integral part of the fabric of the universe and chaos often made things messy. You could never plan for every possibility. And today had been a perfect example. I certainly hadn't thought of the possibility of an infected man lurking underneath the cars on Wasatch Boulevard. And that unforeseen morsel of chaos set everything that would happen in motion. I never imagined the Swimmer would snatch Becky and take off with her. And I never thought I'd be using the Glock today either.

But somehow in the end, it all worked out.

I believed as long as I planned things out as meticulously as I could and considered every possible contingency, then things would find a way to work themselves out. I could believe in that and I did. The plan wouldn't be perfect. It never was. But if I was careful and remained alert, the plan would have a good chance of succeeding.

The plan for tomorrow was as simple as could be. We'd get up early and I'd let them know we would be driving rather than traveling through backyards. I doubted they'd have a problem with that. We'd climb into the Tundra and drive to the research facility. Sarah would text the scientists and they'd let us in. It couldn't get any simpler, and maybe that's what worried me. I never trusted anything that looked too easy.

The biggest wild card in my plan was Raj. I thought I had a good feel for what I could expect from Sarah and Becky, but I couldn't be sure about Raj. Sarah could be emotional, but she could be tough too. I believed I could count on her to remain calm if a difficult situation arose, and I knew she would take care of Becky. And I knew Becky would simply follow her mother's lead. But I didn't know how Raj would react if things got sticky. I didn't know if he would freeze or cower in fear as he had earlier or if he'd go crazy and start bashing in the heads of the infected with his steel mallet hammer. I knew he might want payback for the infected stealing his dignity.

And I wondered if Raj actually had it in him to be violent. I knew I didn't want to find out. I didn't want to see him have to break with his religious beliefs and have to use violence, but I also knew we might need him if a difficult situation arose that I couldn't handle by myself. I could only hope everything would go smoothly and Raj wouldn't have to test his beliefs.

I no longer had to wonder about my own capacity for violence. Just today I'd killed four of them and maimed the Swimmer. But I felt no remorse. Not a whit. Remorse was a luxury I could no longer afford. A month ago I never would have thought myself capable of this kind of violence, but the twinge of guilt I'd felt just a few days ago had all but vanished. And the truth was, it was getting easier. Despite my feelings about Alex, I had come to accept that they weren't human and they meant to harm us. And I no longer had a need to call it self-defense or to try to rationalize my actions. I would use the Glock or the bat if I needed to and wouldn't bat an eye. I might not want to shoot them and I certainly didn't enjoy it, but I wouldn't hesitate to kill them.

I got the iPad out and started going over the route. It was simple and direct. Straight down Fortuna Way to Brockbank, turn right and a few blocks later we'd be there. As long as we didn't run into any trouble, we could be there in three to four minutes easy. I selected alternative routes in case we had to abandon the Tundra and get there by a backyard route. I'd let them know in the morning what we would need to do if we had to abandon the truck. I couldn't believe how close we were, yet it felt as if we were a thousand miles away.

I checked out CNN and Julia Courtney's blog. The only thing of interest came from CNN. Reportedly, a survivor who had worked for MI6 described documents he'd seen that detailed Al Qaeda plans for a coordinated biological attack against the United States and a handful of European countries. There were similarities to the actual viral strike and they were outlined in the report. But the plans were at least ten years old and the threat level of the possible attack had been reduced over the years and eventually dismissed.

I didn't know what to make of it and no longer cared. The who and why of it were irrelevant as far as I was concerned. All that mattered now was surviving and getting them to the facility.

A little while later, Sarah came into the room. She had the frozen peas and wash cloth pressed against her cheek and eye again. After her nap, I'd put the peas back into the freezer since they'd started to thaw. As she came toward the bed, she pressed her lips together and widened them slightly into a reserved smile.

She sat down on the edge of the bed toward the bottom and placed her free hand on her right thigh and sat with her back slightly bowed. She seemed tired again. Her face, at least the half I could see of it, was smooth and passive.

"How are you?" she asked me.

I felt achy all over, but I didn't mention it to her. "I'm okay," I said. But I sensed she wasn't here to inquire about my well-being.

Then she got to it. "I'm worried about Raj," she said. "He's not himself."

"Yes," I told her. "I'm worried about him too."

Sarah started playing with the hem of her shorts, smoothing the edges with her fingers. She looked at me with her good eye. "I was thinking maybe you could talk to him," she said. "Raj likes you. He respects you."

