Journey to the Highlands: Robbie and Caralyn (Clan Grant Series Book 4) (15 page)

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Caralyn sat brushing her hair in front of the hearth. She had just come in from the bathing room and had gotten the lassies settled in bed. Rubbing Gracie’s back always put her to sleep in a hurry. Caralyn sighed when she thought of how happy Gracie was here. Ashlyn was, too—she loved having lasses her age to play with—but she could tell that her eldest still worried about her.

The afternoon with Robbie had been wonderful, except for her outburst. She couldn’t believe how she had treated him, but it had been instinctive for her…and the biggest miracle of all was that he’d seemed to understand.

Every day her feelings grew for Captain Robbie Grant. She loved the way he held her hand and protected her. He was so good with wee Gracie, who adored him. His heart was kind and giving—despite his great physical strength, he wasn’t one to issue orders or insist on getting his own way.

When they had stood inside the cottage, she found herself wondering what it would be like to live with Robbie as her husband, to live with him in the cottage, fish with him, cook for him, and spend their days playing with their bairns. She knew Robbie had to work in the lists every day or do whatever his laird required, but how wonderful it would be to be wrapped in his arms every night just the way she had been under the stars.

She checked the girls again before grabbing her robe and putting on her slippers. Heading out the door, she turned to the right and padded down the stairs. She had asked Maddie if she could chat with her privately after the girls were settled, and she agreed. As soon as she hit the bottom of the staircase, Maddie popped her head out of the solar and beckoned her inside. Alex, Brodie, Robbie, and Quade all sat in front of the hearth in the great hall, laughing about something. Loki and Torrian played with Growley, Torrian’s big hound, on the floor.

Caralyn stepped inside and closed the door. “Thank you for meeting with me.”

Maddie smiled and wrapped her arm around her from the side. “Of course, I will help you in any way I can.” She stepped back and lowered herself into a seat in front of the hearth. “I had Alex build the fire up a bit. He worries about me so when I’m carrying, but it will not be much longer now.”

Caralyn sat down and folded her hands in her lap. She stared down at them, not quite sure how to start.

“Robbie told me that you have some things in common with me…” she stammered. “But I don’t know where to start.”

She paused for a moment, then said, “Today, Robbie and I were racing, and I started to fall and he reached out and caught me. He was only trying to help me but I shoved him and screamed at him.” She swiped at the tears threatening to fall down her cheeks. “How could he want to be around me when I act like that?”

“First of all, know that you are not alone. We are all here for you, and you always have someone to talk to in this keep,” Maddie said. “The first time I met Alex, he rescued me in the middle of a whipping from my stepbrother. You would think I would trust him after that, wouldn’t you?”

Caralyn nodded.

“Every time Alex took a step toward me, I took two steps back. And if you don’t believe me, you may ask both of his brothers, because they noticed it.”

Caralyn smiled. “I guess ‘twould be noticeable.”

Maddie reached over and patted Caralyn’s arm. “What you’re doing is normal. Robbie will get used to it.”

“But I don’t understand. How can you want to be married? After all I have been through, I’m not sure I can fully trust a man again…even Robbie. I have strong feelings for him, but I am confused.”

Maddie said, “With the right man, you will. Mayhap it is Robbie, mayhap not.”

“My biggest problem is that Malcolm is in my mind all the time. How do I stop that?”

Maddie pulled her chair next to Caralyn’s and hugged her. “It will take time, especially since Malcolm is still a threat to you and your daughters. But as time goes by, you will think about the people you love more, and about the people who hurt you less.” After a short silence, she added, “I actually had to make a commitment, and I made it for myself and for Alex.”

“What was that?” Caralyn mopped her eyes with one of the linen squares that Celestina had given her the other day.

“My stepbrother was the worst person in my life, and the one I thought about most. I realized that if he were still alive, he would be verra happy to know he was still in my thoughts. By thinking of him, you give him that power over you, that control. You can’t do it.”

“How did you defeat him? ‘Twill not be easy. I can’t just make him go away or I would have done it already.”

“I retrained my mind. Whenever my stepbrother popped into my mind, I forced myself to think of Alex. It took time, but it worked. The happy thoughts became stronger than the terrifying ones.”

Maddie rubbed Caralyn’s shoulder in encouragement. “Caralyn, this may be more difficult for you because from what you have told me, you are not sure how you feel about Robbie, correct?”

“Aye… nay. Och, sometimes I’m sure, and other times I’m not.”

“Think of any pleasant thought. Did you enjoy your walk to the lake?”

“Aye, especially when we were racing.” Caralyn smiled as she thought about Robbie running next to her, the sunlight reflecting off his hair and his smile that melted her heart.

“Then use that. Whenever you think of Malcolm, think of that race instead. It may make you smile.” Maddie kissed her cheek. “Robbie is worth it, he is a wonderful man and we would love to have you in the family.”

Although surprised to hear Maddie say they would love to have her in the family, Caralyn nodded. She would try. She had to.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Caralyn awoke in the middle of the night to a soft knocking at her door. She fell out of bed and padded over to the door, holding it open just a crack to see who was on the other side. Robbie stood there with a look of urgency on his face that immediately caught her attention.

