Jesse's Soul (2) (30 page)

“I’m… kind of…already living with you. I’ve spent just about every night with you since we got together.”

“Not really, honey. You have been very careful to not leave anything behind. Not even a toothbrush or an accidentally forgotten bra.” He grinned and then winked at her so she would know he really was just teasing.

“For the rest of the season?”

Jesse felt the uncertainty in her. He could tell she couldn’t get her mind wrapped around what he was asking. He realized this would be a difficult decision for her to make, and he smiled to try to cover up how scared he now was.

“No. Not
just the season. I mean, move in with me. Help me finish the house, help me make it our house. I know this means I’m asking you to move to Pennsylvania, away from your family here. I wish it wasn’t so far away, but I promise to make sure we see them as much as possible. And there will always be an open door for them at our house.”

Emery still hadn’t said much up to this point, so he kept going. “You can think about it as long as you need. I just wanted to ask before your tests tomorrow. I want you to know I’m
all in. The tests will not change that.”

“I love you, Jesse,” Emery finally said, her voice quiet and unsure.

“I love you too, sweetheart.”

“This is a big step.”

“I know, Em.”

“We haven’t been together that long.”

“But remember my math equation. On a calendar, no we haven’t, but in reality, yeah we have.”

“You’re basically comparing our relationship to dog years.” Emery let out the slightest little chuckle.

“Hey, it’s true though, isn’t it?” Jesse said with a nervous laugh, praying that her humor coming out was a good sign.

“Your math is atrocious
, and I don’t want you anywhere near my bike.”

“
My bike.” Jesse winked.

Emery snorted. “
My bike,” she said with her lips punctuating each word.

“Our bike.” Jesse laughed as he continued to run his hand over her skin.

He hadn’t missed the fact that during this whole conversation, they had been lying together, naked. Tucked close to his side, she had her leg wedged in between his. It was perfect. Jesse stroked her skin from her thigh, over her butt, up her side, over her arm and shoulder, and then back down again. He loved he could feel her chest against his and her fingers running across his skin. He loved they were having a very important conversation while holding each other in bed like this. He loved that they had their own personal little war over whose bike it was.

He loved
her.

“Okay, you win.
Our bike. But your math needs some work if you’ll ever be a good mechanic,” Emery replied with a smirk.

“I don’t need to be a good mechanic. I have the best.”

Emery just kissed his bare chest to answer.

“Em?”
Jesse adjusted to prop himself up on one elbow so he could look her in the face.

“You don’t have to decide tonight. But let me just say one more thing, okay?”

She nodded as he took her hand and laced his fingers through it, watching as the hesitation crossed her face.

“I know the long distance between us and your family is a lot to ask of you, but let me say this…I love you. More than anything, I love you. You aren’t ready yet, but when I think you are…
there
will be a proposal.” He watched her go wide-eyed, then start to blink as she tried to read his face. “I love you, Emery. I will always.”

“But.”

With that one word, said in distress, it hit him. He could feel the wave building, her panic clawing to take over.

She swallowed,
blinked a couple more times and started shaking her head. “Jesse, you deserve children…you’d be a wonderful dad. I’ve watched you with kids, and I can’t take that away from you. I just can’t.” Her eyes glistened as they filled with tears.

He swiftly propped himself up
even higher, taking her chin between his thumb and forefinger, making sure she couldn’t pull away from his words.

“
Emery Kincaid!” He raised his voice, more from fear than anger. “Don’t! Do not ever let me hear you say that again. You are not taking something away from me. Do you understand? I love you. I want to live with you. I want to make my life with you. I want to marry you.”

He forced himself to pause and calm down some.

“What you have given me over the last two months is more than I could ever have hoped for. I have sat on the sidelines as Carter and Molly fell in love and got married, and I have watched them become even happier since. I want that! I want the hugging and kissing and jokes and a shoulder to lean on. I want someone who makes me want to be a better man, I want someone to take care of. I want someone to love me back.

“Emery, I want
you. I have known from the first night that children won’t be a part of our lives. I only need you. And it’s more than want, I need you. You are giving me so much more than I could have asked for. I’m sure children complete some people, but I have never lived a lifestyle that I even pictured kids fitting into. But you, I can’t live without you. I just can’t.”

He hadn’t meant to raise his voice. And he didn’t mean to be frustrated with her, but it was him who was now beginning to panic that she would walk away, thinking she was doing the
right thing
for him. He couldn’t seem to get through to her that she was the one, with or without kids.

“Given the choice between kids with some other woman and you, I choose you. I won’t be happy unless I’m with you.”

His hand fell away from her face and neither said anything for a long moment. A rock had settled in his stomach, and the fear of her leaving him sent a rush of fire across his skin. Sliding his palm across her cheek, he cradled her neck, pulling her close to him and shut his eyes.

The anger left his voice, but not the fear. “I don’t mean to yell at y
ou, Em. I’m so sorry. You don’t need that on top of everything else you’re dealing with. But just so we’re clear, there is no way in hell I’m letting you walk away from me. You’re mine.” His voice lowered, and he breathed out the words again. “You’re mine.”

He waited her out for several long minutes, wondering what was going through her head...scared to death that maybe he’d pushed too hard that time.

He started to give a nervous laugh. “I guess now we’ve officially had our first fight, huh?” he asked, hoping to God he was right, praying it wasn’t their only fight.

Emery pulled back and looked at him, slowly the corners of her mouth tipped. Relief washed over him as he saw the smile making its way across her face, but when he could read the humor in her twinkling wet eyes, he knew everything was back where it needed to be.

