Journey to the Highlands: Robbie and Caralyn (Clan Grant Series Book 4) (11 page)

Chapter Twenty-One

They rode for a full day before Robbie found a clearing off the beaten path that he felt was safe enough for a resting place. He didn’t believe Malcolm would be back for a while. He would head back to Glasgow and get his shoulder tended to before finding more men to hire. If they managed to get far enough ahead of him, he would have difficulty with some of his mercenaries. Highland air took some getting used to, especially in November.

The men killed a few rabbits and roasted them in the center of the clearing. Tomas even found a few apples for them to share. This could be the only chance they had to cook and get a solid amount of food in them. Caralyn’s foot was quite swollen and her face was a mass of cuts from the brambles she’d hurtled through, though her injuries didn’t seem to bother her. He wanted one night of nourishment and rest before pushing ahead as far as possible. They had ridden for almost a day and a half, and the horses needed a rest as much as they did.

Robbie wondered how Caralyn would sleep. He wanted her in his arms, but he didn’t think she was ready to accept that yet. He didn’t want to move too far away from her, though, because by the middle of the night, she would be so cold she would be searching for warmth. There was no way he would allow her to gain heat from anyone but him.

He set a plaid on the ground for her, not far from him and close to the fire. She stared at it, clearly contemplating what she should do. Pivoting around to check the area, she saw where the other three had settled. When she got to him, she stopped.

Robbie tipped his head toward the blanket. “I didn’t want you too far away. You’re welcome to sleep next to me for my heat if you would like.”

Her brow furrowed, but she shook her head. “I’ll be fine here near the embers.”

“If you change your mind, just say so. I’ll be right behind you.”

She nodded and tried to settle on the plaid, wrapping it around her.

“Caralyn, you have my word I’ll be honorable. ‘Twill be cold.”

She glanced over her shoulder at him. “My thanks, but I’ll be fine here.”

He watched her toss and turn, but finally he closed his eyes when she finally settled.

In the middle of the night, he awoke to a strange sound. He surveyed the area, before realizing the sound came from Caralyn. She was shivering so hard that her teeth rattled. She had to be freezing. He moved up close to her and set his hand on her shoulder.

She jerked in response to his touch. “Nay. I’ll be fine.”

“Lass, don’t be foolish.” He settled his hand on her face to show her the difference. “Trust me, Caralyn. I only offer warmth.”

She rolled onto her back and gazed into his eyes with such a forlorn look his heart broke. “Promise me? Naught else with all these guards around?”

“You have my word of honor as a Grant.” It would surely kill him and test all his self control, but he didn’t wish to wake up to a corpse in the morning. She was too thin to withstand the Highland nights alone.

She nodded her head in agreement and rolled over onto her side. Robbie slid up behind her and tucked her body next to his, opening his plaid to wrap around her.

A small moan escaped her lips as his heat settled around her, slowing the shaking of her body. She tucked in closer, rubbing her bottom against his groin. Unfortunately, he sprang to life underneath her and she froze in response. She was no innocent; she knew exactly what had happened.

“Lass, don’t fash yourself. I am human and you have a lovely bum, but I promise not to act on it. You need to stay warm.” He could feel her muscles relax against him. “May I ask a question?”

“Aye,” she whispered.

“That night in the priory. To me, ‘twas verra special. We definitely have something between us, but you pushed me away at the end. Why?”

Caralyn cleared her throat before she answered. “Guilt.”

“For what? You’re a grown woman. Why would you feel guilty for what we shared?”

“Robbie, first you have to understand something about me. I came to you that night because I needed to thank you for all you had done for me and for my daughters.”

“You had already thanked me. You didn’t need to come to me. I thought it was something more. I thought you wanted me.”

“Please don’t be offended, but ‘tis the only way I know how to thank men. The first reason was for what you did for me against the Norseman and second, for returning to find my daughters. The words
thank you
didn’t seem enough. And I know what men want. So I gave you what you wanted.”

Robbie stiffened. Was that all it had been to her? A task of appreciation? “But I never asked you for your body.”

“I know, but ‘tis what all men want.”

“It didn’t occur to you that I might be different?”

“Nay, not then. Since then, I have discovered you
are
different. But I shamed myself by going to you in the priory. I could have been severely punished. And quite simply, when I thought about what I had done, I was embarrassed.”
And I just can’t admit to you how much I did enjoy it. I want you to love me.

“I don’t believe you when you say you couldn’t tell what we shared was different. You had to feel it. Mayhap those were your intentions when you came to me, but you have to admit we are special together. Nay?”

“Aye, Robbie, ‘twas a verra special night for me, too. But where do we go from here? I am a whore, and I don’t think your clan will approve of me.”

“Enough. I don’t want to ever hear those words from you again. You are
not
a whore. You were forced to make a choice in order to save your daughters.” He gritted his teeth before he continued, “Go to sleep, we have a long day tomorrow.” Hellfire, she made him so furious, he couldn’t speak. If he heard that word one more time, he would be bellowing loud enough to rile all the animals in the forest.

The woman infuriated him.

