Just a Little Crush (Crush #1) (13 page)

“That’s awful.”

He shrugged. “I don’t want to ruin her life but I hate carrying this around. I decided the best thing to do is use that asshole to get my degree, make some money and support her myself. With my help, she can get back on her feet and away from him.”

“Do you think he’s still cheating on her?”

“I don’t know.”

“Does anyone else know?”

He shook his head. “We put on a good show when Mom’s around. Before I caught him cheating, he and I got along pretty well. My stepbrother resented me for it, but now he senses something’s up and couldn’t be happier. He thinks I’ve had some sort of fall from grace, but really it’s his dad who has. I don’t care what he thinks though. He’d find a way to turn it on me. Always does.”

“Sounds like our families both suck.”

“Yeah.” He smiled. “It’s amazing we’re so well adjusted.”

“I can thank Grandma for that. She keeps me sane.”

“Same for Paige. She’s my voice of reason.” He glanced at his watch. “Ready to go?”

“Oh, yeah. Sure.” I’d been so distracted by our conversation I’d hardly eaten, but clearly he had somewhere else to be.

Ryder didn’t drive me back to the dorm, but instead returned to the nature trail. We walked hand in hand to the overlook. He sat and pulled me onto the rock, my hips resting between his legs.

“Relax, Brinley.”

I leaned against his chest and stared out at the bridge. “Why are you taking me on a date tonight?”

He sighed. “Because I can almost stand the person I am when I’m with you.”

I shook my head. “I like the person you are…and it has nothing to do with me.”

“You make me a better person. But, c’mon, you and I both know I’m not a
good
person.”

I sat upright and turned toward him. “Ryder, you just told me you broke a guy’s nose because he cheated on your mom. You carry the burden of his deception to save your mom from pain. And you are working your butt off in school to support her later. Why in the world would I think you’re not a good person?”

“Because most of what I do isn’t good.”

“C’mon, what have you done that’s so bad? I doubt it’s anything most guys don’t do, and the fact you have some level of remorse about it is probably a step up. I think you are too hard on yourself. You’re a goo—”

“I’m not a good guy.”

“You are to me.”

He closed his eyes and shook his head. “I’m trying not to hurt you, but I don’t know how to do that anymore.” His eyes locked onto mine, and he cupped my cheek. “I can’t tell if I’m doing what’s right for you or what’s right for me.”

“Why can’t it be right for both of us?”

“It doesn’t work that way.”

Of course it did, but he was so convinced he was wrong for me, he’d never see it that way. I shifted onto my knees, still wedged between his legs. “Why can’t I decide what’s right for me?”

He smirked. “Well, clearly, if you think I am, you’re a poor judge.”

I frowned.

He pushed up the corners of my mouth. “I’m joking. Smile.”

“But you aren’t really joking. You think you’re wrong for me and that’s not fair. You don’t get to decide that for me.”

“First off, I don’t think. I know. But secondly, I’m not deciding that. Not anymore. That’s why I’m here.” He gave me a peck. “So what do you want to do tomorrow night?”

“Tomorrow?”

“Yeah. There’s a band playing at The Box. We should check them out.”

A band. Tomorrow. “Okay.”

“It’s a date, then.” He slid off the rock, pulling me with him. “C’mon. Time to get you home. You have class in the morning.”

“Don’t you?”

“Not until noon. I don’t really do the early-morning-class thing.”

“How do you know I do?”

“Noah’s in your class.”

“Oh, yeah.” I’d pretty much forgotten all about Noah but, of course, Ryder would know we had class together.

“I found his notebook. It has your name and hearts scribbled all over it.” Ryder laughed. “Kidding. Though it wouldn’t surprise me. He’s definitely not going to like us dating.”

“Dating?” What in the world was going on? It was as if I’d stepped into some alternate universe.

“Mm-hmm.” He walked down the path, leading me by the hand. “Watch out.”

I stepped over a log and fell in stride beside him. Did this have something to do with last night? Was he trying to get me to a place where I was comfortable enough to ask for sex? The fear of an ulterior motive tainted the idea of dating Ryder. “Are you just doing this because—”

“Because you beat the shit out of the boys this morning? I’m not going to lie, that did scare me a bit and I have a healthy level of fear and respect for you…but no. I’m not doing this because of anything that happened,
or
that was said.” He glanced at me. “I’m doing this because I’m tired of pretending I can stay away from you.”

“Can I ask you something else?”

“Sure.”

“Are you, um, dating anyone else?”

It was dark but I still made out his grin. “No, Brinley. And I’m not having sex with anyone either. In case you’re wondering.”

“Oh.”

“What about you?”

“You know I’m not having sex with anyone.”

