Jaq With a Q (Kismet) (17 page)

My shorts stayed on, too; only because I didn’t know what we were doing, not because I wanted them there. I crawled under the covers and rolled to my side, my hand propping up my head. There was no plan to do anything, no self-talk about what to do or how to do it, I just did it. With my eyes on her stomach area, I slid down the blankets and lifted her shirt.

Her body instantly stiffened, her fingers straightened at her sides, and her breath stuck in her lungs. “Ollie,” she rasped, her tone shaky, uncovering the fear.

“You’re okay, Jaq. Let’s just talk. Don’t worry about what I’m doing, okay?”

“I don’t think I can do this. I changed my mind.”

My hand flattened on her stomach and I did what always worked to calm her down. Only I wasn’t sure if counting Skittles would work the same way as an anxiety attack. “What do you know about sheep?”

Her changed tune almost made me laugh. “What?”

“The feed mill where I stopped to get dogfood the other day had babies. The guy said they were great for clearing brush. They have a reputation for eating vegetation that most other grazing animals wouldn’t touch. I thought we could put them over by the big rocks. I’ve been wanting to clear that off, all those briars. What do you think, should we get a baby lamb to go with the rest of our pet farm?”

Jaq stiffened again, feeling my hand slide just below the elastic of her pants, but that’s it. I stopped right there and she answered. “We should have two. It wouldn’t be fair. He would feel too lonely if he didn’t have someone like him. You know?”

My hand slid a half an inch, stopping when my fingers felt soft hair. “Hmm, I guess we could do that, but we’d have to build a building for them to get out of the weather.”

“Okay, I want baby sheep. Two of them. When can you get them?”

Again, my hand slid with my words. I felt the split between her legs, but kept my fingers very still, trying to come up with more Skittles, unsure how long I could talk about sheep. “I’ll call him tomorrow.”

“You don’t have to count Skittles, Ollie. I’m okay. I’m just going to close my eyes, okay?”

My eyes drifted to hers and then down her slender body, slowly. Her breasts, her waist, and my hand. “I’m going to raise your shirt, okay?”

Jaq only nodded, her body stiff and rigid below my hand.

“You’re okay,” I softly assured her, my hand gliding over her right breast, and my cock grown to its full capacity. My fingers squeezed my dick, but only briefly. Her bra was in my way. With one move, I slid my hand below her back and snapped the thin strap in an instant.

“Ollie.”

“Shhhh, you’re okay.”

Even with the apprehension in her tone and the fear I knew she felt, I couldn’t stop. I didn’t want to, but I was gentle. Extremely careful. My hand brushed over her puckering nipple as her bra moved up, exposing her perfect breasts. Learning by osmosis, trial and era, my lips kissed her beaded nipple and then I sucked, not even meaning to.

“Ollie.”

I let the grip I had on her nipple go, my tongue licking over it a couple times before retreating, moving to my knees. Afraid of her telling me no, I told rather than asked, ignoring the pleading tone in her voice while I came to my knees. “I’m going to slide your pants down. You’re fine, Jaq. I’m not hurting. I would never hurt you. Okay?”

Again, she only shook her head. I slid my hand down my own shorts and stroked a couple times before hooking the elastic around her pants with my fingers. The saliva in my mouth dried up as I watched her every move, her surrendering yet frightened body at my mercy. My breath held in my lungs as I slid them over her hips, watching her tremble.

“Open your eyes, Jaq. Look at me.”

“I can’t. Are you looking?”

I smiled and slid her pants off her legs and to the floor. “No, please open your eyes.”

Jaq opened her eyes, and I smiled at her warmly, reassuring her that she was there. With me. “I’m okay.”

“Do you want me to stop?”

“No. You can touch me, but I still want to close my eyes. Please.”

“Okay,” I agreed, my eyes dropping as soon as hers closed. Jesus. I thought my heart was going to beat right out of my chest when I situated myself below her, the anticipation finally here. Carefully, I raised one knee and she jerked, flinching against me, but only briefly. She relaxed after I coaxed her with quiet words. “You’re fine. I just want to see you.”

