Japanese Slang (52 page)

When priests stimulate themselves in toilets, their good-natured brethren poke fun at them with
benj
sh
ganku
(perfect enlightenment in the restroom), or
benj
keraku
(divine pleasure and happiness in the restroom).

As a rule, Buddhist priests try to avoid dealing with their organs; some have even been known to commit
rasetsu
(penile chop), in which fanatic zealots, in an attempt to escape the passions of the flesh, sign up for surgery. The stricter the sect, the wilder the penile words grew. Excited priests invented drinking games that shocked even the most progressive criminal gangs in the pre-World War II bars. In the game
jushoku kanch
(the responsible post of chief monk), a tipsy priest would leap up, unleash his organ, and bounce it onto his startled neighbor's head.

The bar rocked with laughter.

As the game caught on, it appeared around town as just
kanch
(head priest), and soon more complicated variations like
mach
(penile top), became the craze.
The trick behind this game was not to just quickly wallop a head, but to rub one's organ back and forth over the victim's scalp for as long as possible. The bar parties grew wilder, and priests sat in rows playing
shuju chingan kii shimotsu
(penile assortment characteristics), with organs exposed, manipulated, and compared.

Back in the more innocent novice dormitories, romping teenagers played a similar game, cryptically named
rippei mashitsu
(standing-stick penile-knee). For accuracy during measuring, novices would kneel knee to knee, with the largest “standing stick” graduating into the inter-dormitory playoffs.

As priests struggled with celibacy their slang became more and more charged with words for penis. If they were not allowed to wield their organs, they could at least discuss them. By the mid-twentieth century,
mara
(devil), the most popular clerical slang term for penis, had spread from the monasteries through restaurants and bars into all areas of the underworld. The priests started using
rama
(the in-version of
mara),
but soon even respectable matrons were in the know, and old clerical favorites had to be resuscitated:
inmotsu
(hidden thing),
y
motsu
(male thing),
haratake
(champignon),
shumoku
(bell hammer), and
bokken
(wooden sword).

•   
Karera wa d
sei rama no koto shika atama ni wa nai desh
!
All those guys think about is devil.

•   
Kare no koto dakara, fur
de haratake demo aratterun desh
.
He must be in the bath washing his champignon as usual.

•   
Hayaku sono shumoku o shimatte! Osh
ga kuru zo!
Quick, put your bell hammer away! The chief priest is coming!