Jade (10 page)

"You should have kicked him where he'd remember it forever," Star said.
"I thought about it for a second. My heart was racing. I could barely breathe. When he put his hands on my shoulders, I tried to push his arms away and I did try to kick up, but he pressed harder and harder. I was surprised at how strong his fingers were. They seemed to cut through my jacket, through my blouse and into my skin.
"Maybe he cut off the blood to my head. I don't know, but one moment I was trying to struggle and looking up at him and the next. . ."
"What?" Misty asked, gasping. She had reached across the sofa to Cat and found her hand. Cat let her hold on, or maybe Cat was holding on to her.
"I passed out," I said.
"And when I woke up, I was on my back on the bed, naked."

All the girls looked sick to their stomachs. Misty's face was pale, Star's mouth gaped open and Cat had to be excused to go to the bathroom.

"Let me check on her," Dr. Marlowe said, rising. "Everybody take a deep breath. Maybe step outside and get some air, if you want," she added.

"Do you want to go outside?" Star asked me. I nodded.
We rose and went to the patio door, stepping into the afternoon sun. It felt good on my face, almost like a mother's kiss should feel when she wants to reassure you.
"You sure don't look like a girl who had all that happen to her," Star said warmly. "Granny's always saying don't judge a book by its cover. Turn a few pages first and look it over and then she always adds, 'Remember, he without sin cast the first stone.' She's always telling me stuff like that. She's trying to make up for all the Sunday school and church I missed, I guess."
An awkward silence fell between us. Misty still looked shaken by my story and my own mind was back in that room in San Francisco.
"What's with that Cat girl? Do you think she'll talk tomorrow?" Star asked, finally breaking the tension. "After what she's heard from us, she's probably going to be on her way out of the country," Misty said.
We all laughed. I saw Star staring at me.
"What?"
"Nothing," she said.
I smiled at her.
"It's all right. We're all going to be all right," .I said.
"Another pair of rose-colored glasses working away," she declared.
Misty and I laughed and then we heard Dr. Marlowe returning with Cat. I looked through the patio door and watched Cat sit and Dr. Marlowe leaning over her, offering some comforting words.
"Maybe I'm not doing her any good," I thought aloud.
"Dr. Marlowe wouldn't let you talk if she thought that, would she?" Misty asked. "I mean, she knew most of what you're telling us, right?"
"Most," I said. "But not all," I admitted. "More seems to come back to me than usually does when I'm alone with her, but there's still a lot left to tell."
"I guess that's why she wanted us to do this," Star said. "The same was true for me."
"Me too," Misty said.
I nodded.
Dr. Marlowe took her seat and looked out at us. "Time to go back," I said. I took a deep breath as if I was going under water. "Let's get it over with."
We returned to the office and our seats.
"How are you doing, Jade?" Dr. Marlowe asked.
"I'm all right."
"We could stop and let you continue
tomorrow."
"No, I don't want to sleep on any of it," I said and she nodded, smiling in understanding.
I turned to the girls.
"He didn't rape me," I said quickly. "When I was unconscious, I dreamed of someone's lips on my cheek, in my hair, then lightly over my eyelids and finally on my lips, but nothing more had happened. Star was right. Everything he did, he did mostly to keep me from leaving. In his madness he figured that if I didn't have clothes, I wouldn't try to escape."
Cat looked like I had taken a weight off her shoulders, as if what had happened to me could have happened to her.
"When you realized what he had done, did you break the window?" Misty asked.
"I couldn't reach it," I said.
"What? Why not?" Misty followed. Star nodded like she already knew.
"He had tied my left ankle to the bed and my right wrist. He used the computer cables--I guess he didn't want me to be able to call for help over the Internet. If only I'd thought of that sooner. Turn and twist as much as I could, I was unable to reach the knots and the movement cut through my skin. My ankle actually started to bleed."
"Oh no," Misty cried. "What happened next?"
"I lay there as quietly as I could, trying to keep from passing out again. I was terrified of what he might do next.
"It seemed like hours before he returned. He entered the room, smiling. He was carrying a children's book in his hand.
"'Oh, you're still awake,' he said. 'I bet you've been having those nightmares again. Don't worry. I'll help you fall asleep.'
"'Please,' I pleaded. 'Cut me loose. It's hurting me.' "'No, no,' he assured me. 'Nothing will hurt you now. You're safe, forever and ever with me.'
"The sound of that put the greatest terror in me. It occurred to me that my parents would never be able to discover where I had gone. They might, with the help of the police, find out I had bought a plane ticket to San Francisco, but I had never told them about Craig and our E-mail relationship. It might take months, maybe years before a smart detective might look in my computer for leads.