“Okay,” she agreed, giving into something she’d been afraid of her entire life.

That was the problem. The problem was me. It was extremely hard for me to keep from burying my face between her legs, but I kept it together, hoping that day would come. One step at a time. I moved Jaq’s leg over mine, my hands lightly moving up both her legs and my eyes watching as I opened her up, both legs spread in front of me. The glistening when I opened her told me she wasn’t only feeling afraid. She indeed felt other things.

I used one finger first, sliding her wetness up to her swollen nub and applied a little pressure. My thumbs spread her more and I hesitated on sliding a finger in, afraid of her reaction. “I’m going to slide one finger inside you.”

“It’ll hurt.”

“I promise it won’t. If it does, just tell me. I would never expect you to do anything you didn’t want to do. Can I?” I asked rather than telling this time, one finger circling her opening, waiting for permission.”

“I’m scared, Ollie.”

“Do you want me to stop?”

Her fingers grasped the sheets into tight fists, her eyes compressed shut, and her stomach quivered. “No. No, you can do it.”

I did it. My lips parted and I held back a satisfying moan as I slid my middle finger in slowly, a little at a time. “See, no pain at all. Relax, baby.”

“You can’t say stuff like that. Just do it.”

Just for kicks, I asked, hoping her statement was permission to use more than a finger. Wishful thinking. “Do what, Jaq? What do you want me to do?”

For a quick moment I let myself forget she was Jaq, that she was enjoying this because of how wet she was. There was no way she was that wet and not enjoying it, the two just didn’t go together to me.

“I want you to be happy.”

My eyes watched my fingers explore her delectable pussy and my mouth watered. “What are you saying? Do you want me to make love to you?

Is that what you want me to do?”

Jaq peeked out one eye, closing it as soon as our gaze locked. “I will if you want to.”

I wanted to. God, I wanted to. Everything in me screamed take it while you can, but I didn’t. She wasn’t ready for that and I knew it. I did, however, free myself from my shorts without her knowledge. Unless she opened her eyes and raised her head, she’d never know the difference. “I think we’ll wait on that for another time,” I offered, sliding my hips up just enough to reach her with the head of my cock. “Is this okay?”

“Yes, and thank you.”

No, thank you…
I slid my dick up and down her slit, teasing the tip of it with her opening. God, I wanted to shove it in. One pull on her waist and I could slide right in. It probably wouldn’t even hurt. That’s how wet she was, but I didn’t. I closed my eyes, dropping my head in frustration while talking myself down.

“That’s not your finger.”

I opened my eyes to Jaq staring right at me, but she wasn’t mad or scared. It was a simple statement and that was all it was meant to be. “Is this okay?”

“Yes.”

“Does it feel good?” I questioned, my hips moving in a little more now that I had been caught. It was dumb of me to think I wouldn’t anyway or maybe I just didn’t care. Something bigger than me had been leading me ever since the girl dialed my number.

“It feels good. I can’t really see it.”

I swear my dick grew another inch. Her hidden request to see my dick was nothing like the blunt girls I had been with while running around with Silas. Those girls’ straight up told you to put it in their mouth, but way more vulgar. Swallowing the sudden puddle in my mouth, I moved to my knees and stroked myself into her clit.

“Do you want me to touch it?”

“Yes.” Wait. What? I didn’t say that out loud. I meant to tell her she didn’t have to.

I didn’t mean to wrap her hand around it when she reached for it either, but I did. I didn’t expect to moan from her touch, but I did. I didn’t expect to be fighting the urge to come so quickly, but I did.

Our eyes stayed locked, but her hand let go when I sort of slid it out of the way with mine. “Jaq, I’m about to blow my load here. For real. Can I? On you?”

Jaq took a long, long, breath, her eyes wide as she exhaled. “Okay, yes you can.”

I hadn’t planned on finger fucking her that hard while I stroked myself into her clit, but I did. I never thought about holding her legs open, but I did. There was no coming back. I stroked myself fast and hard right above her clit, and released, my hips shoving forward, aiming for her chest. I made it just past her bellybutton, releasing the last drip to her little nub, quivering with euphoric bliss. I never decided to move her fingers over my come, spreading around her belly, but I did.

