Just a Fan (41 page)

How awfully unfair that something like this had to happen only a few days after Connor had actually
proposed
to me, and only just after we had started enjoying our brand-new engagement here in this beautiful place. Just my luck...whenever something good happened to me, something bad was always sure to crop up and counter it.

The elegant little clock on the wall now said that it was half-past one in the morning, and I was beginning to despair. Feeling very down indeed, I rested my head on my folded arms, listening to the patter of raindrops on the window pane and closing my eyes just for a little while -

I had the most awful dream that I was running through the wild, dark mountains, chasing after Connor, who was miles ahead of me, oblivious of my presence. All sorts of nameless creatures were following me, creeping out of the forests, and just as I picked up my pace, I stumbled right into a horrible, peaty bog -

'Lillian - Lillian, lass, wake up,' a kindly female voice said somewhere far away, and I struggled on the edge of consciousness. 'He's come...'

I sat up suddenly with a shock, looking around wildly. At first I was disorientated by the bright light of the room and my unfamiliar surroundings, but once I remembered where I was and had shaken off the unpleasant nauseating feeling one gets when sleeping at a table, I turned my head to see Kenneth at the front door, which was now open. A quick glance at the clock told me it was now quarter to four, and from the pattering outside I could tell it was still raining.

Into the room there swiftly strode a tall, imposing figure, who was deathly pale and absolutely drenched. I stared up at Connor, my gaze locked to his intense blue eyes, which were upon me in a second. A heartbeat later, I had sprung up from my chair, and Connor had quickly come forward, and we were finally,
finally
, together. I wrapped my arms tightly around his wonderfully familiar form, very nearly weeping with relief and joy as I melted into his own reassuring, firm embrace.

'Lilly...' he breathed against my ear, in a voice so soft and heartfelt that only I could hear it. 'Oh, God, Lilly...'

'I'm so glad to see you,' I murmured against his chest with full sincerity, not even caring that his coat was soaking wet. In an abruptly firm movement, he put his large, rain-chilled hands on either side of my head to turn my face up to him.

'What
happened
to you? You had me so
worried
, lass!' he said to me fervently. He didn't have to tell me; I could see from his bloodless cheeks, furrowed brow and wild eyes that he had been absolutely beside himself. There were dark circles beneath those restless eyes of his, and his poor lip had been bitten raw in his anxiety.

'I took a wrong turning, and there was a stupid sheep in the road...then the next thing I knew I was in a bog,' I told him, half smiling with the ridiculousness of it. 'I couldn't get the car out, so I tried to walk back...but I got lost, and then Kenneth found me -'

'Kenneth?' repeated Connor, stormy eyes turning to look with appraising mistrust at the blond-haired young man, as if sizing him up. Kenneth didn't seem to notice; he was jiggling excitedly at the sight of the famous man before him who was the lead actor of his favourite movie.

'Yes,' I said, trying to make Connor lose that irrationally apprehensive look. 'I was walking in the rain, and he kindly stopped his car and brought me back here. He even called Torridon, to let you know I was here.'

His brooding eyes cleared a little, and he gruffly thanked Kenneth and his aunt for taking care of me.

'It's no trouble - no trouble at all,' Kenneth replied, his eyes still wide and starry. Connor, however, didn't appear aware of their awed interest in him - his whole attention was now fixed on me.

'I borrowed a car from one of the people at the Inn, who I know well...I went off along all the roads, and when I saw the car in the bog I panicked,' he told me, the raw worry still marking the expressive lines on his forehead. 'I thought something terrible had happened to you...'

'I'm fine, I'm fine,' I reassured him somewhat thickly, trying to hold back the tears as I hugged him tightly, breathing in the familiar scent of his coat deeply. His hand stroked the back of my head gently, with fingers that I noticed were trembling slightly. He turned to Kenneth and Mrs Boylan.

'If there's
anything
I can do to let you know just how thankful I am...' he said fervently.

I saw Kenneth bite his lip hopefully.

