Jimmy's Game (Ruthless) (61 page)

Rolling over onto his side, before propping himself up on his elbow, he looked down upon her and said, “You’ll never understand how much I love you.” Then he kissed her tenderly. When she responded he so wanted to make love to her, but he remembered what he said about just needing her to lay with him. Fighting his desire to touch her, he refrained from being intimate. Maria knew he was struggling to keep his promise. As they kissed she said, “I’d like
you to make love to me Jimmy.” For the rest of the night they kissed and touched each other, making love until the early hours of the morning.

Maria was up first the next day, as she prepared their breakfast she reflected on the previous day. In some strange way she felt as though she had achieved something, quite what; she didn’t know, but there had been a break through with Jimmy. The fact that he had told her about the abuse he had endured at the hands of his father was a positive thing. For the first time she had a feeling of complete calm, never before had she been so in control of her life. In her heart she wanted everything to work out with him; she loved him with every fibre of her being, but for the first time ever, she felt she had options, not an experience she was used to.

Gently she woke him up taking him in a cup of tea. Sitting up he smiled as she said, “Breakfast will be ready in five minutes.” He looked at her and thought she was the best person he had ever known. Watching her leave the bedroom, he asked himself why he had allowed himself to come so close to losing the one thing in his life that was truly wonderful.

Joining her a few minutes later, he sat at the table as she attentively poured him another tea and served his breakfast. Smiling he said, “Can I have a kiss?” Without replying she leaned over and kissed him. When she moved away he took her hand preventing her from leaving. Turning round she smiled and said, “Don’t let your breakfast get cold.” Keeping hold of her he replied, “I want you to know babe, I really am so sorry for what I did.” Sitting down next to him, she said, “I know” then she wondered whether or not to broach the subject of his father’s abuse, her thoughts being, she would have to at some point so it might as well be then
. Just as she was about to speak he said, “Have you thought any more about the wedding, I know I shouldn’t ask, but I want to marry you more than anything in the world. Reaching over she took his hand and squeezing it gently she replied, “I’m not sure Jimmy, things have changed.” “I promise you babe, I will never treat you badly again. Please babe, give me another chance.” “It’s not about giving you another chance Jimmy, I came back didn’t I? It’s just there are things we need to discuss before I’ll even consider making such a huge commitment.” Frowning he said, “What things?” “Like your temper Jimmy and the way you’ve become so sexually aggressive, it frightens me.” Virtually ignoring what she had said he replied, “You know how sorry I am.” Undeterred she continued, “I think all your problems stem from your father.” When he quickly looked away from her she knew he was embarrassed. Not wanting to cause him anymore pain she said, “Finish your breakfast, you don’t have to talk with me, but I really feel you should talk to someone.”

Without saying anything he just looked at her and shook his head. Now she wasn’t about to let the issue go, especially if she was going to spend the rest of her life with him, so boldly she said, “Have you ever thought about seeing a councillor?” Again he shook his head, but said nothing. In the hope of reassuring him she squeezed his hand and smiled as she waited for him to say something, but it wasn’t the answer she’d hoped for, when he said, “I could never talk to anyone about it.” With his words
and the look on his face she imagined the terrified young boy he must have been, knowing as she did what it felt like to be terrified and powerless.

Lifting his hand she tenderly kissed it as she said, “You can always talk to me Jimmy and if not me then Father Thomas, I know he’d always help you.” Trying to change the subject he replied, “Once we’re married babe I’ll be fine, you’ll see.” Although she disagreed she decided to leave debating it. Simply because it was obvious that he wasn’t going to talk to her, especially as he’d changed the subject. What she had already said would have to be enough for that day. Smiling she said, “So what have you got planned for today?” “I don’t care as long as I’m with you, we can do whatever you like.” Maria thought about it before replying, “It would be nice just to spend the day together; we don’t have to do anything in particular.” “How about we go over to the house, maybe we could take a picnic lunch, if you wanted to we could eat in the garden.” “That’s a lovely idea, it would be really nice.”

