Junkie (Broken Doll #1) (10 page)

Tired despite getting plenty of sleep, I rubbed at my eyes and slid off the soft bed. The part in the curtains let in a sliver of pale gray light. When I pushed the heavy fabric to one side, I gasped at the sheer beauty of the view. A lake stretched as far as I could see into the dark sky of the east. Pink and gold light peeking from the horizon glittered across the water as the sun rose behind the house.

How long has it been since I appreciated something as simple as a sunrise?

So long, I couldn’t remember the last one I watched. Maybe I’d never seen a sunrise. I couldn’t be sure. Excited about something for the first time in months, I pulled on a pair of leggings, slipped into a wide-necked sweatshirt that slid down one shoulder, and stuffed my feet into a new pair of flip-flops, all courtesy of Boss. When I reached the bedroom door, my steps faltered. It
was
open. Not much. In fact, it was hardly noticeable. The crack was just wide enough to know that someone
had
been watching me, because I knew without a doubt I shut the door all the way when I went to bed.

Should I stay in my room? Should I tell Boss? Should I sneak out and run away?

I had no clue what to do. All I knew was right that second, I was determined to see the sunrise. Stubborn enough to ignore my instincts, I lifted my chin, put on my best “I’m not afraid of you” face, and stepped out into the hall, grateful to find it empty.

“Jesus.” I exhaled a shaky breath.

Maybe I’m imagining things?

Heroin did that to you, made you paranoid and even caused hallucinations at times. Yet I had to admit, the pull to get my fix hadn’t been as strong lately. Yes, I still sat in the hard wooden chair twice a day while Boss or one of his men silently dosed me, but the intensity of my cravings had significantly decreased. I shrugged off the thought. I probably didn’t crave H like I used to because I was getting it on the regular, which meant I never went into withdrawal. And it was white as snow, so I was sure it wasn’t just any old H—Boss had the really good, pure stuff.

I crept downstairs and let myself out into the backyard. One look and my breath hitched in my chest. The beauty of the land behind the house never failed to amaze me. Drug lord or not, Boss’s garden was like heaven on earth. I wove between the shrubs and flowers, guided through the fading darkness by the hint of sunlight on the horizon.

I spent so much time out here I knew each scent as I passed the various flowers—the soft sweetness of the butterfly bushes, the strong punch of the Texas mountain laurel, the cloying honeysuckle, and the perfumed gardenias. By the time I reached the gazebo in the back of the garden, I was relaxed and at peace, the familiar scents curling around me like a warm blanket. I kicked off the flip-flops and sat on a bench swing, the whitewashed wood in pristine condition. It could have been five minutes or thirty. I lost track of time as the orange glow on the horizon threw a rainbow of colors across the sky.

“Good morning.” The deep voice startled me, but I managed to maintain a calm facade as my heart kick-started into a fast pace.

“Boss,” I replied, giving him a courteous nod before returning my focus to the brilliant streaks radiating out from where land met sky. I might have appeared composed, but inside, my nerves were twisting into knots in my belly.

Is this when he asks for his payment?

Not knowing what Boss wanted from me or when he would demand it had me on edge whenever the handsome man was around.

“You mind if I join you, doll?” His drawl was pronounced as he pointed at the swing.

I stared at him a second too long before answering and unintentionally gave away my anxiety. “Not at all.” When Boss lowered his tall frame to the seat, I shuffled into the furthest corner of the bench to put distance between us, my spine pressed against the rigid arm of the swing, my arms wrapped around my knees.

Without taking his eyes off the sunrise, Boss spoke. “I reckon it’s beautiful, don’t you think?”

“It is.”

We sat quietly as the sun rose from the horizon, turning dawn into daylight. Boss’s strong presence captured all of my attention, the sunrise long forgotten. Every movement he made, no matter how small, made my body react with a burst of hormones that jolted me like mini electric shocks to my system. My heart was already pounding in my chest merely from his proximity; the tiny zaps of attraction only made the feeling more intense.

Even if you didn’t know who Boss was or what he did, he wasn’t the kind of man people ignored. He was larger than life, confident, attractive, and radiating masculine strength and power. His presence silently insisted you take notice. But continually anticipating his eventual demand for sex was tearing me apart inside. It was like living with an axe held over my head, every moment spent waiting for it to fall. If I’d learned one thing since living on the streets, it was to just suck it up and face the difficult shit head-on.