'Um...?'

A dedicated note and a lavish autograph later, as well as a quick couple of photos on Kenneth's camera phone, Connor took me back in the borrowed car, through the rain and dark. Now that we were alone together, I let my tears of relief fall. In the silence of the car, Connor also let everything on his mind go.

'That's the last time I'm letting you out of my sight for more than a few minutes in a place you don't know,' he vowed in a low growl, shaking his head. 'I'm not losing you again - and you're to stick to the right roads, do you hear?'

'Yes,' I whispered in shame, the guilt beginning to make my lower lip tremble. 'I'm so, so sorry, Conn - and I'm sorry about your car, too! I should have paid attention to where I was going...' My voice cracked miserably against my will. Connor heard this, and seemed to try and calm himself down.

'Lilly...' he told me more softly, his voice full of emotion. 'I can't tell you how terrified I was for you. I couldn't stand the thought of you alone in the middle of this wild place...I thought I was going to go crazy.' We drove on in silence for a while, and then he added: 'Sorry if I spoke a bit harshly...it's not often I get scared out of my wits, and you know about me and my temper...'

'It's alright, Conn,' I assured him, sniffing. 'I was scared too...I didn't know if I'd ever find you again, when I was walking on that road...'

'Don't cry, Lilly, you're OK now,' he comforted me gently, his voice low, deep and soothing in the dark inside of the car. 'We'll be back at the cottage soon...'

I sat there quietly, watching the blur of the road illuminated in front of us. Small wisps of cloud hung over the tarmac, a few inches above the surface. This beautiful, wild place was definitely far from anything I was used to...

I turned my head to Connor; in the dark, he was only a gloomy silhouette, but I could still see the contours of his straight nose and curved lips, which he was now nibbling. A huge, helpless surge of affection overtook me.

'I love you,' I whispered quietly into the shadows.

Just as softly, his smooth voice murmured back: 'Love you too.'

I never would have thought it possible for me to enjoy Connor's close proximity even more than I already did; however, tonight, it did seem so. Once I had discarded my muddy jeans and soaked clothes and taken a quick but very hot shower, I very gladly crawled into bed with the man I loved most.

He was already asleep, having gone straight to bed without bothering to dry the excess rainwater from his black curly hair. He was delightfully warm, and as the occasional roll of thunder boomed on a faraway peak, I snuggled up as close as I could, holding him lovingly. I couldn't say
how
deeply thankful I was to be with him again, after such a long day walking along deserted roads and being lost.

It certainly felt good to know that I was safe again, and that the hired car was going to be securely towed out of the bog tomorrow morning...

Chapter 27

Surprises

We spent our remaining days in the Highlands firmly together, neither of us letting the other out of sight for long. As the shock of our short separation slowly wore off, we even began to joke about it; the only pity was that my mother was a bit more serious about it when I had phoned her up a few days later...

'Lost
? Lillian Harwick, that's no laughing matter at all!
' she reprimanded me over the phone.

'I know, I know - but I'm fine...some nice people called up the village for me and then
they
managed to tell Connor where I was...' I hurriedly explained to reassure her.

'
Oh, Lilly...what would I have done if you had gotten lost for good?
' my mother continued. '
Honestly, you're just as scatterbrained as your father sometimes - and
he's
been off in New Jersey for ten years so far, forgetting to leave his contact details...
'

I cringed inwardly at the memory of that long and gruelling divorce. Poor Dad...my mother had scared him off so well he had left the country altogether.

'It wasn't my fault I got lost, anyway - it was a sheep that made me go off the road,' I told her.

'
Oh dear...I hope it wasn't injured
,' she replied.

'Don't worry,
neither
of us were,' I sighed.

'
You don't call me that often anymore, do you?
' my mother said, abruptly changing subject. '
I suppose you're busy with your famous boyfriend...
'

I grinned to myself. 'He's not my boyfriend anymore,' I told her, and she gasped.

