Jenna Kernan (14 page)

T
he following Saturday, Lily peeked through the curtain again, looking for Jack. She could not keep herself from checking every few minutes. As her music started and the curtain was pulled, he still was not there. The crowd erupted in cheers as Lily scanned the corners for sight of him, desperate as a castaway searching for land. She forced a smile and began her songs, performing the dance steps she had added, feeling low-down and blue. The audience did not seem to notice her false face as she held out hope until the very last number.

Still he didn’t appear.

She called herself a fool as she gathered up her wrap and muff. But by slow degrees Lily’s hurt feelings dissolved into concern until she couldn’t shake the worry. He’d said he’d come and he hadn’t. Jack
might have done her a bad turn, but he’d kept his word on every occasion but this one. She knew she should go back to her room and go to bed, instead of contemplating a trip upstream in the middle of the night. But she found herself gathering up her sacks of gold and offering one to Bill Connor, a stagehand and bouncer. He had a lazy eye and wide shoulders, perfect for digging, but on reaching Dawson, he’d found he had a morbid fear of closed spaces and so was unable to hire on with any of the mining operations.

Bill was married to a pretty laundress named Babe, who Bill said made a fine living running her dirty water over a greased board to catch the gold dust that clung to their duds. Bill was smitten and Lily knew she’d not have to worry about any shenanigans when she was with him.

She held up one of the pouches of gold she’d collected from the stage. “This is yours if you take me downriver to Bonanza Creek.”

Bill asked no questions, but pocketed the bag. “I’ve got to tell Babe. She’ll be expecting me.”

“Meet me at my place afterward.”

He nodded.

“I’ll walk you home, then go tell her.”

Lily could not push down the feeling that something was wrong as they headed to Jack’s claim. The timing was bad and they had to make their way in darkness, as the sun now disappeared for twelve
hours and would not be up until after seven the next morning. The miners who had not come to town were all asleep, so Bill paddled undetected past the claims that lined the narrow creek.

Nala greeted Lily when she was still half a mile out. That she had wandered so far afield did nothing to ease Lily’s growing concern.

Nala barked as Bill grounded the canoe and then hopped aboard before they continued on their way. Lily now urged Bill to greater speed as her worry turned to panic. It seemed to take hours to reach Jack’s claim. At last the bottom scraped mud. Nala leapt from the boat, barking and cutting back and forth. The minute Lily had her feet, her dog was pushing her along. Lily did not need the urging. She lifted her skirts and ran.

“Jack!”

She arrived at his empty cabin, breathless and with a burning stitch in her side.

“Jack!”

She called again, to no avail. Nala barked from the mouth of the tunnel and then disappeared into the darkness. Lily’s stomach dropped.

“Bring the lantern,” she called to Bill.

Together they entered the tunnel, but as Lily continued, the light did not. She turned back.

“Bill?”

“I can’t go down there, Lily. I’m sorry.”

Why had she brought a man who was good for
nothing belowground? She dashed back to snatch the lantern from him.

“Wait here.” Lily left him, hurrying into the cold earth, holding Nala’s collar, pressing her fingers into the solid reassurance of her thick coat and warm skin. “Jack!”

Her voice echoed off the icy corridor.
Please let him be alive.

Lily came to the steam engine and pressed a hand to the boiler. It was cold as the grave. Before her lay a pile of uncollected gravel. She fingered the dirt, finding it had not yet frozen solid. Hoisting the light she searched the ground, seeing the wall before her that marked the end of his work. Where was he, still back in town, at some other saloon or with some whore at the edge of town? Lily cursed herself for a fool.

“Jack?” she whispered.

Nala whined and began to dig as if in a rabbit hole. Lily stepped forward onto the pile of gravel. Something moved beneath her feet. Lily shrieked as she stumbled back. She lowered the lantern and saw that what she first thought to be a rock was Jack’s boot heel.

Lily cried out, laying the lantern aside as she fell to her knees and began digging with Nala. After a moment she had exposed his leg. Her brain began to work now, the panic lifting.

“Find his head, you fool,” she muttered.

Lily recovered the lantern and climbed the pile of debris. From here she could see that by some miracle his shoulders and head were not buried.