And it occurred to me that Sarah didn't understand what Raj was going through. Sarah didn't seem to grasp the role she and Becky played in Raj's inner turmoil. Not only did Raj act the coward today, he did it in front of the woman he loved and her daughter. I could talk to Raj till I was blue in the face, but it wouldn't erase the memory of what had happened, nor would it make him whole again. This was about Raj and his pride and his relationship with Sarah and Becky, and Raj was the only person who could work it out.

I spoke slowly with a measured tone. "Sarah, Raj is upset because he believes he acted like a coward today. Nothing I say to him will change the way he feels. Nothing."

She looked at me with concern in her good eye and kept playing absentmindedly with the hem of her shorts. Then she looked down into her lap.

"Raj doesn't need to be a hero," she said in a subdued voice. "Not for us."

"I understand," I told her. "But that's not what Raj thinks."

For Sarah, it was simple. She wanted Raj to be the same Raj she and Becky had always known. And she wanted me to fix it for them. But there was nothing I could do.

She studied her lap wearily but didn't say another word about Raj.

And I couldn't for the life of me understand why Sarah and Raj weren't a couple. It was obvious he adored Sarah and Becky and they seemed incredibly fond of him. They seemed perfect for one another, or at least to me they did. Sarah trusted Raj implicitly, and wasn't that what she was looking for?

Sarah stopped playing with the hem of her shorts and looked up. "Thank you for not being upset about Becky," she said quietly.

Then she paused before continuing. "It was my fault," she said. "I should have told you. You had a right to know." And she said it all breathlessly as if she couldn't wait to get the words out of her mouth.

And then she watched me, waiting for me to respond.

"It's all right," I told her. But I knew it wasn't. Sarah had come clean about Becky even if it was at Raj's prompting, while I had kept my knowledge of the Swimmer secret from them. And he was in their lives now because of me.

Sarah seemed to relax and gather herself. "Anyway," she said. "I just wanted to thank you." She said it softly and I knew she was being sincere. Then she got up from the end of the bed and left the room.

Women had always been a bit of a mystery to me and Sarah was no exception. Yesterday, Sarah considered me a thug with a gun, unworthy of her trust. Today I was Becky's savior, a hero. Who knew what tomorrow would bring? I was at a complete loss as to what to make of Sarah. But it wasn't just Sarah. I felt utterly fatigued having to deal with the three of them. Raj was in crisis mode over his failure to protect them and Becky was infected, and somewhere along the way, their problems had become mine. Now Sarah expected me to somehow magically fix Raj. I couldn't believe how complicated my relationship with the three of them had become in less than forty-eight hours.

I'd managed to convince myself that helping them would be relatively simple. Get them some food to last awhile and get the hell out and get to the cabin. It should have been easy. But the moment I agreed to take them to the research facility, everything changed. My decision unleashed a whole new string of possibilities. And I knew I had no one to blame but myself. I could have said no, even contemplated saying it, but in the end I agreed to take them where they wanted to go—and now I was entangled with them.

All I wanted to do was get them there safely. And if I could keep Raj from having to confront his fears and his beliefs, all the better.

My inner musings were interrupted by a sudden clunking sound as if the air conditioning had suddenly been cut off in midstream. And then everything went quiet, disturbingly quiet. The moment I'd heard the clunking sound, I knew the electricity had been cut off, but I didn't want to acknowledge it to myself.

I walked out into the hallway. Raj was already standing in his doorway with a concerned look on his face. Sarah and Becky emerged from the master bedroom. I walked quietly over to the top of the stairs and listened intently, but I couldn't hear a thing. I should have at least been able to hear the hum of the fridge from the kitchen, but the house was dead silent.

I put my index finger up to my lips to let them know not to say anything. They followed me quietly as I went back into the bedroom. We crowded around the window and took in the wide sweep of the valley. It was shrouded in darkness. There were a handful of lights on here and there in buildings that must have had backup generators. But that was it. And in a few days, even those lights would go out, and the valley would be in total darkness.

I could remember worrying about the inevitability of the electricity going out in the valley, but even so, I'd come to the point in the past two weeks where I'd begun to take the electricity for granted. Now, in a matter of a few days, the valley would descend into chaos. With the electricity gone, so too was the thin veil of safety from the infected. There would be no more air conditioning to mask sounds. Now, even the slightest sound would draw the infected to you.

I needed to focus on getting them to the facility in the morning, nothing else. I thought about driving to the research facility now, but I quickly disregarded the notion. In a few minutes, the East Bench would be in total darkness. I'd have to turn the Tundra's lights on to be able to see where I was going and that would likely draw the infected. And since I could only see a half block down Fortuna Way, I had no way of knowing how many infected there might be further down the street. Besides, Sarah and Becky and Raj were exhausted and so was I.