Junkyard Dog (20 page)

H
oney and I sit on a bench while our six kids run
around the busy park near her house. I check out the other mothers and think
about making friends. As usual, I realize I don’t want to deal with their
drama. Something about these women tells me they’re drowning in self-created
bullshit. Uninterested, I focus on Honey.

“How are things with Andrew?”

“Okay.”

“What does okay mean?”

Honey shrugs. “He’s tense and blames me for getting
Hayes involved.”

“Well, as long as he’s the one suffering, who
cares?”

Honey shoots me a disapproving frown. “He’s my
husband.”

“Why is that again?”

“Because I didn’t want to end up alone like Mom.”

Her honesty surprises me. Honey rarely talks about
our mother or brother. She avoids upsetting topics. I’m proud of her until she
opens her mouth again.

“Isn’t that why you’re with Hayes?”

Temper flaring, I think of a few cruel things to
say to my sister. I force myself to remain civil instead.

“I know you’re going through a stressful period in
your life, but you’d be smart not to comment on things you don’t know anything
about. Okay?”

“He offers you security. How is that any different
than why I picked Andrew?”

“Hayes doesn’t hit me,” I whisper angrily. “He
doesn’t tell me what to wear.” Pausing, I remember when Hayes told me to stop
wearing a shirt he thought was too revealing. “Fine, he does tell me what to
wear, but he doesn’t freak out and hurt me when I ignore him.”

“I’m not judging you.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel guilty for
judging you?”

Honey shrugs, and I realize my bitchiness won’t
faze someone beaten down for years.

“Hayes treats me well. If he didn’t, I wouldn’t be
with him. I’m not afraid to be alone.”

“Mom was. That’s why she walked into the woods that
day. All her life was about finding someone to love her, and that day she
realized no one really would.”

“We did,” I mumble.

“We had our lives. She wanted a man to love her.”

“She was weak.”

Honey studies me. “What happens when the twins get
older and move away like we did with Mom? Will you be so confident then?”

“Yes because I’m not Mom.”

“I guess that means I am.”

“You don’t have to be.”

Honey shrugs again. Her gaze leaves me and focuses
on her kids playing on the jungle gym. Cricket and Chipper are off to the side,
away from the other children. My twins laugh at something, and I love how they
have each other. They don’t beg for attention from others. That confidence is
something I have to work hard at, and Honey never learned.

“Mom could have done anything,” I say. “She could
have started over somewhere new. She talked about traveling, but she never saved
up money to go anywhere. Mom had choices, but she only wanted a man.”

“She was lonely.”

“She could have gotten a hobby.”

“Do you have a hobby?”

“No, but I have a whole list of possible ones for
when the kids get older. I plan to try each of them to see which ones I enjoy.”

Honey nods. “You always make things look so easy.”

“It’s a decision I made. You could make the same
decision.”

Honey inhales deeply. When she exhales, I swear she
looks a decade older.

“Why Andrew?” I ask, recalling how Hayes mentioned
Honey once dated Moot. “Wasn’t there anyone else who made you happy?”

“There was one guy around the time I was dating
Andrew. I liked them both, but I knew the other one wouldn’t make a good
husband and father.”

“Why?”

“He was rough and wild. He didn’t have a secure
job.”

“Do you ever have regrets?”

Lying on cue, Honey shakes her head. “He ended up
in prison. I made the right choice.”

“But you liked him more than Andrew, didn’t you?”

“Yes, but I made the right choice,” she says more
strongly.

“This other guy wasn’t someone you could show off,
huh?”

Shooting me a dirty look, Honey crosses her arms.
“It wasn’t about that. I didn’t fit in his world, and he didn’t fit in mine.”

“If Andrew fits in your world, you should ditch it.”

Honey rolls her eyes. “Stop acting like you know me
so well.”

“I know you well enough.”

“In high school, when kids made fun of you, you
didn’t care. When they made fun of me, I cried myself to sleep. We’re
different, Candy.”

I think of how much Honey always wanted to be
accepted even by losers.

“I never understood why you cared what those morons
thought. They weren’t your friends. They didn’t know shit about you, so what
did their opinions matter?”

“They just did.”

“And they still do, huh? That’s why you wear makeup
to go to the park and dress your kids up in their Sunday best just to get
dirty. You want to make a good impression on these strangers.”

“I feel their judgment if I don’t try to make a
good impression.”

“Maybe there’s a pill to fix that.”

“I’m not crazy,” she says, glaring at me.

“I never said you were. I’m saying modern medicine
has help for people’s phobias. Mom never wanted to try an anti-depressant. It
might have saved her.”

