Jailbird (14 page)

“You really aren’t going to tell me what’s
wrong, are you?”

“Why haven’t I met your parents?”

“Because they don’t get back from Mali until
next July.”

“They’re in Mali?”

“Yes.”

“Why didn’t I know this?”

“It never came up.”

“How are we married and we didn’t know about
each other’s parents?”

“You think now is a good time to question
that?”

“Why are your parents in Mali?”

“They’re missionaries.”

“Ah. Figures.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It explains why you’re so damned
perfect.”

“I’m not perfect,” Charlie’s voice was low
and a little defeated.

“Charlie?”

“What darlin’?”

“Where’s Mali?”

“West Africa.”

“Daddy! I can’t get the puppy to come
inside.”

“Coming sweetie,” Charlie called even as he
went to help her out.

I stood gingerly, happy that my stomach
seemed to have settled down a bit. I splashed some water on my
face, brushed my teeth and pulled a comb through my hair. After
looking at myself in the mirror, I decided I might have to stay in
hiding for the next seven months or so. By my calculations, I must
have gotten pregnant instantly. That meant I had no more than two
months until I would be noticeably pregnant. Maybe I could convince
Charlie to move. Probably not.

“Hey Neena,” Conrad met me in the hallway and
did a worried double take. “You don’t look so good.”

“I really wish people would stop saying
that.”

“Are you okay?”

“Sure. Never better.”

“Do you know what you plan to say to
Gabrielle?”

“Not yet.”

The conversation was cut short by Cara’s
muddy puppy barreling down the hallway, followed by both girls
running full tilt. Conrad swept me out of the way in the nick of
time.

“My hero,” I teased.

“There was a time,” he tapped the end of my
nose playfully. “Oh, hey, I didn’t give you your birthday present
yet.”

“You didn’t need to get me a present,” I
argued. “Not after all you’ve done.”

“You’ll like this present,” he insisted.
“Wait right here.”

He disappeared into his room for a moment
before returning with a stack of newspapers in hand.

“What are you up to now, crazy man?”

“I figure the papers up here wouldn’t be
covering Mary’s appeal, but it’s causing quite a stir down home.
And I figure your husband wouldn’t be talking about it.”

“Thank you,” I grabbed the papers from him
and hugged them to me. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

I kissed him on the cheek and ran to stash
the papers in my room. I’d sit and pour over them as soon as I was
alone.

When Charlie insisted I stay home from church
to get over my supposed flu bug, I thought I’d get my alone time to
read about Mary’s trial. My hopes were dashed when Gabrielle
announced that she wanted to stay behind to take care of me. All
three adults exchanged uneasy glances but agreed.

So, long before I was ready, I found myself
alone with my daughter. We sat in front of the fire Charlie had
kindled before leaving, watching the flames dance and wondering
what to say.

“I heard rumors about Conrad’s sister…that
she killed a man and was in prison. I always kind of figured she
was my mom.”

“Oh,” my voice sounded ridiculously feeble
even to my own ears.

“She died.”

“I know.”

“But then I met you. And for some reason I
feel like I know you. And I think you look like me, but maybe I’m
just seeing what I want to see.”

“Why would you want to see that?”

“Because I want to know my mom.”

“Even though she wasn’t there for you? Aren’t
you mad at her?”

“I don’t know,” Gabrielle seemed to think
about that one. “I wasn’t when I thought she was in jail and
couldn’t see me. I don’t know how I’d feel if I thought she could
have seen me and didn’t.”

“But what if Conrad’s sister didn’t die,
people just thought she did… and what if it was really important
that people still thought she was dead?”

Silence hung in the air. I stared at my lap,
studying the reindeer print on my flannel pajamas. She seemed to be
processing my words; I wondered if I should say more.

“It is you, isn’t it?” Gabrielle’s dark eyes
seemed to pierce right through me.

“I’m glad you’re okay,” I whispered. That was
all the confirmation she needed before launching herself at me. The
force of her hug knocked me back in my chair. I froze for a moment,
unsure of what to do. She seemed undaunted by my lack of response
and perfectly content to just stay latched on to my waist.
Eventually, the shock wore off enough that I thought to wrap my
arms around her as well. I patted her back a little awkwardly and
stared into the fire.

