Jumper Cable (27 page)

“To complete the mission?”

She smiled. “That too. I was thinking of vengeance. We remain six very angry females.”

“But what will you accomplish by seducing Pluto? He should be happy to have any of you.”

“Seduction is only the first step. We want to win his love, then force him to give up his opposition. Turn his own fell ploy against him.”

“Wouldn’t it be easier just to get to the cable and fix it?”

“If he lets us.”

And that of course was the challenge. Pluto was not going to let them.

This time there was no further mischief, and soon the high turrets of Castle Roogna came into sight. They had achieved one more spot objective. But Jumper knew there would more mischief soon enough.

They arrived at Castle Roogna not long before nightfall. It was an impressive edifice, with massive walls and high towers rising above the surrounding trees and fields. They rounded a turn, and there were three chubby men blocking the way. Jumper managed to come to a halt before crashing into them. “Uh, hello,” he said uncertainly.

One of the men spoke up. He vaguely resembled a plank across a thick wooden door. “We are Lock, Stock, and Barrel. When we join hands we can shoot things, or even blow them up completely.”

Jumper looked at the second man, who resembled the base of some pointed instrument, then at the third, who was like the trunk of a beerbarrel tree. “I see,” he said. “We are just passing through.”

“Then you will have to pay a toll,” the second man said.

“A what?”

“A toll, troll,” the third man said. “Or we’ll blow you up.”

Then Dawn drew up on her bicycle. “Uh-oh,” Lock said. The three men sidled quickly off the path.

“There was a holdup?” Dawn asked.

“Three men, Lock, Stock, and Barrel. But they left as you arrived.”

She frowned. “I see. That alerts us.”

“Alerts us to what?”

“To triple brat mischief. Don’t be concerned; I’ll handle it.” She did not clarify it further.

They resumed riding. As they entered the orchard, a teen princess appeared before them. Jumper knew she was a princess because of her cute little crown. She wore a green dress, had greenish-blond hair, blue eyes, and an impertinent look. “Who are you?” she demanded of Jumper, who was leading the party.

Princess Dawn surged forward on her bicycle as Jumper stopped.

“Never mind, Melody, you little twerp,” she snapped brightly. “We’re on business.”

“Dawn!”

“And Eve,” Eve added darkly, arriving on the scene. Suddenly two more teen princesses appeared, garbed in brown and red. “What naughty business are you two up to this time?” the brown dressed one demanded.

“Not your business, Harmony,” Dawn said.

“Sure it is,” the red-dressed one said. “The adults are away at the moment, leaving us in charge.”

“Not in charge of us, Rhythm,” Eve said. “Now let us by; we’ve had a hard trip and we don’t need your meddling.”

The three little princesses considered. Obviously the two big princesses were not about to tolerate mischief. “At least introduce us,”

Melody said.

“And your friends,” Harmony added.

Dawn sighed. “Group, these are the three little princesses Melody, Harmony, and Rhythm, who sing and play the harmonica and drum to generate their general-purpose mischief— I mean magic. They are comparatively innocent—”

“Ahem,” Rhythm said.

“Except for Rhythm, who is taking naughtiness to a new level with the aid of an aging spell and a captive humanoid cyborg,” Dawn concluded. “Though it is true that the three of them did help save Xanth from Ragna Roc, so they are not entirely superfluous.”

“And these are Jumper Spider,” Eve said. “Wenda Woodwife, Maeve

Maenad, Haughty Harpy, Olive Hue, and Phanta. We’re on a special mission we don’t care to elucidate. Now leave us alone.”

It occurred to Jumper that there might be some rivalry between princesses. Then he caught on: Lock, Stock, and Barrel had been an early manifestation of the three little princesses. They had hid when they saw Dawn, because she would have penetrated their ruse instantly. In fact she must have guessed it from Jumper’s description. No wonder she had been impatient.

“A spider?” Melody asked. “He looks like a man.”

“In temporary manform,” Jumper said.

“A woodwife?” Harmony added. “She looks like a nymph.”

“I filled out,” Wenda said.

“A maenad?” Rhythm asked. “In clothing, with regular teeth?”

“I don’t like it any better than you do,” Maeve said.

“Well, don’t mess up the castle,” Melody said.

“Or the orchard,” Harmony added.

“Or the zombie graveyard,” Rhythm concluded.

