JOINED (The Joined Series) (5 page)

Her voice was so faint that even I leaned
in
to her in order to hear her
better
. A warm and effortless smirk graced Brayden’s face. The glint in his eyes reminded me
of the
carefree disposition he had when we returned from summer camp
and came here
.

Maim served us chicken cutlets with homemade marinara sauce over penne pasta. It was amazing. They even made the pasta themselves. Years ago,
we
had the pleasure of seeing Jessup and the cooks make pasta from scratch on our first visit.

“Taste even better than before,” I murmured to myself. I was
accustomed
to pre-packaged food and ramen noodles. I gulped down my water, relishing the coolness that rushed down my throat.

Brayden inclined his head to me. “Wanna tell me how come you never let me visit you at school?” He asked abruptly,
looking at me bemusingly
.

I took off my cardigan and I wrinkled my nose at him, surprised that he cared. I kept in touch with him but I didn’t want him to put his life on hold for me, force a bond that we didn’t share. I huffed. “I wanted you to live your life, not worry about making time to see me…and the letters. The letters you sent me brightened my day, Bray. People don’t send letters anymore.” I continued. There was something undeniably special about handwriting and mailing a letter off. For most people, it was an inconvenience.

Discreetly, Maim refilled my
glass with
water and rushed to the front with Jessup. He
raised
his eyebrows, shoving his me
al to the corner of the table.
“I took another bite of my meal. “I told you not to come visit because I wasn’t ready,” I added in a hushed voice.

“You barely paid me an
y mind before I went to college.
”
His head hung low and
he
pinched his forehead
. The last thing I wanted to do was play the guilt game. However, this was the perfect time to have
an
honest conversation
with him
.

“And that’s on me. I fucked up—big time. When Lari
ssa died, I went through it too and I am stilling going through it
, especially with new changes in my life
.
”

I brushed
the strands away from my face
.
“You say there are new changes in your life
.” I paused, exchanging plates. He smiled warmly
at my move
. “Care to
explain
?” I took a bite from his chicken cutlet, savoring every morsel. It was still steaming.

Hauling in a breath, he began playing with his utensils
. When he
stopped,
he
placed his hands on his knees, meeting my gaze. “Sarah ended it with me.” Immediately after saying it, he seemed to regret it.

My mouth dropped. She did seem a little different this morning, but I just thought she was put off by my drab appearance, and lack of energy. No wonder she was busying herself. Even though she mentioned him briefly, there wasn’t any indication that something was wrong with them. We never really talked about their relationship in depth because it was awkward.

I winced. “Bray.
” He attempted a wr
y smile, but his face fell flat
.
I decided not to feed into the irrational thought that his concern for me confirmed that I was inept. “What happened?” They were friends since middle school and dated since the beginning of high school, when she was already a sensuous looking amazon, and he, the awkward one.

“She thinks I cheated on her,” he said gravely, shaking his head. “We’ve been together forever. And that’s what she thinks of me just because those girls keep flirting with me. They’re relentless.”

I squirmed, feeling a little confused. Sarah was very wise…and she had good instincts. At the same time, Brayden never was very smooth with
females
.

“What girls? Where you work?”
He nodded.

“You wouldn’t happen to be modeling, would you?” I asked tentatively.
Maim took both plates, which I happily polished off.

He inhaled deeply.
“Yeah, I am modeling.”

“
You said you’d never model after how harshly they treated Larissa.
”

“Don’t be mad at me.”

I
covered my forehead with my hand
. “
I am not upset with you. It’s a really tough and competitive industry,” I said
in a low voice. “
I am just a little surprised.
You know,” I gulped some more water, chuckling to myself. “When I saw you, I thought…you look like a model!”
H
e answered my question before I could even ask.

“No, I didn’t cheat…I didn’t touch, or talk to another broad about our relationship.”

I deeply sighed, lifting my head to the bright lights in the ceiling. I was beyond relieved. S
arah
was the only one I allowed to visit me, just twice and that was
in
my freshmen year of college. The fact that Brayden didn’t throw that in my face showed me how
mature he was
. After visiting me, she decided that she wanted to go to college and not take another year to think about it.

“But I did talk to Jay about…our relationship…after she dropped me,” he said meekly. I rolled my eyes and I crossed my arms.

“Okay…did you tell him everything about your relationship?”

“Just the ji
st of it…not the physical stuff. That
’s personal
,
” he murmured.

“
Well, that’s good.” I swung my arm forward. “
So what fascinating advice did he give you?” Brayden chuckled dryly, reaching for his glass of water. I guess I didn’t disguise the sarcasm from my question. “I don’t know why you’d ever confide in him about your relationship with Sarah. He never liked her.” He shrugged at me. “Never did.”

