Japanese Slang (12 page)

•   
Ingu no saich
. ni nanka warui yokan ga shiyagaru.
I've been having a bad feeling about this job since we started it.

As the burglars move to the “mountain” portion of their crime, they will perform
atari,
the very last precautionary check before their feet hit the mansion's polished parquet. If all is well, they will plunge like swords into the inner sanctum of the home, the
yasa
(from
saya,
“sheath”). With their flashlights they sneak from room to room searching for loot. This is opaquely described as
miagari sashite miru
(our bodies are moving up in search of). On this initial round nothing is touched. The aim is to “bite the platform”
(dai o kamu),
to flavor the spoils, mentally balancing their portability against their potential market value. “If we had to
choose, should we take the TV-video set, the CD player with remote, or that gigantic Kamakura vase?” the bandits ask themselves. Another burning question is whether the articles being considered are
abuiabu
(the real thing). When thieves come across prospective bounty that is of contestable value, the connoisseur of the group does a quick
atari o tsukeru
(attaching a hit). He or she will carefully scratch, bite, lick, or prod the item to test its authenticity. A thief who bumps into an expensive object and sends it crashing to the floor, is accused of
buriya,
the jargon word for smashing stealable commodities on the job.

•   
Chikush
! Koko ni wa nani hitotsu abuiabu ga ari'ya shin
!
Shit! Absolutely nothing here's genuine!

•   
Oi, kore ga honmono ka chitto atari tsukete miru beki da ze.
Hey, check this piece to see if it's real.

•   
Aitsu o tsurete ikun' dattara, burya ni ki o tsuketa h
ga ii ze!
If you're gonna take him along, make sure he doesn't trash the place!

Some modern looters are only interested in hard yen. Unperturbed, they will march right past rich bibelots and strings of Picassos and make a beeline for the safe, for what they call
mamono
(the real thing). These looters are the
shimabarashi
(island breakers),
otomodachi
(friends),
namashi
(cash masters),
sannok
kan
(money exchangers), and more recently
maniishi
(money masters). In money-master jargon the safe is
musume,
the daughter. A safe, like a cherished daughter, they explain, is a household's most prized and
jealously-guarded possession. If the safe turns out not to have been worth cracking, the dispirited specialists mutter
musume ga wakai
(their daughter is young). If, on the other hand, yen notes come pouring out, the joyous proclamation is
musume ga haramu
(their daughter is with child).

The exhilarating moment when a looter hits the jackpot is known as
makenshi.
This argot word describes the rushing of blood to one's head, the gasp of exhilaration, the joyful stagger. When money is found in an unexpected place, the expressions used are
morai
(receiving) and
ogami
(prayer—the surprised thief kneels in thankful prayer).

•   
Y
, maitta, maitta! Kongetsu haitta ie wa zenbu musume ga wakakatta ze!
Man, this sucks! All the houses we did this month had safes that were slim pickings!

•   
Aitsu no me ni kakar'ya musume ga haranderu ka d
ka nante ippatsu de wakatchimau ze.
That guy, man! One glance at a safe and he knows if it's full!

•   
Nijippun-kan sagashite, yatto makenshi to kita!
We searched for twenty minutes, and then hull's eye!

•   
Kono e no ura nij
man mo mitsukeru nante tonda morai da ze!
Man, the jackpot behind this picture! Two hundred thousand yen!

After the thieves finish exploring the premises the actual thieving begins. The intense phase in which money, jewelry, portable antiques, and objets d'art are raked into sacks is known as
hayakoto
(the quick
thing). After
hayakoto,
thieves with nerves of steel dart into the kitchen for a quick snack, a habit classified in jargon as
hantebiki
(food snatching).

Once the plunder sacks are tied shut, the word to hiss is the Korean
aruikara
(the loot is assembled). If the goods are exceptionally rich, the looters will add
kanchira,
Japanese Korean for “the catch was good.” In unpolished circles, the bandits will cap the burglary with what some call
ki ga fuseru
(plopping down the spirit), others
higa barasu
(rubbing out the misdeed). One of the group hobbles to the door, yanks his trousers down, and crouching, defecates. This tasteless action, burglars explain, is the only surefire method of duping police dogs. One whiff and the animal is totally disoriented.

•   
Kondo no ki ga fuseru no ban wa dare da?
Who's turn is it to shit by the door?

•   
Mata higa barashita! Mattaku aitsu wa!
Don't tell me he took a shit again! I really wish he wouldn't!

•   
Higa barashi ni itta, om
kitan
yatsu da na!
You took a shit by the door? You're sick!