The three vanished.

“They seem juvenile,” Jumper remarked.

“Actually, they are powerful Sorceresses, and they did save Xanth,”

Dawn said. “Not that we’d say it to the brats’ faces.”

Melody popped into view. “We heard that!” She vanished.

“Stop snooping,” Eve snapped.

“A www ,” Harmony said, appearing briefly.

“What is this naughtiness with Rhythm?” Olive asked. Rhythm appeared. “I invoked a spell to age me ten years for an hour, and hauled him into a love spring. If only I could remember the details!” She faded.

Olive nodded. “That’s naughty, all right. I suspect she remembers some of the details despite her denial. The Adult Conspiracy must be quivering with rage.”

“Adult Conspiracy?” Jumper asked.

“To Keep Interesting Things from Children,” Dawn said. “Children are not supposed to find out how to signal the stork until they are at least

eigh teen years old. That prevents them from staging a revolution and cutting the adults out of the pro cess.”

“Eigh teen years?” Jumper asked.

“You have a problem with that?” Eve asked.

“Yes. I am only four months old.”

A silence landed on them with an inaudible thud. Then Dawn laughed. “What is that in human terms?”

“About twenty-four years, I think.”

“So nobody’s been abusing you,” Eve said.

“It hasn’t seemed abusive,” he agreed.

A cloud of smoke appeared. “What’s this about contumely?”

“About what?” Jumper asked, surprised.

“Maltreatment, insult, vilification, discourtesy, misuse—”

“We already said it, Metria,” Dawn said. “Abuse. Now go away.”

“Metria?” Jumper asked.

“A mischievous de mon ess, little d,” Eve said. “She’s always sticking her nose in other people’s business. Ignore her.”

The cloud expanded and shaped into a sultry human female form.

“Yes, ignore me, you handsome hunk. Why haven’t I seen you around before?” The form’s clothing slid down slightly, baring the upper surface of her curvaceous chest.

“I haven’t been here before,” Jumper said.

“That’s no excuse.” The décolletage dropped farther. Actually, it was interesting, but Jumper was tired and wanted to get a decent night’s rest before the rigors of the next day. “May be we can meet more formally sometime,” he said, and started his bicycle. All of the de mon ess’s clothing vanished, and she floated nude before him. “How’s that again?”

Unfortunately for her, deliberate full nudity was not the freak-out that accidental partial exposure was. He rode right past her, and the girls followed. “That showed her,” Dawn murmured approvingly. “She’ll suffer Xanth’s most humongous snit.”

“I heard that, little Miss Sunshine!” Metria’s voice came. The thing

about demons, big or little D, was that it was impossible to be certain they were really gone.

They rode up to the castle moat, and to the drawbridge, which was down. “Hi, Sesame!” Eve called. “It’s just us.”

The monster nodded, recognizing her, and sank back under the water. They parked their bicycles at the portcullis and entered Castle Roogna. Jumper was impressed; the castle was large, far more massive than the Good Magician’s Castle, with a strong wall inside the moat. It was also a palace, and the interior was girt by colonnades, lovely carpets on walls and floors, ornate furniture, and spacious chambers. It was also well kept; evidently there were servants who maintained it in royal style. There were many healthy plants; he understood from what the Princesses had said in idle moments that Queen Irene’s talent was growing plants, and it showed. The girls seemed similarly impressed, apart from the two princesses, who evidently took it for granted.

“I am knot at home in buildings,” Wenda said. “But I wood almost bee comfortable here.” That was a considerable compliment to the castle.

“Thank you,” a tile on the floor said.

Maeve, Wenda, and Phanta stared. “Oh, I remember,” Olive said.

“King Dor’s talent is talking to the inanimate, and it talks back. He’s here so much that some of the magic lingers even when he’s not here.”

“You’ve got it,” Dawn agreed. “But objects tend not to be very smart.”

“Oh, yeah, flamebrain?” the tile retorted. “I can see up your legs, and that’s not all.”

Dawn stamped warningly on the floor right beside it, and the tile shut up.

“We don’t take any guff from smart-bottomed objects,” Eve said.

“Don’t let them get to you.”

“You’re welcome,” Wenda murmured to the tile, in answer to its thank-you.