"I started to cry. I couldn't help it. He smiled as if that was good and pulled the computer chair beside the bed. Then he wiped the tears from my cheeks and actually tasted them."
"What?" Star asked. "Did you say, tasted?"
"Yes. He nodded and smiled and said, 'I love the salty taste of your tears. I know sometimes you cry just to make me happy.'
"He looked so contented. I forced myself to stop crying. Then he sat back, opened the book and began reading a story meant for a preschooler. He read it to me as if I were only three or four years old, exaggerating everything, raising and lowering his voice, acting happy and then sad when it was appropriate. I didn't utter a sound. When he finished, he closed the book and then leaned over and kissed my cheek.
"'Time to sleep,' he said.
"'Please,' I begged, 'let me go.'
"'I'll stay with you until you fall asleep,' he promised and then, he lowered his head to my stomach and rested it there.
"'I hear you gurgling,' he said and laughed. 'Go to sleep stomach. Go to sleep kidneys and liver, spleen and gallbladder. You, too, heart. C'mon now,' he said, touching me. I cringed, but he didn't do any more. I could feel his hot breath on my skin I was as still as I could be and soon his breathing was so regular, I was sure he was asleep."
"On your stomach?" Misty asked.
"Yes. Now I was afraid to move too fast or hard, afraid to wake him. All I could do was close my eyes and try to do what he had said he did all the time, drive out the bad thoughts. I thought about my house, my bedroom, my comfortable bed and I pretended I was home, pretended I had never run away. Exhausted from all the fear and the struggle, I did fall asleep.
"I woke sometime in the middle of the night. I was still tied down, of course, but I managed to turn my body in very slow moves, enduring the pain until I was able to touch the cable with my free hand. I traced it down and worked on tugging it away from my skin. It took hours and hours to gain a quarter of an inch of space, but that was not yet enough.
"It was exhausting, too. I fell asleep again and then I was awakened by the sound of the key in the door. It was morning, but very early because it looked like the sun had just risen. He entered the room, carrying a tray of breakfast: a glass of orange juice, some toast, a bowl of cornflakes with bananas and a flowery weed.
"'I
picked this for you this morning,' he said. 'Isn't it pretty?'
"I was still very afraid, but also very angry now. "'You've got to eat your breakfast,' he said. 'It's the most important meal of the day.'
"'How can I eat? I can't even sit up,' I said.
"He looked at my tied ankle, thought for a moment and then put the tray on the chair. He untied my ankle.
"'You can eat with one hand,' he said. Even in his madness, he had some logic. He wasn't stupid.
"At this point, I thought it was best to play along so I nodded, pulled my legs up and let him put the tray on my lap.
"'That's freshly squeezed orange juice,' he said. 'Nothing but the best for you. Go on, drink it.'"
"It could have been poison," Misty said.
"I thought of that, but I didn't know what else to do but sip it. It tasted good. Then I smiled and said, 'Please, I have to go to the bathroom.'
"'That's all right,' he said. He went out to the bathroom and returned with a bedpan."
"You mean like in a hospital?" Misty asked.
"Exactly. I shook my head and said, 'Please, I want to go into the bathroom.'
"'Oh no,' he said, 'you can't get out of bed yet. You're not well enough.' He slipped the bedpan under me. Then he sat watching as if I was some kind of a toy."
"I feel like I'm going to puke," Misty said.
"What do you think she felt like?" Star shot at her. Cat just stared ahead, waiting.
"I couldn't help it. I had to pee. He left with the bedpan. I can't tell you how weak and sick I felt.
"'Finish your breakfast,' he said from the doorway.
'I'll be back a little later. I have a few chores. I'm going to make us a great dinner tonight, and I promise,' he said smiling, 'I won't burn anything.'
"Then he closed the door, locked it and descended. I waited for a while before putting the tray on the chair. With more room now because my foot was free, I worked harder and harder on the cable around my other wrist. I got myself enough space to turn my body and step off the bed. Then I saw where the cable was tied to the bed and was able to get it untied. It seemed to take hours and I kept stopping to listen for him. Sure enough, I heard him returning so I fixed the cable loosely and then I got back onto the bed. I dumped the cereal behind the bed and shoved the toast under the pillow just as he worked the key in the lock.
"It must have grown very cloudy and overcast because the room was so dark now and when I gazed out, it looked like it was going to storm. It made me feel even more frightened and cold.
"'Well, well,' he said, 'you ate everything. Good.' He took the tray off the bed and then he pulled my ankle back down so he could retie it.
