Jezebel (13 page)

S
ix weeks later, Jessie Belle sat next to the first lady of New Bryant Baptist Church, listening to Traynor's sermon. This was baby Holt's first outing. She was thrilled to be back to her prepregnancy size and wore a formfitting dress to show off her figure.

The February weather was still chilly, so Jessie Belle made sure she'd bundled Holt enough to keep him nice and warm.

Pastor Rutherford Hamilton had invited Traynor to preach on Youth Sunday. Jessie Belle's eyes traveled around the sanctuary as she admired the larger and much nicer church.

While Traynor was in the pulpit preaching his heart out, all Jessie Belle could think about was that her husband should be leading a church like this.
He belongs in a beautiful sanctuary like this
.

After service ended, they joined the Hamiltons for dinner.

“Look at this house, Traynor…,” Jessie Belle said when they pulled up. “It's gorgeous and so big.”

The two-story brick home sat on two acres of land. Vividly hued plants were nicely arranged in front of the house and along the sides despite the winter weather.

“It is nice,” he agreed, parking the car.

Jessie Belle turned, looking up and down the street. “This is the way we should be living, honey. In a nice, big fine house like this and driving a Cadillac. You're a man of God, Traynor—one of His messengers. Who's going to want to follow a pastor if he looks as poor as they do?”

“That's not what it's all about.”

“I've heard you say it a million times,” Jessie Belle stated. “‘You have not because you ask not.' Traynor, it's time for you to practice what you're out there preaching.”

Jessie Belle didn't want to get into an argument with him. She just wanted to indulge in this moment. She was in the lap of luxury.

When Traynor opened her door, she got out and walked briskly up the steps, following Sara into the house.

Her eyes bounced around, taking in her tastefully decorated surroundings. “Oh my…this is so beautiful.”

Smiling and standing proud, Sara responded, “Why, thank you, Jessie Belle. I have to admit we've been blessed tremendously. God has truly been so good to us.”

“I keep telling Traynor that it's time for him to seek a position in a larger church. His talents are being wasted and he's constantly challenged by some of the older members of the church. It's frustrating at times.”

Sara gave Jessie Belle a knowing smile. “I understand. Rutherford and I went through a season similar to that. Just keep after him. Sometimes they have trouble understanding that while it's their ministry—this is also a business.”

“Yes, they do.” Jessie Belle glanced over her shoulder and found Traynor standing there with the baby.

Did he overhear our discussion?
she wondered silently, noting the solemn expression on his face. It didn't matter anyway—she'd told Traynor the very same thing many times in the past. They had a son now, so things needed to change and soon.

Jessie Belle broached the subject once she and Traynor returned to their house.

“Traynor, we should be living like the Hamiltons live. You're a much better preacher than Rutherford is, and look at what his church is doing for him.”

They were in Holt's room putting him to bed.

“Jessie Belle, I think our house is nice. I don't know about you, but I'm happy with what we have.” Traynor planted a kiss on his sleeping son's forehead before laying him down.

“And you can't be happy with more?” Jessie Belle wanted to know. “Don't you think you deserve more?”

“I'm content in whatever way God blesses us, Jessie Belle.”

She folded her arms across her chest. “Well, I'm not afraid to dream big.”

“There's nothing wrong with that, sweetheart. All I'm saying is that I believe I'm exactly where God would have me be.”

Traynor was touched by Jessie Belle's faith in him, but he was content with his life. He worried that his wife was becoming too materialistic. He kept his thoughts to himself for the moment to avoid a potential argument.

“I'd like a bigger house, Traynor,” Jessie Belle was saying. “We have Holt now and we need more room.”

“I think this house is plenty big,” he argued. He didn't want to disappoint Jessie Belle, but Traynor didn't want to just go out and get into debt. He wanted to take some time and pray over any potential big decisions like buying a house. “Sweetheart, let's just take this slowly—buying a house is a huge decision.”

“I know that,” Jessie Belle replied. “And since we're on this subject, I'd really like some new furniture. Except for the sofa and a couple of other things, our stuff looks like it was handed down.”