“Jack!” She ran to him, laying the lantern beside him and brushing back the gravel that covered his hair and neck.

“Lil?” he whispered. “Knew you’d come.”

She stroked his cheek. “What have you done to yourself?”

“Pinned. Can’t move.”

Sweet Mother of God, was he paralyzed? Her heart hammered as she called her dog and together they dug.

“Bill! Get down here now!”

He didn’t. She kept digging.

“Go to the next claim,” she hollered. “Get help. There’s a man buried here.”

“I’m going!” came the reply.

Lily dug with her bare hands, scratching and clawing.

The digging caused more gravel from the top of the pile to slide into the place of what Lily had removed. Gradually she gained ground. She had part of Jack’s back exposed when she heard the voices. Nala left her and a moment later two lights bobbed down the tunnel.

“What in the name of heaven?” said one, pausing at Jack’s machine.

“Help me!” cried Lily.

They set to work with shovels and cleared the gravel from on top then hauled Jack roughly from his self-made tomb.

“Careful. He might have broken bones,” said Lily, but they already had him up.

Jack’s clothing and body were caked with mud and grime, but he was free. His eyes fluttered shut as he went limp between the two rescuers, who each held one arm about their own shoulders. Lily shrieked and wrapped her arms about his middle. He didn’t rouse and his body was cold as ice, but the steady beat of his heart caused a wave of such relief she thought her own knees might give way.

“We need to get him out, ma’am.”

Lily released Jack and followed the men up the tunnel. Jack’s legs dragged along the ground. Lily broke out in a cold sweat, fearful he’d broken his spine. By the time they’d reached the mouth of the tunnel, his legs were working, but he still sagged heavily on his human crutches.

Lily now preceded the men, directing them into the cabin, where they lay Jack out on his bed. Lily took charge. “Bill, get a doctor. Don’t come back without one.” She pointed at the men. “Clean water, you.” She pointed at the final man. “You, lift him up a bit, so I can strip him out of his clothing.”

Jack groaned as she carefully peeled off the filthy attire. His skin was pale beneath his clothing and thankfully completely devoid of any blood, though
his back and thighs showed large purple bruises. The first miner returned with a full pail, just as she finished wrapping Jack in her fur-lined cloak and his wool blanket.

“I need a good fire to heat the water and warm him. Does he have a pot?”

“He’s got a gold pan,” said the second. “That’s what I use for washing and vittles.”

Jack opened his eyes and smiled up at her, then winced. “Knew you’d come.”

“Oh, Jack.” The tears she’d contained spilled out.

“Saturday night then?”

She nodded. “Lie still, Jack. The doctor’s coming.”

Lily could barely breathe past the panic. What if his ribs were broken or he’d crushed something inside? What if he were bleeding inside right at this very moment? She swallowed hard as her vision blurred and tears splashed onto Jack’s face.

His eyes opened. “Don’t cry.”

“I’m not.” She dashed away the evidence and pressed her palm to his forehead. He was so dreadfully cold.

She glanced behind her to see the men both working over the stove, trying to get a fire started. Lily lay over Jack, pressing herself to him as she vigorously rubbed his arms.

After a few minutes his shivering began. The tremors were terrifying, spastic contractions that wracked him until he shook like a dead squirrel in
the mouth of a hound. Throughout, Lily clung to him, waiting for the fire or for her skin to warm him. When the fire was good and hot, the men carried Jack to his only chair, setting him close to the heat.

Lily sat on an overturned bucket beside Jack to be sure he wasn’t burned.

She heated water in a metal basin and when it steamed she added sugar and held it to his lips, tipping the cup as he drank thirstily.

His hands stopped shaking and he managed to hold the second cup himself.

“How long, Jack?”

“Ceiling came down Wednesday morning.”

“Should have froze, I expect,” said the first miner.

Jack looked up. “Hello, Nate. Likely would have, if Nala hadn’t lain on top of me. Never left me.” Lily recalled Nala coming to meet their canoe and wondered over it. Jack nodded at the other miner. “Daniel. Thanks for coming.”

“What’s that thing in your mine?” asked Nate.

“Something I’m working on,” he said.