Like mighty titans locked in a death match,
emotions collided. I didn’t have the faintest clue how to be a
mother. Now I was about to get a crash course in the subject. It
was one thing to be raising Cara. Charlie’d already done all of the
hard work there. Old enough to be fairly independent but too young
to be into teenage rebellion, she’d been simple enough to take care
of so far. Babies, however, were work. A lot of work. At least, so
I’d heard. And how long until Gabrielle hit the teenage angst? I
was in way over my head here.

I wanted desperately to talk to Anjelita but
couldn’t. If I told her about the baby, she’d tell Charlie. She’d
probably be as adamant as he would that this was a good thing.
Neither seemed to fully grasp the situation.

“So… can I call you Mom?” Gabrielle
hesitated.

“What? Oh, sure. Sure sweetie.”

“Thanks,” she finally pulled away to look at
me again. The adoration in her eyes was almost more than I could
bear. I’d feared her hatred. Now I would almost welcome it. I
deserved it after depriving her of a mother for so long.

“I’m really sorry,” I cupped her face in my
hand. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there. For leaving you to wonder.”

“It’s okay. I understand.”

Somehow, I doubted that she truly did. But I
could see that she was like Conrad—loyal to the point of insanity.
Even if she couldn’t understand, she’d try because I was family and
that’s just what you did.

“You’re a good girl. I’m glad you’re like
Conrad. He always had a good head on his shoulders.”

“How long can I stay with you?”

“I don’t know sweetie. As long as Conrad
thinks you should, I guess.”

“Why can’t I live with you?”

“What about school?”

“I can go here.”

“But you should go to school on the
reservation. How else will you know what it means to be Coushatta?”
I didn’t voice my real reason for wanting her on the reservation.
There was protection in being surrounded by your people—protection
my parents and I had both taken for granted.

“I’m three-fourths white, too,” she had a
stubborn set to her jaw now.

“I know,” I scowled. I could do basic math.
“Let’s wait to have this conversation until I talk to Conrad.”

“But you’re my mother. It’s your
decision.”

“And Conrad was the one that tucked you in at
night and nursed you through illness… he’s been your father,
sweetie. He has a say in this.”

“He’ll want me to be happy.”

“But don’t you want him to be happy, too? Let
me talk to him and we’ll see.”

As she and I sat across from each other with
stubborn scowls on our faces, it occurred to me that less than five
minutes into this relationship, I’d managed to screw it up. This
was doing nothing to calm the rising panic that I’d made a horrible
mistake here. I should have kept wandering the woods. I could have
become Louisiana’s own little Sasquatch legend. It would have been
fun.

“You don’t want me, do you?”

“That’s not true….”

“Really? Because you act like it’s true.”

“You terrify me, I’ll admit that much. But
that’s not the same as not wanting you.”

“I terrify you?” Her eyebrows shot up and a
giggle escaped before she could suppress it.

“Worse than sharks—and seeing
Jaws
at
an impressionable age really ruined me on those.”

“You’re so strange.”

“So I’ve been told. Just remember… we’re
related.”

“Oh great.”

“You’ve got quite a mouth on you, don’t
you?”

“Conrad says I remind him of his sister…
well, you.”

“He talked about me?”

“All the time. He really missed you.”

“I missed him too…. Hey, I’m feeling a little
better. Do you want to help me make some bracelets?”

“Sure,” she perked right up at that. “Conrad
says I’m really good at making jewelry.”

And she was good. No sooner than I set the
tools on the table, she went right to work. We were both still bent
over the kitchen table intent on our respective projects when the
others came home from church.

“Hey, there’s my girls,” Conrad kissed me on
the top of the head before ruffling Gabrielle’s hair. “Did you two
have a good talk?”

“The best,” Gabrielle threw herself into
Conrad’s arms. “Thank you for bringing me here.”

Conrad seemed years younger in that instant.
I would have been relieved to see it, but there was too much guilt
washing over me. How much weight had I laid upon his shoulders?