He coughed to cover his laugh. “I meant dating.”

“Oh. No.”

We’d reached his car and he unlocked the doors. “Do you plan on dating anyone else?”

“Do you?” I countered.

He spun me, pressed my back against the car and leaned into me. “Look, I haven’t
dated
anyone since you came into my life. I don’t plan on
dating
anyone as long as you remain in my life. And I will say, the thought of you with anyone else makes me want to do things to them that will make what you did to me this morning seem like foreplay, but I won’t stop you from dating other people. Honestly, I still don’t think I’m the right person for you and part of me hopes you realize that before it’s too late. If you find a guy, the one who is right for you, then that’s the guy you should be with.”

I kind of felt like I’d already found that guy but knew he wasn’t ready to hear that. With my hand behind his neck, I pulled his mouth to mine. His lips were warm and soft as I kissed him. “Thank you,” I whispered. Then flicked my tongue over his lip ring.

“Dammit,” he groaned as his body instantly responded.

I did a poor job suppressing my grin. “Just wanted to make sure everything was still working.”

He stared at me a second then shook his head. His mouth slowly pulled into a grin. “What am I going to do with you?”

I had a few ideas.

“Hello?” Mason said. “What’s going on with you?”

“Huh?” I glanced up from my laptop.

“You haven’t been around all week. You sit in class staring off into space. You’re acting weird. What’s the deal?”

Ryder. He had my mind and body wound up. We’d hung out every night for the past week. Doing everything from dinner to watching movies at my dorm, we’d spent a lot of time together, but other than some heavy kissing, he hadn’t pushed for more. And I wanted more.

Professor Adams wrapped up his lecture and I whispered to Mason, “If I tell you something, promise to be cool about it?”

“Yeah, you can tell me anything.”

Class was dismissed and I glanced to where Noah sat. He took off with some friends. Since the day I saw him with Ryder and Paige, he hadn’t spoken to me.

Mason gathered his books and waited for me to do the same.

I slipped my stuff in my backpack and attempted a casual tone. “Ryder and I are dating.”

He stiffened. “You’re what?”

“Dating.” I made my way down the auditorium stairs.

Mason followed, but his tone was strained. “Ryder.”

“Yep.” I exited the classroom and picked up the pace, ready to get outside and away from people who might hear whatever he was about to say.

“How exactly did this come about?” He pushed open the heavy metal exit door and held it for me.

“We’ve been talking a lot lately. We’ve spent every night together this week.” I slipped past him, tossing a glance his way as I did.

“What?” Mason’s eyes bugged.

“Not like that.” My face warmed and I glanced around. “I mean we’ve gone to dinner and hung out, things like that. Dates.”

“Is he your boyfriend?”

“No. Just dating…for now.”

We’d joined the flow of traffic along the sidewalk, but Mason halted and crossed his arms. “I don’t like it.”

I rolled my eyes and turned to him. “You don’t have to. But you asked, so I’m telling you. I’m not asking for your approval or permission.”

His arms fell limply to his sides. “I just don’t want you getting hurt.”

“I don’t think it’s his intention to do that, but that’s the thing about dating, sometimes it works, other times it doesn’t. Never know until we try.” I shrugged. “I’d like for you to be happy for me, but if you would rather not hear about it, I respect that.”

“No. It’s not—Crap. I don’t want you hiding things from me. Look, if you’re happy, I’m happy. But if he does anything to hurt you—”

“Mason, you have to let me do this my way. Which means you can’t be threatening the guy.” I placed my hand on his shoulder. “I appreciate you caring. Really I do, but if this is a mistake, it’s my mistake. And, for now, I’m really happy. I like him a lot.”

“Hey.” Ryder appeared and wrapped his arm around my waist. “Want to grab lunch?”

I dropped my hand to my side, wondering how much of our conversation he’d heard. “Sure.”

“Want to join us?” he asked Mason.

With a hint of a scowl, Mason stared at Ryder.

The tension radiating off him was palpable, and I stiffened.

Mason glanced at me and when our eyes met, his shoulders slumped. “Nah. I have to get to work. See you around, Brinley.”

He walked away, and I didn’t say anything about him not having to be at work until four. Maybe one day the three of us would be able to hang out. Today clearly wasn’t that day.

Though it hadn’t gone the way I’d like, I smiled at Ryder, happy he’d at least tried to bridge a friendship. “Thanks.”

His gaze shifted to me.

“For including him.”

“He’s your friend. And he cares about you. I’ve got nothing against the guy, though I don’t think the feeling is mutual.”

“He just wants what’s best for me.”

“So do I, which is why I have no plans to drive him out of your life.”

“I know. And he’ll realize that soon enough.”