“Oh, honey, this was not our first fight. You’ll be ducking when we have our first fight.”

“
When…we have our first fight? Em? Does that mean what I think it means?”

Emery placed her palm to his jaw and stroked his whiskers. “I love you, Jesse, more than words can say.”

“Does that mean…?” He was afraid to even finish the sentence.

“Yes. We can make it official, I’ll move in with you. I’ll leave my toothbrush in your bathroom, and I’ll leave my bras in your drawer.
Hell
,
I’ll hang them from the damn door knobs. I’ll—”

He cut her off. “You’re a smartass.”

“It takes one to know one, huh?”

“Your Irish stubborn streak and I are going to come to blows one of these days.”

“Why do you think I said you’d be ducking?” Emery grinned at him. “I know how to have a fight, Jesse.”

“You’re going to be the death of me, girl. And I meant what I said. When I think you’re ready, I
will ask.”

Emery gave him a cocky, sure of herself look. “And how will
you know if I’m ready?”

“Oh, my dear, dear woman, I know you better than you think I do. I will know,” he said laughing, as he pulled her on top of him. “I know you need time to process moving in together first, and you need time to get through these tests. You’ve been hurt before, and I know you’re not going to rush into anything. We’ll keep going like we have been, except you’ll m
ove your clothes into the coach with me, and you are going to help me finish the house. I want you to help make decisions on it.

“I know you, and that’s a lot to ask of you…for now. I know if I push too much more than I have tonight, you’ll talk yourself into a panic and pull away from me. I
won’t let that happen. So I’ll keep nudging you along, and I’ll know when you’re ready. But trust me. You will be my wife.”

Tears shined in her eyes. They hadn’t fallen yet, and they turned her emerald green eyes even greener. He ran his palm down her cheek, over her throat, to her chest. Running his thumb over her nipple, he listened to her breathing, waited for it to hitch. Watched the color of her eyes darken as desire replaced all her other emotions.

“Let’s have make-up sex.”

“We didn’t have a fight.” Emery shook her head, looking down as she straddled him.

“But make-up sex is supposed to be the best kind of sex.”

“Any kind of sex with you is the best kind
of sex, Jesse.” She stopped mid-laugh, sucking in sharply as her eyebrows tensed.

Jesse smiled, watching her eyes lock on his, the green that pinned him had gone as dark as night as he held her breasts in his hands, kneading them gently, stopping only to tweak
her nipples every few seconds. “You like that don’t you, baby?” he whispered.

He still couldn’t believe it barely took the slightest of his touches to turn her on. He was immediately hard, and Emery shifted urgently, trying to take him inside of her.

Once she had slid down the entire length of him, Jesse took control again and roughly rolled her to her back, the pale gray sheets twisting around them.

Grabbing her hands, he laced his fingers through hers and ran them up the soft sheets, where he held them over her head. His need to hold her in place, to keep her from running from him over and over, roared to life. Emery gasped, then exhaled jaggedly. She arched against him, whimpering his name. That sweet sound fueled him. He loved that he could do that to her, make her want him, make her
need him.

Emery knew that emotions were running high and they’d been all over the board. The force that he slid into her with reflected each and every one of them, and she needed it to be that way. She needed him to remind her that he wasn’t going anywhere, that his words were true and she could believe them, that she could count on him.

With every arch of her hips, it was as if he was not only physically but emotionally pounding those truths into her. She met him stroke for stroke as need coiled inside. Gripping his hands, she hung on, knowing he was taking her higher tonight than he ever had before.

Jesse brought his mouth to hers, first with a kiss pressed against her waiting lips, then teasing her with only one sweep of his tongue over hers before quickly pulling it back. She gave a soft groan of frustration as he left leaving her lips parted and her wanting more.

Emery felt the tip of his tongue touch her neck, she turned her head giving him all the access he might want. Jesse nipped at her jaw with his teeth. The pain of the bite and his whiskers scraping against her skin had her squeezing his hands as a subdued moan tumbled from her mouth. He increased his hold, pressing her hands into the bed above their heads. Their bodies were covered in a sheen of sweat, their hearts pounding.

The weight of the conversation they’d had, their fear of tomorrow’s events, and the decisions that had been made tonight came pouring down on them. Over the time they’d been together, he’d made love to her with complete tenderness many times, and they’d had, hot, sweaty amazing sex that left her smiling for hours—but tonight was different.

The air around them was different, crackling with a baser need. The longing in Jesse’s eyes tore at her, making her want to promise him things she knew she couldn’t. There was a higher level of demand that drove them both, each requiring the other just to survive. Fear, pain, desperation, excitement, and joy, all wrapped into one.

When that amount of emotion was brought to bed, it could only be…
explosive
.

Wave after wave crashed over her. Emery had never let anyone be in complete control of her before, but Jesse was destroying her, simply, absolutely, annihilating her. Leaving her with only one thing left to do—beg for more.

He continued to drive into her. As she let out stifled screams, she continued to arch into him wanting even more until every part of her shook and stars exploded behind her closed eyelids. He drove into her full force one last time, then stilled as he hit his own release.

It took Emery a full minute to regain consciousness as Jesse finally collapsed on top of her, sweaty, exhausted and gasping for air.

He moved to the side, pulling her close. “I’m sorry I was so rough, baby. Did I hurt you?” Jesse whispered.

His words were pained, but unnecessarily so. Curling herself around him, she tucked her head against his chest, feeling the fine layer of sweat against her own sweaty skin. Barely able to move, she managed to place her palm over his heart.