After breakfast they showered together, he was very tender with her as they sponged each other down. Sex in the shower was something they both enjoyed, so it was inevitable that morning would be no exception. Gently sponging her back, he asked her again about the wedding. Although she knew he was desperate for her to say yes, she needed to be sure, knowing this would not be an easy marriage simply because she knew his new found trust in her would be short lived. There would hopefully be children somewhere in their future; so she would need to be absolutely certain. Lovingly she replied, “Please Jimmy, just give me some time.” Kissing the back of her neck he said, “I’m sorry babe, you’re here that’s all that matters.”

Just before they left he called Mickey. When his friend answered, Jimmy said, “Just calling to let you know we’re going to the house for the day. I’ll be turning my phone off, so if there’s an emergency you’ll have to call at the house.” “I’m glad things are working out ok. How’s Maria this morning?” “Yeah she’s good; she’s looking forward to going to the house, we just want time on our own, preferably without any interruptions.”  Mickey laughed and said, “Say no more Jimbo, have fun” “We intend too.” “I’ll see you both tomorrow. Love to Maria.” “Cheers Mick.”

On the drive to the house, he kept squeezing her knee and telling her that he loved her and throughout the journey he kept reassuring her that everything would be ok, making several references to the wedding.

When they arrived at the house; he still dropped hints, even as they went through the door he said, “Hopefully the next time we come to the house, I’ll be carrying you over the threshold as Mrs Dixon.” Once inside he said, “Wouldn’t it be wonderful if our children grew up here?” Trying to get away from the topic of the wedding she replied, “Shall we eat at the table in the garden, or have a proper picnic with a blanket on the ground.” “Definitely the blanket babe,” he said with a grin.

An hour later they were sitting on the blanket in the warm sunshine. “This is my first picnic,” said Maria. “Mine too babe. I’m looking forward to taking our kids on picnics.” Maria knew, although he meant it, there was an undercurrent as to why he said it; he needed her to reassure him that the wedding was still on. Leaning over he touched her face, then placing his hand behind her neck he gently pulled her head towards him and kissed her passionately. Joking with him she said, “I hope our neighbours can’t see us!” “I don’t care; anyway we don’t really have any neighbours.” Raising her eyebrows she pointed to a couple of houses whose bedroom windows overlooked their garden. Grinning he said, “Oh well looks like we’ll have to go indoors to make love.” Tickling him she said, “I thought we were here to spend quality time together?” Jokingly he replied, “Don’t I always give you good quality and let’s not forget quantity!” Pinching him she giggled and replied, “Jimmy Dixon you’ve got a one track mind!” “I know, great isn’t it?” Tickling him again, she could feel that he was becoming aroused, so she said, “Perhaps we should go inside?” Maria knew that to him every problem they had could be resolved with sex; it wasn’t the same for her.

Back in the house he led her by the hand up the stairs, stopping on the landing to kiss her before pulling her T shirt off over her head and then removing her bra. He was breathing heavily as he hurried to undo her jeans. “Slow down Jimmy, there’s no hurry we’ve got all day.
” Picking her up, he carried her to the bedroom. With her arms secured around his neck, she said, “I would have been happy to make love on the landing.” “But we haven’t got mirrors on the landing!” Laying her on the bed with her feet were facing the headboard, he kissed her. Then taking the pillows he placed them at the bottom off the bed under her head. That way he could watch as they made love in three different wardrobe mirrors. Jimmy had introduced her to the real world of love making; she had no one other than Nick to compare him to, which was a totally different thing. Nick had only ever wanted to please himself; he got sexual pleasure from hurting her. The actual time between him penetrating her and coming was barely minutes; it was the terrible things he did before that he liked. Jimmy was different; apart from his temper he was loving and passionate, always keen to satisfy her. They enjoyed using sex toys, but only for pleasure, this day would be no exception as he was desperate to please her. After tying her hands loosely to the headboard he slowly kissed her body all over before pushing her legs apart and giving her oral sex. Maria fully expected him to enter her after she came, but instead he surprised when he took a vibrator from the bedside cabinet and seductively rolled it over her mouth. He watched as she licked it before he took it away and rolled it down her to her nipple, then finally pleasuring her with it. With her hands still tied he finally fucked her. Lying together exhausted he untied her so they could cuddle and said, “I’ve got a confession to make, I wanted Justin to put a mirror on the ceiling above the bed; but I wasn’t sure if you’d like it.” She smiled and replied, “I wouldn’t have minded if that’s what you wanted.” “Really, maybe we could try to have it done before the wedding then?” Despite his happy banter, she realised it was yet another reference to them getting married.