Sooner rather than later, I hoped. Mason’s friendship was too important for me to lose, except I wasn’t ready to give up Ryder either. I wanted them both in my life but wasn’t sure how, or if, that was even a possibility.

After lunch, Ryder walked me back to my dorm.

“What should we do tonight?” he asked.

“I don’t care. What did—” My phone rang, cutting me off. I glanced at the screen. “That’s weird,” I murmured.

Mom never called. Especially not this time of day.

“Sorry, I need to get this.” I pulled the phone to my ear. “Hey, Mom.”

“Brinley, your grandma is in the hospital.”

“What?” My pulse raced and my palms became clammy. “What’s wrong?”

“She had a heart attack. She’s in the ICU at Memorial Hospital.”

“Oh my God. When did it happen? Is she okay?” My mind raced with questions.

“They say she’s stable.” Mom’s words had a bit of drawl to them, reminiscent of how she talked when she’d been drinking. She probably wasn’t the person to get answers from.

“Okay. I’m on my way.” I shoved my phone in my back pocket. “I have to get to the hospital. My…my grandma—”

“I’ll drive you.” Ryder looped his fingers through mine and led me to his dorm’s parking garage.

As we walked, my eyes watered and my throat tightened. A heart attack? Not Grandma. No. I couldn’t lose…I shook my head clear of undesirable thoughts.

When we reached his car, he opened the door for me. “Where are we going?”

“Memorial Hospital.”

He nodded. “Get in.”

My thoughts were muddled as I prayed for her to be all right.

Ryder reached over and held my hand. “What happened?”

“She had a heart attack. She’s in ICU.” I stared out the window.

“I’m sorry.” He gave my hand a gentle squeeze.

The hospital was about twenty minutes from campus. With every excruciating minute that passed, my chest clenched tighter around my heart. Each breath was strained. Losing her would be more than I could bear.

Ryder pulled along the front entrance. “I’ll park and come find you.”

“Thanks.” I rushed inside and the sterile scent surrounded me.

A gift shop sat to the left, a waiting room on the right. Farther ahead was a desk with an elderly woman perched behind it atop a stool. A placard read Help Desk. My feet carried me toward her. Words tumbled from my mouth and then the lady in the red smock pointed toward elevators.

I stood in front of the shiny metal doors waiting for the elevator to arrive on the ground floor. It finally dinged and I lurched inside and pressed the number three repeatedly until the doors glided closed.

With a bounce the elevator stopped, the doors peeled apart and I slipped between them. I approached the semicircular counter, and a girl in scrubs, probably not much older than me, looked up from a computer.

“May I help you?” she asked.

“I’m looking for—”

“Brinley.” My mother’s voice came from behind me.

My spine stiffened. The drawn-out way she’d said my name was all too familiar.

The nurse stared at her.

“Hey, Mom,” I said as I turned.

She squinted her bloodshot eyes as she focused on me. She ran her palm over her uncombed hair and sighed. She looked like shit, but it wasn’t from stress or grief. No. Mom was drunk.

With pursed lips, the nurse eyed her then returned her attention to the computer.

I stepped toward Mom and kept my voice low. “Where’s Grandma?”

She moved in slow motion as she pointed over her shoulder. “Room six.”

“May I go in?” I asked the nurse.

“Are you immediate family?”

“I’m her granddaughter.”

The nurse nodded. “Visiting hours end at seven. Only one person is allowed in the room at a time.”

“Thank you.”

Before I could turn back to Mom, Ryder stepped off the elevator. My heart did a funny little flipping thing. His sympathetic expression tightened my chest.

As he approached, Mom’s face brightened. “Who’s this?”

Oh God. I prayed she didn’t embarrass me. “This is Ryder,” I answered.

“Nice to meet you.” He stuck out his hand, but his shoulders were stiff and his smile didn’t seem genuine.

“Beth,” Mom said as she shook his hand, her fingers lingering a second too long.

I pulled Ryder to the side and Mom frowned. She plopped into a chair and sipped from a water bottle that I’m sure contained no actual water.

“They are only letting family in, so you can leave if you want.”

“I’ll stay,” he answered without hesitation.

“But it’s only one visitor at a time, which means when I’m in there, you’ll be stuck out here. With her.”

“I don’t mind. I’ll wait for you.”

“You sure?”

“Absolutely.” He gave me a peck on the forehead. “Go ahead.”

I squeezed his hand in thanks, then slipped into Grandma’s room.

My heart sank. Her pale skin was slack on her expressionless face. Machines beeped around her. Tubing ran from her arms. A cannula snaked under her nose and around her ears, pumping much-needed oxygen into her frail body.