“Is that all? We’re done now?”

“You’re hell on my ego.”

Jaq smiled and squirmed away from me, sticky fingers spread in the air. “You don’t have an ego. You’re a Hershey’s Kiss in a bowlful of Skittles. Like me.”

That was Jaq’s very first experience with sex and I was a part of it. It may not have been much to most men, but it was amazing for me, I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Actually, I sort of liked the slow, anticipating pace.

Jaq let her puppies in and came back to bed with me, falling right into my arms. Easily and effortlessly. I pulled her close and kissed her head. “I did good, didn’t I, Ollie.”

“Yes, Love. You did amazing.”

Chapter Sixteen

Cleo and Leo woke us the following morning playing, being puppies the way they always did. It annoyed the hell out of me, but never Jaq. She sat straight up, a smile right to the noisy dogs.

“Good morning, babies. How did you sleep?”

Of course they instantly stopped wrestling, their tails wagging ninety miles an hour, jumping up the side of the bed.

My hand touched her back, and she flinched, but only for a second. She turned and smiled at me, too, asking the same question she’d just asked the dogs. “Good morning. How did you sleep?”

“I think I had a hard on half the night.”

Her cheeks flushed, and she scurried from the bed, letting the dogs out the door. “You can’t stay stuff like that.”

“Why not? It’s the truth. I thought about you all night long. You never left my dreams.”

Jaq growled, disappearing to the bathroom with a scowl, calling to me from behind the door. “When are the baby lambs coming?”

My closed eyes popped open and my content smile dissipated. I raised myself on one elbow and broke the news.

“I wasn’t serious about that. We were counting Skittles.”

Jaq stuck her head out the door, her tooth brush in her hand. “Nice try. You already said it. Two of them. That’s what you said.”

“I’m never counting Skittles with you again. Ever,” I yelled, my head dropping back to my pillow, but I would. I’d buy her a zoo if she would let me do that again. I’d build her own ark and load them up two at a time if that’s what it took.

Things shifted between us again after that night. Of course it did. We experienced something beautiful together, Jaq had a first and I was part of it. That meant something to me. I’m not sure what exactly, but it was special, and I couldn’t wait to do it again. Jaq had change in her, too. She wore shorts around me and let me touch her legs. Actually, I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t keep my hands off her to save my life, but she didn’t seem to mind. She seemed more comfortable with me than she ever had, falling into me when I wrapped my arms around her waist, giving me this
fuck me
eye
. Okay, maybe not fuck me, but definitely touch me. I kissed her. A lot. No tongue, not really. That appeared to make her withdraw, but I never stopped trying. I couldn’t.

I couldn’t get enough of her and for the first time since I had been a boy there, I felt content. There wasn’t one thing out there I needed. I had it all right there in a rundown cabin with Jaq, Cleo, Leo, Mama Quinn, Ivy, Wren, Heron, Finn, and soon to be Doe and Moonie. She told me that while we sat on the dock with our feet in the lake. That’s what she had been thinking about while I explored her body with my fingers. She told me so.

“You were seriously naming sheep with my finger inside you?”

“Stop saying stuff like that. It embarrasses me.”

“I know. That’s why I do it.”

“Do you think it will always be like that? Maybe after you make your dad’s drug. Maybe then I can be better like you.”

I took her hand, placing it mine and dropped it over her leg. “You don’t need a drug, Jaq, and I don’t want you to be better. You’re already better than me. Way better.”

“I mean like sex. I’ll get better if you’ll be patient. I will.”

“I’m not worried about that, Jaq. We don’t have to do that unless you want to.”

“Well—.”

“Well, what?”

“I don’t know. What if you want things I can’t do? What if you want somebody else who can?”

“You know what?”

“What?”

“You’re my best friend. There isn’t anyone on the planet I would rather spend my time with.”

“You’re just saying that.”

“I swear I’m not,” I promised, my hand leaving hers to fetch my ringing phone from my pocket. “It’s the sheep guy.”

Jaq popped up on her heels, clapping her hands in excitement. Unfortunately for her, they were already sold. A guy picked them up an hour before I left the message.

