Jase (45 page)

He took a breath, because Bingo’s expression was shuttered, unreadable. “Give this to DeeDee, man. She loves you like family, and you know the truth of that. She’s already kicking herself that she didn’t see what was going on with Tyler, that she wasn’t there for you when that all went down. She loves you so much—let her love
on
you, brother.”

Bingo held his gaze for a long moment, and then slowly nodded. A grin
quirked
up one corner of his mouth, lips curling in amusement. “Woman gets her baseball team this way, too, right?”

“Fuck yeah,” Jase chortled. “She’s already talking about how much fun it will be to have what amounts to a second clubhouse for family activities.” The smile fell away. “She said it will remind her of how it was in the early days with Winger, when the club was over all the time. She liked that, feeling central to everything. I think she’s missed it since she moved out of the clubhouse.”

Mason lifted his chin. “The house got a big backyard? That’s a requirement, so if Myron fucked that up,
I’ll
have words with the man.”

“Biggest backyard I’ve ever seen.” Jase laughed. “I already have my eye on a grill, man. Kids get to mow, though. Fuck that shit.”

They all laughed and Bingo reached out his hand. Gripping his forearm, Jase shook it once then leaned in as Bingo tugged on his arm. Wrapping his other around Jase’s neck, he pulled him close, whispering in his ear, “Thank you, brother.”

Jase hugged him back, saying, “You got it, man.”

***

When she calmed, her sobs trailing off to softly hiccupped sounds that gradually diminished, he pulled back, looking down into her face. They were getting ready to go to a benefit for Bingo being held at
Checkerz,
when Jase had asked her again why she and Winger hadn’t adopted. The question had been so unexpected it triggered an uncontrollable emotional response that he tried to comfort and soothe away. She
attempted
to cover her face with her hand, but he captured her wrist in one hand and pulled it away. “Baby, did he know how much it meant to you?” She shook her head, not answering aloud.

“What’s getting you so wound up?” he asked, and she shook her head again, not yet trusting her voice. “DeeDee,” he said, “if you don’t want to donate the bike, we won’t.”

Rolling her eyes, she pulled free and used the back of her hand to wipe her nose in an unladylike fashion. “It’s not the bike.” Her voice squeaked a little to begin
with,
but evened out as she continued. “Any sentiment I had for that bike was tied up in being Winger’s old lady. I told Slate a long time ago that I was ready to move on, and I am. I have been, with you.”

“If someone from Fort Wayne buys it, you’ll be okay seeing someone else riding the bike? That’s the reason I bought it at the last auction, you know. I couldn’t stand to see someone else riding what I thought of at the time as
your
bike.” He smoothed her hair away from her face with his palms, gently rubbing their noses together. “I didn’t want to see anyone straddling the seat that I’d
seen
your ass resting on for so many miles.”

She murmured, “Jealous of a bike, Cap’n?”

“No, but buying the bike made me feel a little closer to you. You sure you’re willing to give up this big a piece of Winger?” He tilted his head, looking at her, and she felt exposed, on display, afraid he would see the disillusionment on her face.

“I’m ready to move on,” she repeated her words, hoping he would drop the topic. “Jase, are we nearly—”

“You’re angry with Winger.” He uttered the words like a statement, and she froze, unwilling to either deny or acknowledge the truth of what he said. He continued in
a relaxed
, conversational tone, “
Furious
with him. Baby, why would you be mad at him? You loved him.”

“Past tense.
Loved
being the operative word.” Her mouth was open with the sounds falling out of it before she realized what she had done. Shaking her head, she tried to step
backwards,
but Jase locked his arms around her, holding her into place.
In for a penny, in for a pound
, she thought.
Might as well get this all out into the open.
“I’ve come to realize that maybe things could have been
different
if he had been willing to bend a little. To give me just a little. He was older than me, and I was so young when we got together. It was natural for him to take on the role he did, and the club reinforced that
position
every day. I think I loved him because I didn’t know anything else.”

Jase made a brief raspberry noise, shaking his head. “You loved him because he loved you.”

