Jilted (36 page)

‘Well, not
awfully
,’ Joyce laughed. She carried a wicker basket, which was available for anyone who wanted to donate to Mat’s chosen cancer charity. She’d insisted on no flowers, but people liked to feel they were doing something.

Locals were gathering and Ellie smiled at people as she passed them, wondering who knew about her fight with Flynn. She didn’t think Karina or Lucy would be broadcasting the news, but Rats knew, so Whitney and Lauren were probably already popping the champagne corks. And even if they kept their big, lipstick-primed
lips shut, his absence spoke volumes. She certainly felt it. Like a brick at the bottom of her stomach.

Pulling her shrug around her shoulders, Ellie tried to push thoughts of Flynn from her mind. She breathed a sigh of relief when the music started wafting from the stereo. Joyce put her arm around Ellie’s waist and Ellie leaned into her for comfort as the celebrant took their position before the crowd.

‘Thank you, everyone, for coming here today to celebrate the full and vibrant life of Matilda Jean Thompson.’ The celebrant glanced around as the sun moved behind a cloud. It didn’t stay hidden long, shining brightly for a spring morning, in complete contrast to the darkness filling Ellie’s heart. It were as if the weather was reminding her to think about the happy memories, to celebrate a good life and not dwell on loss. Ellie zoned out and lifted her head to the sky, wondering if, somewhere up there, Mat was looking down and giggling at the gathering.

See Norma Rickart?
she imagined Matilda saying.
She bought that dress in 1975. Only ever brings it out for funerals and her wedding anniversary
.

Ellie suppressed a grin as her heart began to thaw. Then she heard the celebrant call her name. It was time for her to read the eulogy. She’d written most of it on her own, praise of Mat flowing freely from her fingers onto the page. Flynn had listened to her read it a couple of times and suggested a few additions. She’d gone over it on her own as well, so much so, it turned out, that when she stood before the crowd of mourners, not far from the coffin, she barely needed to look at the piece of paper in front of her.

Ellie’s words were heartfelt and raw. Her speech had a visible impact on the gathering – not because of her acting training, but because it was borne of the deepest, most honest emotions. By the end of it, there was not a dry eye to be found.

‘Mat was one of a kind,’ she said in closing. ‘Every town has
someone who’s a little eccentric but all heart, willing to do anything for her friends and family, even for strangers. When Matilda Thompson took me into her home and heart, she taught me what love, family and community meant. She taught me to live life to the best of my ability and not to harbour regrets. I didn’t always manage to live up to her mantras but they were always here.’ Ellie touched the spot just above her heart. ‘And I will never forget them. Just as I will never forget her.’

She recalled the flower in her hair, pulled it out and laid it on Mat’s casket.

‘I love you, Mat,’ she whispered. Tears splashed freely from her cheeks onto the wood of the coffin.
I’m sorry I didn’t always listen to your advice
, she added silently.

Mat had believed in her and Flynn. She’d urged Ellie to tell Flynn the truth the moment she returned to Hope, but Ellie’d been too scared to listen, too scared to act. Would things have been different if she’d told him straight away? She couldn’t think like this.
No regrets
, she reminded herself.

Taking a deep breath, Ellie stood and walked back to Joyce. After the eulogy, the celebrant did something a little unconventional – something Mat would have loved – and asked people to share their memories of Matilda. Ellie loved listening to everyone’s anecdotes. It seemed that Mat had touched the hearts of almost everyone in Hope Junction.

So it wasn’t surprising when the bowling club filled quickly for the wake. Ellie made an effort to do the rounds, talking to as many people as she could and thanking them for coming. She especially thanked those who’d shared their memories of Matilda. But every person she spoke to made Flynn’s absence even more conspicuous. No one asked her about him, but she got some strange looks. At one point she overheard Karina brushing someone off when they asked where he was.

Despite being in a room full of loving, supportive people – even Lauren offered her condolences – Ellie felt utterly alone. She couldn’t wait until the crowds dispersed and she could escape back to the safety of Mat’s cottage. She needed to make some heavy decisions, and as much as she wanted to put them off, she knew she couldn’t.

As the last of the stragglers closed the door behind themselves and the CWA volunteers cleaned and tidied in the kitchen, Ellie saw Joyce coming towards her.

‘Was a good funeral, as far as funerals go.’ Joyce offered a supportive smile.

Ellie nodded. ‘Mat would have liked it. Not at all pompous or morbid.’