Lily’s eyes narrowed on the man, her protective instinct engaging as she rose.

“He needs rest now. Thank you both.” She hustled them back toward their claims.

“Call if you need us,” said Daniel, doffing his hat. “You’re even prettier close up, Miss Lily.”

She gave him a smile and shooed him off, returning to Jack as quickly as possible. When they were
gone, she hurried back to his side. He offered his hand and she clasped it, pressing his palm to her cheek. Her eyes drifted closed. He was here. He was safe and that was all that really mattered.

Lily stayed by his side, pouring hot coffee into him and keeping the fire going, until the doctor arrived. He checked Jack over and announced that his ribs were bruised, not broken and his body battered, but intact. The doc said the worst of his troubles came from lack of food and four days without water.

When he said that Jack should have died from dehydration, Lily cried again.

Before the man was even out the door, Lily was cooking. She made biscuits with gravy and Jack ate nearly a pan full. She helped him to bed and watched over him while he slept. When evening found him still sleeping, she crawled under the blanket and lay beside him. He roused enough to draw her into his arms, press his nose to her hair, inhale deeply, sigh and begin to snore for the first time. Lily felt herself relax. He would be all right. But what about the next time?

J
ack woke to the aroma of frying bacon. For a moment he feared it was another hallucination, but when he opened his eyes he saw Lily by the stove in his little cabin.

It all came back to him in a rush: the collapse, realizing he was trapped and then Lily. Once again she was there when he needed her and she’d stayed through the night. He remembered waking long enough to weave a lovely thick strand of her hair through his fingers before dozing again.

“That smells like heaven,” he said, trying to sit up and being momentarily arrested by the pain that shot through his ribs and down his back.

Lily was at his side in an instant.

“Are you aching? The doctor left some laudanum.”

“That will just make me sleep again.” Jack pushed himself to a sitting position, wincing despite his efforts not to do so.

“Coffee?” she asked.

He nodded, his head spinning with the pain of sitting up. Her arm was around him now, gently supporting him as she held the bitter and sweet coffee to his lips.

The heat filled his stomach and bolstered his spirits. Lily had not forsaken him. If she had treated him as he had her, would he have come? Her actions proved to him again how dauntless she was.

“Jack, what happened?”

“Stupid. I didn’t consider the steam would not dissipate. It collected on the ceiling and then a section thawed. It all came down at once. The gravel hit me from behind, pinned my legs first and then my arms. When I came to, it had all frozen solid again, like a crypt. Just dumb luck it didn’t suffocate me.”

“It’s too dangerous, the steam.”

“No. It’s not, but I learned something. The ceiling has to be braced until it has a chance to freeze up again.”

“I don’t want you going down there anymore. You can come live with me in town.”

He frowned. Did she have so little faith in him? He’d learned a valuable lesson and knew the machine could be viable with just the addition of braces.

He shook his head. “I need to stay here and finish my testing.”

“Testing? You were nearly killed, Jack. It’s not worth your life, is it?”

He didn’t answer.

“I promised to help you, Jack. You can stay with me until you’re feeling better. No need to go back down in that tunnel.”

“But I will go back.”

Her eyes went wide and her expression fell. She started crying again and he wiped away the tears. It hurt like a son of a bitch to lift his arms, but he gritted his teeth and caressed her damp face.

“I was so frightened, Jack,” she admitted. “I couldn’t bear it if anything happened to you.”

He rocked her gently back and forth, gritting his teeth against the ache in his ribs.

“Nothing happened. I’m all right now. When I got pinned down there, all I could think was that if I died your last memory would be of me hurting you again. Now, at least, I have a chance to ask your forgiveness.”

She recalled him asking her if she was with child without coming right out and saying so. Lily could not bear to revisit that topic, so she gathered up his empty coffee cup and threw the dregs out in the open front door. Nala rose to investigate this new addition to her yard and Lily returned to Jack, perching on the edge of his bed.

“We made a mistake, Jack. Both of us. You don’t have to worry about me. I understand the way things work and I’ll land on my feet. Besides, I’m here for an adventure. I just got more than I expected, is all. Plus, if I were with child and needed a man to help raise it, I wouldn’t have far to look, now would I? Dawson is crawling with candidates.”