***

When Caralyn awoke, the first thing she did was shiver and pull the plaid around her even tighter. Robbie must have left, taking his delicious warmth with him. She glanced around the clearing and noticed all four men were up and moving. They munched on oatcakes and drank from skeins.

She sat up and rubbed her eyes. Her face ached and she touched it carefully, sighing when she felt all the dried crusted blood there again. What a sight her face must be. Robbie strode over to her and handed her a skein of water.

“Have a drink and take care of your needs. Might be a good idea to wash your face. You have many cuts from the bushes.” He handed her a small piece of soap.

She took the soap and the skein and thanked him, dampening a piece of her skirt so she could scrub her face. Something was different about Robbie this morn. His demeanor had changed. Gone was his effervescent smile and his good mood. He seemed almost angry with her.

It had to be related to their conversation. He’d said he thought there was something special between them, that their night together at the priory was like none he’d ever had, and she’d claimed it had been no more than her way of thanking him.

He had gotten really angry after she had said she was a whore and she was afraid his clan wouldn’t accept her. Had he seen the truth in her words when he had bellowed? Or was it because she hadn’t told him her true feelings?

Why hadn’t she admitted the truth? True, she had gone to him with the intent of thanking him, but the night had meant so much more to her. The way he’d held her, the way he’d looked at her, and the way he’d made her feel…It had been a revelation.

Her heart fluttered at the thought that their night together had meant something to him as well, but she knew she couldn’t explain her true feelings. There were two problems they would never be able to get past. First, she was a whore. No matter how angry he became over the thought, it was the truth. And second, she knew his clan would not accept her. It was probably for the best they separate now.

Last night had been so difficult for her. How she had wanted to roll over and face him; share her body with him again. She had dreamt of having him buried deep inside her, holding her while she cried out in pleasure, then calling her name out as he found his release.

But she could not allow her body the chance to betray her again. Her mother’s voice rang through her mind again.
Aye, you know it. You were bad, verra bad that night. Ask the Lord for forgiveness.
She chewed on her thumbnail while she searched for the right cut on her arm. It needed to be the deepest. When she was satisfied with the one she chose, she drove her fingernail right into the middle of it. How it hurt! She didn’t cry out, but pushed harder. She was so ashamed of her behavior.
That’s right, my dear, you were bad.

Robbie stopped in front of her, his eyes cold and distant. “Are you ready? We need to keep moving. ‘Tis best if we get deep in the Highlands as soon as we can.”

She pointed to the bushes.

“Aye, five minutes to take care of your needs. Then we move.”

Tomas shouted across the clearing. “What in hellfire is your problem today, Grant? Don’t take it out on a wee lass.”

Robbie stared at her for a moment, his hands on his hips, his angry gaze raking her. Now
that
she was used to.

Chapter Twenty-Two

They didn’t talk for most of the morning. He could tell by her stiff spine in front of him that she was upset about the way he had treated her. She had to have expected it. You don’t insult people without retaliation. At least, most people didn’t. But what had angered him most was her careless use of the term
whore.
How could anyone speak of themselves in such a way?

But Caralyn was not most people. She didn’t act like any other lass he had ever met. Her entire focus was her daughters; that he understood. Mothers became very protective. Even his sister-in-law, who had seemed meek to him before she had children, became a wild cat around her weans. No one dared to cross Maddie when it came to the twins or Kyla. Even Alex treaded lightly. He grinned at a fond memory. The twins, John and Jamie, had come into the great hall one day tugging real swords bigger than they were. All Maddie had said was, “Alex!” and his brother had jumped. The lads were playing with their own toy wooden swords within a day.

So what was different about Caralyn? For one thing, Robbie had never had to worry about a lass before. Truth be known, they had fallen at his feet at Clan Grant. Aye, partly because he was a Grant, but there was more to it. He had learned at a young age all he had to do was flash his smile at a lass, and she would do whatever he wanted. Brodie claimed it was the color of his fair hair, but he believed it was his smile.

His smile didn’t work on Caralyn. When he looked at her that way, she didn’t give him the admiring looks he was used to from the lasses. He could only come to one conclusion—Caralyn did not find him attractive.

Even if that was the case, he longed to understand her better. He racked his brain while they rode, trying to think of someone he knew who had gone through something similar to Caralyn, someone he could compare her to.

She had mentioned being accepted by his clan. Why would she be concerned about such a thing? His clan wasn’t like that. Something bothered him in the back of his mind; something similar. Aye, his family would accept her for what she was, but would the others? Hadn’t Maddie been accused of not being good enough for Alex after the Comming had spread lies about her?
Och, aye! Wee Tommy had thrown stones at Maddie.
They had all apologized after she had saved Jennie and wee Emma, and he hadn’t even known there was anything happening out of the ordinary. The world was different for women. Mayhap he had been too judgmental.

Her spine still sat ramrod straight in the saddle ahead of him. “Lass, you may lean against me.”

She glanced over her shoulder before looking back at her hands. “I thought you wanted naught to do with me after this morn.”

“Aye, well, I can be pig-headed at times, but ‘tis nae reason for you to give yourself a backache.” He rubbed her arm lightly, hoping she would understand his mood had changed.

