Jinx On The Divide (5 page)

43

Betony was incensed. "Do you know what you're doing?" she demanded. "Going inside a magic lamp?"

"Of course not," said Felix. "But it has to be done."

"It's a deal," said the brandee. "The little tangle-girl can rub the lamp for us."

Betony's green eyes flashed with indignation. No one had called her a little tangle-girl for a long time. "If Felix goes into the lamp, then so do I," she said.

Felix wanted to hug her; he hadn't been looking forward to doing it on his own, despite pretending not to mind. He and Betony had been through a lot together, and not once had she ever left him in the lurch.

The brandee looked at her with distaste. "You'll have to hold my hand when you rub the lamp, then," he said.

"We'll do it under the table," said Betony. "First, we don't want anyone to see what we're doing. And, second, we need the lamp to stay out of sight while we're away."

"Hang on," said Felix. "If there's no one left outside to rub the lamp, how do we get back?"

"I grant the little tangle-girl the appropriate wish, of course. She's allowed three. At my discretion, naturally, after the
abracadabra
business."

"Not entirely at your discretion," said Betony, remembering something from a magical objects lesson. "You have to grant wishes in trios, don't you? Once I've got the first one, you
have
to give me the next two."

The brandee looked annoyed, but he nodded.

44

Felix wondered what turning into a gas was going to feel like. And then he was fizzing, from his head to his toes, and it wasn't unpleasant, it was rather nice, and everything went velvet-dark, as though he'd shut his eyes. He was on a carousel in a fairground, still fizzing, but whirling around and around and up and down. No music or voices filtered through, just a background hiss like radio static. Slowly, the feeling subsided, and his vision returned.

He was standing in the middle of a small dome-shaped room. Cushions were scattered everywhere, a Turkish-style rug lay among them (although it couldn't hold a candle to Nimby), and some books were piled on a low brass table. Two doors led out of the room -- both closed. Betony suddenly materialized next to him.

She turned to Felix. "Would Rhino
know
how to make those chain saw and machine gun things?"

"Probably not," said Felix. "But he could explain the general idea, and perhaps magic could provide some shortcuts."

"It is said that magic and science are like japegrins and ragamuckies, or milk and vinegar," said the brandee. "They don't mix. I never believed in science until recently, of course."

"And I didn't believe in magic, either," said Felix. He turned to Betony. "Come on. We might as well get started." He walked over to the nearest door and opened it. A smell of old parchment and candle wax drifted out, and he had to wait a moment as his eyes adjusted to the gloom.

45

"It's the brandee's study," said Betony. "And Rhino isn't in it. Let's try the other one."

"No, hold on a moment," said Felix. "I want to take a look. He's got his own library."

Betony lit one of the candles with a wave of her hand, and the interior was illuminated with soft yellow light.

The room was like an exhibit from one of those museums that shows life the way it used to be. No calculators, no computers, no telephones. Just shelves and shelves of leather-bound books, a desk, a chair, and a vase of dried flowers. Felix glanced at the spines of the books -- dictionaries, spelling books, histories, biographies. There was even something entitled
The Compleat Brandee.
Felix took it down and opened it. There was a chapter called "The Venus Question: How to Decide on the Most Beautiful Female of Any Given Species."

"Hey," said Betony, "look at this."

It was a book of mythical beasts -- the mythical beasts of
her
world. There were ones he knew -- river-fatties (hippopotamuses), humungallies (elephants), no-horns (horses). There were also some he hadn't encountered before, such as spike-backs (hedgehogs) and poo-rollers (dung beetles).

There were clearly some Betony hadn't encountered before, either, because when she turned to the next entry and found a drawing of something called a bonecrusher, she clapped her hand to her mouth and said, "Oh!"

"That's a hyena," said Felix. The front-heavy doglike beast was unmistakable. "It looks sort of like a sinistrom, doesn't

46

it? I didn't realize a hyena -- sorry, bonecrusher -- was one of your mythical beasts."

"Neither did I," said Betony. "But then, I've never seen a picture of a spikeback before, either. I think this is a rare book; it's probably worth a fortune."

Felix turned his attention to the desk. A thick pad of expensive creamy paper lay there and, beside it, a quill pen and a silver inkwell full of purple ink. Although the feather had seen better days, it was still a rich golden brown, and it was a big one.

"That's a brazzle feather," said Betony. "I'd stake my cap on it. I bet that pen's magic." She picked it up, dipped it in the inkwell, and tried it out on the paper.

[Image: Betony and Felix.]

47

To begin with, the pen behaved itself and wrote
Betony
in Betony's untidy scrawl. Betony looked disappointed, despite the signature being a classy violet color. Then her hand jerked slightly, as the quill got going again. She grinned and glanced up at Felix while the pen continued to write of its own accord.

Felix leaned over, so that he could see better.

To search the library catalogue,
wrote the pen, in an immaculate copperplate script,
indicate either the book title or the subject you wish to research.

"Wow," said Betony. "That's better organized than we are in Andria, although once Ironclaw's system is properly installed, things will improve. It's taking longer to set up than Thornbeak expected -- some problem or other, I'm not sure what, exactly. Admin doesn't really interest me. Now then, what shall we look for?"

"Snakeweed," said Felix.

Betony wrote down the japegrins name. The pen responded with the titles of several books of various sizes, and gave their locations on the shelves.