‘Shall I walk you home?’

‘No thanks.’ As much as Ellie appreciated the offer, she wanted to be alone, to not have to keep putting on a brave face. When Joyce didn’t say anything, Ellie felt the need to explain. ‘I’m really tired, I just want to crawl into bed and catch up on some sleep. But thanks anyway. And thanks for everything you’ve done for me and Mat in the last couple of months. I don’t know how we would have coped without your support.’

‘Oh, nonsense.’ Joyce held her index finger like a schoolmarm. ‘I just did what any friend would do, and you’ve been equally supportive of me in my grief.’

There was a solemn moment between them before Ellie said, ‘I’m glad.’

Ellie went to thank the CWA crowd and Joyce went to turn off the lights in the bathrooms. When Ellie stepped outside a few minutes later, however, Joyce was waiting for her. She opened her mouth to speak, but Joyce held up a hand to silence her.

‘Where’s Flynn?’ she asked.

Ellie’s stomach muscles tightened. She tried to keep the quaver from her voice. And failed. ‘I don’t know,’ she confessed.

‘Do you need to talk about it?’ Ellie couldn’t help but notice how Joyce said
need
rather than
want
.

‘You can walk me home,’ she said by way of reply.

Joyce simply nodded as they walked, waiting for Ellie to talk in her own good time. Ellie told Joyce what had happened, complete with the truth of why she’d fled to Sydney all those years ago. This was the third time she’d opened up to someone about this, and she wasn’t sure if the conversation was getting easier or harder. Either way, Joyce’s response was much more relaxed than Flynn’s – which was understandable. There was less at stake, and she was so like Mat in her non-judgemental, down-to-earth outlook.

‘I’m scared,’ she told Joyce.

‘Of what the town will say?’

Ellie shook her head. ‘I couldn’t care what anyone but Flynn thinks. If he turns back to the drink because of me, I’ll
never
forgive myself. I don’t know what to do. If only I’d approached the conversation a different way. I just blurted it all out, really. I need him to give me another chance.’

‘Is that what you want?’

‘Yes,’ Ellie replied emphatically. ‘I want
him
. I’ve always wanted him. I don’t seem to be very good for him, but I’d give anything to change that.’

‘And if he gives you the chance?’ Joyce asked. ‘Will you quit your job and stay here?’

‘It wouldn’t even be a sacrifice. If he let me in, I’ll have won the world.’

‘Then you need to be patient.’ Joyce put her hand in Ellie’s and squeezed as they approached Mat’s house. ‘As the saying goes, “If you love something, set it free”. I know that isn’t easy, but you need to trust your heart. And his.’

‘Thanks.’ Ellie gave Joyce a hug and then hurried up the driveway. She closed the door behind her and leaned against it.

Patience
.

Easy for Joyce to say, she wasn’t in Ellie’s position. How was she meant to be patient? Just hang about and not even try to contact Flynn? He could have fallen into a pit of self-destruction, and it was all because of her.

She switched the radio on to drown out the painful silence. Taking her phone out she clicked to her recent calls list. Flynn’s number sat right at the top – he’d called her from the Co-op yesterday morning to see if they needed milk. Yesterday morning, when they’d been living in an alternate reality.

She clicked the call button, holding her breath as she waited for the dial tone. But it never came.

The phone you are calling is switched off or unavailable. Please leave a message after the tone
.

Dammit. The resounding beep rang in her ear.

‘Flynn. It’s me. Ellie. Please call me. I know you need time, but I’m worried about you. I’m sorry, so sorry. I just need to know you’re okay.’ She hung up. Her message sounded clichéd, but she really didn’t know what else to say. As she thought about this, her mobile began to ring and vibrate in her hand. She answered without a glance at the caller ID. ‘Flynn?’ She was past caring about sounding desperate.

‘No,
Dwayne
,’ said the voice, with a slight chuckle.

‘Oh, hi Dwayne.’ Ellie’s heart sank.

‘Sorry to disappoint. I was just calling to see how you were after the funeral.’

‘You’re not a disappointment,’ Ellie assured him, ‘it’s just …’ Dwayne didn’t take his percentage for listening to her woes. She stood straight and tall and adopted her most professional voice. ‘Thank you for the call. I’m doing okay, just tired.’ She thought she
sounded like a broken record with the tired line, but it was true. Emotionally, she was exhausted.

