Japanese Slang (53 page)

•   
Aitsu no bokken mita kai? Anmari ni dekakute tamagete shimaimashita yo!
Did you see his wooden sword? I couldn't believe how humongous it is!

Once more the Buddha became a major source of linguistic inspiration. An erect penis, for instance, was tagged as a
ritsuz
,
a statue of the standing Buddha.
Nikkei,
an even more scandalous metaphor, refers to the holy protuberance on the Buddha's brow (one of his thirty-two physical attributes).
Nikkei
took a twist when novices began using it for “breast.” Semantic confusion ensued, and as the next generation of priests took office the new word
shimonikkei
(lower holy protuberance) was coined in an attempt to keep chests and penises apart.

During the penile games that novices and priests played, different types of organs were given different names. Stiffness and sexual endurance were important in a winner, and
kongo rama
(from
kongo mara,
“indestructible penis”) was the best organ contestants could hope for. Runners-up are
n
gu,
“agile tool,”
renkon,
“disciplined root,”
kiishimotsu,
“eccentric and strange thing” (not much to look at but quite potent), and
chikuhei,
“teakwood stick,” for tough if not large organs. A penis with a slim shaft but large top is
zuidai konsh
,
“head-large root-small.” On the other side of the scale are
kunpei,
“smelly sticks,” and, at the bottom of the barrel,
z
roku,
“turtle-six.” (Not only is this penis hairless like a turtle, but its “shell” or foreskin is
so tight that, pull as one may, the head does not come out.)

•   
Kare wa z
roku to kikimasu kara, mattaku yaku ni tatan' desh
.
They say his dick's turtle-six—poor guy.

•   
Kare no kongo rama wa mattaku rippa desu ne!
Man, his indestructible penis is real ace!

•   
Watashi wa jibun no renkon ni wa jishin ga arun desu yo.
I know I can rely on my disciplined root.

If a man is young and virile his organ is labeled
mugai
(uncovered), the argument being that penises in their prime spend more time out of than in their owners' apparel. An elderly organ, on the other hand, is called
dongon reki
(slow-root feeble-machine).

At the bars and restaurants priests met women from all walks of life. The
g
sha
(powerful individuals), women with bulging muscles and an uncanny ability to hold their liquor;
chimisha
(individuals who know the taste), active virgins who specialize in fellatio and anal sex;
k
sha
(individuals who like it), women who enjoy one-night stands with priests;
ansha
(dull individuals), women who are easily tricked; and
n
sha
(able individuals), women of exceptional beauty. In wilder taverns they met “female saints”
(onna hijiri),
gruff women who like disguising themselves as men; “changed roots”
(tenkon),
women who had been men until they had had an operation; “double root”
(nikon),
elegant hermaphrodites; “double-shaped individu-als”
(nigy
sha),
men with breasts; and “plover birds”
(chidori),
men in women's clothes.

The priests also met professional women.
Kabosatsu
(singing bodhisattvas) were the accomplished geisha who could freshen up any party with sprightly conversation and masterly tunes. They might also encounter
tsujisha,
“street corner individuals,” and
mameuri,
“bean sellers” (“bean” as in sexual organ), women who, selling sexual favors, are a guaranteed ticket to hell for a Buddha-fearing priest. Dangerous women working in red-light massage parlors and soapland sex-bathhouses are given hellish titles such as
yashanyo,
a fearsome Sanskrit demon who eats men,
jigokuki
(hell goblin), and
gokusha
(individual from hell).

•   
Asoko ni namamekashii mameuri ga tatte orimasu zo!
Look at those slick bean sellers standing there!

•   
Shintaro no tsure no anna wa, jitsu o y
to gokusha nan desu yo.
That woman with Shintaro, she's an individual from hell.