'
Oh no! Lilly! Don't tell me that you've...?
'

'He proposed to me on Monday, and I said yes,' I announced, half proud, half bashful. 'It looks like you
are
going to have a celebrity son-in-law after all.'

The shrill squeal of utter delight that she gave at this made me screw up my eyes and hold the phone away slightly. I could hear how excited and ecstatic she was; the very sound of her eagerness made me grin uncontrollably too.

'
Lilly dear, that's
wonderful
!
' she cried. '
My own little girl, finally getting married! And to such a lovely man, too...! When's the big day going to be?
'

'Sometime after he's finished his new movie,' I told her.

'
He's doing another movie, too? Oh, my, how lovely! What's it going to be called?
'

'The Silent Island,' I replied with a smile.

'
Oh yes, of course - everybody's talking about that film on the telly...they even showed a little documentary about your Connor, too
,' she said. '
And guess what - there were some adorable photos of
you
with him, as well! It made me so proud! The rest of the documentary was very interesting, too, of course - your famous man seems to have had a very exciting life. They even showed a clip of him dressed as a lemon!
'

'He's told me about that,' I giggled, just about keeping up with her. I could hardly believe that my face had actually been on TV...
mine
! It was an odd thought, but I supposed it was only natural, considering who I was now engaged to...

'
How's Scotland? Is it cold? You are wrapping up warm, aren't you?
' she fretted, and I laughed.

'Yes, I am,' I replied. Now that I thought about it, I hadn't really been noticing the cold much lately; perhaps because I had a certain someone to keep me warm...

Shooting for The Silent Island began pretty much as soon as Connor and I returned to the bustle of New York. I had barely enough time to tentatively try and get used to the pace of the city again, before it was time for Connor to start going off to meet up with the rest of the cast and crew. As it happened, I ended up drifting around his penthouse again, thinking about what a big change it was to be here after having spent so long in relative anonymity, in a far greener place. I went out onto the penthouse's pristine balcony, leaning my elbows against the railing as I looked at the tall buildings all around, their windows shining in the morning sunlight. It was certainly nowhere near as peaceful and majestic as what I had been treated to in Torridon, but standing here on the balcony looking at the great buildings still had a certain serenity to it. I sipped at my coffee calmly, feeling thankful that the jet-lag had not hit me so hard this time. As a light breeze sweeping around the high skyscrapers gently ruffled my hair, I wondered, as I often had long before we met, what Connor was doing right at that moment. I hoped he was having fun with his new film; from what my mother had said, it was going to be a big one. It seemed that Connor's recent mysterious elusiveness had heightened the public's interest in him, and everybody was looking forward to see him on the screen again.

I sighed, taking another sip from my mug. It did get a bit lonely for me, though, when he was gone. I knew full well he was a busy man, but I still couldn't help but wish that we could see each other more regularly, like an ordinary couple. Of course, I didn't want to make him give up his acting entirely - it was just that at times like these I felt a bit alone.

Still, I wasn't one to complain about the happy changes in my life. I was fully prepared to endure anything sent my way if it kept me close to Connor.

Feeling an odd, pleasant early-morning burst of invincibility, I smiled happily and drained the rest of my coffee, going back inside.

Even though I had so intensely looked forward to Connor's return that night, I happened to be in for a big surprise...

Connor arrived home relatively early considering the amount of work he had to do, at around nine. I was so glad to hear the sound of him opening the front door that I immediately bounced downstairs to greet him with a big kiss. I skipped across the living room towards him, grinning as he turned to me, closing the door behind himself -

I froze in mid-bounce, stopping to stare at him with wide, horrified eyes.
No...no, this couldn't be...

Something was very,
very
wrong.

Connor, completely oblivious of my look of sheer shock and panic, happily shed his leather jacket and put it in the little closet. Then, giving a huge, luxurious stretch, he turned to me, grinning.

Arms still in the air, his grin faltered slowly at my thunderstruck expression, and a frown of confusion lined his brow, his blue eyes bewildered.