Jack made an involuntary growling sound. Did the idea of her foisting his child off on some stranger fill him with fury or just catch him off guard? She’d never seen such a black expression on the man.

His breathing increased and he went pale again. He fell back to the pillow, his eyes still fixed on her.

Lily studied Jack from beneath her lowered lashes. His frown and glowering expression pleased her far more than it should have. If any of her pretty speech were true she’d be past caring what he thought or felt for her. So why did she keep coming back to the well, knowing it was dry?

Jack forced himself up on one elbow, exhaling sharply as the pain took the color from his cheeks. “I don’t want that.”

She nodded her acknowledgment.

“And I didn’t mean for it to happen.”

She gave a mirthless laugh. “That’s usually the way of it.”

“I’d take responsibility for a child, Lily.”

She pressed her lips together to keep from shouting that she didn’t want to be a responsibility to
him. She didn’t want to be another obligation like his mother or his sister.

Instead she said, “I know, Jack.”

He wasn’t the sort to turn his back on her for he could have done that a hundred times along the journey.

His eyelids drooped.

She sighed. “Rest a bit.”

She pressed a hand against his shoulder and he eased back into the narrow bed.

He closed his eyes, taking shallow breaths. Lily could not resist brushing the soft locks of hair from his forehead. He lifted his hand and captured hers, lacing their fingers, before rubbing her knuckle over his soft, dry lips. He kissed her there and then lowered their hands to the bedding as if the intimacy was nothing more than a brief thank-you.

But the soft caress and brush of his mouth made her stiffen as the rippling excitement gripped her insides and set off a shiver of hopeless longing. She stared down at him in hungry anticipation to find his eyes closed and his expression at peace.

Damn the man!

She tried to tug her hand free, but he resisted, holding her fast.

“Stay a little.” He raised his lids as if bone-weary, looking up at her with his soulful whiskey-colored eyes, warm and welcoming as the autumn sun.

His eyes closed again. “Steamers are running.
That means there’ll be goods. I can buy what I need to build more engines, just as soon as I scratch up the venture capital.”

Lily wondered who would be fool enough to invest in a machine that caused cave-ins, but kept her doubts to herself.

“The steamers brought something else,” said Lily. “A letter from my sister, Bridget. She gave me a rundown of all I’ve missed. They’re struggling, of course, but all hale and healthy, thank the Lord.”

“Younger sister?”

“They’re all younger, remember, Jack? I hope they’ve received my letters. Won’t they be surprised to hear what I’ve been up to?”

Jack grimaced as if ashamed of what they’d been up to.

“You needn’t worry, Jack. I mentioned you only by your first name. Far as they know you’re just another one of the men, out of work and desperate enough to come and try your luck.”

He flushed and she knew she’d hit the nail on the head. Was it so humiliating to be associated with her?

“I didn’t tell you not to mention me.”

She pressed her lips together to keep from telling him that he didn’t have to. His expression said it all.

Jack reached for her hand, there beside his on the bedding, but she lifted it and clasped hers together in her lap.

He changed course and lifted himself up, with a groan, leaning back against the wall behind his head. The pain squeezed through him and then was gone. He’d been lucky—very lucky.

“My sister, Cassie, will be ten in March. She should be in school now.” A public school, he imagined. Quite a shock after attending a fine private school. She’d been on track to attend Wells College, like Mother, when their fortunes turned. “My mother’s family owned a pharmacy in Rochester. It’s how she met father. My grandfather wanted him to learn the ropes, so he sent him off on the road. When he brought mother home there was a row, but they came around. My mother is beautiful and accomplished and it wasn’t as if she came from nothing. Her father owned his business, after all. The funny part was that
her
family did not approve of dad. Can you imagine? They wanted a professional man, not a salesman, and had no idea who he really was. Well, that turned the matter and my grandparents went to see Mother’s parents. After that it was all smooth sailing.”

He finished his story and smiled at her. His smile faded by slow degrees as he realized too late that he’d insulted her again. He cleared his throat and fell silent.

Lily picked at her fingernail, head lowered. “It’s a pity you lost your pa, Jack. It’s a hard thing.”