“You can step on me anytime, nymph,” it said appreciatively. The two princesses led them to a suite of rooms they could use for the night. They were well appointed, with beds and bathrooms. But

Jumper was uneasy, not feeling comfortable in human paraphernalia.

“Maybe I could resume spider form and sleep outside.”

Dawn laughed. “No such luck, Jumper. To night you are with me. I will show you all the ropes.”

That was part of what he feared. The twin princesses had his number, as someone had remarked, and he would be powerless against any serious move either of them made. Worse, they knew it. But after they had supper, which was brought to them by quiet servants, and went to their rooms for the night, Dawn’s attitude changed.

“You’re a good creature, Jumper; I would have known it even if my talent didn’t tell me. Change form and hang out the window for the night; I won’t tell.”

“Thank you,” he said, truly appreciating it. So he did, and she covered for him. Except that Haughty flew by.

“What’s this?” the harpy demanded, hovering.

“Make a note,” he told her. “Dawn could seduce me, in appreciation for her kindness. Instead she’s letting me be comfortable.”

“Noted,” Haughty said, and flew on.

Now that he had time to reflect, Jumper remembered the concluding line of the Prophecy: “And Button Ghost unmasks the Host.” That had to signal the key to the completion of their mission, but what did it mean? It simply did not seem like enough. For one thing, it didn’t even mention the cable they had to repair. Well, if the Host were a person, maybe he would know. But why would he be masked?

Jumper fell asleep without untangling the tangled silk of the Prophecy. The whole thing, from the narrative hook on, was a frustrating mystery. Only the support of the girls made it worthwhile. Wenda, Maeve, the princesses . . .

In the morning they had breakfast served, then gathered for their next effort.

“Now we want to contact Button Ghost,” Dawn said. “Eve and I have seen him on occasion, but he has never spoken to us; we think he’s mute.”

“But maybe another ghost could converse with him,” Eve said.

There was only a quarter pause before Phanta spoke. “Then it is my turn. If you can bring him here, I’ll try.”

Dawn put her hands to her mouth. “Button!” she called. “We have something you may like.”

A faint form shimmered before them. It resembled a child, a little boy, perhaps six years old. He made no sound. Phanta shifted into ghost form. She approached the boy. He drifted back uncertainly. She gestured, evidently saying something in ghost talk. He listened. She indicated the other girls one by one, introducing them, and then Jumper.

Button became excited. He smiled and floated across the floor. Phanta followed, turning back to beckon the others. The ghost was leading them somewhere. They followed the ghosts through several halls until they came to a stone staircase, and up it several stories. Then along another hall to a separate section of the castle. This one had a spiral stairway leading up to a high isolated turret. Jumper looked out the windows as they ascended, and saw that they were now far above the moat. Eve, ner vous about heights, kept her eyes fixed on the stairs, not looking. At the topmost chamber, barely big enough for them to jam into, they stopped. Phanta turned physical. “Button indicates that there is a way to what we seek,” she said. “It’s not quite clear, because he can’t speak, but he seems to know why we’re here. So I think we should follow him further.”

“What dew we seek?” Wenda asked.

“The conclusion to the Prophecy,” Eve said. “Trusting that it relates to the success of our mission.”

“So we follow,” Maeve agreed.

Button floated up to a panel set in the wall. Eve touched it. “This is a doorway we never knew about,” she said. “And we thought we knew this castle inside out.”

“Trust a ghost to have secrets even from us,” Dawn agreed. “We thought this turret was an empty storage chamber. We weren’t interested in storage.”

“We were interested in fun, mischief, and boys,” Eve said. “Not necessarily in that order.”

“We preferred them combined,” Dawn agreed.

“Past tense?” Haughty inquired.

Both princesses laughed. Jumper agreed. Their mischievous male interest was definitely still present tense.

Eve touched a mark on the panel, and it swung open. There was a dark space.

“That’s not big enough for much storage,” Olive said.

“It’s a chute,” Eve said, “leading down to the dungeon.”

“The dungeon!” Dawn said. “I can’t go there! It’s too dark and deep, with all the castle looming over it.”

Jumper remembered that Dawn was afraid of depths. “Why don’t you stay here, and we’ll go down and let you know what we find. It’s best to have someone behind, in case there’s an accident, so she can bring help.”

Dawn kissed him, causing him to wobble on his feet. “She agrees,”