Jerk (12 page)

“
M
om
, I need to go.” I held her hand as I started to hobble my way to the car. I wanted her to be there, so I couldn’t let her get out of my sight. What if she decided to leave again? It had been Mom and me for so long. I just couldn’t imagine having a baby without my mom by my side.

“Where are you taking me?” She was trying to stop me from moving. I’d promised Sebastian that I would join a group. Get out there and meet people. It was the first time in my life that I had wanted to do this, not so much for me, but for the little one. He or she could get some new friends by my new venture.

“You’re so big,” she gasped as she rubbed my stomach.

“Seven months, Mom. I’m nearly there. Your grandchild is coming soon. Sooner than soon—”

“Take a deep breath.” She was breathing deeply, swaying her hands up and down, and trying to calm me down. I was so excited, I was so scared that we would spend our first Christmas apart and that she wouldn’t be at the birth and here she was in the flesh, all my fears were thrown out of the window and I wasn’t letting her go.

“Mom, I’m just so glad you’re here.”

She chuckled. ”You said that already. So, you ready to tell me where you and my grandchild are going?” I explained to her about the mother’s group, and she seemed to be happy at the fact that Tom wasn’t around and that Sebastian had gone to college. We connected as we had done so many times before. Sure, I could have told her off and acted like her leaving me didn´t hurt. It cut so deep. She seemed different, more relaxed, and as we talked I avoided the one thing that was on my mind. Her future plans. I knew that she wasn´t going to stick around and live in the same house with me, Seb, and the baby. But, I didn´t want her to leave. I didn´t want her to go ever again.

A
s we arrived
at the Starbucks, I nearly cried at seeing a familiar face. I’d spoken to a couple of the girls and they’d never said that there was one more person coming. The meeting was supposed to be informal. Why did we choose Starbucks? Who knows? Especially seeing as the last thing any one of us would be drinking would be coffee. Yet, it was a chilled-out environment, and it seemed like the logical place to meet.

“Kelly, what are you doing here?” Annette said as she took my hand. She was on the track team too. We used to speak once in a while, but she was kind of shy. I drifted off, thinking about her story.

“The same thing you are. You here for the mothers’ group, right?” She pointed to her stomach. The same blond hair that was tied up whenever she trained was in the same position. Her blue eyes shone at the sight of me.

“I can´t believe we´re both knocked up right after high school,” she said, shaking her head. “Hey, Mrs. Reel.” Mom just jerked her head. Probably the news about her separation hadn´t gone around town. No one really knew about it. Most of my friends were off to college, and whenever someone asked Brenda she simply said, “Go ask Kelly.” No one wanted to ask me; they simply wanted to be in on the gossip, and when it was clear that Brenda wasn´t interested, they would simply change the conversation.

Annette held my hand, and from that moment on, I knew that being part of a circle, a group, was going to be a good thing. I met the other two ladies, but it was clear from when Annette and I sat down that everything was good. She was going to give birth a month after me. Sebastian would joke that we were going to have a Valentine´s baby. Mom asked us for our orders and then quickly left us. I think the idea of sitting with four pregnant women became too much for her. She left us quite happily, and I think Annette calling her Mrs. Reel hit home.

“I never knew you had a boyfriend?” I sneaked in a quick question to Annette. She was so quiet, and the whole idea of her talking to a guy, let alone having sex, felt ridiculous.

“Those damn quarterbacks,” she whispered as one of the ladies talked about books and different stages of pregnancy. I decided from that moment onwards I wasn´t going to be meeting up with her anymore. It was as if we were having a lecture on pregnancy in Starbucks. Which was far from the point.

There was that nagging urge inside of me. The one that always tells me to do the one thing that I shouldn´t do. I do it and then I regret it.”. I regretted it big time. “Oh, which one?”

She blushed as she replied, “Dwayne, of course.”

Mom, who hadn´t spoken except to ask us our order as we sat down, came back with our hot chocolate, and we both said, “Oh.” I just hoped that there was another Dwayne she was talking about and not Brenda’s.

