January (Calendar Girl #1) Anthology Anthology (21 page)

“What does it make you feel?”

I skimmed over the photographic image of my sad self and quickly looked away. “Shame.” His jaw seemed to tighten and lock down, and he gave a slight nod. I focused again on the image where I held my hand over the heart of the sad Mia. “Hope.” Again he stared and waited. I took in all the red lips everywhere all over the Mia reaching out to the sad image. “Love.” I shrugged.

Alec turned and came over to me where he kneeled down. He moved forward, held my face in both hands and kissed me softly. I could taste the coffee he drank and something darker, something that was unique to him.

“You see what I want you to see. Shame, hope, and love.” His eyes were wide, his features soft as he took in my face.

“But why? Those things are hard to grasp. Not only that, they are often things that tear people apart.”

“As sometimes art can do. It’s all in the eye of the beholder. What you see, what I see, may feel different, as it should.”

“Have you named it?”

He tipped his chin down in assent.

“What are you calling it?”

“Exactly what I want the viewer to feel.”

I swallowed slowly waiting for him to finish. He didn’t. “Which is?”

He traced my face from the indent at my temple down to my lips. He watched his finger with reverence as it slipped across my features.

“To Love Thyself.”

Chapter 6

Over the next week, Alec and I got into a regular routine. Stills, eating, sex. Painting, eating, sex. We hadn’t left the building, and most days it rained. I longed for sunny Malibu and being free to swim, go for a walk, or surf. What I missed most, though, besides my family, was Wes. Don’t get me wrong, Alec was amazing in more ways than one. Even though we had an easy camaraderie and had a blast in the bedroom, there really was nothing more to our relationship other than working and fucking. ‘Making love’ he called it; I called it fucking, and I loved to do it, though I didn’t share that with him. It could have been worse, I guess. He could have been parading me around to boring museums to look at other people’s art.

I wasn’t due in the loft until the evening. That was a new request. Usually, he wanted me there first thing after I woke. The problem was when I was alone with my thoughts, I’d think of all the things in my real life I was missing. My dad, who hadn’t woken from his coma but had been moved to a convalescent facility to be cared for by the State. Gin said it was an okay place, nothing special about it. She said she and Maddy visited every few days, read to him, try to keep him company. She sent me a picture of him lying in bed. The bruises around his face had healed. Most of his body was still in a cast of some sort.

Looking down at my phone, I saw my dad. It was as if he was sleeping, not fighting for his life. The doctors don’t know what his mental status will be if he wakes up.
When
he wakes up, I remind myself. No need to put out negative vibes into the universe. Even though I don’t really believe in that shit, if it does happen to be real, I’m not going to be the one to mess with the higher power.

Scrolling through the list of contacts, I pressed the speed dial for Maddy. It had been a good week since I’d spoken to her, and I was missing my baby sis.

“Hey, Sis.” Maddy’s sing song voice rang through the phone. Instantly, the tight feeling around my heart lessened at her happy tone.

“Hi, Mads, how you doing?” I asked.

The shuffling of papers and a zipper could be heard through the line. “Eh, you know me, getting ready for class.”

“What’s this one?”

“Forensic Pathology,” she answered.

I pushed a hand through my hair and tucked the blankets higher around my body. “Isn’t that the study of dead people?”

More shuffling then she sighed. “Yeah, technically it focuses on determining the cause of death by examining a corpse. The autopsy is performed by a medical examiner, usually during the investigation of criminal law cases and civil law cases in some jurisdictions…” She went on, but I had blanked out after she said examining a corpse.

“You’re going to cut up a dead person?” I couldn’t contain the shock in my voice. Who would willingly want to do that? I mean, I know people did do that, and it was part of solving murders and such, but really, my sweet baby sister cutting up dead guys? The thought made the hair on my arms rise.

“It’s called a cadaver, and it’s part of my course work. Everyone has to do a variety of classes and I picked this one. It’s really interesting. You’d never believe some of the sick stuff people do.”

