Journey into Darkness (29 page)

One NYPD lieutenant called Elisa’s death the worst child abuse case he’d ever seen. Her mother confessed to slamming the child into a concrete wall, forcing her to eat her own excrement, mopping the floor with the girl’s head. Police investigators reported there was no part of Elisa’s body not beaten, bruised, or otherwise injured. She had been sexually violated repeatedly with a hairbrush and toothbrush. Neighbors, many of whom say they tried to contact child protection authorities, confirmed that Elisa’s mother had gone back to drugs, once trying to sell a tricycle to raise money for more crack. They said they could hear the little girl pleading for her mother to stop, but her mother believed the child’s father had put a spell on the girl that she had to beat out of her.

Child Welfare Administration files in New York City are confidential, so there’s no way of knowing how many times people tried to save Elisa, or just how or where the system broke down, though God knows it did. In many ways, however, the bureaucracy is an easy target. Investigating child abuse can be a thankless, depressing, and often dangerous job. While the number of reported child abuse cases is rising—twenty-five percent in the five-year period between 1988 and 1993 according to reliable figures—budget cuts keep bringing down the number of caseworkers to watch over those kids.

Children need all our protection more than ever. If you suspect a child is living in a situation that is abusive, negligent, or dangerous to the welfare of that child, call someone. And keep calling until you find one who’s ready to help. If anything ever happened to your child and you couldn’t be there, you’d want someone else to make the call. If you’re afraid of personal repercussions, call any one of the anonymous tip lines available to report suspected abuse.

In one way or another, we’ve got to fight back.

In an article written for
Parade
magazine, Prince Michael
sadly observed that in little Elisa’s case, as fearful as they were of her mother, he and others trusted the laws to protect the girl. Many times, they can, if someone alerts authorities that a law’s been broken.

There is a lot of information on these subjects, as well as tips on how to safeguard your children when they’re on the Internet, how to protect them from family abduction, and just about every other area of child protection from crime and/or victimization, all available from the NCMEC. Much is also available on the Internet at: http://www.missingkids.org, or you can contact them using the toll-free number: 1-800-THE-LOST.

The good people at the NCMEC keep the pictures on the wall, and keep circulating computer-enhanced photos by mail and Internet and any other means available, to remind all children that if anything ever happens to them, someone wilt look for them. They care enough to let innocent little strangers know that they’ll look forever if that’s how long it takes to find them and make them safe.

The children in your life should know how important it is to you that they be safe and happy, too. As simplistic as it may sound, the words “I love you” and “I’m proud of you” can help insulate your children from a host of evils—from child molesters to peers who might offer them drugs or alcohol. Their confidence and self-esteem, together with our involvement and commitment, can go a long way toward fighting back.

Through the courtesy of the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children and the Adam Walsh Children’s Fund, we are reprinting several key guides to child safety. We should all be very grateful to the people who devoted the time and energy to develop them and try to protect all our children.

MY 8 RULES FOR SAFETY

1. Before I go anywhere, I always CHECK FIRST with my parents or the person in charge. I tell them where I am going, how I will get there, who will be going with me, and when I’ll be back.
   
2. I CHECK FIRST for permission from my parents before getting into a car or leaving with
   anyone—even someone I know. I CHECK FIRST before accepting money, gifts, or drugs without my parents’ knowledge.
   
3. It is safer for me to be with other people when going places or playing outside. I always use the BUDDY SYSTEM.
   
4. I say NO if someone tries to touch me in ways that make me feel frightened, or uncomfortable, or confused. Then I GO and TELL a grown-up I trust what happened.
   
5. I know it is NOT MY FAULT if someone touches me in a way that is not OK. I don’t have to keep secrets about those touches.
   
6. I trust my feelings and talk to grown-ups about problems that are too big for me to handle on my own. A lot of people care about me and will listen and believe me. I am not alone.
   
7. It is never too late to ask for help. I can keep asking until I get the help I need.
   
8. I am a SPECIAL PERSON, and I deserve to feel safe. My rules are to:
   

• CHECK FIRST.
  
• USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM.
  
• SAY NO, THEN GO AND TELL.
  
• LISTEN TO MY FEELINGS, AND TALK WITH GROWN-UPS I TRUST ABOUT MY PROBLEMS AND CONCERNS.
  

