Just a Little Series (Parts 1 - 4) (9 page)

“What can we do for you, Pumpkin?” Charlie
took a long drag from his cigar.

“Just wanted to let you know I’m going out,”
I said, with no intention of actually leaving. After all, I had no
plans. Where would I possibly go? I’d only gotten ready for the
sole purpose of making a grand entrance—one, as far as I could
tell, that had gone completely to waste.

“Back by midnight,” he said with a smile.
“Have fun.”

“That’s it?” I asked, frustrated that he
didn’t care enough to ask where I was going, and even angrier that
Luke hadn’t looked up once to indicate any kind of interest. “No
string of questions? No rules? Just a
back by midnight and have
fun
?”

“What do you want me to say?” Charlie asked,
focusing all of his attention on the game. “You’re
you
. What
kind of trouble could you possibly get in to?”

“Forget it,” I mumbled. “Have fun.”

I turned and walked out of the room, and my
heart broke a little with each step I took. It seemed to me that
Bruno had been
way
off. Luke didn’t have feelings for me; he
wasn’t even the slightest bit interested. But—for reasons I
couldn’t quite understand, my heart ached for him, and I didn’t
know how much more of his cold shoulder I could take.

CHAPTER FOUR

Saturday, September 15

I sat on the porch step for the third
consecutive hour and let the rain fall on my face. I wondered how
much longer I’d have to stay out in the dark, wallowing in my own
self-pity. At what point could I just give up the pretense and
sneak back in the house?

The sun had set, and all that was left of
the day was the faint drizzle of rain as it dropped from the night
sky.

“Julie,” a familiar voice said quietly,
“what are you doing out here in the dark?”

I glanced up to the sidewalk to see our
newest neighbor standing at the edge of the pavement with a leashed
dog in hand. The white, slightly damp German shepherd licked
Derek’s hand as he took a step closer.

“I guess you’re not afraid of a little
rain,” he observed, watching as beads of water dripped off the ends
of my hair. I could only imagine that I looked like death—my face
was soaked from the rainfall, and there were probably plenty of
mascara trails left over from the tears I’d cried since leaving the
house.

Derek took a seat next to me on the bottom
step, and the dog rested in a puddle at his owner’s feet.
“Everything okay?”

I nodded, but didn’t say anything.

“I don’t know,” he said, his voice laced
with skepticism, “Looks to me like someone needs to talk.”

I gave him a half-hearted grin and
shrugged.

It was nice that he offered, but the only
person I’d ever trust with my feelings for Luke was Matt, and even
he
had been a worthless confidant since Hannah had come
along. Deciding that it was probably a terrible idea to unload my
problems on a perfect stranger, I bit my tongue and shrugged. My
silence didn’t last long; before I knew it, I found myself looking
up to meet his stare.

“My uncle has a houseful of guests,” I said.
“There’s just a lot going on in there.”

“And you feel left out?”

“No,” I said, honestly,“just in the way, I
guess.”

He nodded, but he was still skeptical. I
could see it in his eyes that he wanted me to talk to him; he
seemed to actually care what was on my mind. But I didn’t feel much
like sharing, so I tried to find a way to pull the focus off of
me.

“So,” I nodded uncomfortably, “how do you
like Oakland so far?”

He smirked and met my gaze, sparking a bout
of wonderment between the two of us. “No complaints.”

“Good,” I said, unable to tear my eyes away
from his. Again, I couldn’t help but wonder why I recognized him.
“Okay, I have to ask, why do you look so familiar?” I hoped that my
question wouldn’t take him off guard. I was only curious if I was
as familiar to him as he was to me. “I swear I must know you from
somewhere.”

He didn’t seem taken aback by my inquiry,
only intrigued.

“Maybe we knew each other in another life,”
he said as if he truly believed it.

“Yeah,” I said, half-smiling, “maybe.”

“Hey,” he looked down at his sleeping dog to
avoid my gaze. His voice sounded a little shaky, so I could only
assume that he was suddenly nervous about something. “I know I
shouldn’t even ask this, I’m kicking myself for bringing it up
already, especially considering you’re as young as my kid sister,
but I was curious if maybe you’d like to go out sometime?”

“Oh.”