“Well, it was,” Traynor stated. “It's the furniture my parents bought when they got married.”

“It's old-fashioned. I want to pick out my own furniture. There's nothing wrong with having some nice stuff.”

“I'm not saying there is anything wrong, Jessie Belle.”

Her voice rose up an octave. “You're not
saying
anything, Traynor.” Jessie Belle gestured for Traynor to follow her out of Holt's room.

“That's what bothers me,” she continued. “You act like it's a sin or something to want a bigger house, a luxury car or even a raise.
It's not
. God wants to bless us and sometimes that means we have to step out on faith.”

“Jessie Belle, I don't think you're listening to me. That's not what I'm saying at all.”

Giving him a hard look, she asked, “Then what are you saying, Traynor?”

“Having a big house, new furniture or a new car—those things are temporary pleasures. I don't want to make them the center of my being.”

“Nobody is asking you to,” Jessie Belle shot back. She swallowed her disappointment in Traynor. It was becoming apparent that he wasn't the man she'd thought he was.

She was going to have to take matters into her own hands.

The telephone rang.

Traynor answered it. “Hey, Aunt Eleanor. I was planning on calling y'all tonight bu—” He stopped short. “What did you say?”

Jessie Belle could tell from the look on his face that something terrible must have happened.

“But I just talked to him last night,” she heard Traynor say. “When did he pass?”

His father's dead
.

Jessie Belle's anger evaporated and her heart ached for her husband. She went over to Traynor, embracing him.

“I'll be there tomorrow, Aunt Eleanor. We'll be leaving out tomorrow morning.”

They sat, holding each other.

“Baby, I'm so sorry about your daddy,” Jessie Belle murmured. “Even though we never really got on—your daddy was a good man.”

“He was sick,” Traynor stated. “Real sick.”

“I guess that's why he never came to visit us. How's Aunt Eleanor holding up?”

“She's distraught,” he responded. “She and my dad were very close.”

“That's usually the case with twins,” Jessie Belle said matter-of-factly. “Traynor, what's gonna happen with your mother's jewelry?”

“He probably left it to Aunt Eleanor. She and my mother were close and they both loved jewelry.”

Jessie Belle clenched and unclenched her fist. “It belonged to your mother, so I thought he'd pass it down to you.”

I should be the one to get it
.

Jessie Belle had admired all the exquisite pieces she'd seen in photographs of Traynor's mother—especially her sapphire and diamond engagement ring.

“He bought the stuff, so he could give it to whoever he wanted to give it to, sweetheart,” Traynor told her. “Besides, we don't need it. You probably wouldn't have liked any of it anyway.”

“I wasn't given the choice,” she replied. “But I was thinking that it would be nice for Holt to have something from his grandmother. It's not like he'll ever get to meet her.”

“I need to get the suitcases,” Traynor uttered. “I don't care what my father left to whom. I'd rather have him back. Alive and well, Jessie Belle.”

“I'm sorry. I didn't mean to—”

He was gone before she could finish her sentence.

The next morning they headed to Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

Traynor didn't say much during the first two hours of the drive and Jessie Belle didn't press him. Instead she focused her attention on Holt.

The baby was now sleeping in her arms.

“I'm really sorry about your daddy,” Jessie Belle said. “I know how much you loved him.”

Traynor stole a peek in her direction. “He was a good father to me.”

She reached over and squeezed his hand. “I can tell because of the type of man you are, Traynor.”

“I regret that Holt won't get to know his grandfather.”

Jessie Belle nodded in understanding. “I regret that, too. Your father left behind a strong legacy, though. You should be proud.”

Traynor glanced over at her. “I really wish he'd gotten to know you, Jessie Belle. But he was sicker than he allowed us to believe.”

“He didn't want to worry you. I believe that's why he didn't tell us.” Jessie Belle settled back in her seat. “I don't hold any ill will against your daddy.”

“Aunt Eleanor's so upset—I'm worried about her.”

