Japanese Slang (9 page)

The most popular criminal word for watchmen of the sixties and seventies was
tachiko
(standing child), an expression which, to the plunderers' chagrin, was then swiped by the red-light crowd, to be used as a jocularword for prostitute. The thieves quickly flushed
tachiko
from their vocabularies.

Breaking into a Tokyo Mansion

A mansion has been chosen, the neighborhood inspected, and the date and time of the break-in set. The final word from the boss is:
Yoshi! Mimai ni iku to shiy
!
“That's it! We'll definitely pay that respectful visit.” Those who will go on this visit gather in a process dubbed by gang jargon as
wa ni naru
(becoming a ring). A sophisticated group will hold a board meeting to discuss the delicate technicalities of the project. Here each crook has the opportunity to bring his or her expertise to the table in what is defined as
ueshita o tsukeru
(up and down together). Sipping tea, the group will verbally climb up the mansion's walls, down its drainpipes, across railings, and over roofs. In some clans this is called
tanka o tsukusu
(trying all the doors).

Then the looters leave the discussion table and begin arranging their tool bags, polishing their jiggers and oiling their widgets. The solemn act of dropping the tools one by one into the bag is called
netabai
(from
neta hai,
“the seeds enter”). The careful thief will chose staple instruments like
y
ji
(lock picks),
rakkupari
(lock jiggers),
dosu
(wrench knives),
geri
(jaggers),
sori
(blades, from
kamisori,
“razor”), and a set of
nezumi
(“mice,” or master keys). When the bags are ready, the time for
fumitsukeru
(attaching the steps) has come. Last minute phone calls are made, precautionary guns might be loaded, and, should they run into a domestic animal on the job, pork cutlets laced with cyanide are wrapped up in aluminium foil. These meat packages are wittily known as either
shisankin
(monetary contributions) or
tsukaimono
(wrapped gifts).

Arriving on the scene, the thieves hastily do
suzume
(sparrow), a quick check of surrounding streets and alleys for police patrols. If the coast is clear, the house is approached and the clan does
atekomi
(aim fulfillment), in which it might peek into the garage to see if the inhabitants' cars are there, or look to see which windows are lit.

A gate that has been carelessly left unlocked is baptized
ch
y
,
a word of Korean pedigree. If the gate is locked, but so flimsily that a swift prod will unhinge it, the looters will murmur
marumage
(the traditional knotted hairstyle of a married woman—pull one pin out and ornaments and tresses come tumbling down). A gate that is securely locked is called by all-male gangs
maekake onna
(aproned woman): a man wishing to enter must first rip her apron off. In this case, the lock will either be picked
(koburu),
wrenched open
(shiburu),
or blowtorched in a process known as
kamaboko
(fish paste) and
yakikiri
(burn cut). lf the lock proves too formidable, then the gang will go for
monbarai
(gate disposal) or
monbarashi
(gate dispelling). Gate butts, metal straps, pins, springs, and
hinge shutters are snipped and wrenched, and the gate is lifted off its hinges.

Agile clans, however, might simply go for a quick
kaburu
(scampering over the wall), also known in more theatrical cliques as
maku o koeru
(getting beyond the stage curtains). While the group's agile youngsters nimbly hoist themselves over barriers of brick or wire, the more weatherworn professionals rely on either their octopus
(tako),
a rope ladder with iron hooks on top, or the more portable
minjaku
(knotted rope). These men and women call wall climbing
yama ni noboru
(climbing the mountain) or
yamagoshi
(going over the mountain), a term that is frowned upon by criminal women, as it also means violent rape.

When the robbers are on the premises the macho sexual imagery continues. They have had to fiddle with the locks, tinker with the hinges, twiddle the screws, and putter the latches. The gate and wall, they argue, are as difficult to handle as an unyielding woman. Even the most manful of men has to struggle to perform the crucial
maemakuri
(“lifting the skirt from the front,” meaning the thieves enter through the front gates), or the even more crucial
shirimakuri
(“lifting the skirt from behind,” as in the gate or fence is at the rear of the house).

•   
Maemakuri hotondo ichijikan mo kakechimatta ze!
It took almost an hour to get those skirts hitched up (to break through those front gates)!

•   
Anna inakamon' ga shirimakuri dekiru wake n
dar
!
You expect that village yokel to know how to hitch up a skirt from behind (to break through a back gate)?

•   
Omae yamagoshi no mae ni wa, maemakuri shina yo n
!
Man! You don't just rape her straight out—you have to hitch up those skirts first!
(Don't just climb the wall—try the gates first!)

When visiting one of the better mansions, a looter has to be prepared for what is known in back alleys as a
muzukashii
(a difficult), the pedigreed guard dog. A beast that starts barking and snarling ferociously is
gabinta,
a word of Korean descent, meaning “it has no respect for its superiors.” If a “here doggy doggy!” followed by an attempt to pat the animal does not calm it, most thieves will bring out the deadly pork chop. This is known as
inukoro o abuseru
(injuring the mutt), or more sardonically
sh
tome o kudoku
(silencing one's mother-in-law).

A careful rabble of thieves will now take a final outside look at the house. Are there any hidden computerized alarm systems, cameras, or infra-red contraptions
(sekigaisen)
? Professionals stress the importance of following strict looting procedures with an eye to Japan's brisk technological advances.

The cautioning proverb often quoted outside the targeted homes is:

•   
Ushi no kuso demo dandan.
Even a cow shits plop by plop.