“He just said to wait it out, that she’d stop being a hothead and we’d work it out. They don’t
like
for each other
…that happens sometimes… friends and girlfriends.” He lowered his voice. “I mean, you
don’t have a personal life
. Going to clas
ses. Holed up in your dorm room or at work.
” He tried to amend his comment. “You’ve only had one relationship and you let that go the waste side.” Brayden was almost inaudible. That comment stung deeply. I knew he didn’t mean to hurt me and maybe it wasn’t insensitive of him.
Perhaps, i
t was the truth.

I waved my hand at him. “Yeah. I dropped the ball big time with T
oby,” I acknowledged.
“I know I am not
a shining example for relationships
, but don’t confuse me for being out of the loop,” I snapped at him. “Since you met Jay in high school, he’s tried to sabotage your relationship with Sarah,” I reminded him. “You simply trivialize it as gender conflicts. He’s always been jealous of you.” To my right, Jessup brought a three-member family to another booth at the back and he wink
ed at me
as he returned to Maim
.

“Don’t ever patronize me again!” I blurted out.

“Yeah,” Brayden murmured. “I
didn’t mean to say it like...or throw shit in your face
.”

I motioned to him that I accepted his apology.
“
Well, I hope that you wouldn’t throw shit in my face;
that’s not brotherly, after all.
” I quipped
.

Brayden
chuckled, the momentary tension decreased significantly.
“Nah, forget violating the brother code; that’s just foul!” He grimaced and I bobbed my head in agreement.

“
You don’t h
ave to talk about Sarah with me
…If you want to talk to me about anything,
you can come to me
. You’ve been so attentive and I’ve failed to really ask you what’s been
going on with you
,” I admitted.
“Are we good…for now, at least?” My voice
trembled
and
I realized that I really wanted a relationship with him, to confide in each other
.
I didn’t just want another roommate.

“
Are you kidding me? Yeah, we
need
ed
to lay our cards on the table. W
e’re good
.” His voice trailed off.

“
Now’s a better time than ever.
”

Brayden left them a small envelope underneath the saltshakers,
a habit of generously tipping
that Larissa started since our first visit to the diner. He got out of the booth. Jessup shook our hands and Maim gave us another hug.

Before I headed to the car with Brayden, I touched the
heart shape made of real grass and I turned
to Brayden.
He stood beside me. “Who is your manager?”

“Khatia
Skrobacz
. She’s new in the industry,” he replied.

Closing my eyes, I hoped that he knew who was managing him.
I wondered how my mom felt about not being his manager. But now was a really sensitive time and I didn’t want to explore that.

             
             
             
             
***

W
ith a lot to think about, I went into Brayden’s room and took his clothes from his hamper. He went to meet his friends Dylan and Sascha for drinks.
He
invited
me
, but he understood
that I wanted
some alone time. Once I sorted his colors out, and set his clothes to wash, I skimmed the newspaper and noticed how much time passed, yet a lot remained the same.

When I finished placing Brayden’s clothes in the dryer, I returned to my room and I remembered that I had a ton of clothes to arrange. The bag containing all of my new lingerie was the first one I went through. The light scent of the sample perfumes between my bras and underwear was as intoxicating as the sight of Mateja’s dark broody brown eyes. Trying on the black nylon/silk bra and
boy shorts that he liked.

For months, I only touched myself to shower. My nipples and my
labia
were sensitive to the touch as I
lay
on my bed
. The contact of the sheer material felt good, yet, inadequate compared to my growing desperation to have Mateja soothe my ache with his hands, his
manhood
. Having self-restraint, which only increased my
desire
, I
stared
at the dark curtain
s
covering the window, fantasizing about being
touched
by my dark and handsome stranger. Perhaps, there was greater fulfillment to be had in detached fucking. One thing was for sure; finding out would also be on my to-do list. I just had to find an adequate substitute for
him
.

             
             
             
             
***

The following morning, I opened my eyes and I saw darkness. Curled in the fetal position, my comforter was tucked in the roundness of my stomach and in the dent in my waist. I imagined that a particular gentleman’s body was wrapped around
mine
in place of the comforter. The air conditioner was on high blast and the coolness came to my room, the perfect excuse to be covered up. Then, the comforter was removed from me. Squinting as the streams of sunlight came in I wanted to throw my pillow at Brayden.

I looked at the clock: five thirty in the morning. Usually, I was awake by this
time. When I saw my mom stand
ing at the head of my bed with an
overly e
nthused expression on
her face, I felt like I would need a few more hours of sleep.