“Caralyn, Maddie’s time is here and Brenna wondered if you would mind assisting her. They’re in Maddie’s chamber down the corridor.”

“Aye, of course. Give me a moment to put something on.” She rushed through the room, searching for a clean gown and her slippers. As soon as she was dressed, she fussed with her hair for a moment, trying to set the plaits to rights before joining Robbie and closing the door behind her. “The girls are sound asleep.”

Robbie tugged her in close. “Lass, I can’t resist you.”

He kissed her, just long enough to invade her senses and make her forget her purpose. She leaned into him to savor his taste and the feel of his warm embrace. How she missed this man. She wanted him now and forever.

He ended the kiss and helped her to stand on her own again. “If I don’t get you there, my sister and brother will have my hide.” He cupped her face and kissed her quick. “You do distract me, Caralyn.” As they headed down the corridor, Robbie asked, “Have you ever helped with a birth before?”

She nodded, hiding her smile at Robbie’s declaration. “Aye, at the priory.”

He guided her to Maddie’s chamber and she slipped inside, surprised to see Alex still there, pacing frantically, along with Maddie’s maid, Alice.

“Och, good. Another set of hands,” Brenna said. “You don’t mind, Caralyn? You won’t faint?”

“Nay, I helped the sisters with a birth at the priory. I am happy to assist any way I can.”

“Wonderful. We need to ready the bed. Let’s put Maddie in this chair and settle the bed with extra sheets. Robbie, take Alex downstairs for a wee bit, will you?”

Alex barked. “Nay, Brenna. I’ll stay while my wife births the babe. You should know that by now.”

“Aye, Alex, I remember. But you take up half the room, especially when you pace. Can’t you leave so we can prepare for the arrival of your newest wean? You have a few minutes before the bairn arrives.”

Robbie snickered. “Come along, Alex. An ale may help you. You had several before the twins were born.”

“Fine. But I will return shortly.” He helped Maddie out of bed and into a chair by the hearth. He kissed her on the lips and said, “I love you. I’ll be back. Don’t do anything without me.”

“Go, Alex.” She gritted her teeth as another wave of pain racked her body. “I’ll be fine. Let them get everything settled. And please go find the cradle.”

Alex left in a huff, and once he was gone, Caralyn turned to Brenna for guidance.

“Caralyn, you know Maddie’s maid, Alice, who has been with her since she was a bairn. Will you help her ready the bed?”

“Of course.” She settled to the task with Alice and watched as Brenna used a nearby chest to lay out her tools. Fiona came in the room with water and more linens. When they finished, she helped Maddie get back into bed, fluffing the pillows behind her back.

“I so wanted to have this bairn during the day hours so you could sleep, Brenna. This is all Alex’s fault.”

“Och, we all know that, Maddie.” Brenna rolled her eyes at her sister-in-law.

“Nay, that’s not what I meant. Alex cannot keep his hands away. I told him if we kept going on like that, we’d rush the babe out.” She giggled as she told her story.

Caralyn couldn’t hide the shock on her face. She had relations while she was carrying?

Brenna glanced at Caralyn. “Caralyn, are you well? You aren’t going to drop on me, are you?”

“Nay.” She picked up the linens and folded them, still puzzled by what she had just heard.

Brenna chuckled. “When I was carrying Bethia, Quade was afraid to touch me. I told him there was no way I could go nine months without my enjoyment. He finally relented. ‘Tis fun to play with the different positions, isn’t it?”

Brenna and Maddie both laughed at their own memories. Caralyn stared at them, mouth still agape.

“Caralyn, you were married when you had Ashlyn, aye?” Brenna said. “You didn’t enjoy relations when you carried?”

Caralyn cleared her throat and swallowed before she sat on a nearby stool, puzzled. “My mother told me you couldn’t have relations when you carried.”

“Child, your mother was wrong,” Alice spoke up. “Most women can have relations while they are carrying. Though many in England believe the same as your mum. Do you agree, Brenna?”

“Och, aye. Would have driven me daft if I couldn’t hold my husband close and enjoy him. ‘Tis the best part of marriage. But I did have one mother who I advised not to have relations near the end. She carried the bairn too low. But other than that, most continue to enjoy their husbands until the verra end.”

In that one moment, Caralyn’s world fell apart. Could everything she knew be wrong? Had her mother told her untruths? And both women were talking about enjoying relations…wanting them…like it was no sin. As if it was natural.

Maddie reached for her hand. “Come sit on the bed near me. You can hold my hand.”

Caralyn sat next to her and gripped her hand, then whispered, “You enjoy relations with your husband?”

“Och, aye. I love relations with my husband. He takes such good care of me. But I have heard of some women who don’t.” Maddie’s face turned to Brenna. “Brenna?”

“Aye for me as well. Caralyn? Why do you ask? You never did?”

