Judgment (19 page)

              I waited in the dark silence for what seemed like an eternity, waiting to hear another footstep on the creaking wooden planks. Instead I heard the cellar door open, and saw the sunlight from upstairs come flooding down, illuminating the dust that floated rhythmically in the beams of light.

              I tried to tuck myself into the furthest darkest corner. I saw the Judge’s feet as he came down, step by step. I was completely trapped. There was no way he wouldn’t see me. As he stepped onto the basement floor, adrenaline and panic kicked in and I ran straight towards the steps, wanting to dodge around him and flee upwards before he realized I was there.

              I never made it.

              There was a sudden singe of electric shock as his large fingers wrapped around my throat. He lifted me clear off the floor, setting me down in front of him and I felt his wings wrap around me.

              At first there was panic. Maddening, can’t breathe panic, like you’re about to drown, looking up at the surface of the water that you can’t reach in time before you run out of air. Then came an odd sense of surrender; a strangely calm peace that almost felt medicinally induced. In an instant I went from blind panic to an overwhelming sense of serenity. Suddenly I was dreaming, as if I had skipped over the early stages of sleep and leapt right into deep slumber. The world around me simply ceased to exist.

              I felt warm and protected, like being in a mother’s womb while dreams played out on the walls of my mind. The realization came that these weren’t dreams, but memories. It was my life, from birth to now, playing out before me. It blazed by in fast forward, and certain moments seemed to slow down, as if to be studied more closely. I saw things I had been ashamed of, things I had done wrong; and I saw moments of self-proclaimed greatness. I saw the moments I had suffered, and the moments I had made others suffer. With each specific event, it seemed as though the actual actions didn’t matter, but more so the reasoning behind them; the malice or the selflessness, the desire to hurt or the intent to help another. I saw things I had done wrong, harm that I had caused, but I felt the reasoning behind them. Often I had done wrong not from malice or bad intent, but simple ignorance, naiveté, or fear.

              One particular moment seemed to replay over and over. I saw a memory from my childhood, when I was probably twelve or thirteen. I was near my family home on the north shore of Long Island. A large body of water, the Long Island Sound, had mostly frozen over for the winter. Near the shore, where my friends and I frequently played, the ice layer was broken, fractured into mini glaciers floating with patches of icy water in between. I saw a dog clawing at the ice, trying to get itself out of the water. I saw myself as a boy, crawling without hesitation out onto the ice towards it. The memory played out, showing the young version of myself pulling the dog by the scruff of its neck up onto the ice, dragging it to the safety of the shore. Suddenly, consciousness and cold reality returned, as I was forced out of this sleeping state like being shot out of cannon.

              My knees buckled slightly as the angel released me. Although I’m sure it was only seconds, it felt like an eternity as I stood face to face with the Judge. But I was still alive. I wasn’t turned to ash.

              Wasn’t I judged?

              I saw the Judge’s lips begin to move. I expected to hear the same words I had heard so many times before during the judging of others; a sin or some other transgression. Instead, I heard one simple word even more alarming. With a single low breath, the angel said my name, “Adam”, and then he turned and walked up the steps. He left me there, standing in the musty dank air of the basement. I was neither in Heaven nor Hell, nor had I been turned to dust. Everything was just as it had been.

              Why had I not been judged? How does he know my name, like the angel in the barn? I don’t understand.

              I was afraid to move. I felt like someone who had just been narrowly missed by a speeding car. I had been caught, and I’m still alive. I stood silent and motionless as I listened to the Judge walk away, through the kitchen, and out the back door. I heard his wings take flight, and he was gone. I fell to my knees and cried.

Chapter 12

Holy Water

“And God blessed them, and God said unto them, be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth”

~ Genesis 1:28

              Evelyn was puking in the bathroom.

              This routine had started a couple weeks ago, and now the morning sickness came with predictable regularity. Her swollen belly clearly showed the signs of pregnancy. Strange feelings ensued. It’s hard for a mother not to feel the natural and primordial joy of carrying a child; but against the backdrop of an apocalypse casts a whole different light on the situation.

              There was also the risk to ourselves. Her mobility would become an issue later on, and her medical and nutritional needs would become a continuously growing burden. I wasn’t sure if an infant could properly develop on beef jerky, cat food, and six month old packs of ramen noodles.

              When the baby is born, what about its crying? The noise would bring danger from all directions. Judges, scavengers, wild animals; the baby would draw them to us like a magnet. Although never officially discussed, I think there was an understanding between us that we would simply keep moving forward, and do the best we could for now.