"'Look what I brought you,' he said and gave me another children's book. 'I'll be back later to read it to you, but you can look at all the pictures now.'
"He gazed down at me happily. 'It's so good to have you back,' he said. `So good.' He touched my forehead and then he tamed and left, locking the door again.
"I waited for the silence and then I rose and undid the cable that held my wrist. It took longer to free my ankle, but finally, I was able to move about the room freely."
"But you were still locked in," Misty reminded me and everyone else.
"Exactly.
"Again, I didn't just break the window and scream. What if I was unable to attract anyone's attention? I was afraid he'd hear me and come back to the room in a rage. For a few minutes, I just looked frantically about the room, searching for some idea, some means of escape and then I got down and looked under the bed. You can imagine the balls of dust, but I saw a bedspring was broken and I worked it loose.
"Then I straightened it out as best I could and went to the keyhole. It took forever. I nearly gave up a few times, but finally I heard the lock click. I tried the knob and the door opened. I returned to the bed and pulled off the sheet to wrap around me before returning to the doorway.
"I stood there, trembling, afraid to step out for fear he would be waiting in the small hallway. Cautiously, I peered around and saw there was no one. I also spotted my backpack and my shoes against the wall.
"As quickly as I could, I pulled out a pair of panties, jeans and a blouse. I put on socks and my shoes. I don't think I ever dressed as fast.
"Now that I was dressed and considering my escape, I was even more afraid. Just gazing down that dimly lit stairway put a finger of ice on the back of my neck, a finger that traced down my spine and made me shudder.
"I began to descend. The first step groaned, so loudly I thought, there was no way he wouldn't hear and there wasn't any other way out of the house from this level as far as I could see."
"No fire escape?" Star asked.
"Maybe there was, but I didn't think of it. I kept going down the stairs, each step creaking louder than the one before it, and no matter how slowly I went and how nimbly I stepped, the stairway croaked like some giant frog. It was as if the house was being loyal to its owner and was trying to warn him about my escape. Even the railing rattled. I debated whether I should just charge down the stairs as fast as I could or continue to sneak along. I decided to risk taking my time
"When I reached the second floor, I paused and listened. He could easily be in any of the rooms, I thought. I heard nothing now, not even the music I had heard the night before. The whole house continued to creak and moan as the wind outside stirred up and whirled about it.
"Just above me the dim light flickered. The rain had started and I could hear the pitter-patter of drops on the roof and against the windows. Shadows along the vaguely lit walls seemed to tremble like ghosts suffering a sympathetic chill. My imagination was like some caged animal, flailing about and coming up with so many crazy and frightening thoughts and images. I had the kind of rippling sensation on the back of my neck you get when you feel someone is watching you. I searched every shadow, every doorway, looking for eyes. Was someone else in this house?
"My heart thumped. I couldn't swallow and it felt like a heavy weight on my chest, but I went on. I don't know where I found the strength to continue moving forward, but I did.
"When I reached the bottom floor, I stopped, caught my breath and listened. It was so quiet, I considered that he might have gone out again. Practically tiptoeing now, I started for the front door and paused when I heard what sounded like a little boy whimpering.
"It continued for a few more moments and then stopped. I realized it was coming from the living room, dead ahead of me and between me and the front door. I could barely keep myself from releasing a sob or a cry of fear. I felt like I was squeezing the breath back into my lungs. I know I was fighting hysteria, pushing my fears down long enough to get strength to go forward.
"As I reached the living room door, I peered through and saw him in his chair. He had my clothes crushed in his arms and against his body like he was embracing a child and he was asleep, his head thrown back and his mouth quivering with nightmare sobs.
"I stepped up to the door and tried to open it as quietly as I could, only it was locked the same way my room upstairs had been locked, with an oldfashioned skeleton key. My heart sank.
"I turned and headed back into the house, hoping that he hadn't locked a rear or side door. All the lights were off and the storm made it so dark inside, I was terrified of knocking into something and waking him. I practically glided down the hallway to the kitchen where I saw another door, but it was locked as well:'
"You should have brought that bedspring down with you and used it again:' Misty said.
"Yeah, I thought of that, but going upstairs to get it was not an option in my mind."
"Wouldn't have been in mine either," Star said.
"I looked over the countertop carefully, hoping maybe I would find a key, but there wasn't any. Finally I found a window that would open and I raised it a jerky inch at a time. It went about six inches before it got so stuck I couldn't move it. I groaned and strained until I was exhausted. I just wanted to sit down and cry. A throbbing pain in my head stabbed sharply. What had I gotten myself into?"