“Ah, man. You should have told him last night. Now what?”

“He said there is an auction barn that we could go to tomorrow. Maybe you can go with me.”

“I can’t. I don’t want to. I better stay with everyone else,” she decided, a sad tone replacing the happy as her eyes drifted to the lake.

“Fish,” we simultaneously said, Jaq turning her sad smile back to me.

“Will you try? I swear I won’t let go of your hand and if anyone tries to talk to you I will answer for you. I’ll say you’re deaf like I did with the sheriff. You won’t have to say a word.”

“I can’t, Ollie,” she assured me in a desperate, yet sad tone.

“Please try, Jaq.”

“Maybe we shouldn’t get anymore animals yet. Cleo and Leo a are handful.”

I did like that idea, but looking back at the brush infested area made me sigh. Getting cutup by a million tiny briars didn’t sound like much fun, but nonetheless, I let it go.

Our day was filled with routine. We worked on the flower garden, finally revealing all of the redbrick path. Jaq used the pressure washer on it and brought it back to life, and I watched, still wondering where the hell it came from and who put it there.

We got a thunderstorm that evening, so we ate green bean casserole inside. Something I had found written in a female hand writing on an index card. There was a whole box of them. Jaq looked through the shoe box of recipes while I prepared it. A pile for tries, and another pile for no way. She hated meat. Casseroles like this where it was mixed seemed to be the best way to get her to eat more than a couple bites. That and potatoes. She ate those very well. Any kind of potatoes.

She also flirted. A lot. That was picked up on quickly and it was driving me crazy. I couldn’t wait to get her clothes off, wishing like hell she was the type to bend over the table, but not really. I loved her just the way she was and I loved being gentle with her.

I placed our food in the oven and walked to her standing at the door, staring out to the lake, rain dancing off the water. “What’s on your mind, pretty girl?” I questioned, my arms wrapping around her waist.

Jaq leaned into me and sighed. “Stop saying stuff like that. I don’t like it and you know it. Stop it.”

I kissed the side of her neck and smiled. “Yeah, I’m probably not going to do that. What’re you thinking about?”

“My mom.”

My eyebrows raised toward the ceiling, totally not expecting that. I thought she was going to give me her list of flowers for the garden again. She’d only changed her mind a hundred times. “Yeah, what about her?”

“I never really saw her again. Like I didn’t say goodbye or anything. I almost went to see her once in prison, but Mathew wouldn’t let Laura take me there. He wouldn’t let anyone talk about her after that. He said it was time I grew up and acted like a man and stopped whining for my mommy. Men don’t cry for their mommies. That’s what he said.”

“I still can’t fathom that, Jaq. Nobody ever suspected you were a girl? Ever? I mean you lived in the same house.”

Jaq grunted, mixing it with a sigh. “They barely knew I was there period; let alone acknowledge that I was a girl.”

“What about school? Nobody ever suspected anything there?”

“It wasn’t really like that, Ollie. Nobody cared. Nobody paid attention to that; I was the runt all the boys picked on. Even the girls bullied me. How would they know? My mom had everyone fooled since I was born. Even me. You would have thought I was a boy, too. I looked like a boy. A little one.”

“I would have beat them up for you,” I teased, my arms pulling her closer to me.

“Thanks, but I bet you wouldn’t have. I feel like you would have been picked on with me.”

“I would kill anyone who tried to hurt you. That’s a fact.”

“Why, Ollie? I asked myself everyday how this happened. I mean, I just wanted someone to kill me, and now I feel like I’m living. For the first time ever. I don’t understand how I got here, why you’re so good to me, or what I did to deserve you.”

I spun her around to face me, lifting her chin with a finger. “Stop doing that. Stop thinking you’re not worthy. I’m the lucky one here, not you. I wasn’t living either, Jaq. I know you think I had some fancy condo in the city, a white collar career with nice things, and I did, but I missed the mark. None of that made me happy. This makes me happy. Living this life right here with you makes me happy. Do you understand that?”

Jaq smiled a crooked grin, a quick puff of air following. “I’m trying.”