“That and a hobby, right?”

Narrowing my eyes, I want to say something nasty to
my sister. She waits for me to let loose, but I don’t. Douche has kicked her
around too much, and I’m not him.

“I do resent her giving up. If she hadn’t, she’d
probably live in White Horse with us. We’d take our kids to grandma’s house on
the weekends. It makes me mad that the twins will never know her. Doesn’t it
piss you off?”

Honey stares at her hands, and I realize I’ve
kicked Honey despite my intention to be gentle.

“I miss her,” she whispers in a wobbly voice. “We
talked once about her making my kids’ sandwiches and taking them to the park.
She acted like she was looking forward to being a grandma, but she never got to
meet them.”

Honey and Mom shared a bond I never managed to
duplicate with either of them. I was closer to Peat, but he was easy to love.
The guy loved making people laugh.

“I miss Peat,” I mutter, ready to cry too. “He
would have made a great uncle.”

Our afternoon out has turned into a miserable walk
down memory lane. I’m depressed by the time I return to the office with the
kids. They run outside to play with Nightmare while I stand at my desk and
think about how Peat would have found Hayes funny. They might have even become
friends.

“Are you all right?” asks one of the gardeners.

Before I can say anything, Hayes storms out of the
back office and waves a gun at the guy.

“Go away,” he growls, and the gardener isn’t the
only one ready to run. I nearly piss myself at Hayes’s sudden rage.

“What happened?” Hayes asks, looking around as if
we’re under attack. He checks on the kids in the back with Nightmare. Once he
feels satisfied with our safety, Hayes returns to my side. “Why are you
crying?”

“I wish you could have met my brother and mom,” I
sob.

Hayes set down his gun and sweeps me into his arms.
I feel dainty while he rests me in his lap. I feel young too. Or maybe it’s how
I’m crying like a baby that makes me feel young.

“What happened? Why are you upset now?”

“I talked with Honey, and she was in a bad mood,
and now I’m in a bad mood.”

“You should stop hanging out with your sister,” he
says instantly.

I wipe my eyes and frown. “I’m not avoiding my
sister.”

“Hey, you gave me a problem, and I solved it for
you.”

“I don’t want you to solve it. I want you to hug me
and say you’re sorry for my loss and let me cry myself out. Then maybe we can
make out a little before the kids come inside.”

“I can do that too,” he says, nuzzling my forehead.
“Thanks for the instructions. Life is a lot easier with them handy.”

“You’re welcome. I’m sorry I’m crying.”

“Are you really?”

“No,” I sniffle. “My brother Peat was a warm and funny
person who made people happy. He shouldn’t be dead.”

“Want me to have his murderer killed?”

“Maybe,” I say with a slight smile. “Ask me
tomorrow when I’m calmer.”

Hayes nods while my crying turns to sniffles.

“I feel bad my mom gave up on life. I also hate her
a little for that.”

“I’ve never been depressed, but I hear it’s a
powerful thing.”

“I know I should be more sensitive, but she could
be alive to see her grandkids. She could meet you. She could have made new
friends. Had wild sex in public. She had options.”

“You said your family was genetically inclined to
make bad decisions. That’s what she did. Blame genetics instead of her.”

I study his handsome face and enjoy his soft
caress. This big, mean man is capable of such tenderness when he wants. Honey
can’t see that about Hayes. She thinks of him as a brasher Andrew. I admit a
part of me worries about Hayes too. He can often be a temperamental bitch. For
right now, I only see the kindness he feels for those he loves.

B
althazar tells me if he dies during the flight, he
blames me, and I should blame myself too. In fact, I should spend the rest of
my life haunted by killing him. I assure him on the way to the airport that
I’ll schedule in the guilt thing. Candy shakes her head immediately while
squished in the backseat with the kids.

“Your schedule is pretty booked, boss. I don’t know
if you’ll have any free time for guilt. You’ll need to delegate that to
someone.”

Grunting, Balthazar isn’t happy with her big mouth
or my smile in response to her comment. The old man probably wants to give her
a piece of his mind, but the kids are staring at him. He knows they’re staring
too. More than once, he lowers the visor to look in the mirror. No way is he
checking his appearance. He’s keeping an eye on the dark-eyed demons in the
backseat.

At the airport, the twins decide to sit on each
side of him.

“We already have a grandpa,” Chipper says.

Cricket adds, “He flies all the time. Why don’t
you?”

“I have a busy life. No time for flying.”

Balthazar’s need to impress the twins makes me
laugh. Candy catches my reaction and rolls her eyes.

