Joe Bruzzese (23 page)

Gifts
. What pursuits come naturally to your child? Children are gifted in many areas—some physically, others mentally, others musically or emotionally, still others intuitively. It seems that by age thirteen, many children begin to show their personalities, and their gifts shine through. The trick to effectively recognizing and acknowledging children's assets is to show them real-life examples of how their particular gifts are rewarded.

Motivation
. Many parents are concerned and interested to find some area that interests their child, and they spend a lot of time and resources in search of motivation. There are many easy ways to introduce the motivating factors that children and their families need in order to experience fulfillment and success. The basic idea is, celebrate every success! Each time your child succeeds, make a big deal about it. Put a call in to the grandparents. Brag about it to your friends. Put up a sign by the dinner table. Yes, your child will roll her eyes and call you crazy, but secretly she'll feel outstanding simply because you are noticing her.

Another tactic to approaching the summer months requires more scheduling on the parent end. Kids have spent the past nine months of the school year researching, studying, and completing homework assignments. Now it's your turn. Pull out a calendar, preferably one that shows the entire month at a glance. Begin by
filling in the events and activities you have already scheduled. Include everything from vacations to sports competitions. How much time is left to plan for?

Take five minutes to create a list of activities you think your child would enjoy. Do you notice any patterns in the activities you listed? Does your child enjoy the outdoors rather than indoor activities? Has volunteering time in the community been an interest? Does he seem to prefer individual activities or group settings?

Armed with a better sense of who your child is and the types of activities he prefers, you can more efficiently filter out opportunities that don't fit his interests. Your goal at this stage of the planning process is to create a list of ten to twelve ideas to share with your child. Start with the newspaper or your city's summer activity guide, adding activities to your list that might be of interest to your child. Next consider the wide range of volunteer and internship opportunities. Are there businesses within walking distance from your home that might need occasional assistance? Drop by and talk with a few business owners to inquire about their need for occasional volunteer assistance or a summer internship.

Beyond volunteering, consider contacting your local community service organization or church about day trips or weekend expeditions to nearby destinations. Typically, adults who enjoy mentoring kids staff these short treks. Look for a staff-to-child ratio of 1:10 or better. Even the most qualified staff can be challenged when the number of kids becomes too great. Consider adding mentoring opportunities to your research agenda. Most cities have a Big Brother/Big Sister program connecting teens and younger children in structured mentoring activities. Generally, kids rise to the occasion when asked to provide guidance for younger children.

Continue adding to your list as you find new and potentially engaging opportunities. Put a date on the calendar, preferably in early May, to talk with your child about planning for the summer months. The sooner you plan this meeting, the more time
you both have to seek out activities and plan for a productive and engaging summer.

For some parents, scheduling activities is not the challenge. Finding time to recoup and relax before returning the school years proves to be the real challenge. Kids today are busier than ever. Many cities have large-scale programs that keep students busy from dawn till dusk (and often later). It's important to strike the right balance between being too busy and and being so idle it's boring. Here are some ways you can sustain engagement while finding time for a healthy amount of rest and relaxation.

By creating a “summer growth plan” (don't worry, it sounds much more formal than it really is), it will be easier to identify activities that spark interest and the ones you want to steer clear of. Having established a weekly check-in routine, you can use it to begin talking with your kids about summer opportunities. The summer vacation discussion gives the family an opportunity to share what kinds of things are current. What timing constraints do you have? For example, is the family taking a vacation? Do the children have sports or academic coaching camps already scheduled?

Parents, if there is ever a family planning session in which to practice listening, this is it. In your Summer Opportunity discussion, you have the opportunity to be a “player-coach.” In a sense, you're going to mentor your child as she comes up with some of her own interests. You will also be directly involved as the one to make the introductions, provide the transportation, or hand over the funds necessary to take advantage of the opportunities.

Summer seems endless for some parents, whereas teens often wish it would never end. Working together, parents and kids can more effectively plan to enjoy the months ahead.

Parenting is a journey: a journey across an ever-changing landscape of emotional peaks and valleys. Middle school presents a series of unique challenges all within the span of a few years. Physical changes coupled with a growing desire to become independent add to the frenzy of social and academic activity that kids experience on a daily basis. Parents may be left wondering how their once-tranquil child could have become the person they now see. How do parents navigate the transition from childhood to adolescence? Sadly, the majority of conversations I shared with parents in researching this book focused on a recurring theme of frustration. “Middle school is simply a matter of survival for parents and kids,” one mom shared.

As we bring our journey together to a close, my hope for you is that you take action on the resources and information in this book. Scan the table of contents or flip back through the pages in search of one strategy or idea that you could likely act on in the coming week. Committing to a course in the next seven days ensures change in the short term and sets the stage for a long-term commitment to change. Sending an email to a member of your child's support team qualifies as action.

Take it slow. Parenting is a process that happens over time. My own parents still comment on the fact that although their role has changed they will always feel the responsibility and passion that comes with being a parent.

Traversing the middle school years has become a treacherous passage for families. Undoubtedly a lot has changed since your own days as a middle schooler. The internet revolution swept around the world and into homes within the span of a decade. You may not have been born in the digital age, but as a parent of a child who was, you must make it your business to learn more about the tools that affect our world.

How can parents possibly assume responsibility for tackling all of the issues facing our youth today? They can't—not if they try to do it alone. After reading this guide you have become aware of the power that comes from sharing responsibility for your child's development with a trusted group of teachers, coaches, and mentors. It takes courage to place your faith in your team to guide you through the gauntlet of questions, issues, and changes; keep in mind that this is an ongoing process. Relinquishing your position as the sole manager of your child's life to become a player on the team—albeit a key member—will tug at the very fabric of your being. Along with the discomfort you feel will come equal amounts of joy and fulfillment. Watching your child grow to become an independent person is truly an amazing experience.

Taking time to acknowledge and celebrate the small wins in your child's life builds momentum for the bigger achievements to come. Finding a new peer group that supports your child's unique personality can be every bit as fulfilling as bringing home a stellar report card. With a positive peer group, kids find the self-confidence to explore new interests, take risks, and pursue lifelong passions. The importance and power of peer support cannot be overemphasized. Confronting negative social situations like cliques and bullies is likely to be an inevitable part of the middle school experience. Yet when children are surrounded by a group of supportive peers, these troubling situations can be diminished or overcome.

Standing on the sidelines while your child explores the world may be one of parenting's greatest challenges. For over a decade your child has looked to you for guidance and daily reminders of
the role you play in his life. The first time you get the request to keep your distance can be quite a shock. Resist the temptation to hold onto the relationship you once had with your child. Walking hand in hand, singing lullabies, and swinging in the park are memories from a magical time. The connection you share in the coming years will be different. Different doesn't mean your child will love you less. Nevertheless, the change in connection will tug at your heart and leave you feeling alone at times. Don't despair. The short, impromptu conversations you share in the car or in the moments before your child falls asleep at night may be the glue that holds you together. Practice patience.

When your child won't talk, yet you feel sure there is something she needs to talk about, call a friend. Relying on a team of teachers, coaches, and mentors for ongoing updates can provide you with the needed insight to remain sane during times when your child becomes tight-lipped—a regular occurrence among middle schoolers. It takes time to develop relationships. Building a team starts in the months before middle school begins. Take time to appreciate the people who will share the coming years with your family.

Above all, enjoy the journey.