That was our first real kiss. Jaq parted her lips for me for the first time when my tongue touched her lips and I took full advantage of it. Her eyes closed and she kissed me back, her tongue dancing with mine.

“Jesus, Jaq. I can’t get enough of you.”

“I can tell. Your hands have been on me all day. I like it too, Ollie,” she added, her eyes darting shyly to the floor.

I smiled and kissed her again. “Good, because I can’t wait to take you to bed.”

“Okay, but you shouldn’t have said that. Now I’m going to be nervous until bed.”

“We don’t have to wait until then. I’m cool with this table right here.”

Jaq pushed me away, her cheeks flushed and her wide eyes rolling in a circle, but I didn’t care. I would never stop. I loved the way she blushed at my comments. She sat on the kitchen floor with Cleo and Leo, rubbing under both their wrinkly necks while she watched the rain fall on the lake.

We did eat out on the porch, all the paint pressure washed off, ready for new. That was our weekend project, that and flowers. I really wanted to get those in the ground. Summer was going to be over before we ever finished it, not that I cared. I would be happy doing it year after year with her. With Jaq. Far, far away from everyone and everything.

Jaq began to help me clean up the kitchen, but I didn’t want her help. I wanted her to get in bed. Naked.

“I can help, Ollie.”

“No, go get your shower. I’ve got it. I’ll be there as soon as I shower.”

“I want to earn my keep, too.”

I pulled her into a kiss, smiling on her lips. “Don’t worry. You’re about to.”

“Ugh. I hate you. I’m just going to go die in the shower.”

I laughed, letting her walk out of my arms. “You don’t need clothes. Be naked when I come. I’ll be there as soon as I clean up and shower.”

That got her to turn and give me a look, assuring me with a sassy tone that wasn’t about to happen. “I’m not doing that.”

“Yes, you are. I’m going to take them off anyway.”

Jaq disappeared with a growl, leaving me with a smile and wondering if she’d really do it, betting that she would not.

I cleaned up in record time, swearing a dishwasher was in my near future. Once that was done I let the dogs out and grabbed a shower myself, also extremely fast, my heart beating out of my chest.

With Cleo and Leo asleep on the rug just outside the door, I turned the lights off and went to her, anticipation killing me. My nerves pricked my skin, loud thumps were heard in my ears, and even my hands were clammy. I knew as soon as I saw the blankets around her neck that she was indeed naked. She kept her eyes on the ceiling when I slid into bed, sliding out of my shorts as I moved next to her.

Jaq tensed her already stiff body when I slid my hand over her bare stomach. I calmed her with a soft kiss to her shoulder, stilling my hand.

“Why didn’t you ever tell anyone Jaq?”

“What?”

“You know. That’ you were a girl.”

“I was afraid to.”

“Did you think you would get into trouble?”

“No, I wasn’t afraid of that. I was afraid to be a girl.”

“Afraid of what, Jaq?”

“I can’t explain it, Ollie. I didn’t have a mom like you. She was scared and I learned to be afraid with her.”

I moved her leg over mine, but I placed my hand back on her stomach. She was opening up to me, and I didn’t want to ruin that. There was a fear of her thinking I was only asking as a form of counting Skittles, a way to distract her for sex. “Where is your dad?”

“I don’t know. My mom doesn’t know who he was.”

“She was raped?”

“Lots of times. They took her from her village in Laos when she was only thirteen.”

I kissed Jaq’s forehead and pulled her into my arms, hating what I was hearing, but needing to hear it. That might not have been the time I would have picked for her to open up, but what I wanted could wait. The strong desire to play with her pussy was beat out by a stronger desire to put her needs before mine. Jaq had something very heavy on her chest, a weight I was sure she’d never exposed before, and I planned to listen.

“Laos, Southeast Asia?”

“Yes. The younger the better. That’s what she said. First, she went to New Zealand where she worked with a trainer and then she went on a stage with a bunch of other girls.”

“She was sold?”

“Yes, for sex; she was ninety-four. Not Hye, just Ninety-four. That’s what they called her if they wanted her to come.”

“Hi?”