“Don’t encourage them. They’re tormenting an old
man.”

“What do you call what you did in the car?”

“Being honest. You are busy. He’ll need to survive,
or you’ll need to delegate. Don’t give me the job, though. I suck at guilt.”

“I’ll keep that in mind when you break my heart.”

Candy throws her head back and laughs so loudly the
other waiting passengers frown at her. I hear someone suggest she’s drunk.

“How is that funny?” I ask, spotting Lizzy Anne
heading in our direction.

“I’d never break your heart. In fact, I consider
part of my job to protect it,” she says, wrapping her arms around one of mine.
“Even from me.”

After giving Candy’s forehead a quick kiss, I
regain my hard exterior for Lizzy Anne.

“I could have driven you or sent a car,” I tell
her.

“I drove so I’d have a car nearby in case I needed
to be able to make a fast getaway when we return. I’ll likely be sick of you
people by the end of the trip.”

“A ray of sunshine as always,” Candy says before
walking away and joining the kids.

We board first and get settled into our seats. I
give Chipper the window seat, and Candy does the same with Cricket. I sit in
the aisle seat with Balthazar and Lizzy Anne in front of me. My father bitches
a little until he gets comfortable. Before we even take off, he falls asleep
and remains out for the rest of the flight. I suspect Lizzy Anne drugged his
ass.

During the takeoff and landing, Chipper gets
nervous and looks to his mother for comfort. Candy tells him to hold onto me
like Cricket is holding onto her. The boy isn’t sure about cuddling with me,
but I take his little hand and squeeze it.

“What amusement park do you want to visit first?” I
ask.

Chipper looks to his mother for reassurance again.
Relaxing, he scoots closer to me and shrugs.

“The one with the castle.”

“Sounds good. Does that one have the Pirates of the
Caribbean ride?”

“I don’t know.”

“We’ll check once the air waitress lets us use our
phones again.”

Chipper smiles. “She’s called a flight attendant.”

“Yeah, well, she can be called whatever she wants,
but she’s a waitress.”

The boy likes the waitress thing and refers to her
that way the entire flight. He says I need to tip her too since she’s a
waitress
.
I decide to do what he says considering the kid managed to get
through the flight without crying or puking.

We take a private shuttle to the Disney World
resort. Balthazar and Lizzy Anne are dropped off first at their hotel. I go
inside to make sure they get checked in safely.

When I return to the shuttle, the twins are dozing
against Candy by using her tits as pillows. We arrive at our hotel, and the
kids awake immediately. They’re suddenly excited like only children, or a
tweaker can get excited. Happy kids mean a happy Candy, and I’m looking to make
my woman smile.

I reserved us a two-bedroom suite with savanna
views. The kids love the idea of having their own room. Candy looks at our room
with the two beds and smiles.

“This bed is for fucking, and this one is for sleeping,”
she whispers while the kids stand on the balcony and point at animals.

“And the rooms are far enough apart that you can be
noisy without waking them.”

Candy claps her hands, and I think she’s ready to
tell the kids to take a nap. They’re wide awake of course, so we unpack and
prepare to visit the Magic Kingdom.

I call Balthazar on the way to the park and make
sure he’s okay. Lizzy Anne said he was soaking in his big tub. I take that as a
positive sign.

Hanging up, I look at Candy with her arms wrapped
around each kid. She’s smiling so widely I bet her face will hurt later.

“One day during our trip, I’ll take Balthazar
golfing.”

“Can we come?” Chipper asks.

“It’s real golf, not the miniature kind.”

“Our grandpa likes to golf,” Cricket says. “He
makes business deals at the course. I want to make business deals too.”

“What kind of business deals?”

“The kind where I win.”

Even though she’s clearly serious, I laugh at her
expression. The kid wants to rule the world. No doubt she just doesn’t want
other people to rule it.

We arrive at the park, and I need a minute to deal
with the sheer mass of bodies around us. Babies scream, kids cry, parents
meltdown, the happiest place on earth looks like a fucking horror show.

“No one except us four matters,” Candy announces.
“We don’t hear anyone else. We don’t see anyone else. We’re here alone.”

The kids nod and get ready to push through the
crowds of unhappy people. I take a deep breath and focus on my woman and her
kids. No one else matters. The noise disappears. The people fade away. I am at
this family place with my family, and I refuse to care about anything else.

Candy sees me prepared and takes my hand. Cricket
has her other hand, and Chipper holds onto his sister. Together, we are an
unstoppable team with only one goal. To eat a lot of overpriced food, stand in long
fucking lines for silly rides, and embrace the cheesiness children love.