“Just for dinner, or maybe a movie, nothing
too formal,” he assured me. “It’s just a new town. It’d be nice to
have someone to hang out with.”

My cheeks flushed with warmth, and while I
took a moment to contemplate what he was really asking me, I shook
my head.

“Thanks, but I’m not sure that’s such a good
idea.”

“Why?” he smiled a little too innocently.
“You enjoy our conversations, right?”

“I do.”

“And I’ve been told I have a pretty charming
smile.”

“You do,” I said, silently agreeing that
there was a definite charm in the way his eyes gleamed when he
smiled.

“Then what is it?” he asked, but it was only
a light-hearted tease. I didn’t feel the slightest bit pressured by
his questions. Honestly, I liked Derek. He seemed genuine; he was
sweet, honest, and seemed to really care about connecting with
people on a deeper level. “Do you have a boyfriend?”

“No, no boyfriend.”

“Is it me?” he pulled his lip back into a
cute smirk. “It’s me, isn’t it?”

I tried not to smile, but the goofy grin on
his face made it next to impossible.

“It’s not you,” I promised, almost laughing.
But then my mood suddenly changed, and nothing really felt so
light-hearted anymore. “It’s a long story. It’s complicated.
It’s—”

“Julie,” another voice interrupted me, only
this one came from behind. I turned to find Luke standing on the
front porch, looking down on me and Derek. I stood up, smiled, and
straightened the wrinkles from my wet dress.

“Luke,” I whispered, taking a step.

Derek let out a slight chuckle and stood up,
waking his groggy pet.

“It’s
Luke
,” he said to me with a
wink. “Gotcha. That’s all you had to say.”

“What?” I turned back to Derek. “Oh, no,
it’s not… I just—”

“It’s cool,” he said, never losing his
smile. “Really… I should’ve known.” He nodded toward the dog. “I’ve
gotta get this big guy home. So, I’ll see you around, I guess?”

“Yeah,” I watched him walk away. I turned
back to Luke and bit my lip, unsure of what to say.

“You guys having fun in there?” I asked
after a few quiet seconds.

“What was that all about?” Luke kept his
eyes fixed on Derek. After my neighbor disappeared into his own
house, Luke motioned for me to come closer, so I took the next two
steps and joined him on the porch. He slid in close to my body and
lifted his hand to my face to wipe away the black make-up with his
thumb; he smeared the excess onto his jeans. I noticed immediately
that while he moved with purpose, his movements seemed far too
clumsy and out of his controlled nature.

“Derek was just asking if I’d want to go out
sometime,” I looked at my feet.

Luke watched and waited for me to elaborate,
but when I didn’t say anything else, he leaned a little closer.
“And you said?”

“No.”

“Because it would be irresponsible.”

“It would?”

“Of course,” he shook his head. “He’s too
old for you, kid. And you know nothing about him. You don’t need to
waste your time with other men right now, anyway. You need to focus
on school and your senior project.”

“Yeah,” I nodded, “my project.”

“And me.”

“You?”

“Because of the assignment.”

“Right.”

Our eyes locked, and for the second time
that week, his face inched closer to mine. But I didn’t let my
hormones get the best of me; based on my experience with Luke, I
knew that his closeness was only a ruse. What I didn’t know was
what he was up to. All I could do was stand there and wonder what
in the world he planned to whisper sweetly in my ear before turning
to run away. As he got closer, his nose brushed mine, and our
foreheads rested against one another.

“I’m sorry,” he said, the warmth of his
breath dancing across my face. I detected the strong scent of
alcohol almost immediately, and I took a moment to remind myself
that anything he did or said in that moment was completely
compromised by a vast amount of liquid courage.

“Why are you sorry?” I heard my voice
tremble.

“Because I know,” he said, almost
whispering. “I know how much it hurts, Julie. And I’m sorry you
have to go through this alone.”

“Go through what?”

“Loving me,” he said without shame. “Needing
me. Wanting me.”

“I don’t love you, Luke,” I almost laughed.
I didn’t know if my words even mattered, but I didn’t want to give
him the satisfaction of thinking he had the upper hand, not when he
continued to turn a blind eye to everything I’d put forward.

“What?” he scrunched his brow as if he
didn’t quite understand.