She’d be surprised. “I know what psychos do, and I don’t want my baby sis anywhere near that shit. You’re golden, baby. I don’t want you tainted by what the scum of the Earth do.”

“Momma Mia, you cannot protect me forever. I’m nineteen years old. Besides, you’re only five years older than me.”

“Didn’t stop me from taking care of you to this point!” I shot back.

She sighed so long I could almost physically feel the weight of it pressing back down on my chest. “Mia, I don’t know what type of scientist I’m going to be yet…”

“The kind that cures cancer or develops new pills that can keep me skinny forever! The kind that doesn’t deal in death!” I sat up, my hackles rising. I did not want her surrounded by the ugly in life. We’d had enough of that growing up, and I had worked my damn ass off since she was five to make sure she’d see only light, as bright as I could give her.

“You know I love you,” she said so softly, using that voice that she knew got to me. “I know you want everything for me, and I…” She paused, and that pause pressed the weight deeper, crushing my heart. “Mia, I have to be able to find my own way. Okay? Promise me you’ll let me figure this out on my own.”

Figure something out on her own? My baby sis doing something all by herself. Without me to guide her, protect her, save her from getting shit on. I felt like a robot.
Does not compute. Does not compute.
I shushed my own ridiculous crazy voice aside and tried to be supportive. “I want you happy, Mads,” I choked back the emotion. “Just promise me you’re considering all options.”

I could tell the moment she turned back into happy-go-lucky Mads. “Oh, I am! I’m also taking a botany class that’s absolutely fascinating!”

“What’s botany?” God, I felt stupid asking my baby sister what something meant. I’d heard the word before, but I couldn’t place it.

“Plant science,” she giggled.

Did she just say plant science? From the study of dead people to plants? “Plants?”

“Uh huh. It’s actually really cool. We’re studying the relationship of different plants and flowers to their environments. Next, we’re going into horticulture which goes over the cultivation of plants and flowers for food and decoration.”

Now that sounded really weird but also safe and pretty. Everyone loved plants and flowers and there weren’t murders as part of something like that. “I like the sound of this course,” I admitted.

“Figured you would. And Mia, there’s this guy that I’m partnered with, and, oh my God, he’s so hot!” she giggled again like the schoolgirl she was. It lifted that weight right off my chest and slammed it into next week.

Now this, this is the type of talk I could get into. “Oh yeah, tell me everything!”

And she did. Shared with me how they’ve been flirting for a couple weeks, but he hasn’t gotten up the nerve to ask her out. He was a year older and majoring in the plant sciences. Really liked that. Meant he was a nerdy guy. I suggested she ask him out. She freaked. No way was my sweet, innocent baby sister going to ask a guy out. I was proud of that. Even more proud that, at nineteen, she still had her virginity. A couple times she’d come close, but we talked through it and she decided the guys weren’t worth it. I wanted her to have a special experience and told her so. Not like mine. Drunk off my ass in the back of my high-school sweetheart’s truck. Shortly after, he’d ran off with a cheerleader with bigger boobs and a lower IQ. 

I was honest with my sis and told her my experience. At the time, she was horrified that a guy would do that to me and promised that she’d never make the same mistakes. I figured sharing that shitty time in my life was worth it. If she learned something from it and protected herself, I’d done my job, and I took my job of raising her seriously. She was the best thing I’d ever contributed to in my life, and I was determined, even now, to make sure she succeeded. For the both of us.

After my call with Maddy, I felt a lot better. Knowing she was doing so well in school, had found a hot, nerdy guy to flirt with, and the bills were all paid at home gave me a real sense of peace. I knew then more than ever that taking this job with Millie’s escort service was the right decision. Maddy had some extra cash in the bank, food in the fridge, and I was up-to-date on my payment to Blaine. I finished up my shower in a damn good mood then heard my phone ping while I was ringing out my wet hair. I hopped over to the toilet seat, sat my towel-clad fanny on it, then grabbed my phone and stared at the screen.

From: Wes Channing

To: Mia Saunders

How’s Seattle?