“I’ve begun to wonder about that, too.” She laughed harshly, tipping her head to the side and leaning her forehead against his chest. “Did he really love me? If he had, wouldn’t he have cared if he made me happy?”

He tensed his arms around her, pulling her tightly into his chest. She turned her head, pressing her ear against him, listening to the steady, calming beats of his heart. He sighed softly then asked her, “Didn’t he make you happy?”

“
In
the moment, he did. But looking back…” She stopped when he tensed.

“Baby,” he said softly,
“in
the moment is all we have. It’s all we’ll ever have. We go moment to moment, in love, out of love, together, apart…it’s
all in
the moment. Even a love like what I have for you—so
strong
I know it exists beyond us standing here—is still me loving you moment to moment. He loved you, and you know it. Best as he could, he loved you. He didn’t want to leave you, never meant to be gone so soon. Don’t be angry with him. Don’t second-guess his love for you. And baby, never, ever second-guess mine.”

They stood like that for a long time as she rested there in his arms, considering everything he said. It made sense, and
actually
…
what
did her anger gain her? It wasn’t as if she could run out and ask Winger why he had done this thing or that thing. What they had…
was
real. She had loved him. And she loved Jase, now. She remained silent, soaking up what he said, her tears renewing, because all the
anger she had been cultivating against Winger
was gone. Jase had swept it away.

After a few minutes, he stirred against
her
and said, “I can’t take his place, baby. I wouldn’t even know how to try. He made such an impression on so many people; I can see why you’d love him. How you grew to love him. And I have no doubts he loved you, too.” He paused, leaning his forehead against hers. “Keep that feeling, baby. He loved you.”

Lee shook his head. “I think I’m a better fit for the more advanced kids.”

Jase snorted a laugh. They were at the foundation office, trying to determine who would be responsible for teaching the different classes. It was apparent Lee had taken a liking to Tyler, so he was determined to be the one to teach the kid.
It didn’t surprise Jase, and he didn’t entirely disagree with Lee, but if things went down the way he was afraid they were going to with Bingo, he needed every bit of advantage he could get with the boy.

“What if we switch out, Tuesdays and Thursdays? You teach one, I get the other. That means we swap the little bits too, but they’re the most fun.” Jase tried to find a flaw. “Would it be confusing to the kids who are
attempting
to learn specific skills to have them taught by a different instructor half the time?”

“Nope, it will make them a more flexible and intuitive player,” Lee said decisively. “It won’t hurt the little bits, either. Begin as we intend to continue, yeah?”

“Yeah,” he agreed. Pausing for a minute, he shuffled through the applications in the pile on his desk. “Hey, look at this kid,” he said, holding one of the papers out to Lee. “He’s
pretty impressive
. The Norwell coach called me, because he saw the kid playing inline hockey and he was killing it. I don’t know if he’s ever had skates on, but it sounds like he’s got the natural skills. His family background fits our profile, too. Eight years old, he’s in foster care, because his mom OD’ed, his dad was never named, and his only sibling was killed in a car wreck three years ago.

“I called Eddie,” he said, then saw Lee look a question at him, and he explained. “She’s the wife of one of the Rebels. You know Bear, right?” At Lee’s nod, he continued, “She works with special needs kids, and I asked her to use her contacts in the system to find out what she could about the kid. He’s been bounced around from foster to foster, and been flagged as ‘troubled’, whatever that means
to
an eight-year-old
kid
. Hell, he’s had the whole world set against him since he was born. I think I would be ‘troubled’
too
if I
were
him.” He was pissed off on behalf of the boy all over again.

Lee looked at him with a confused look on his face. “Okay, so we give him a scholarship and get him into classes. If he’s aggressive, it will give him an acceptable avenue to burn off that shit. If it’s trouble of a different sort, we’ll have to see what else we can do.”

Jase laughed again. “No, not what I meant.
I think
DeeDee and I could foster this kid, see what kind of difference we could make. He wouldn’t need a scholarship that
way,
so we can save it for a kid who’ll need the financial help.”