“She won't have to go through this all alone, honey. Your aunt will have you. She'll also have me. Together as a family we'll get through this painful time.”

Traynor reached over and took Jessie Belle's hand. “Thank you for being so sweet and thoughtful. I just know Aunt Eleanor's going to see you in a much different light now that she'll have a few days to get to know you.”

Jessie Belle didn't respond.

Jessie Belle was ready to rip Eleanor Deveraux-Barrett's head right off her shoulders.

Since their arrival in Baton Rouge two days ago, the woman had been nothing less than rude to her. Jessie Belle cooked and cleaned the house, but all Eleanor could do was find fault with her.

She was careful not to do it in front of Traynor, Jessie Belle noted.

Just before eight a.m., Eleanor strolled into the bedroom without knocking. “You aren't up yet?” She pursed her thin lips in disapproval.

Jessie Belle rolled her eyes heavenward. “I've been up since six. Holt was cranky most of the night and I was up with him. Traynor suggested that I stay in bed and rest.”

“The house will soon be overflowing with guests. You should be dressed and ready to receive our visitors.”

“I'll get right up,” Jessie Belle uttered.

There's just no pleasing this woman
.

“Breakfast is ready,” Eleanor announced. “Hopefully, it'll still be hot by the time you make it downstairs.”

She walked out of the room, shaking her head.

Jessie Belle was glad the funeral was scheduled for tomorrow and that they would be leaving the day after. She couldn't wait to get back to Raleigh. Traynor had brought up the idea of Eleanor coming to live with them, but Jessie Belle quickly nixed the idea.

There was no way she'd have that bat from hell staying in her home.

Jessie Belle showered and dressed in a simple black pantsuit. She pulled her hair back into a bun.

Traynor came upstairs with Holt in his arms. “Did you get some rest?”

“Not really.”

Jessie Belle didn't tell him about his aunt's treatment of her. It wouldn't do any good because Traynor wasn't going to say anything to Eleanor. He was blind when it came to his aunt.

“Aunt Eleanor made breakfast,” he announced.

“She told me,” Jessie Belle responded drily.

Traynor eyed her. “Everything okay between you two?”

She pasted on a fake smile. “Couldn't be better.”

Jessie Belle stood up. “I guess we'd better get down to breakfast. I don't want to throw anything off schedule.”

“Aunt Eleanor is grieving.”

“Honey, you don't have to explain your aunt to me. I understand.” Smiling, Jessie Belle planted a kiss on Traynor's cheek. “Everything is fine. I can take anything she dishes out.”

T
raynor was very exhausted after the long drive from Louisiana. He was glad to be home. His father's funeral had taken a lot out of him emotionally.

Jessie Belle put Holt to bed, and then came downstairs to join him.

“Honey, how are you feeling?” she asked. Jessie Belle began gently massaging his shoulders.

“I'm okay. I miss my dad, but I know he's in a much better place.”

Jessie Belle agreed. “The pain will lessen a little as each day passes. At least that's what I used to hear Papa saying.”

She was glad to be back in her own home. The past week with Traynor's aunt had been frustration for Jessie Belle. She bit back her words several times over the course of their stay.

Traynor's voice cut into her thoughts.

“I've said those same words so many times. I never really realized just how little comfort they actually offer until now.”

Taking her hand into his, he continued. “I know my aunt Eleanor wasn't very nice to you. I want you to know that I had a long talk with her last night about it. I want her to be a part of our lives, but I won't have her disrespecting you.”

“I know she was grieving,” uttered Jessie Belle. “But she was working my nerves for sure.”

Jessie Belle was so understanding—it was one of the qualities he loved about her. Traynor kissed her cheek. “You carried yourself well. I'm proud of you and I appreciate it.”

“I would never shame you, Traynor.”

“Aunt Eleanor gave me something right before we left,” Traynor announced.

She broke into a smile. “She gave you your mother's jewelry.”

Traynor shook his head no. “She kept the jewelry.”

“Then what did she give you?”