Seeing Wes’s name made my heart pound and butterflies take up flight in my stomach. I didn’t know how this was going to play out with Wes. He’d said we’d stay friends through the year, so I imagined this was his attempt at following through. I thought for a few minutes about how I wanted to respond. Guilt that I’d been with Alec scratched at the surface of my subconscious, but I pushed it aside. I had to treat Wes like a friend and vice versa. Yes, there are some deep feelings there.  Yes, I’d love to be sitting with him right now, but that’s not the way my life is. It’s not how my life is going to be for another ten and a half months.

From: Mia Saunders

To: Wes Channing

Wet. Did you know it rains just about every day here?

There, that should work. Something platonic. Friend-like. I read and re-read the simple reply then sent it. While I was blow drying my hair, I heard the phone ping again.

From: Wes Channing

To: Mia Saunders

Everybody knows that. On average it rains the same amount of days that it’s sunny. Okay, checked weatherunderground. You’ll get some sun in a few days. Of course, you could always come to Malibu. Sun is high and the pool is warm.

Leave it to Wes to attempt to get me to come back. I wondered if it was always going to be like this between us. Easy, joking, yet with a level of serious desire hovering just under the surface.

From: Mia Saunders

To: Wes Channing

Excuse me, Mr. Weather Man. And thanks for the update. Malibu in January was nice. Maybe I’ll plan a trip there next January. ;)

I added the smiling wink to help lighten the response. It was what we discussed, but I couldn’t really make that promise. The better part of the year was still ahead of us and who knew where we’d end up.

From: Wes Channing

To: Mia Saunders

Then I’ll look forward to your visit. Stay dry, sweetheart.

I didn’t reply. Couldn’t. Wes was everything I’d ever wanted in a man and more, but he wasn’t mine. Maybe one day, but not now. It felt good texting with him. Reminded me of something to look forward to at year’s end. I rarely had anything to look forward to. For now though, I had a sexy artist guy who was filling up my present with good times and something to remember. Of course, with Wes, I’d never forget.

***

When six o’clock hit, I made my way down to the loft per Alec’s instructions. I hadn’t seen him all day, which was a first. It was good to have that time alone. For most of two weeks, I’d been on top of him, figuratively and literally. That last thought made me smile. Once I arrived at the loft, I could see Alec’s form moving around at the opposite corner of the room from where we’d been working. He was behind his camera moving in a half moon shape taking pictures of a man standing ten feet away from him in front of a white background. A very naked, well-endowed man. Holy shit. I mean, it wasn’t like I’d never seen a man before, but this guy was young, probably my age, largely muscled, with his cock standing straight up.

Attempting to make as little noise as possible on my crutches, I came up to the side. Every so often the man would close his eyes, place a hand around his erection and give it a few tugs. He licked his lips and leaned into it. The camera clicked like crazy and Alec called out soft encouragements.

“
Oui
, like that.”

“Arch more; pretend you’re putting on a show for your lady.”

“That’s it, release your hand and place both behind your head,” was the last command.

I felt like a voyeur watching this man tend to himself while Alec captured the image. It felt racy and laced in sex. Two things that made the room sweltering hot and had wetness pooling between my thighs.

“
Fini,
” Alec declared with the last shot. He gripped a robe near one of the lights and handed it to the model. The model put the robe on and looked at the images Alec showed lifting up his camera to him. “These will not be in the photograph. I will paint them,
oui
? You agree to them?”

The man nodded. “You do good work. At first I thought it was going to be like porn, but this is nothing like that.”

“No it is not,” he agreed softly then clapped the model on the shoulder. “You ready for the female?” he asked, and I looked around. My shoe scratched against the concrete and both men’s gazes focused on me.

I lifted a hand and waved. “Hey,” I offered lamely. Good thing it was dark in this corner or they’d see the blush I could feel creeping up my neck and cheeks.

“Mia, come here. Meet Aiden. He’s going to pose with you,
ma jolie
,” Alec’s words hit me like a pail of ice-cold water.

“Um, what?”

Alec came over to me and led me to Aiden. We shook hands.