Know where your children are at all times. Be familiar with their friends and daily activities.

Be sensitive to changes in your children’s behavior; they are a signal that you should sit down and talk to your children about what caused the changes.

Be alert to a teenager or adult who is paying an unusual amount of attention to your children or giving them inappropriate or expensive gifts.

Teach your children to trust their own feelings,
and assure them that they have the right to say NO to what they sense is wrong.

Listen carefully to your children’s fears, and be supportive in all your discussions with them.

Teach your children that no one should approach them or touch them in a way that makes them feel uncomfortable. If someone does, they should tell you immediately.
Be careful about baby-sitters and any other individuals who have custody of your children.

Sexual exploitation should not be confused with physical contacts that are true expressions of affection. A warm and healthy relationship can exist if adults respect the child and place reasonable limits on their physical interaction.

Child molestation is often a repeat crime. Many kids are victimized a number of times. The reality of sexual exploitation is that often the child is very confused, uncomfortable, and unwilling to talk about the experience with parents, teachers, or anyone else. But they will talk if you have already established an atmosphere of trust and support in your home, where your child will feel free to talk without fear of accusation, blame, or guilt.

Parents should be alert to the indicators of sexual abuse:

• Changes in behavior, extreme mood swings, withdrawal, fearfulness, or excessive crying.
  
• Bed-wetting, nightmares, fear of going to bed, or other sleep disturbances.
  
• Acting out inappropriate sexual activity or showing an unusual interest in sexual matters.
  
• A sudden acting out of feelings or aggressive or rebellious behavior.
  
• Regression to infantile behavior.
  
• A fear of certain places, people, or activities, especially being alone with certain people. Children should not be forced to give affection to an adult or teenager if they do not want to. A desire to avoid this may indicate a problem.
  
• Pain, itching, bleeding, fluid, or rawness in the private areas.
  

As soon as your children can articulate a sentence, they can begin the process of learning how to protect themselves against seduction and exploitation. Children should be taught:

If you are in a public place, and you get separated from your parents, don’t wander around looking for them. Go to a checkout counter, the security office, or the lost-and-found and quickly tell the person in charge that you have lost your mom and dad and need help in finding them.

You should not get into a car or go anywhere with any person unless your parents have told you that it is okay.

If someone follows you on foot or in a car, stay away from him or her. You don’t need to go near the car to talk to the people inside.

Grown-ups and other older people who need help should not be asking children for help; they should be asking older people.

No one should be asking you for directions or to look for a lost puppy or telling you that your mother or father is in trouble and that he will take you to them.

If someone tries to take you somewhere, quickly get away from him (or her) and yell or scream, “This man is trying to take me away!” or “This person is not my father (or mother)!”

You should try to use the Buddy System and never go places alone.

AGE-SKILL CHART

As soon as he saw her for the first time, John Albert Collins knew that Gertrude Martinus was the girl for him. It was May of 1956 at the White Cannon Inn in East Rockaway, Long Island. Gertrude, or Trudy as she was called, was there for a Young Republican Club dance. Jack Collins and his buddy Ron White were sitting in the cocktail lounge, celebrating having recently gotten out of the Navy. They were savoring a pair of frosty Heinekens when Trudy passed through on her way to the ladies’ room. Jack’s friend recognized her and called out to say hello. Then he introduced her to Jack.

“Right then and there, as our eyes met,” Jack said, “I saw straight into her soul, and I was utterly and profoundly in love.”

Trudy wasn’t so sure, at least not so quickly. She was with a date that evening who would not be at all appreciative of this other man’s attention.

But Jack persisted. He got her phone number from Ron. He called a week later and asked her out. She agreed. During this first date, he asked her to marry him.

Her parents were understandably wary about this fastlane approach from a young man whose current summertime employment was as a general laborer, occasionally working the garbage detail, for the Department of Public Works in the town of Lynbrook, Long Island. Never mind that he was
awaiting autumn entry into Columbia University’s Graduate School of English literature.

Still, Thomas Martinus, a bank examiner a whole lot of room to talk. He had asked Mamie Johanna Hotze to marry him on the third day after they’d met. So by that standard, Jack Collins was something of a slowpoke. When Trudy’s dad died in June of 1994, he and Mamie had been married for sixty-eight years.