He pulled something out of his pocket. “Dad instructed her to give me twenty-five thousand dollars.”

Jessie Belle's eyes lit up at the news. “That's wonderful. But I can't believe she wouldn't give you any of your mother's jewelry.”

“What am I going to do with it, sweetheart? Like I said, you wouldn't like any of it.”

“You don't know that,” Jessie Belle countered. “I liked the pieces I saw in the photographs. She had some nice jewelry.”

Waving the check, Traynor said, “I think we should put this money aside for Holt's education.”

“Oh, I agree that some of it should be put aside for Holt, but honey, we can use some of the money to get some things we need.”

“Like what?”

Jessie Belle shrugged. “I can't think of anything right now. But at least we'll have the money if we need it. God bless your daddy's soul.”

Twenty-five thousand dollars!

Jessie Belle danced around the living room while Traynor was upstairs checking on the baby.

“I can't believe it. That ol' hateful man actually left us twenty-five thousand dollars.” Then another thought occurred to her.
He should've left us a whole lot more for the way he treated me. I bet he did—his sister probably has it stashed away somewhere
.

She dropped down on the sofa. “It don't really matter, though. She'll drop dead one day. Everything will go to Traynor and me.”

While Traynor was in the bathroom taking a shower half an hour later, Jessie Belle got a chance to tell his aunt how she felt when Eleanor called.

“I was just calling to see if you-all made it back. Nobody called me to say if you did or not. I was worried.”

“Yes, we made it home safe and sound,” she replied to Eleanor's query. “Though I have to tell you that Traynor was a little upset over what his daddy did.”

“Jessie Belle, what are you talking about?”

“He was hoping that his daddy would give him his mother's jewelry. He wanted to pass it down to Holt.”

“Oh really? Well, Traynor never said anything to me about it. And what would a baby do with jewelry?”

“He didn't want to hurt your feelings, Aunt Eleanor. You know how much Traynor adores you. He just wanted his son to have something of his grandmother.”

“His mother always wanted me to have her jewelry. I just wouldn't take it until Traynor Senior passed on. Tell my nephew to call me so that we can get this straight.”

“Well, I was hoping that you'd just do the right thing and surprise him by sending the stuff to him.”

“If Traynor wants his mama's jewelry—he can get it from me. So tell him to call me directly.”

Jessie Belle stiffened. “What are you implying?”

“You just tell Traynor to give me a call. I want to hear this from his mouth.”

Jessie Belle had to think quickly. “I already told you that he won't say nothing to you. He doesn't want to upset you.”

“But you see fit to open your mouth. I'm on to you, Jessie Belle. See, I know my nephew. I helped to raise him. He's not upset about this jewelry.
You
the one who want it, but I'm here to tell you—you won't have it.”

“You'll die one day.”

Eleanor gasped in shock. “Get thee behind me, Sataaan….”

“What did you just sa—”

Their connection was severed.

She considered calling Eleanor back and laying into her, but Traynor came downstairs.

“Was that the phone I heard?”

“Yes. It was a wrong number.”

Traynor sat down on the sofa. “I need to call Aunt Eleanor and let her know that we made it home.”

“I called her already,” Jessie Belle blurted. “She wasn't feeling too well, so she told me that she was going to bed. Aunt Eleanor even apologized to me for the way she was acting. Like I thought, she was upset over your father's death.”

“I'm glad you two were able to make up.”

Traynor headed to the kitchen. “You want anything?”

“I'm fine, honey.”

When he left the room, Jessie Belle reached over and picked up a magazine. “The first thing I'm gonna do is get me some nice clothes. If we want to have money—we need to act like we already have it. And I want one of those designer purses like Sara has.”

We have money. Lots of it.

She jumped to her feet and walked over to the mirror, checking her reflection. Mrs. Traynor Deveraux…

Jessie Belle never tired of the sound of it. She was proud of being Traynor's wife.

“We're on our way, Traynor,” she whispered. “Just don't blow it for us.”