“Grandma,” I whispered, and rushed to the bedside. I slid my hand in hers but she didn’t move.

With my palm, I brushed away tears and clamped my eyes shut. The whir of machinery made my head spin.

“You’re going to be all right,” I said over and over, wanting my words to be true.

The door opened and the nurse from the desk slipped inside.

“She’s sleeping, but she’s stable.” She patted my back as she pulled a chart from the bedside. She checked the equipment, switched the IV bag, then jotted information onto the forms.

“Mom said it was a heart attack.”

“Yes. The doctor will be back during morning rounds, but she’s doing quite well. I think she will be moved from ICU tomorrow, and, if all is well, she will be released in another day or two. There will be some recovery time, but the good news is, she will recover.”

She’d be okay. Weight lifted from my shoulders as gratitude replaced my fear.

I ran my fingers over the back of her hand, careful not to disturb the IV, and smiled at the nurse. “Thank you.”

She nodded and left the room. I sat with Grandma a moment longer, drying the tears from my face, then stepped out to give Ryder an update.

He sat in the waiting room, reclined as far away as possible from Mom.

She leaned forward, legs crossed, and rambled.

The way she leered at him made my stomach twist.

He straightened when he noticed me. “Everything okay?”

I sat next to him. “She’s going to be fine.”

“I’m glad to hear that. Can I get you anything?” he asked as he wrapped his hand around mine.

Mom scoffed behind him.

Ryder and I turned.

She swigged from her bottle but didn’t say a word.

“I’m okay, thank you.”

“Brinley?” The nurse poked her head into the waiting room. “Your grandma is awake and asking for you.”

I bolted up. “Be right back.”

“Run to Grandma, little princess,” Mom muttered.

I paused and glanced over my shoulder.

Ryder glared in Mom’s direction, then said, “I’m getting some coffee. I’ll be in the cafeteria if you need me.” He planted a kiss on my head then strode to the elevator.

Mom’s water bottle was almost empty and it was only a matter of time until things got even uglier.

Grandma was propped upright when I walked in. Her eyes were shut but she cracked them open as I approached her bedside.

“Hi, Grandma.”

“Brinley. How are you, sweetie?”

“You’re the one in the hospital.” I smiled but couldn’t stop the tears from clouding my vision. “I should be asking you that question.”

“Don’t worry about me. I will be out of here before you know it.” Her lips bowed down slightly. “Is your mom here?”

“Yeah.”

“And her condition?”

“Two sheets to the wind.”

She shook her head. “She’s gotten worse since you’ve been away at school. I’m sorry you have to see her like this.”

“Don’t apologize for her. Mom makes her own decisions. It’s not your fault. You just concentrate on getting better.”

“I will. Don’t you worry.” She patted my hand, then asked, “Did Mason drive you?”

“No, another friend. Ryder.” I couldn’t help but smile at the mention of his name.

“Ryder.” She smiled back. “Well, I can’t wait to meet him.”

“I can’t wait for you to meet him either. And when you’re out of here, I’ll introduce you.”

“It will be soon. I’m already feeling better. Which means everyone should go home to rest. No more worrying about me.”

“You shouldn’t be here alone.”

“Alone? I can’t get five minutes to myself without a nurse or doctor barging in.” She chuckled.

“You want me to get Mom home?” I’d decided to cut to the chase and get down to what I knew she really wanted to say.

Grandma nodded. “She has the keys to her car and I don’t want her attempting to drive. I need my rest anyway. It’s for the best she goes home and sleeps this off. You should all get a good night’s sleep.”

As much as I didn’t want to leave Grandma, I definitely didn’t want Mom here stressing her out either. “I’ll get her home.”

“Thank you,” she said. “I really am going to be fine. Don’t worry about me. Okay?”

I nodded and fought back my emotions and the urge to launch myself into her arms and beg her not to leave me. Plead with her heart to never give out on her again. Implore life to extend hers beyond my own, unable to envision living a single day in a world she was not a part of. But instead, I leaned forward and, with a gentle hug, I whispered, “Bye, Grandma. I love you. Feel better soon.”

“Of course. I need to meet this new boy.”

I’d anticipated the car ride home would be bad; it was worse.

“College girl thinks she’s better than me.” Mom’s words slurred as she berated me.

I pushed my tongue into my cheek to avoid responding.

“I was pretty too, you know. Look where it got me. That boy won’t stick around. He’ll get what he wants and be out the door as soon as you’re useless. When you’re fat and pregnant, he won’t want you.”

I glanced in my rearview mirror at Ryder’s car trailing along behind us, thankful he couldn’t hear what she’d said.

“What? You too good to talk to me now?” She grumbled to herself, “No good. Should have used a condom.”