Jude (Beautiful Mine #2) (9 page)

JUDE

“I’ve had so much fun with you this weekend,” Evie said as we retreated to my condo that evening. We’d spent the morning at the pier, lunched at a little rooftop café overlooking the ocean, and walked Rodeo Drive all afternoon. I’d even offered to buy her a handbag when she ogled the Prada window display, but she straight up refused.

“Glad to hear it,” I said, kicking off my shoes. “Feel like sitting outside? Or have I had you out too much today?”

“I could never get enough of this gorgeous weather,” she sighed, traipsing to the sliding glass doors. “Looks like a clear night. All those stars…” She clutched her hand across her heart as her big blue eyes reflected the city lights.

I pulled the heavy doors open and a gush of wind blew in, rustling her hair. She finger-combed it back into place and stepped out onto the balcony, taking a seat on the loveseat.

“Thanks for today,” she said. “I wasn’t sure how I was going to spend my birthday this year.”

I nodded. “Anytime. Glad you enjoyed it.”

“Jude,” she said, turning to me as I took a seat next to her. “I really needed this little break from reality.”

“Evie, this is reality,” I said. “This is real life. This is right now. There’s nothing else besides this moment.”

“Maybe,” she said, looking down and nervously running her hands up and down her thighs. “It’s just, the minute I step onto that plane tomorrow, this will all fade into oblivion.”

“It doesn’t have to,” I said. “You can leave Halverford. No one is going to force you to live there the rest of your life except you.”

“I have no money,” she said with a shrug. “I couldn’t move out here without a job or a place to live.”

I laughed, frustrated. “You don’t understand what I’m saying, do you?”

She shook her head, turning to face me, her desperate eyes locking onto mine.

“I will help you,” I said, drawing my words slowly. “How many times do I have to tell you I’m going to take care of you? It was my dying brother’s last wish, for fuck’s sake.”

“What else did Julian ask you to do?” she asked innocently, eyes filled with curiosity.

“That’s pretty much it.”

“So do you feel obligated? Is that why you wanted me to come out here? You’re atoning for never being there for your brother?” Her tone was shifting our conversation into a completely different direction, and by the look on her face, there was no going back.

“Not at all,” I assured her, though she wasn’t exactly wrong. “Believe me, if you were this horrible person, I wouldn’t have stayed all those nights with you in Halverford. I wouldn’t have flown you to L.A. to spend the weekend here. I love my brother, but a guy can only do so much.”

“Oh, okay,” Evie said, surprisingly dropping it, though I figured her thoughts had drifted elsewhere.

“So far, everything Julian ever said about you in his letters has been right,” I said earnestly. “You’re a good girl, Evie.”

“I’d really love to see those letters sometime,” she whispered. It killed me to keep them from her, it really did, but showing them to her now would complicate everything. It wasn’t time yet.

“Someday, kid,” I told her, watching her pretty face fall. “I promise.” I crossed an “X” over my chest, feeling the burn of my words as they scalded my skin.

I sunk back into the fabric of the scratchy outdoor loveseat, keeping my arm around her shoulder and watching her from the corner of my eyes. Her gaze was fixed on the city symphony below us as the breeze tousled her long hair. In complete silence, I observed while she watched the stoplights change from red to green to yellow, cars whiz past, and life go on.

If she were any other girl, I’d have kissed her right there under the starry sky. Her full lips begged to for me to crush them with my own. Her soft skin begged to be touched. Her body begged to be held.

But she wasn’t mine to kiss. She wasn’t mine at all. I didn’t even deserve her.

“Would you ever consider moving out here?” I asked.

She pursed her lips, cocking her head to the side. “Maybe, if I could figure out the logistics. It’s just kind of scary to think about.”

“I meant what I said about helping you get on your feet,” I said. “You can stay with me until you find a job, and I’ll help you find somewhere to live.”

“You’re too good to me,” she said, offering an appreciative smile. “It’s really something I need to think about. I love the idea of it, but actually doing it is completely different, you know?”

My eyes were fixed on her full pout and the perfect little cupid’s bow of her upper lip, and for a brief moment, I allowed my mind to wander, imagining what she’d taste like or how she’d react if I just claimed her lips.

The more I realized I couldn’t have her, the more I wanted her. I had no business feeling that way toward her. Her future was in my hands. My future, too. I had to stay objective.

“It’s getting late,” I said, shifting uncomfortably as my thoughts about her grew more intense.