'What is it?' he asked, perplexed.

I goggled at him. 'What
is
it?' I repeated, once I had found my voice. '
You
tell
me
!'

He looked a little worried. 'What are you on about?'

'
That
!' I squeaked, pointing at his head.

Connor seemed to realise what I was on about, and looked mildly embarrassed. 'Oh, right...I didn't have a choice about that, I'm afraid - it's for the role.'

Still in shock, I came slowly forward, gazing in horror at the damage done.

'How
could
they have butchered your beautiful, beautiful curls like that!' I gasped, distraught. 'Look - you don't have any left at all!' I reached up and ran a hand over the very unfamiliar, very short tufty black haircut, feeling no reassuring silky curls anywhere. 'It's just sort of...wavy, now. And you look so...different.'

'It'll probably take a bit of getting used to,' shrugged Connor, scandalously unconcerned about the absence of his lovely curls. 'But don't look at me like that, Lilly, it'll grow back after the movie's done.'

I made a small sound of despair, still hopelessly running my fingers over his disconcertingly short black hair. 'What'll I do until then?'

He gave me an insolent grin. 'Well, my chest hair's still curly.'

Over the next few weeks, "
MacG is back in town
" seemed to be the headline of all the gossip centering around New York. Everyone in the city seemed to have found an even deeper interest in him, doubtlessly sparked off by his mysterious absences and upcoming new film. Throughout those days, Connor kept me filled in with all the little anecdotes he had to tell about his time on set. Contrary to the filming of his previous movie, for the shooting of this one he seemed full of energy, being able to stay awake in bed to talk to me.

'We're doing the water scenes,' he informed me, with almost childlike playful glee in his voice. 'They've got this huge tank in the studio, and these huge boat maquettes that look absolutely amazing...'

'Sounds like fun,' I remarked idly, with a fond smile at his enthusiasm.

'There's a wave machine thing, too, for the storm scene - with all the blue screens it's a bit hard to imagine what the final picture's going to look like, but when they stir up these waves and flash all the lights on them, it's so exciting...' Connor went on. 'When I was in the water it wasn't hard to get into character at all - I was pretty worked up anyway!'

I laughed with him, resting comfortably beneath his arm. A thought came to me, and I gave him a teasing smile in the dim bedroom. 'Are you in a wetsuit for this, then?'

Connor heard the teasing edge to my voice and chuckled. 'Half, actually.'

'Half?'

'It's a bloody nuisance and looks ridiculous out of the water, but in these water scenes I was dressed in my naval uniform-costume only down to my waist,' he revealed interestingly. 'From there it was the wetsuit...seeing as you only see my top half in those shots, I only had to be half-dressed.'

'Half naval uniform, half wetsuit?' I repeated, with a smile. 'I hope someone took a photo of you.'

I heard Connor groan. 'Ugh...only
fifty
or so. I have a bad feeling that they're all going to end up on the net...'

Smiling sympathetically, I patted his chest. 'I'm sure you look fine,' I reassured him, but only received an unconvinced grunt in reply. Seeing that the conversation was now closed, I allowed him to doze off beside me, not wanting to begrudge him a good night's sleep...

The issue of the Haircut had gradually become accepted, and I no longer stared in hopeless dejection at the short black semi-waves that had replaced Connor's glorious crown of wild curls. I even began to see the positive side of it; even though it made his ears stick out a little, his shorter hair made him look a bit more tidy and orderly. At times I had almost been tempted to go on the Internet to see what those fans of his thought of it...but I knew that they all would either love it unconditionally or moan about it.

More or less satisfied though I was with everything, there soon came a day when Connor arrived home with some rather bad news.

'What...?' I said in surprise, staring at him from my seat in the main room after he had just dropped the bombshell.

Connor nibbled at his bottom lip, his fingers lacing and unlacing as he sat there in front of me. 'The whole cast and the crew members are going off to film near Malolo,' he repeated.