She leaned into him. “’Tis a long path to your land, is it not?”

“Aye, another day mayhap.”

“’Tis the same path Logan and Gwyneth would have taken with the lassies?”

He could tell she waited anxiously for his answer. Logan was a hell of a tracker and would go his own way, but in some areas, there were no other choices. “Aye, for the most part, but Logan is exceptional. He may know a different path than I do. He would have taken them the fastest way, without a doubt. ‘Tis chilly in the Highlands this time of year for your girls.”

“Have you noticed any signs of trouble? If aught had happened, you would know it, wouldn’t you?”

“I haven’t seen any signs of aught.”

She nodded and relaxed a bit more. “Och, but the land is breathtaking, Robbie. I have never seen such beauty.” Caralyn lifted her face to the sun, sighing when the rays danced across her features. Her beauty moved him, especially with the slight smile that he rarely saw.

“Did you always live in South Ayrshire?” Robbie hoped he could get her talking about her past. He wanted to know as much as he could about what had made this woman who she was.

“For the most part. When I was young, we lived inland near the clan keep, but my sire wanted to fish, so we moved to the coastline and he and a couple of friends built a small boat. My da loved to go fishing and took me often.”

“Not your mother?”

“Nay, she didn’t like it. When I grew up, his friend’s son offered for me and my da accepted. We got along well enough. He fished with my da and his friends as well.”

“Do you still like to fish? We have a lovely loch not far from us. The fish are incredible there.”

“Aye, I do and so does Ashlyn. She doesn’t remember her da well, but she loves the smell of fish, and even helps me clean them. I have taken her with me before while Gracie played in the water.”

“What happened to your parents and your husband?”

“My parents passed from the fever not long after we were married. We lived in their house. When Ashlyn was three summers, my husband and his friend went out fishing one day and never came back. ‘Twas in October when the gale winds blow in quick and they were caught in a storm. We never knew what happened to them until sections of their boat washed up on shore a fortnight later.”

“Och, lass, I am sorry for such a loss.” She had been left alone with a three year old. No parents, no husband. “How did you survive alone?”

“There were a couple of other friends who helped out for a while, but one friend was the father of the man who’d died with my husband, and he moved away, unable to cope.”

Caralyn said naught for several miles. Robbie decided that she would talk about Malcolm when she was ready. He saw her swiping at her eyes. “Lass, you don’t need to talk about it. Forgive me for bringing up something so painful. I’m just trying to understand.”

“I want you to know. There was a period that winter when Ashlyn and I had gone without food for almost a sennight.” She squeezed his hand. “Do you know how hard it is to watch your bairn starve? I searched everywhere for food, even started walking in the snow and begging our neighbors, but ‘twas a tough winter.”

Robbie held her hand and let her go on. Truth was, he couldn’t imagine such a thing—a lass alone with no one to turn to, no clan to protect her.

“Malcolm often passed our cottage when he was delivering crates down the path. One day, he came along with a bag of turnips and oatcakes. He brought them inside and just left them. I was afraid to accept the food, but Ashlyn was so hungry. We rationed it out, but it still wasn’t enough.”

He didn’t know what to do for her other than to listen.

“He came one more time and left food again, but the next time, he brought two friends. I found out what I owed him for the food. I only agreed because he promised more food and clothing for Ashlyn, and it broke my heart to see her starve, Robbie.” She hung her head and swiped at her cheeks. “I didn’t know what else to do. We were so hungry.”

“Every week he came with other men, but usually his same friends. Every week I paid for my daughter to eat. Then he would get back on his boat and head up the firth toward Glasgow. Had I anywhere to go, I would have. After a while, he started to leave men to protect us, or so he said. I found out it was to keep me from leaving.”

Robbie couldn’t handle anymore. He twisted her in the saddle and settled her so he could hold her while she cried.

“A couple of times, he took us to the royal burgh when he had business. ‘Twas where I met Gwyneth. I often went to the Kirk with an escort, and she was there frequently because her brother is a priest. Malcolm always had someone watching us. I tried to escape to the abbey before Gracie was born, but his men caught us. ‘Twas too difficult after I had Gracie, and his visits had decreased. I had hoped they would stop altogether. Then the Norse came along and ruined everything.”

Robbie kissed the top of her head. “Mayhap you will someday consider it to have been a blessing. ‘Twas the Norseman who got you into my arms.”

“Robbie, how I wish things could work out between us. I just don’t know how it could happen. We have much going against us.”

She leaned into him and the soft mounds of her breasts settled against his arm. He inhaled her scent and sighed, wishing they were somewhere else, anywhere but atop a horse. She moved and must have discovered how hard he was, but she didn’t move away. Instead she rested her chin on his other shoulder so she could press her beautiful breasts against his chest. All he could think of was how she had looked standing in the middle of a sea of warriors with naught but a shift on and her rosy nipples fully visible. His next thought was the sweet memory of how she had cried out when he had been buried deep inside her.

They didn’t have much going against them, at least, not in his mind. He would find a way.