“Yeah,” Evie said, standing up to stretch. She lifted her arms above her head, tugging up on her shirt and revealing a hint of bare flesh above her jeans. “I have an early flight tomorrow.”

We headed in, and I locked the sliding door as she slunk back to my room to change into pajamas in my bathroom. I perched on the edge of the bed as I waited my turn.

“Oh, you scared me!” she said a few minutes later as she popped out, her hand clutching at her heart.

“Sorry,” I said. “Just waiting my turn.”

She shuffled over toward the bed and sat next to me, our eyes locked. My palms grew sweaty as I clenched them, refusing to allow them to so much as touch her in any way.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, brows furrowed.

“I just don’t want you to leave,” I said. The words came too easy.

“I don’t want to leave, either,” she sighed, her shoulders falling. “I’ve been having fun with you.”

“Me too.”

My eyes shifted toward her lips. It almost felt like she was leaning in closer to me, though I was quite sure it was just my imagination, but the heat of her body radiating onto mine told me it wasn’t. Within seconds, my hands were brushing against her soft cheeks and my lips were pressed against hers, claiming her mouth as mine.

Fuck being objective. Fuck the future. All that existed was that moment.

My hands released her pretty face, and she wasted no time in pulling away.

“Fuck. I’m sorry, Evie,” I groaned. “I had no business kissing you like that.”

She opened her mouth as if to speak, but she seemed too stunned to say anything. I leapt off the bed, leaving the room and closing the door behind me.

EVIE

I traced my lips with my fingertips. They were still warm and still tasted like him. Paralyzed and replaying that kiss over and over in my head, I forced myself to shake it off as I climbed under the blankets and set the alarm on my phone for five in the morning.

I didn’t know how it happened. Perhaps, in a way, I’d willed it to happen. I’d stared at his lips all day, wondering if they’d feel familiar like Julian’s, wondering if they’d taste like Julian’s, if he’d kiss like Julian.

I got my answer. Jude was his own man. Nothing about his kiss remotely reminded me of Julian.

I palmed my red cheeks, feeling like I’d cheated on my husband in a weird sort of way, and whispered, “Oh, God. What did I do?”

I cringed, thinking about how awkward things were going to be in the morning. He’d jetted out of there before I could even say a word, probably feeling the sting of rejection since I’d pulled away.

Before I had a chance to give it any more thought, exhaustion had set in, and by the time I opened my eyes again, the moon outside the window had been replaced by the sun pulling itself over the horizon.

“Knock, knock,” Jude called from the other side of the door an hour later. I was showered, changed, and packed. “I need to jump in the shower. Then we can go.”

He flashed a charming, Jude-esque smile, as if nothing had ever happened and strutted into the bathroom. I vowed to do the same: pretend nothing happened.

Twenty minutes later, we were cruising down the freeway headed toward LAX. Traffic at six-thirty a.m. was a bit less chaotic, though it was still busier than back home.

He pulled into the drop-off lane and shifted his car into park, hesitating for a brief moment before getting out and pulling my bag from the trunk. I met him curbside.

“Thanks for coming to visit,” he said, opening his arms for a hug. “I hope you’ll come out again. Soon.”

“Thanks for having me,” I said, wrapping my arms into his Greek god physique. “I’ll be back. Don’t worry.” My words were noncommittal. I didn’t know if I’d be back or not. Everything was so up in the air.

He squeezed me tight before letting me go and slowly making his way to his side of the car. He hopped it, gave me a wave, and watched for a moment as I walked away.

That kiss meant nothing,
I told myself. It was born from a moment of weakness and intense loneliness. He reminded me of Julian—that was all.

***

“So, what was it like out there?” Carys asked Sunday afternoon, perched on the foot of my bed as I unpacked my suitcase.

“Beautiful,” I sighed. “Palm trees. Ocean. Gorgeous people. Amazing restaurants. Fancy cars everywhere you looked. It’s a whole ‘nother world, Carys.”

“So we should move there?” For once, Carys appeared to be serious.

“I don’t know how we could,” I said. “Sounds good, in theory.”

“You’re so lame,” Carys said with an eye roll. “Live a little.”

“You know, Jude’s roommate, Jax, would be perfect for you,” I said with a calculating smile. “He’s like the guy version of you, if you surfed.”