Dwayne cut to the chase. ‘I don’t want to hassle you, but now your godmother has gone, I’ve got the producers on my back. How long do you think you’ll need to wrap things up?’

She glanced around at the things Matilda hadn’t managed to pack or give away. The idea of wrapping things up seemed so cold and disconnected. And then there was Flynn. Joyce’s words about being patient rang in her ears.

‘I’m not sure. I’m going to need some more time. A couple of weeks, at least.’

‘Aw, Els,’ Dwayne groaned down the phone line. ‘It’s been two months already. I don’t know how much longer I can keep them hanging.’

She swallowed, all too aware of the tightrope she was walking. A couple of false steps and she could lose Flynn
and
her career. But she had to show him how much he meant to her. That she was prepared to fight for him.

‘I understand that, Dwayne, but my hands are tied.’

Chapter Thirty-three

Stacey Greenway looked up from behind the bar of The Imperial, a pub in the far north of Western Australia. ‘Flynn. Quartermaine!’ she squealed, rushing to capture him in a warm, friendly hug. ‘Oh my gosh, what are you doing here? Wait until Sean finds out.’ She pulled back to look at him. Flynn saw that she’d barely changed in the eight years he’d been away. Sure, she carried a few extra kilos, but she’d delivered four little boys in that time, so who could blame her?

‘You look great,’ he told her. ‘I needed a break from the farm and I haven’t seen you guys for a while, so I thought I’d drop in.’

‘I’m so glad,’ she said. ‘I’ll fix a room for you.’

‘No.’ He waved his hand at her. ‘I’m staying at the motel. I don’t want to put you out and …’ His voice trailed off but Stacey understood. He couldn’t put himself through the temptation of staying in a pub.

‘Let me get you some lunch then. Did you fly?’

He shook his head. ‘Drove. Took us three days.’

‘Us?’

In answer to her question, Rodger ambled in, yawning and stretching his legs.

‘Us,’ Flynn echoed.

Stacey scoffed. ‘I can’t imagine being stuck in a car that long. How long are you staying?’

Flynn shrugged. ‘Not sure. I have a few things I need to think through.’

She looked worried. ‘Anything you need to talk about?’

‘No, but thanks. I can’t get my head straight at the moment, so talking about anything else will help.’

‘All right.’ Stacey smiled and pretended to zip her lips. ‘I won’t ask again, and I’ll tell Sean to butt out too.’

Flynn chuckled. He hadn’t realised how much he missed his distant friends until he was here again, back in the place he’d stopped eight years ago and finally started to recover. ‘How’s your dad?’ he asked. ‘The station? Your boys?’

‘Hold up, one question at a time.’ Stacey fixed him a pint of Coke and pushed it across the bar. ‘Dad’s good. My brother Kyle’s pretty much taken over the station now. He thrives on it. And the boys, well, you’ll get to meet them when you come round for dinner tonight. You will come, won’t you? I’ve got a couple of backpackers who’ll be happy to man the bar, give Sean the night off.’

‘I’m there.’ Flynn took a slurp of his drink and glanced around the pub. He’d only had a few drinks here before taking up residence on Stacey’s dad’s station. Stacey and Sean were newly married back then and had just bought the place. Aside from making babies, they’d done a lot of work to the old girl in the last decade. For a back-of-beyond establishment, it oozed character. You couldn’t help but feel welcome the moment you walked in.

Stacey and Sean had been good mates to Flynn at a time when he was pretty hard to be friends with. Having grown up in the pub
industry, Sean recognised Flynn’s problem pretty much immediately, and had offered an ear rather than a lecture. By that stage, Flynn was ready to clean up his act and the Greenways made the perfect cheer squad. He owed them a lot.

Stacey served a group of Main Roads workers who had come in for lunch, and Flynn took his time finishing his drink. He wasn’t quite sure what he was doing here, he just knew he had to get away from Hope Junction – and away from Ellie – for a while. Thinking of her, he took his phone out of his pocket and turned it on. Within seconds the beeps bombarded him, signalling a message, and another, and another, and another. He already knew they’d be from Ellie and his mother. Both women had persistence down to a fine art. But Rats was the only person Flynn had spoken to since he left. Once he was out on the road he’d made a quick call to his best mate to ask him to keep an eye on Black Stump for a bit. Rats was happy to supervise the workers and make sure things kept ticking along smoothly. Flynn didn’t know how long he’d be; Rats had told him to take all the time he needed.