M
om
and I didn’t speak about the revelation that Annette made. What was there to say? I just hoped that Brenda was missing Dwayne from afar and hadn´t contacted him. She hadn’t mentioned him again after she told me that she was missing him. I would never encourage her to talk about him ever again. Not ever.

I lay down on the sofa in the living room, lost in my thoughts about Dwayne and how I had been so wrong about him. His name made my blood boil, especially when Sebastian mentioned it. There was no other Dwayne in the school, I would know that. Denial felt great at first, but the more I spoke to Annette the more I realized that she was talking about the same guy. I hadn´t told Sebastian about Annette. Then, a thought crossed my mind. I wondered if he knew.

“Sorry, I didn’t think anyone was in. The house was quiet,” Tom said as he walked past me in the living room.

My heart nearly skipped a beat. He scared me. I was happy that Mom had gone to the shops so she didn’t have to face him. It was the day before Christmas, and I couldn´t help but ask, “So, what are you doing for Christmas?”

He froze, not able to answer. I hadn’t seen the man in weeks, yet I was asking him about Christmas. His balding head had been completely shaved. His clothes looked tired, and the bags under his eyes were more than apparent. He was in a bad way. Maybe it was hormones, but I couldn´t help but feel sorry for him—there was a nagging feeling in my soul that had been there ever since I learnt the truth. Yet, there were so many gaps. None of them made sense. Sebastian and Mom would be a couple of hours. I was glad that they’d left the house. Even happier to not have to talk to Seb on Skype, but to see him face-to-face for a few weeks. He brought a ton of books. Which was weird, because up until now, I hadn’t seen him study. He talked about the library as if it was his favorite hangout. I chuckled when he said it, because I didn’t know he had even heard of it until now. Seb had changed, but he wasn´t the only one. As Tom stood in front of me, frozen as if in time, I couldn´t help but wonder.

“So, why did you leave?”

He shook his head and headed towards what used to be his old office; Seb had turned it into his study. Sebastian had made a few changes since his dad left. As if he was trying to erase memories of him out of the house.

“Laura made it clear that she didn´t want anything to do with me. Neither does Sebastian. So, it seemed like the decent thing to do.”

I hobbled behind him. I wondered why, after all these months, he had decided to turn up right before Christmas. Was he hoping to see Sebastian or even Mom?

“Did you come to talk to Mom?”

He shook his head. “No, your mom made her feelings clear when she served the divorce papers. She wants it over with as quickly as possible. She doesn´t want to talk—just a divorce.”

Even his movements were slower. It was as if he had aged a decade in only a few months. He had lost so much weight that if he hadn´t walked into the house, I probably would never have recognized him. Is this what guilt does to you? Wears you down and makes your former self a thing of the past? His brown eyes seemed almost lifeless as he faced me for a brief moment and shook his head.

“This is your grandchild; he or she will be here in a couple of months.”

A tear came to his eye as he replied, “No, he or she won´t.” Then he turned around and carried on walking towards the study. I was tired. The little one had kept me up most of the night. He’d been kicking as if he was in a kickboxing competition, and to make matters worse, instead of Sebastian stopping him, he encouraged the little one, by punching him back. It was as if I was invisible. I kept telling him to stop it and change sides. He said that he wanted our child to know his voice, because he hadn´t been around that much. To say that Sebastian had been smitten lately was an understatement. The cool, moody guy that I fell in love with was a thing of the past, and he was now treating me like a lovesick teenager, making sure that I was always comfortable. Apart from last night.

“No matter what´s happened between Mom and you, that doesn´t mean that you should deny your grandchild!”

I tried to keep up with him, but he was walking even faster than before. Shoot, I thought as I felt a sharp stitch at my side. Then I felt a hand around my waist, a familiar one, as Sebastian came to rescue me.

“Babes, you okay?” Sebastian said as he walked with me. He didn´t know that his dad was in the study. Shit, I wasn’t sure what happened. I was too early to be going into labor, and now there was going to be war.

“Sebastian, I thought no one was in the house,” Tom said quietly.. “I just need to get one thing.”

That was when Mom appeared and said, “Tom! Get out.”