“Oh, geez,” Carys said. “California surfer dude? Let me guess: he has sandy blond hair and a ripped body and is super laid back. No thanks.”

“He’s just like every other guy you date,” I said. “Just saying.”

“I’m never going to meet him, anyway, so it doesn’t really matter,” she replied. “Someone’s a little too scared to step outside Halverford for more than a weekend.”

I spun on my heel and shot her a look.

“If you go back, let me know,” Cary said. “Maybe I’ll tag along.”

“I don’t know when I’ll be going back.”

“Why is that?”

I bit my lip, searching for the words as I remembered the feel of his warm mouth claiming mine. “Jude kissed me.”

“Um, what?!”

“And I kissed him back.”

Carys leaned over and grabbed my arm in disbelief. “That’s Julian’s brother.”

“I know, I know,” I lamented. “Which is why I stopped it after a few seconds. It just felt… wrong.”

Carys shook her head. “These things don’t just happen, Evie. I don’t think he’d just randomly kiss you. You must’ve been giving him signs, or something.”

“I don’t know,” I said with a shrug. “We’d been spending a lot of time together, and there’s definitely an attraction—at least, for me there is—though I suspect it’s because he looks so much like Julian.”

“Obviously, he’s attracted to you too if he kissed you,” she said. “And he invited you out to visit him. He must think a certain way about you.”

“He’s just taking care of me,” I said, scrunching my nose. “You’re reading into it too much. He promised Julian. He’s just being a good brother.”

Carys narrowed her eyes. “Maybe. Maybe not.”

“Did I tell you they have another brother?” I asked, tossing the last of my dirty clothes into a laundry basket across the room. “His name is Jamison. He’s older. A doctor in Manhattan, or something.”

“Maybe he’ll randomly appear on your doorstep so you can meet him too,” Carys quipped.

I shuddered. I couldn’t handle another surprise. “I hope not. Jude said he looks just like Caroline. I don’t need any Caroline doppelgangers showing up around here.”

Carys changed the subject. “You sure you don’t have any feelings for Jude? Not even a little?”

Shrugging, I said, “Even if I did, and I’m not saying I do, I’m not gong to entertain them right now. It just feels wrong. I can’t do that to Julian.”

“I suppose you have to do what you think is right.”

“I’m trying. Believe me, I’m trying. Everything is so confusing right now.”

“You just need to let loose and have fun, Evie. If you’re really that lonely, there’s always douchebag Spencer to keep you company. Rumor has it he’s holding a big ol’ flame for you and it’s burning awfully bright right now.”

“Ha!” I laughed. “I’m lonely right now, but not
that
lonely.”

“Oh, girl, he’s so in love with you,” Carys said, rolling her eyes. “Ever since you got married, it was like something switched in him. Every time I’d see him at Mulligan’s, he’d basically pounce on me and try to pump me for information. He’s probably stalking you.”

“Seriously?”

“I’m kidding about the stalking part, but yeah, he’s pretty obsessed right now,” she said. “He dumped his girlfriend back at school and tells everyone he made a mistake.”

“Serves him right,” I said, suddenly feeling extraordinarily vindicated.

“Look,” Carys said, “I’m not advocating for you to get back with Spencer. But at some point, you’re going to have to put yourself back out there. You can’t hold onto Julian forever.”

“I just need to focus on myself right now,” I said. “I’m not trying to date anyone. It hasn’t even been a month, Carys.”

Tears burned hot in my eyes. I hadn’t cried in days. Jude always distracted me from the pain.

“At what point, though, is it okay for me to move on?” I asked.

“It’s not like there’s a manual on how to grieve,” Carys said with a gentle cadence. “You have to do it when it feels right for you. No one else can tell you when that is. But don’t sacrifice the good guys that happen to come into your life all because you’re trying to create some kind of appropriate timeline because it makes you feel better about yourself.”

I grabbed a tissue and dabbed my eyes. “No, you’re right.”

“I should probably get going,” she said, glancing at her watch. “I work early tomorrow. Think about what we talked about, okay? I’ll go to California with you next time you go. I’m actually sort of curious about this Jax guy.”

Carys always knew how to take a heavy conversation and spin it into something lighthearted. She’d always had a way with words, and I loved that about her. She’d been there for me since we were kids. She was there when my grandmother passed away, when my dog was hit by a car, and when Spencer broke my heart into a million pieces for the first time. She was there when I eloped with Julian, and again when he passed. She was always going to be there.