“Miri is mine.”

“No one touches my property.”

Emboldened by the words Boss used yesterday along with his dramatic actions, and desperate to get it over with, I slid across the seat until my thigh pressed against his. Boss didn’t react. Didn’t shift his attention from the sky. Didn’t turn to look at me. Nevertheless, his desire was palpable. Boss couldn’t hide the twitch of his leg muscles or the hitch in his breath. Boss or not, he was still just a man, and more important, he didn’t say no or push me away.

A little more confident, I threw a leg over his lap and straddled him, resting one knee on either side of his hips. Boss didn’t move to grab my waist or put his hands on me. It was only when my face was directly in front of his and he was forced to meet my gaze that I found myself trapped by the most stunning eyes I’d ever seen. From this close, I could see a blue so deep it reminded of the azure seas off the Greek Isles. Despite me sitting on his lap, Boss’s expression didn’t change.

Hesitant, I lifted a hand and brushed my fingertips over the soft, short hairs on his face, trailing them down to his full lips. Again, Boss did nothing. Revealed nothing. I lowered my head, allowing him plenty of time to stop me before our mouths met, but he didn’t. I felt the warmth of his breath as my lips touched his.

I kissed him while Boss sat unmoving beneath me. Confused, I swiped my tongue across his lower lip to encourage participation and groaned from the exquisite taste of his mouth. Once more, there was no response. I pulled back and stared.

Boss lifted a dark eyebrow. “Are you done yet?” His words were heavy with sarcasm.

I flinched as if he’d slapped me across the face. My cheeks burned in humiliation from the cold rejection. I slid off his lap, urgently needing to get as far away as possible. He didn’t feel the same. Boss grabbed my arm before I could leave, trapping me next to him. I dropped my gaze and waited as the shame rushed over me, a hot flush engulfing my skin, bursting into flames. Maybe they would burn hot enough to turn me to ash so I wouldn’t have to face him again.

“Meet me in the kitchen.”

With that, Boss released my arm. Those were the only words he said, delivered in a low, even, completely unaffected voice, the playful Texas drawl gone. Mortified, I turned and ran, leaving my flip-flops behind and holding back tears.

Why do I even care if he wants me or not? This is a good thing, right?

I shouldn’t
want
to be a whore, trading sex for drugs and a place to stay. Boss refusing my advances should make me ecstatic, yet as I made my way through the garden I felt nothing but the hot sting of rejection. I was lower than a junkie, lower than a whore. Not only was I both of those things, I was apparently so tainted Boss wouldn’t even touch me.

Disgusting, repulsive, useless, pathetic
… my mother’s words came roaring back as if it were only yesterday she was flinging insults while also throwing anything and everything she could get her hands on. Dishes, appliances, furniture… if it could be lifted, she’d hit me with it. One time, she even cracked a rib when she smashed a chair across my back.

I didn’t stop running until I was upstairs in my room. Ha!
My
room
.
What did that even mean? I didn’t own a single damn thing in this world.

In the attached bath, I splashed cold water on my face until I was certain I wouldn’t cry. Crying showed weakness and I was
not
weak. I never gave my bitch mother the satisfaction of breaking me; I wouldn’t give it to a man I hardly knew. So what? He didn’t want to fuck me. Living here, with one of the most dangerous men in the city, was still the safest I’d felt in a long time.

Now, I just had to face Boss and show him his brush-off didn’t affect me. Hands trembling, I went down to the kitchen for my impersonal dose of heroin.

The coin flipped methodically over my knuckles, left to right, right to left, my concentration shit while listening to the back and forth banter between Milo and Shade as we sat in the office of the warehouse. Right now, I was supposed to be paying attention to the details regarding the arrival of an upcoming shipment. Unfortunately, my mind kept wandering off, back to the morning in the gazebo with Miri two weeks ago when I acted like a complete asshole.