              Yesterday we made another run into the town just up the highway. It’s still a great area for scavenging. We encountered no one, just one pack of feral dogs that I was able to scare off. We never once saw a judge anywhere. There’s a grocery store with still much of its interior intact; lots of canned goods left, even some bottled water. For whatever reason there seems to not have been much looting here. We actually had a moment of laughter when we went down a particular aisle and saw shelves stocked with baby diapers. Those will no doubt come in handy. There was a sporting goods store with clothes, sneakers, and an abundance of baseball bats; enough to dismantle a horde of maledicted if the need arose.

              We even found a gun store, and although it was fairly empty, I did find a sawed-off shotgun the owner had strapped under the counter in case of a robbery, and a few shells to go with it. It was one of the smoothest, trouble free runs we’ve had. Almost too easy. Signs of human life, and Judges, continue to become more and more scarce. I’m alright with it. It was sort of fun feeling like this could be ‘our town’. If the motel keeps working out as a good place to stay, I could see us being here permanently.

              Evelyn came from the bathroom, stood beside me at the window and smiled. The bruise on her neck was fading now, but she still didn’t speak. Honestly, it had been so long, I think she simply forgot to try. I believed scar tissue had settled over her vocal chords and she’d probably never speak again. We had both become so accustomed to communicating the way we were, it just didn’t matter anymore. “You ok?” I asked her.

              She nodded enthusiastically, then put her hand on her stomach and stuck her tongue out, the universal symbol for ‘yuck’.

              “Yeah. It’ll get better,” I told her, as if I knew what I was talking about. “Morning sickness is only supposed to last the first couple months, right?”

              She just shrugged her shoulders, the symbol for “I have no idea”.

              “Do you want to eat something?”

              Another enthusiastic nod. “Alright, get your pack and let’s see what the town has for us today.”

              With both our backpacks, Evelyn’s metal pipe and my shotgun, we stepped out into the morning sun. Of what day it was I had no idea. I couldn’t remember the last time a day had a real name, at least a name other than “Shitty day”, “Rainy day”, or “I’m fucking hungry today.” I also didn’t realize that we were moving out in the open much more carelessly now. It had been so long since we’d seen a Judge we’d simply gotten too relaxed about keeping an eye out.

              The sky was a little strange looking this morning. It was sunny where we were, but a thin odd looking layer of clouds covered the entire sky, and seemed to thicken off in the distance. Far off, the sky was really dark, like a storm was coming, a really big one. “Looks like we may get some rain later. Good time for a shower. Let’s make sure we grab more soap out of that grocery store, ok?”

              Evelyn gave a muffled sounding “Mmm Hmm”, some of the few sounds she could make that didn’t require vocal cords. She adjusted her backpack and moved a little closer to me as we walked up the highway towards town. The dust, as always, kicked up under our feet. Just when you started to forget the predicament you were in, there was always something there to remind you. We were forever walking on the remains of mankind.

              The only sounds we could hear besides our own footsteps were nature sounds. Birds chirped in the trees and locusts buzzed in the grass. On either side of the highway small herds of deer grazed in the tall weeds. About fifty yards ahead of us a large gathering of vultures milled about in the middle of the highway. They pecked at the road and pecked at each other, fighting for a piece of something on the ground.

              As we got closer, we saw the body moving. A maledicted, half eaten, but still alive. Well, not alive I guess. It was a woman, her long hair tangled and matted with all manner of disgusting things. She had been dead for a while, her body withered and rotted. Much of her was gone, her torn dress revealing ribs and hip bones. She was crawling along the road, the parade of vultures happy to follow along and take bits of her as they all moved down the highway together. Perhaps this was what Hell has been all along.

              As we neared, she saw us. She seemed to shift direction, trying to move towards us. As we passed her she reached out with a withered arm. She tried to speak but most of her neck had been eaten or simply rotted away. I could see the bugs moving on her. I could smell her, that horrible smell of rotting human. I grabbed Evelyn around the shoulder and pushed her along. “Just keep moving.” For another fifty yards I could hear the vultures fighting behind us for bits of meat.

              As we entered town we both became a bit more on edge. Surrounded by buildings, you never knew what you might run into every time you turned a corner. At least out in the open you could see what was coming. Here, every new street and every unopened door hid danger. It was still quiet, the only sounds coming from some dogs somewhere further up the road. Probably the same pack from the night before. They were feral, but they weren’t overly aggressive. They were just hungry.

              As we headed down the streets that lead to the grocery store, we passed a few streets of houses that we hadn’t been to before. “Maybe we should check some of these out today,” I told her.

