Jake (A Redemption Romance #2) (11 page)

Hope

My eyes fluttered open, taking in the strange surroundings. It took a few blinks before the memories from the night before came back. Jake’s angry rage, accusing me of keeping information from him. Not listening, and then finally conceding that he’d gone about it all wrong.

He had, if he had questions or wanted more information, he should have asked instead of screaming. So much like my father did. I knew that wasn’t something I could deal with long-term.

I had to go, had to take time away from him. I had to make the decision for myself and in my own time. If I were to be with him, it had to be because it was what was best for me, not because he lit something in me, something I’d never felt before. Maybe I’d love him forever, but I wouldn’t lose myself like my mother had. I may never find another man that I’d love like Jake, but that didn’t mean I could live with him.

I rose from the bed, gathered my things from the room and quietly walked into the master bedroom. The bed hadn’t been slept in. I didn’t know where Jake was, but he wasn’t in here.

I showered and dressed, foregoing the blow dryer, hoping that if he was somewhere in the house, I could get out without waking him.

Picking up my bags from the closet, I packed silently, getting everything I could find. As I moved toward the front door, I saw him, fast asleep on the couch. I disabled the alarm system and walked out the front door as quietly as possible. I finally let out my breath when I made it to the safety of my car. I felt like a coward, sneaking out like that. I owed him a lot, my gratitude, definitely. He’d done a lot to protect me and I did appreciate it; but I knew that I wasn’t ready to talk to him yet.

Getting to my office, I noticed the clock on the wall, I was early. This would be a busy day. Tonight was Celeste’s service at Saint Matthew’s and I needed to be available to help Bernadette and Marianna. I also had a few people to see today.

An hour and a half later, I was just finishing up some paperwork when a light tap came at my closed office door. It was Marianna. We spent a long time together, talking about the and how things would go later. She was concerned that her husband would corner her, or force her to go home with him. She was also nervous about seeing his family at the church.

I did my best to assure her that several people from the shelter would be in attendance, we’d surround her and someone would be with her at all times. There was no reason for her to worry.

I finished up the rest of the day’s appointments, wrote the reports I needed to complete and spoke with a police officer from a neighboring town about one of the women who was staying at the shelter. It was an extremely busy and productive day, not allowing me to think about Jake – much.

Grabbing my black dress and heels from my car, I finally picked up my phone to call Aurora and noticed two phone calls, one voicemail and four text messages, all from Jake. I wasn’t ready to hear him out, to listen to his excuses or to give in to his demands, so I ignored those and scrolled down to Aurora’s name.

I explained the basics of my argument with Jake last night, and asked if I could stay with her and Luke until this mess with Tim was taken care of. Being the wonderful friend she was, she agreed.

As soon as I disconnected the call with Aurora, my phone rang again. Thinking it was Aurora calling back, I answered without checking the caller – stupid move.

“Hope, you finally answered your phone.”

“Hello, Father.” Hearing the voice that tormented me, my mother and siblings growing up sent a chill up my spine. I hated talking to him, though I’d learned to just be respectful and listen until he got it all out. That was the only way I would be permitted to see my mother.

“Young lady, your mother is very upset that you haven’t come by for a visit. She says that it’s been over a month. That’s extremely selfish, don’t you think?” This wasn’t really a question he wanted answered. Any excuse I had, would be deemed not good enough. So, I kept my mouth shut and waited. “You need to be here next Sunday, after church, for your sister’s birthday dinner. Do you think you can at least manage that?”

“Yes, sir. I’ll be there. I am on call though, so it is possible I’ll have a last minute emergency.” I knew exactly what his response would be to that statement. Thankfully, I’d only been called away from a family event once for my job. Otherwise, my father would have likely lost his mind.

“Work, really Hope? That sounds like quite an excuse, don’t you think? You need to find a husband. If you weren’t so obstinate and selfish, you’d already be settled and wouldn’t be doing that type of thing.”

His disgust with me working was ridiculous. My mother and sister didn’t work, their job was to jump and fetch for their demanding and unappreciative husbands. That was not a job that I ever wanted to have.

“Yes, sir.”

“Don’t you mock me, young lady. You’re such a selfish little bitch. I can’t believe you behave the way you do, gallivanting all around town, dating men like some whore. You need to move back in with us, we will get you married right away. Your husband will need a heavy hand to deal with you, not that any self-respecting man would want you now, used and discarded. Respectable men don’t want trollops, Hope. You know that, don’t you? You know that no one is going to want to marry a jezebel who has a wicked tongue and loose morals. I can’t believe your mother and I even raised you. She was too lenient with you. Allowing you to date that Nolan boy behind my back. A slut, even in high school. You should have gone to a good Bible college, not some state school in Mississippi.”

I listened as my father droned on and on and on and on, so long, his sentences stopped making any sense. I wondered if I ever had the nerve to record one of his rants. Would he recognize how crazy he sounded if I played it back for him? Probably not.

Promising to attend my sister’s birthday and to call my mother this weekend, I was finally able to get off the phone with him. It had been years since I moved out of his house, I would never go back there to stay again, not even for one night.

Listening to his illogical yelling, that got louder and louder as he went on, I thought of Jake and his behavior. At least he made sense. I could almost understand where Jake was coming from. He was extremely emotional though, flying off the handle when things were overly stressful.

…

Hail Mary, full of grace

Our Lord is with thee.