“Grandview Baptist Church is in need of a pastor,” Jessie Belle announced when she came home from a lunch date with Sara and some of the other first ladies in the Raleigh area. She was a member of the Raleigh First Ladies' Ministry, and they met once a month to support and encourage one another. “Pastor Talbot's leaving.”

Traynor laid down his newspaper. “I know. He told me when I saw him a couple of weeks ago.”

“Well, did he suggest that you apply for the position?” she wanted to know.

“No, not really.”

“I think you should,” Jessie Belle stated. “They have over a thousand members and their church is beautiful. You can take your ministry to a higher level.”

He sighed. “Honey, I'm so thankful for the faith you have in me, but I'm fine with where I am. I really enjoy preaching at New Salem Baptist. The members are great and they listen to me. It's not like it was in Atlanta. Some of the members thought I was way too young and they really didn't respect me.”

“I'm just saying that with some effort and strategic planning, you could be the next Billy Graham.”

“Bigger doesn't necessarily mean better, Jessie Belle,” Traynor countered. “I'm not saying God can't use big churches, because He does. In the Bible, there were many times that Israel's armies overwhelmed their opponents with their numbers. But sometimes God chooses to use the small things, like small churches. In churches like New Salem, we all know each other. We are under no illusions that our members are perfect because we have seen their foibles. They know that I'm not perfect because they see me every day.”

“But I bet the big churches don't have to deal with committees that don't function very well, people who are rude to one another or constant complainers you can never please.”

“I'm sure they have their share of problems, sweetheart. All I know is that the small church has to depend on God. When I see lives transformed and courage in the face of great difficulties, Jessie Belle, I know that it is only through the power of God. I'm happy being exactly where I am and I have faith that God will move me when it's time.”

“Sometimes you need to step out, Traynor,” Jessie Belle pointed out. “You can't play it safe all the time.”

“I know that,” Traynor stated. “But sometimes you have to be still and wait for God's prompting. Remember, Jesus changed the world with twelve disciples—I'm sure He can still use our small church if we will let Him.”

Irritated, Jessie Belle held her tongue. She didn't want their second wedding anniversary ruined by an argument. She had much to be thankful for—Traynor had used some of the money his father left him for furniture. Tonight they would be sleeping in their brand-new king-sized bed.

“I really appreciate your support and the faith you have in me, sweetheart,” Traynor was saying. “I really do, but let's just wait and see what God will have me do.”

“I'll leave it alone,” she uttered. “Obviously, you refuse to look at this from my point of view.”

“I hate seeing the disappointment in your eyes,” Traynor said quietly.

“Then do something about it.” Jessie Belle met his gaze. “I don't have much of an appetite, so let's just stay home.”

“You don't want to go out to dinner?”

She shook her head no. “I'm not in the mood anymore.”

“It's our wedding anniversary, Jessie Belle.”

“I'm well aware of that.”

“You're mad because I don't want to pastor a bigger church. Is this about money?”

Furious, Jessie Belle glared at him. “How dare you? This has nothing to do with money, Traynor. Excuse me for believing in you. Excuse me for wanting you to lead thousands to the Lord.” Sighing loudly, she sat down on the love seat.

He tried to calm her.

“Excuse me for thinking that it was time for a larger flock….”

“Sweetheart, I'm sorry.”

Traynor sat down beside her. “I'm not discounting anything you say. Jessie Belle, I hear you, but I can't just move when you think I should. I've never been that type of man. I like to wait and hear from God.”

“You think God only talks to you?” she asked him.

He shook his head no. “Why do you do that, Jessie Belle? Why do you always try to twist my words around?”

“Traynor, you've ruined this night for me already. Let's just not talk to each other right now. I don't want to make it worse.”

“Jessie Belle…”

She rose to her feet. “I need to call and cancel the babysitter. Then I'm going to bed.”

Jessie Belle fumed as she stormed out of the living room.

I can't believe I was wrong about Traynor.
She'd assumed he'd be a bit more ambitious. She loved him, but she wanted more out of life.

I'm gonna have everything I want, Traynor
.

With or without you
.