Lying next to him she said, “I know you want an answer about whether we’ll get married or not, but I need be sure; to me Jimmy, marriage will be a lifelong commitment.” “And me babe.” Kissing her neck he added, “I love you more than anything, but I can understand how you feel; believe me babe if I could take back the things I’ve done to you I would in a heartbeat. I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t want to marry me, but one thing I can promise you if you do marry me and that’s, I will love you ‘til the day I die and I prom
ise I’ll never hurt you again” Lovingly she looked at him and said, “Jimmy don’t make promises you know you can’t keep. We both know your jealousy isn’t going to go away.” Desperate to convince her he replied, “You’re probably right babe, but I’m sure I can control it.” Gently stroking his face she looked at him and she knew at that moment in time he truly meant what he was saying. Realistically she also knew it probably wouldn’t be long before something would make him jealous again and his dark side would surface. Feeling relaxed with him she tried to tell him about her fears; but he was in denial over his outbursts. Calmly she said, “This is what I mean Jimmy, you’re trying to justify your temper, you’re in total denial, you need help and I don’t think I’m qualified to give it. You told me before you would never let me leave you once we were married, you said you would see me dead first, surely you must realise that is not a normal thing to say?” “I know I shouldn’t have said it and I even feel angry towards myself for thinking the way I do. I don’t know why I do and say those dreadful things, especially to you babe.”

For the first time she thought that maybe they could talk about it without him become aggressive. Gingerly she carried on with the conversation and said, “Can I ask you something?” “Of course you can, anything babe.” “Those horrible things you’ve said and done to me, did you’re father do and say the same things to your mother?” Immediately his manner changed as he said, “Stop it Maria, this is about me not my mother!” Realising she’d hit a nerve, she definitely wasn’t going to leave it, so purposefully she said, “I believe the things you say and do are the things you saw and heard your father do, this is why you do them!” He didn’t answer straight away; but she could see his breathing beginning to labour. Several moments past then looking aggressive he said, “I’m nothing like my father, I fucking hated him!” Gently stroking his face she said, “I know Jimmy, but you were afraid of him. You knew what he was capable of; you must have felt so helpless.” Waiting for his reply she felt him clench his fist under the duvet, but she was not deterred. Putting her arm across his chest to hold him she said, “This is what I mean Jimmy, just look at you, I can feel the anger coming from you. I only want to help you, but I can’t if you won’t talk to me.”
Sitting up quickly he began to get out of bed; but she pulled his arm and said, “Stay Jimmy please.” Looking angry he turned and said, “I can’t fucking do this Maria! You’ve got no fucking idea what you’re asking of me!”

Since living with him, she knew he had issues that he’d never have told her about, but this was it, if their marriage was to have any chance she couldn’t back down now
. In a firm but gentle voice she said, “The truth Jimmy, I want the truth for both our sakes, that’s all I’m asking for, just the truth!” Jumping out of the bed with his fist raised, he arrogantly snapped at her and shouted, “You’re asking me to talk about things I’ve kept buried for years, things that are too painful to remember!”

Quickly getting out of the bed, she grabbed hold of him and said, “I want us to have a future together Jimmy, I love you! Don’t you think you’ve carried this for long enough!” In a raised voice he angrily shouted, “What is it you want to hear Maria! That my mother knew what my father was like, that she heard me begging him to stop? The nights when he would come home drunk and beat us, or the nights when my mother would lock herself in the bathroom, knowing my father would take it out on me! Have you any idea what it feels like for a ten year old boy to be held down by his father and raped!” In his anger he turned and punched the wall, tears streaming down his face as he struggled to breathe. Still she held him and said, “Let it go Jimmy, stop blaming yourself, you were a little boy what could you do?” “I could have stabbed him if only I’d had the courage. I could have put an end to it, but I was afraid!”