Miri had no idea how difficult it was to pretend she didn’t affect me, that having her sitting on my cock, pressing those ruby red lips to mine, drove me insane with desire. It was near impossible not to throw her down and fuck her sweet pussy right there on the wood floor of the gazebo. There was no reason not to take what Miri offered. It wasn’t as if she didn’t know exactly what she was doing, straddling me and grinding on my cock, especially after slowly weaning Miri off heroin without her knowledge, giving her smaller and smaller doses each day. Yes, her mind was likely quite clear when she straddled my legs and tried to coax me into fucking her.

But I didn’t fuck women in exchange for drugs or money. I certainly didn’t hook women on H just to take advantage of them. I might not have been the one who got Miri into heroin, but as long as she was getting drugs from me, she was off-limits. Of course, at the rate I was cutting her dose back, she’d be off that poisonous shit in another week or two. Miri didn’t even suspect I’d been doing it. The drop in dose was so gradual she wouldn’t notice any signs of withdrawal. It was for her own good. Miri didn’t deserve the shitty life she was pulled into by that fucking douchebag, Mason Smith.

“Boss? That okay with you? I can set everything up for the meeting, food, women, the works.”

I palmed the coin, glanced up, and saw Milo and Shade, their eyes fixed on mine, both waiting for some sort of a response. Fuck. I needed to get my head in the game and stop obsessing over Miri.

I sighed and scratched the back of my neck. “Tell me again.” The men exchanged worried looks, and started at the beginning.

T
he second Frank
stopped the car in front of the house, I went straight upstairs to change clothes. Shedding the pristine designer suit and tie for dark-washed jeans, a light tee, my leather jacket, and my old combat boots. The sleeves of the tee were short, so I got rid of the wrist sheaths but kept the KA-BAR on my calf. Minutes later, I headed back downstairs to cut through the kitchen on my way to the garage. As I passed the library, I spotted Miri out of the corner of my eye and stopped short, inexplicably drawn to the girl. When I realized she was asleep, I stepped inside, unable to resist getting a good, long look at the redhead when she couldn’t shy away or hide her face.

Or climb me like a tree and try to tempt me into grabbing that luscious ass, shoving my cock deep inside her pussy until she screamed my name.

Miri was curled up on one of the soft chaise lounges, dressed in loose, comfortable clothing, her fiery hair piled on top of her head. Her eyes were closed and whatever book she was reading was laid across her chest facedown.

I smiled, taking in the sweet picture and burning it to my memory. I knew I shouldn’t, but was incapable of controlling myself, which pissed me off in its own way. The dusty scent of old books filled my nostrils as I crossed the room. Rose would have loved it here. Reading was her passion, before the drugs got her, that is. I built this library just for her.

When I reached the chaise, I stood above a sleeping Miri and read the title of the book in her arms.
Pride and Prejudice
. Interesting choice. A book about people who misjudge each other when they first meet only to find out later how mistaken their first impressions were.

Did I misjudge you, doll? Or is it you who misjudged me?

There were no answers to my questions. I scanned her again and her beauty made me take pause, and I inhaled sharply. Miri looked so sweet, so innocent, her reddish-blonde lashes splayed across her pale, freckled cheeks. Her plump, pink lips were slightly parted, and her chest was rising and falling rhythmically with each breath, the book moving with it. The longer I stood there, the more I realized after four weeks with her in my house, I didn’t know anything about this girl. Where she was from, what she’d seen and done, fuck, I didn’t even know her last name or how old she was. Only that she was part spitfire, part angel, and that my cock was turned on by both.

It was no wonder Miri thought I kept her here to use her as my personal whore. I hadn’t done a single thing to make her feel like an actual human being with feelings. I stepped back, suddenly confused and unsure of what exactly it was I was doing by taking Miri in and cleaning her up. To toss her back out on the streets? Cleaned up with nowhere to go? I couldn’t very well keep her here forever, yet the thought of not seeing those brilliant green eyes every day made my chest ache.

At a loss, I spun on my heel and went straight to the garage. I despised uncertainty, especially from myself. It was pointless and frustrating, just like emotions. In the garage, I wasted no time and straddled my sleek red Ducati Superbike, shoved a shiny black helmet on my head, and tore down the driveway, headed for a place I hadn’t been in way too long. Milo would be pissed I didn’t take him and Frank to watch my back, but I could give a fuck. This was a trip I needed to take alone.