Her mother’s voice echoed in her ears, loud and insistent.
Good wives do not enjoy marital relations. ‘Tis a sin for a woman to enjoy it like a man. Do not let him try to make you take part in it. Just lie there until he is done and it won’t take long. Women who enjoy relations are bad. You will be bad, bad, and your husband will get rid of you. Only whores like it. Remember what I tell you, Caralyn. Be a good wife, lie there and say naught. Elsewise you will be branded a whore.

She massaged her temple as the truth wove its way through her memories.

Her mother had lied, and all these years Caralyn had believed her. She held the side of her head as she tried to make sense of how these deeply ingrained lies had impacted her thoughts, her actions, her everything. Malcolm had told her the same things, teasing her, telling her that her enjoyment of sex made her a great whore. Most of the time, she could ignore them and pretend it wasn’t happening, but Malcolm had always known how to force her enjoyment. How to make her feel guilty. That’s what he was about. Guilt. Control. How she hated him!

Lies, they were all lies.

Only one person had not made her feel bad in his bed.

Captain Robbie Grant.

She heard Brenna’s voice before noticing her hand on her arm. “Caralyn, would you like to talk about it?”

Caralyn had to ask again—she had to
know
. “’Tis normal to enjoy it?” she whispered, praying the answer would still be aye.

“Aye.” Brenna held her hand. “You don’t look well.”

“’No one thinks bad of a woman who likes it? My mother taught me only whores like it.”

Alice gasped. “Nay, child. Pardon me, but your mama told you wrong. She could have been raised in one of the strict churches, though, so don’t think poorly of her. She told you what she was taught is my guess.”

“You are normal, Caralyn.” Maddie squeezed her hand. A second later, a tighter squeeze came as another wave of pain and pressure hit Maddie’s body, trying to prepare it for the birthing process.

The door burst open and Alex flew in, tugging Caralyn off the bed so he could climb up behind Maddie. “Sorry, lass,” he gave Caralyn a sheepish look. “This helps when my wife has to push the bairn out. ‘Tis all I can do for her.” He began to massage Maddie’s shoulders and Caralyn stepped back.

Robbie stood in the doorway, winked at her and said, “See you later, lass. Time for me to leave.”

Time flew by over the next hour. Maddie worked hard to deliver her bairn, and Caralyn helped where she could. She forgot about everything they had discussed, devoting all her focus to Maddie and Brenna. Alex was a delight to watch as he took care of his wee wife, cradling her between pains, encouraging her when she needed him. He mopped her forehead and kissed her cheek. She had never heard of any man staying through a birthing. This was definitely something she would have to ask Robbie about.

Sometime in the following hour, Brenna yelled, “I can see the bairn’s head, Maddie. Push now, push hard.” Brenna pulled Caralyn down next to her and pointed to the babe’s hair. “I think ‘twill be yellow haired, Maddie. Push for your husband.” Jennie popped her head in at the last minute and Brenna beckoned her inside. The lass stared at everything in wide-eyed wonder, but she knelt down on the floor to watch.

Alex held Maddie up while she pushed, her hands locked behind her knees for leverage. The bairn’s head came closer to being ejected, but it fell back when Maddie took a breath. While Maddie relaxed, Brenna told Caralyn and Jennie about the life cord that came out with the baby, and showed them what she would use to tie it and then cut it when the time came. They waited for another wave of pressure to prompt Maddie into pushing.

When it came, Maddie pushed with all her might. Finally the head popped out and Brenna cradled the bairn’s wee head in her hand, using a cloth to wipe off the wean’s face. “Come on, Maddie, the head is out, you need to push and get the shoulders out.”

“I cannot, I have no strength left.” Maddie panted in exhaustion.

Brenna cleaned out the inside of the babe’s mouth. “Alex, she needs to push. Get her to finish this.”

Alex sat her up and when a new wave of contractions assaulted Maddie, she pushed until her face was beet red. The bairn’s shoulders slipped through the small opening, and Maddie fell back against her husband, sighing in relief.

Brenna caught the wee one and Caralyn reached down to help her. The healer had just set the babe in Caralyn’s waiting hands when he let out a loud yelp and turned bright red.

“You have another lad, Alex! Maddie, ‘tis a beautiful lad. He has light hair and he is hopping mad right now. What a strong laddie!” Brenna’s joy was contagious.

The bairn let out a feisty scream as he wiggled, his wee hands fisted with all his might, and they all smiled. Caralyn only realized there were tears streaming down her face when her vision blurred. She watched Brenna tie off and cut the life cord and wrap the bairn in a soft plaid before settling him in his mother’s arms. Maddie cried when she saw her new wean and Alex kissed her.

Alice, who stood by Maddie’s side, cried rivers and, in between, managed to say, “Four, my word, child, four healthy bairns. How I wish your mama could see you now.”

Caralyn helped Brenna take care of the life piece that came out after the baby. They all worked together and cleaned the babe up enough to send Alex out the door to show off his new son. Finally, they cleaned Maddie up, dressed her in a fresh night rail, and she fell asleep.

Brenna hugged Caralyn and thanked her before sending her out the door. When she stepped into the passageway, she realized the sun had risen. She turned to see Robbie walking toward her, and she promptly ran into his arms sobbing.