              Evelyn took a look around, then just looked at me and wrinkled her lip a little. I could tell she was apprehensive. “It’ll be fine. We’ll make a lot of noise before we go in. We’ll probably find some good stuff.” She gave me a noncommittal nod, one of those uncertain ‘if you say so’ gestures. I smiled. Somehow in the midst of all this madness, her cuteness managed to show through. “It’ll be ok.”

              One by one we began searching homes as we moved along the street. We banged on doors and windows first, testing for the maledicted. All had been quiet and empty; Evelyn and I seemingly the only living people in this ghost town, all of its treasures ours for the taking.

              Most homes held the usual bullshit, all the material items that people had cherished during the naïve lives. All the false gods they had created and worshipped; very little of any use now in this world. We made note of the ones that had canned food, or detergent, or usable fabrics and clothing. We would come back for those things on other days. No sense in loading up with it all now, we had all the time in the world.

              The sound of the dogs grew louder the further we moved down the street. When we got to the last house on this block, I could tell they were in the backyard. We made noise at the front door, but the dogs paid us no attention. Moving through the house, we entered the living room where we could see the backyard through the large sliding glass doors. There, the pack of dogs were gathered, circling the patio with excitement. Several of them leaped sporadically up into the air, trying to reach something higher up.

              I nudged Evelyn to get her attention. “Go ahead and check upstairs. I’ll look around down here.”

              She nodded, and slowly went up the stairs to the upper bedrooms. Once out of sight, I went back out the front door and around the side of the house to the back. As I turned the corner, I could see what the dogs were fighting over. The second floor had a large wooden deck, and from the side railing a woman had hung herself, her legs dangling several feet below the deck.

              Her dead body swung in the breeze. From the smell it was clear she had hung herself weeks ago. The feral dogs leapt at her feet. She squirmed endlessly, a dead body with a living soul, as the animals tore the rotting flesh from her legs. She looked at me and I knew she wanted me to end her suffering, but I could not. There was nothing I could do.

              I turned and went back into the house. Evelyn was just coming down the stairs. “Come on. Let’s get to that grocery store.” I saw her look out the back window towards the dogs, and she pointed and gave me a look that said “What’s out there?”

              “It’s nothing,” I told her, “just the dogs being crazy chasing a squirrel.”

              Outside the sky was darkening. The rain storm was moving closer. It was odd looking though. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. It looked like a really severe storm, the clouds dark and brooding. It stretched for as far as I could see across the horizon, and it was definitely moving our way.

              Damn that looks nasty
.

              “We should try to get back before that hits, okay? Let’s get what we need and get out of here.”

              Evelyn nodded agreement, and we began the rest of the walk to the store.

              The parking lot of the grocery store was a world unto itself. Littered with shopping carts and abandoned cars, everything was exactly where people had left them in a hurry months ago. Weeds were growing through the cracks in the asphalt, and papers and plastic bags were blowing around in the wind.

              We entered the front door as we had the day before. From my backpack I pulled out the flashlight I had gotten from that aisle every store has, the one with the car air fresheners and batteries in it. Even though we had just been in here, it didn’t calm the eeriness of the moment. A large grocery store, one like we had shopped in all our lives, except now it wasn’t full of bustling people shoving carts full of crap around and counting their coupons.

              Now it was just a dark and empty haunted warehouse, filled with the ghosts of a society no longer alive. Our voices echoed as Evelyn and I walked the aisles. She shopped by the beam of my flashlight, the darkness around its edges always threatening to suddenly reveal something we didn’t want to see. My peripheral vision screamed with paranoia.

              Every now and then we would hear a strange creak or a sound from outside, and we would freeze in place and just listen. More than once I turned off the flashlight, and we stood motionless in the dark until it seemed like the noise was nothing.

              I could tell by the growing weight on my back that Evelyn was filling my pack. She was hungry, and so was grabbing way more than she would actually eat today. We spent extra time in the soup aisle. Canned goods were the staples of life now. Boxes of cereal were hit or miss. Some we would open just to find mold inside, others seemed fine. I guess not all preservatives are created equal.

              “Get me that one, the tomato and rice. See it? On the bottom.” She grabbed the one I asked for, and then fumbled around a bit until she found a clam chowder.

              Yuck.

              “Hey, let’s go find the wine aisle.” Evelyn rolled her eyes at me, but followed along. Half way down the aisle, she poked me in the back, When I turned she was making a motion with one arm in the air and the other rubbing her armpit. The universal sign for “Don’t forget the soap.”

              “Ah, right. That’s on the other si….”

              Then we heard the crash. A loud metallic sound, followed by a bunch of rolling cans.

              That’s inside the store