Felix picked out the smallest volume, and he started to laugh. "It's an advertisement for the Castle of Myths and Legends," he said. "Listen ..." He read out a description of the castle, skipped the parts about the restaurant and the opening times, and went to the section headed main attraction: room 13.

48

The tapestries in this room are all of mythical beasts. Note the spinning wheel standing just inside the door, A jour-poster bed holds center stage, and upon the fed lies the japegrin Snakeweed, deep in an enchanted steep that will fast one hundred years. Snakeweed sold untested spells and potions on a massive scale, causing many deaths, and he used sinistroms to do his dirty work. He will he on display year-round, excluding dance days.

"Poetic justice," said Betony. Then, "Oh! I've got an idea." She picked up the pen and wrote:
Brandee.

Once again, the pen responded with book titles, the first of which was, not surprisingly,
The Compleat Brandee.

Betony pointed to the last entry the pen had written and said, "That's the one."

Felix read,
"The K'Faddle Magic Lamp -- an Owner's Guide."

"Don't you see?" said Betony, keeping her voice low. "All the commands will be in there. If we've got the manual, we can find out how to make the brandee do exactly what we ask."

Felix nodded, went to the appropriate shelf, and took down the book.

"Put it in your backpack," whispered Betony. "We don't want the brandee to see that we've taken it."

But Felix couldn't resist glancing at the manual. And then he couldn't resist flicking through it. There were advertisements for other products on the last few pages ... wands ... crystal balls ... divining rods ... a magical-objects

49

repair service ... He turned back to the beginning, and then he couldn't resist reading just a
little
bit:

Thank you for purchasing a K'Faddle magic lamp, which should last you several lifetimes. Before you start to use your new lamp, please read an the instructions carefully...

"Felix"
hissed Betony. "Put it
away.
It wants you to read it, because that's the way K'Faddle sells products. Spellbinding prose."

Reluctantly, Felix placed it in his backpack. And it was just as well that he did, because the brandee came in a moment later to get a book.

"Still nosing around?" said the brandee. "I'd have thought it was as obvious as a flea on a bald quaddiump that Rhino isn't in here."

"I've been admiring your cataloguing system," said Betony. "Oh, yes?"

"It's similar to the computerized systems in
my
world," said Felix.

"That's magic for you," said the brandee. "Dividing things into subjects. What an amazing idea."

"It isn't magic," said Felix. "It's logic."

"The quill's magic, though," said the brandee. "It thought up that subject stuff all by itself. State-of-the-art, that quill is."

Felix peered at it more closely. "It's a little tattered," he said. "As though the owner didn't preen it often enough."

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Betony burst out laughing. "Do you think it's one of Ironclaw's feathers?"

"I found it," protested the brandee. "I find lots of things, the places I go."

"Oh, yes?" said Felix. "And where
exactly
did you 'find' it?"

"Oh, come on, Felix," said Betony. "It doesn't matter. We're supposed to be looking for Rhino."

"It does matter," said Felix. "Brazzle feathers are extremely valuable. You stole it, didn't you? It's the pen Ironclaw made for Thornbeak, to reorganize the cataloguing system there. That's why the reorganization is taking so long. Because they don't have it anymore."

Thornbeak strode into the Shadow-beast Reference Section of the Andrian library, a sheaf of papers neatly tucked under one immaculately preened wing. She spotted the person she wanted. He was leaning over one of the desks, peering at something. The sleeves of his white linen gown were pushed up to his elbows, and he had a quill tucked behind one of his pointed ears. There was a noticeable smell of an expensive peribott cologne. Thornbeak walked over. "Grimspite," she said, "have you seen Fuzzy anywhere?"

The white-clad figure looked up from the grimoire he was studying. "No," he said, "I haven't."

"I don't know whether to be angry or worried," said Thornbeak. "She was supposed to be checking these dates for me, but it looks like she's gone off somewhere. Probably some wretched talon salon -- all she thinks about is what color she should paint her claws next."

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[Image: Grimspite.]

"I liked the turquoise and purple," said Grimspite.

Thornbeak clearly hadn't known about that, for she looked shocked. Her own claws were the natural gold they'd been when she hatched.

Grimspite took the opportunity to change the subject. "When's Ironclaw arriving?" he asked.

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Thornbeak recovered her composure. "Today sometime."

"I need to ask him to explain some numbers to me. You see, I've found the Big Bang spell."

The brazzle looked impressed for just a moment; then she fluffed up her feathers and got straight back to business. "The
real
purpose of Ironclaw's visit is to pay for his daughter's further education. I don't want you distracting him with a mathematical puzzle."

Grimspite hung his head. Thornbeak could be quite scary -- and so very
decisive.
He watched her leave, then he went back to the book he'd been studying.

Sinistroms were very unwelcome in Andria, where the library was situated, so Grimspite had to do his research in his two-legged lickit form, and pay particular attention to his personal hygiene. Sinistroms were unwelcome everywhere, really. In their four-legged guise, they were enough to give anyone nightmares. They were the most vicious and ruthless and smelly of all the shadow-beasts -- but Grimspite wasn't a normal sinistrom. He had come to realize that being told you smelled as sweet as a sewer wasn't a compliment. Since his pebble had been mislaid, he could no longer be ordered around, and he had rejected a life of maiming, torturing, and killing for a more meditative existence. Initially, this had involved writing a cookbook called
Dining Out on Mythical Beasts.
The book had been very successful, and Grimspite was spending the proceeds on tackling another little project, provisionally entitled
The History of the