He clenched his jaw. His father didn’t deserve
Lily’s concern. His father had abandoned them in every sense of the word, and Jack was tired of keeping up appearances.

That half-truth, told by instinct to protect the family name, now became intolerable. It didn’t sit right to lie to Lily. He wanted her to know everything, even something this dark, for it was as much a part of him as his skin. So he straightened, preparing himself to tell her that his perfect little world was as cracked as an eggshell dropped on a stone floor.

“He wasn’t lost, Lil.”

Lily’s eyes fixed on him, cautious now, for she knew him well enough to recognize his change in mood. Lily folded her arms protectively about her middle and lowered her chin before speaking. “He wasn’t?”

“He left in the most cowardly way possible.”

Jack wondered what she’d think after he told her. At home the news had spread like a breaking tidal wave, washing through the community. Jack had learned during that dark time that there was nothing so unforgivable as losing one’s money, unless, perhaps, it was losing one’s fortune and then putting a bullet in one’s forehead.

In the end, the only visitors were the creditors who appeared with a speed of buzzards smelling a corpse.

“Jack?”

He lifted his chin from his chest and met her worried gaze.

“When my father learned we were ruined, that he’d lost everything, he…he killed himself, Lil.”

She gasped, holding her hands over her mouth in shock, but he forged on, needing to get it all in before he watched her walk away like the others.

“He went into his study, used a revolver. I heard the shot and found his body.”

Lily pressed her fists to her cheeks. “Oh, Jack, that’s a terrible thing.”

“Yes. Terrible.” He looked up at her, holding her gaze. “Do you know what was worse? No one came to the house to pay their respects. Not one of my mother’s close friends or a single member of any of the societies to which she belonged. It was as if we were contagious. I wonder if he knew what would happen, if he understood just what his actions would bring. He was a coward, taking the easy way out and leaving us to face the consequences.”

He waited for her condemnation at speaking so frankly about his father or for her to remind him that his father burned in hell. She did neither. Instead, Lily slid her hand along the blanket until it rested on his.

“What about
your
friends?”

“I left school without telling them. Too ashamed to face them.” He drew a breath, steadying himself to tell her the rest. “I was engaged back then, Lil.
She was the daughter of one of my father’s business associates. I went to see her just after I returned from college to tell her the news. She cried, of course. So I tried to reassure her, comfort her. It wasn’t until later that I realized she wasn’t crying for me but for what
she
had lost. She waited until after the funeral to return the ring.”

Lily blew out a long breath. After a moment she said, “She’s a fool.”

“She knew enough not to wed a penniless man.”

Lily’s smile seemed sad and wise all at once. “There’s worse things. Like not having the decency to give your sympathies when a man has lost his father.”

She was right again. He shouldn’t care what they thought. He was lucky to learn so early just what kind of people they were. Unlike his poor mother who was still devastated by their swift rejection.

It was on her account, mainly, that he plotted his revenge.

“I still want to prove to them that my family doesn’t need them. If I can make this work, my mother and sister won’t have to suffer for something that was none of their doing.”

“I would think there would still be talk.”

“Don’t fool yourself. Money is all that’s needed for them to reenter society and those bastards will pretend that Mother was just in Newport for the season, instead of returning from exile.”

The thirst for a triumphant homecoming still burned his throat. But now it was tempered by the knowledge that he didn’t like them. He’d be well rid of the lot.

She squeezed his hand. “If you’re needing to spit in their eye, Jack, well then, I’ll help you all I can.”

He should have expected it from her. She didn’t turn her back on trouble, wouldn’t judge him or think less of him for his need to set things right. Jack wondered if Lily had any idea how precious she was becoming to him.

Jack thought of his mother’s telegram and frowned. When he’d come north, he had wanted to make good so they could reenter Society. He’d fought and struggled, determined not to give up. Now he didn’t even know if he wanted to go back to New York. But he had to, because he’d not abandon his sister and mother as his father had done.

Now he dreamed of Lily at his side. But each time he tried to imagine her there, presiding over his household, overseeing dinner parties with business partners, he felt queasy. There must be a way to have her.