I couldn’t believe her reaction. This is when the pain got even sharper.

“Look, Kelly needs to sit down.” Sebastian blurted out.

I shook my head. “No! I need to go to the hospital.”

I
was so damn mad
, I wanted to kill him. Shit, our baby wasn´t due for another six weeks. That meant it was premature if Kelly was in labour, and all because of my dad. Why now? Just before Christmas.

I clenched my fist all the way to the hospital as I drove. Laura sat in the back with Kelly, trying to calm her down. She wanted to tell her the news, but I didn’t want Kelly getting even more excited. We had a long talk while we were shopping— the main aim of our trip out had been to sit down and figure out how things were going to work out. I begged her mom to wait a few months. Kelly needed her, especially now that she was home by herself. Thank goodness she met Annette. At least they’d bonded and were keeping in touch.

Shit, I needed to call her and tell her we were on the way to the hospital.

“Take a deep breath. One. Two. One.” Laura was stroking Kelly´s hair Kelly was screaming like a woman on crack needing a quick fix. She was frantically holding onto Laura. I was happy that I got the jeep. Her legs kicked me in the back of the head a couple of times, as she was at the back of the car. Dad said nothing. “Did you drive here?” I said to him. I have no idea what that had to do with anything, but his silence unnerved me. The last time we spoke I received the back of his fist. He didn´t reply; instead he kept darting his eyes back to the back. Fear was written across his face.

“No!” he screamed out. “I´m sorry!”

He apologized after all this time. What was he apologizing for? As we arrived at the General Hospital, I didn’t really give a shit. There was only one thing on my mind, making sure that Kelly and our baby were safe.

“
Y
es
, yes, we will fill in the paperwork. Dad, where you going? Go park the car, then fill in the paperwork.” This is why I hate hospitals, imagine you come in sick and all they are worried about is filling in the paperwork. You could die in the entrance and they would still have a pen and notepad asking you to fill it in before you die on the floor. Sometimes, the health system in this country makes me feel sick.

“Sure. You go, Sebastian. I will help him,” Laura said as she let go of Kelly´s hand.

“Kelly, what were you doing to your mom?” I asked. Silly question, because it was obvious she was trying to relieve her pain on Laura´s arm. My head was still hurting from where she managed to kick me. I’d turned once, when I stopped at a light and realized that she was kicking me out of anger. Probably for getting her pregnant in the first place.

“Get me some fucking drugs!”

Wow, the calm and collective woman had turned into some raging psycho. I in turn followed suit and begged the nurse as she wheeled Kelly in, ignoring all the advice she was giving on the way to the delivery suite.

“Please, get her something.”

The nurse sighed. “You youngsters don´t know the meaning of pain.”

That was the wrong thing to say, because before she managed to finish the sentence, Kelly grabbed her arm, and the nurse soon knew the meaning of pain.

As we got to the room, the doctor appeared, which was great timing. Kelly was rotating her pain inducing exercise between me and the nurse. I wished Laura would come back to give me a few minutes of reprieve. Shit, I knew I was sounding selfish. But, damn, I didn’t know Kelly was that strong, until now.

Kelly released me for a minute while I put on my gown. The nurse said the one thing we already knew, “The baby´s coming now!”

“Of course he fucking is!” Kelly screamed out. I gazed at her for a brief second, wondering if this was my girlfriend or some crackhead from a brothel. Kelly wasn´t a stranger to foul language, but the words coming out of her mouth were making my ears sore. And her screaming didn’t help. I was thinking the nurse needed to give me drugs as well.

“Young man,” the nurse screamed over Kelly while taking my arm, “she needs to give birth now. You need to put the mask and gown on. We´re going to the delivery suite.” I just nodded. I’d thought we were in the delivery suite. In a flash, I changed and we were wheeled into what was obviously the delivery suite. I did try and read some of the birthing and parenting books, but to say they held my interest would be a lie.

The only one that did was How to be a good dad to your child.

As she was wheeled to the delivery suite, I started thinking about all the things that the book said about parenting. I needed to remember it sooner than I’d thought. Six weeks early to be precise, and it was scaring the shit out of me.