Blessed art thou among women,

And blessed is the fruit of thy womb,

Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God,

Pray for us sinners,

Now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

Repeating the prayer for at least the fifth time, I knelt in the vast cathedral, bowed my head and reflected on my own life. The choices I’d made, the mistake and regrets. I thought a lot about Nolan and wondered how I could have helped him. If I’d spoken more openly to Aurora and his friends about his PTSD and his guilt, would he have gotten the help he needed? I thought back to the night Aurora brought me the letter he’d left me.

Hope,

I am so sorry to leave you, sweetheart. You’ve been the one person in my life to never judge. You have the biggest heart of anyone I know. I will forever be grateful for our friendship. What started with a nervous boy asking a shy girl out, turned into something more beautiful than I could have imagined.

You have brought me through some horrendous times, your shoulder always ready and willing to accept my defeated tears. Going through all you have in life, could have turned you into a different type of person, closed off and bitter, but you fought that and are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known.

Please know, had it not been for you and your support, I probably wouldn’t have made it as long as I did. You did everything you could have for me. You pushed me to get help, you encouraged me and loved me. Your friendship was my saving grace.

I know that you will blame yourself for my decision, but know, I’ve made this decision because of my own demons, it isn’t because you didn’t do enough for me. Never think that. You were always ready to support me and lift me up. I’ll always love you and appreciate the woman you grew into. You are truly one of my closest friends.

Please, live your life, take risks and venture into new and exciting places. Find your true love, the one who was made for you. Give yourself fully to life, and appreciate every day you have. Know that you are a special woman who deserves to be cherished and admired.

Nolan

Tears streamed down my face, thinking about the despair Nolan and Celeste both must have felt when they chose to end their lives. I thought of all the others around them who would be affected by those decisions. I prayed for Marianna, for Luke, Aurora and even Jake. I prayed for all the guys and their own emotional state after Nolan’s death.

Once the service was finished, Bernadette, Roger, a volunteer with Freedom House, and I walked Marianna back to Bernadette’s car. She’d driven Marianna and Roger here tonight and would take them back. There had been no issue, no drama, thankfully. Marianna’s husband had stayed away after one look at Roger.

He was a six-foot-three hugely muscled man. His dark Hawaiian skin tone, black eyes and black hair made him look menacing to the much smaller, older man. Roger’s father had been extremely abusive to his mother and their seven children, so Roger volunteered to help with security for the shelter’s women and children when needed. He was an asset.

Pulling out my phone, I powered it back on and waited. Once it was fully functional again, I ignored the three additional texts and sent one to Aurora, letting her know that I was going to stop in at O’Reily’s, a local dive-bar for some excellent and unhealthy bar food on the way to her place. It wasn’t late yet, so an hour or so on my own, but still in public, was exactly what I needed. I received her text back, then made my way to the bar.

Taking a table toward the back, I ordered chili cheese fries and a beer from the very friendly waitress. She was an older woman who’d obviously seen hard times in her life, but whatever she’d gone through hadn’t stopped her from being kind.

I thought about that and about what Nolan had said about me. I didn’t want to be bitter and angry. I guessed he was right, I could have been those things, but I’d worked hard to get over my past and move forward in a positive way. It was only lately, with the increased fear caused by Tim and his antics that I found myself slipping into those old defensive patterns again.

I’d been striving to keep that fear at bay lately since the day I broke down at the police station. I felt powerful when I had all the information available and could make decisions for myself.

That was one of the big issues I had with Jake, he’d withheld information from me that directly pertained to my own safety. I couldn’t protect myself adequately if I didn’t know when there was an additional threat. He couldn’t be by my side one-hundred percent of the time if we continued dating. No one could. Someday, I’d have to find the strength to fight back and to keep myself safe.

“Hope? Is that you?” I heard called from my left. Swiveling my eyes in that direction, I saw Trent striding toward me.

“Hey, Trent. What are you doing in here?” I asked, just as the waitress walked over with a heaping pile of chili cheese fries and my beer.

“Same as you, it looks like. They have the best greasy food around.” I smiled, appreciating the mischievous gleam in his eye. He was wearing a tight navy blue T-shirt and perfect over-washed jeans that fit his sculpted thighs and butt just right. One of his many tattoos peeked out from under the short sleeves of his shirt.

I’d seen him in board shorts a few times and knew that there were a lot more where that came from. His stomach, chest, back and upper arms were covered in art. He was the resident bad-boy of the bunch. When he was all buttoned up in his sheriff’s deputy uniform, he looked clean cut and sweet, but as soon as that starch and polish came off, he was all
Rebel without a cause
.

“You mind?” He asked, motioning at the empty chair opposite me.

“Not at all.” Smiling up at him, we engaged in small talk. Trent had the day off and hated to cook, so he’d come down here for a beer and something to eat. He ordered a plate of heaping nachos from the waitress. I couldn’t finish my food, but Trent polished his off without any trouble, then started in on mine. I raised a brow in surprise at this and he just grinned at me.

After giving Trent the rundown of my day, I realized I’d polished off my fourth beer.

“I need to call Aurora and see if Luke can come down here and pick me up.”

“Not Jake?” Trent asked, what seemed like innocently, but I couldn’t be sure that he didn’t know about our fight. I didn’t know how close the men were or how much they shared with each other.

“No, I’m staying with Aurora and Luke for a while.” I answered matter of factly.

“Don’t bother them, I can take you. I’ve only had one.” He chuckled as he lifted his bottle to show me. I agreed and we went back to our easy conversation. Trent didn’t ask me what had happened with Jake and I didn’t mention it.

“You know, it would probably be a good idea for you to take some self-defense classes, maybe even get a concealed carry permit if you’re comfortable with guns.” Trent mused.