“I don’t love you.”

“Well, I do,” he wrapped his arms around me.
“I do, Julie.”

“You love you?” I teased. “Believe me, Luke;
I already knew that, hon—”

“No, no, no, no, no,” he covered my lips
with a single finger, “I meant
you
.”

I suddenly felt my stomach churn in knots. I
looked into his dark eyes as they shined back at me with hazy
uncertainty. I reminded myself for a second time not to fall
victim; Luke wasn’t necessarily in his right mind. I had to take
everything he said with a grain of salt. But even still… he loved
me?

“Why don’t you love me, Julie?” he
whispered. “Have I done something wrong?”

I restrained a small laugh and shook my
head.

“Luke, you treat me like a child.”

“You act like a child.”

“You only acknowledge me when it suits
you.”

“Chief would kill me if he knew how I
felt—”

“And you’re so damn stubborn. I never know
what you’re thinking—”

“I’m telling you now.”

“Because you’re drunk, Luke,” I said, “and I
can’t know that anything you’re saying has a shred of validity to
it.”

“It does, Jules,” he stroked my cheek with
his thumb. His words slurred more and more as he stood there
holding me. “I promise, kid. It does. I’m crazy about you.”

And just as he managed to stumble through
his last sentence, an Oakland taxi cab pulled up to the curb.

“Look,” I said, nodding at the car. “I think
your ride’s here.”

“Please don’t make me leave like this,” he
cupped my face in his palms. “Tell me you’re lying, Jules. Tell me
you love me.”

“Luke,” I pulled out of his grip, “come
on.”

I managed to help him as he stumbled down
the sidewalk, and then I saw that he was settled safely in the back
of the cab. When I shut the door and walked back to the porch, Luke
rolled down his window and called out, “You’re lying, Julie Little.
You—love—me, and you know you do.”

“Good night, Luke,” I said with a short
wave. “I’ll see you Monday morning.” As his cab pulled away, I sank
back on the step and closed my eyes, hating myself for lying to
him.

Monday, September 17

“
Up!”

The blankets flew off the bed, and I rolled
over to find Luke standing over me, glaring down as though I’d done
something wrong.

I wasn’t nearly as groggy as I’d been in the
days past. No, ever since Luke’s drunken proclamation of love on
Saturday night, I’d gotten used to losing sleep. I wasn’t even
asleep when he’d busted in my room ten seconds before, which
explained my quickness to get out of bed and on with the day’s
run.

Luke watched me from the door as I made my
way through the room, gathering the essentials for our morning
run.

“Hurry up, Little,” he paced at the door,
“we’re putting in an extra two miles this morning.”

“
What
?” I asked, but he disappeared
into the hallway.

I slid into my shoes without untying the
laces and followed him down the stairs.

Why was he acting like nothing had
changed?

I surveyed the kitchen and determined that
Charlie had already left for the day, so as Luke moved through the
house, I reached forward to grab his arm.

He stopped in his tracks and turned back to
me. “Yes?”

“Can we talk?” I kept my voice low so as not
to wake up Matt.

Luke shrugged. “Sure, what’s up?”

I struggled to find the right words. It
wasn’t exactly an easy situation to approach. What should I say?
And even if I found the right words, how would he respond?

“Julie?” he waved a hand in front of my
face. “What’s up?”

“I just wanted to talk about what happened
the other night,” I said, nearly whispering.

“What happened the other night?”

“You know,” I hoped that I wouldn’t have to
say much to jog his memory, “before you left.”

He scrunched his brow and shook his head. “I
have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“What you said,” I said, getting a little
irritated. “What you told me.”

“What I told you?” he asked, growing almost
as aggravated as I was. “What did I tell you?” As if he didn’t need
any further elaboration, a worried look swept across his face.
“Julie,” he said, leaning down to meet my gaze. “What exactly did I
say to you?”

I didn’t know how else to say it, so I just
said it. I spent the next five minutes reliving our conversation on
the porch from him interrupting my talk with Derek, to the moment
when the cab pulled away and he called me a liar for not admitting
that I loved him. The entire time I talked, Luke looked as though
he was hearing it for the first time. He looked as though he didn’t
believe it had ever happened.