Visibly taken aback, Lee looked at Jase. “Foster parents? Are you kidding?”

He shook his head, smiling confidently. “Nope, not kidding. I’ve done my homework. There is
an enormous need for
foster homes, especially for
kids
who need extra attention. We’ve already passed the background checks and home visits when we were getting the paperwork done for Bingo’s kids. Now that we have the larger place, it’s all
good…well,
because it’s all good. I’ll leave it at that.” He grinned at the bemused look on his friend’s face.

His cell rang and he looked down, seeing Mason’s name on the screen. Standing, he walked out of the office and into the conference room, closing the door for privacy. “Prez,” he said in greeting, “did you…were you able to find out anything?”

“Yeah, Myron was able to track down the info. They put the DNA shit out there in some fucking database, so he was able to nab it and had a lab match things up. You were right about who his dad was. You sure you want to do this, man? This is a twisted cluster beyond anything I’ve ever seen. Now that we know…hell, Jase, it’s more my shit to clear than yours, so you just gotta say the word and I’ve got it covered.” Mason’s concern for his family and friends was
evident
in his tone.

“No. I got this, Prez. I think it’s the right thing to do. So, unless you can convince me
otherwise
, I’m moving forward.” Jase
let
his certainty ring in his voice, ensuring Mason understood his commitment to this decision.

“Will you tell DeeDee?” Mason’s inquiry indicated agreement with his plan, even though the question was followed by a heavy sigh.

“Yeah. I’ll talk to her
tonight
before anything else goes forward. This knowledge is just for you, me, and Myron right now, right?” Jase wanted to control
this,
because he didn’t want DeeDee hurt in the disclosure.

“Yeah, we’ve kept this close to the vest so far. There are people other than DeeDee who’ll need to know, though.” There was a noise in the background, and Mason said something indistinct then came back to the phone. “Fucking goddamn Skeptics, I’m going to kill someone today. I swear to
fucking
God. Gotta go; let me know how she takes it.”

He stood in the conference room for a moment, tilting his head up, hand pulling at the back of his neck. Unsure how best to approach DeeDee with the information, he decided to play dirty and called the social worker they were working with. Within five
minutes,
he had approval to do what he proposed, and he prayed it wouldn’t come back to bite him in the ass.

***

“Jonny,” DeeDee said, coaxingly, “what grade are you in?”

Jase tilted his head. So far, the kid had been quiet, only answering questions with a brief yes or no. She was changing tactics, trying to draw him out gently.
Looking into the kid’s face, he could tell the social workers and foster care folks probably used the same tactics on him, and DeeDee, for all her good intentions, wasn’t going to get squat-ala-Jara out of the kid this way.

He interrupted her, drawing the kid’s eyes his way with a brusque, “I hated school.”

DeeDee’s mouth fell open, but Jonny nodded and said,
“Right? All they ever want me to do
is memorize stuff.”

“That was the worst,” Jase agreed. “But I liked hockey, and I had to have
good
enough grades to play.”

“I want to play hockey, but the
fosters
can’t swing it.” He shrugged, looking down and picking at his plate of food.

“Sucks to want something and not have the power to make it happen.” Jase nodded at the kid, picking up his burger and taking a huge bite. DeeDee was watching their exchange with interest, gaze switching between the two of them with each addition to the conversation.

“Life sucks, pretty much,” the kid said, eyeing Jase’s burger with interest. He had ordered the cheapest thing
on
the
kid's
menu, but
apparently
didn’t much care for the nuggets and fries.

Without a word, Jase set his burger down and cut it in half, putting the half without the bite marks on the kid’s plate. He stole the nuggets and popped them into his mouth one at a time, grinning widely.
Once he was sure he had the kid’s attention, he did the biggest, grossest ‘show me’ with the half-chewed food in his mouth, sticking out his tongue and pulling a loud laugh from the boy, smiling to see his steel grey eyes sparkling.
Propping one elbow on the back of the booth, he looked over at DeeDee and saw her trying and failing to hide a smile behind her sandwich.