“Hey,” Charlie greeted me somewhat
warily.

“Hey baby,” my face split into a grin at the
sight of him. I wrapped my arms around his waist and rested my face
against his chest. I liked hugging Charlie.

“You seem to be feeling better,” he smiled in
relief and wrapped his arms around me.

“I am. Sorry for being a crab.”

“No worries. Do you want to go to the Torres’
for lunch, then?”

“Yes, I’m starved.”

“We’ll wait while you get dressed then,” he
chuckled at my surprised expression.

“I forgot. Dang it.”

“What did you do to her?” Conrad playfully
punched Charlie in the arm. “She used to be smart.”

I rolled my eyes and sighed, already on my
way upstairs. I tried to close the door behind me but Charlie was
right behind me.

“The girls are taking the puppy out.”

“Okay.”

“Conrad went to feed the horses.”

“Okay…”

“You aren’t rethinking marrying me, are
you?”

“Oh,” that took me off guard. “Not
seriously.”

“What does that mean?”

“Nothing.”

“No. Don’t do that, Neena,” he ran his
fingers through his hair in exasperation.

“I guess I’m rethinking the wisdom of it… but
I don’t regret it.”

“You scared me this morning.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t scare me like that.”

“I’ll try not to.”

Charlie closed the distance between us,
pulling me hard against him. The kiss wasn’t gentle this time.
There was something fierce in it. It seared through me like a
branding iron.

Whatever emotions I’d been holding in check
snapped free and I met his urgency with my own. He reached behind
him to lock the door before carrying me over to our bed. Our lips
never left each other. Somehow we managed to completely strip
without breaking contact. My hands were everywhere; I couldn’t
touch him enough. His held me close; he couldn’t seem to risk
letting me go.

The tidal wave was gone as quickly as it had
come. We were lying in each other’s arms trying to catch our breath
when we heard Conrad slam the mudroom door. I smiled; he’d done
that on purpose to signal he was back in the house.

“I think he knows what we’re doing up
here.”

“Really?” Charlie kissed my temple. “I
thought he was just naturally noisy.”

“I love you, Charlie.”

“I could die right here a happy man.”

“Don’t talk like that.”

“You know I’m not going anywhere.”

“If this were a horror movie, you’d be the
next to die.”

“That’s cheerful.”

“Well you would.”

“Get dressed.”

“You get dressed.”

“Hey Neena…”

“Hey Charlie…”

“Why does our bed crinkle?”

“Crinkle?” I tried to look innocent.

“Get up,” he stood up.

“No.”

“Neena.”

“It’s my birthday present.”

“Neena.”

“You can’t take them from me.”

“Would you just get up already?”

“Fine,” I made a face at him but did as he
asked. He reached under the mattress and pulled out my stash of
newspapers. He didn’t need to look past the first headline to know
what they were.

“I’m going to kill him.”

“Don’t talk like that.”

“Ha,” Charlie snorted. “That’s a switch… you
telling me to watch my mouth. I’m going to beat him? Is that
better?”

“Well, you wouldn’t tell me what was going
on.”

“Did it ever occur to you there’s a reason
for that?”

“How could I possibly know what that is? You
won’t tell me that either!”

“Because I don’t want to worry you!” Charlie
shouted back. “You walk around looking like death all the time. I
can tell you’re already losing sleep over this.”

“I’m sleeping just fine. Maybe I’m just
homely,” I retorted.

“What?” he laughed in spite himself. “Homely?
I don’t think so, sweetheart.”

“Are you going to tell me what’s going
on?”

“Not when we’re already late to Anjelita’s
lunch.”

“Later?”

“Later,” he promised. “Now we really should
get dressed.”

“Only if you promise to get undressed again
tonight.”

“Mrs. Russell, I find your behavior quite
shocking.”

He teased, but I could tell he was happy our
playful banter had returned. He’d forgiven me for picking a fight.
And he was hoping I’d forget about an update on Mary’s trial.

I did let it go—for the moment. With Conrad
and the girls waiting downstairs, I hurried to get dressed so we
could go eat lunch. Now that the nausea had passed for the day, I
was ravenous.