Just A Small Town Girl (20 page)

8 Weeks:

Fisher left for his tour. I watched out the window while June kissed him goodbye and he shed a few tears into Riley’s little baby head. I cried too, but it may have just been the hormones or the still fresh pain of knowing we wouldn’t be together. I wanted to go to him and beg him to understand why I lied, to ask for another chance, but I couldn’t.

“You okay?” Sam asked, stepping behind me to watch the tearful scene outside the window.

“Yeah,” I warbled out.

“You’ll be okay,” he rubbed a circle into my back with his open palm, “Maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow, but eventually you’ll be okay. You’re a strong girl.” He smacked his palm to my back on the last word and turned to return to the nursery/guest room.

“You have to go home,” I half-whispered the words, but I knew he heard me because the soft sound of his feet on carpet stopped.

“You need me here,” he sighed it out and I turned to take in the sight of my suddenly duty bound ex-husband.

“Your
parents
need you at home,” he knew what I meant, but the seconds of silence following my statement prompted me to go on, “They probably haven’t missed having you gone all winter, but they’ll need your help with the farm in the summer. Your Dad’s getting too old to bring the cows around himself and your Mama isn’t getting her hands dirty shoveling cowpies or mending fences.” I stepped closer to him and smiled up, “who is going to drive that tractor shirtless in the summer and drive the girls wild if you’re not there?”

“You make a good point girl,” Sam shrugged, “when you’re all set I’ll go back and help out at home.”

“That’s the thing Sam, I need to learn to be alone,” I stroked my belly, “I’ve got eighteen or so years of doing it on my own ahead of me and it’s better if I learn sooner rather than later.”

“I’ll stay another month,” Sam announced and I shook my head, “two weeks?” another negative headshake from me, “a week?”

“A night,” I gave him what I hoped was a stern ‘mom look,’ “I’ll let you take me out for chocolate chip pancakes tonight and then you leave in the morning.”

“You drive a hard bargain,” Sam beamed down at me and I smiled back, “you sure you’re going to be okay without me?”

“Positive,” I said it like I meant it, hoping the words would somehow become the truth if I said them enough, “Now let’s go get pancackes.”

“Yes your royal knocked up majesty,” Sam laughed out, grabbing his keys and slipping on his boots before ushering me out the front door.

I woke up early the next morning to see Sam off. We both sported tears in our eyes as he promised to call. I fought the urge to beg my last security in Dunesvsille to stay with me even though his family needed him, but I wasn’t brave enough to turn him down when he offered to return in a few months, when Fisher would be back from his tour. With a wave and a joke about how fat I would be the next time he saw me my protector was gone, driving back to the town I could no longer call my home.

12 Weeks:

Watching Sam drive off, taking my primary mode of transportation with him, reminded me of one solid fact: I needed a car.

I wanted to be able to buy baby stuff more than one bagful at a time and pretty soon I would be carting a little one with me everywhere I went. I’d managed that fine when I watched Riley, a little pang hit my chest at the thought of the baby I loved, but hadn’t seen in weeks, but somehow I knew it would be impractical when I was taking the new baby to checkups, playdates, eventually soccer games, and college visits. My eyes began to water at the thought of my child growing up so quickly and I wiped at my eyes, internally cursing my raging hormones.

I leaned over the window of a car in the only car dealership in Dunesville, using the reflection to fix my teary eyes. Growing up, I’d always known going into a car dealership alone as a woman was a bad idea. I was told women were no good at haggling out a deal and when I bought my inevitable mini-van it was planned that Sam or my father would manage the money while I chose the color.

I squared my shoulders as I pushed open the oversized front doors, forcing out a deep breath I hoped made me look relaxed and confident.

“You’re Schultz’s girl aren’t you?” a casually dressed older man asked, half hobbling his way toward me.

“I’m his receptionist,” my brows pinched together. His comment caught me off guard.

The older man nodded, “I’m Craig senior,” he motioned for a guy about my age to join us by the door, “this is my grandson, Craig the third, we all call him C3 on account of his football number being 3 in high school.”

Senior turned to C3, “This little lady needs something practical, she doesn’t have a car right now, so something small, but big enough that she can grow into it just in case she wants to settle down and have a family in the next couple years, power everything I think, and four doors, she watches Fisher’s boy sometimes and getting a car seat out of a two door would be a bitch,” senior turned back to me, “anything else?”

I shook my head a little stunned at how much he knew about me. That was a small town for you I guess. 

“And give her the family discount, maybe she’ll let me know how to take down Schultz’s golf game if we get her this car for a steal,” he winked at me, his white eyebrow coming down as his eye closed.

An hour, and three test drives, later C3 was handing me the keys to a shiny new hatchback.

“Maybe you can use those new wheels to meet me for a drink in a few hours,” he smiled, all perfect white teeth and light brown hair waving slightly in the wind.

“I don’t know,” I shook my head. I really didn’t know; I wasn’t ready for another relationship so soon after Fisher, but I wanted to prove I was over our breakup. Oh, and let’s not forget I was pregnant with his baby, Riley’s brother or sister.

“It’s okay, I know you and Fisher have a thing, I just thought with him gone and everything maybe I had a shot,” before I could correct him, he was opening the driver’s side door for me to slip behind the wheel, “See you around Piper,” he smiled, before shutting the door and watching me drive away.

I tried not to feel too satisfied at having defied my father’s expectations. I’d just bought my own car for a fair price without a male escort.

Bailey was standing on the front lawn of my apartment building chatting with Rose when I got home in my new car. I hopped out of the car and bounded toward them, a gigantic smile plastered across my face.

“See I told you, pearl blue,” Rose nodded, before puttering back inside the building.

“What was that about?” I asked, stepping closer to Bailey, stuffing my hands into the pockets of my too-tight jeans as I went.

“The car,” Bailey laughed, “Rose told me you were going to get a new car in pearl blue, whatever that means, and I should just stick around until you drove up in it.”

“Well here I am,” I beamed, “here it is!”

“This is so exciting,” Bailey squealed, clapping her hands, before skipping toward my car to check it out.

“I know,” I clapped too, “And I got it for a great deal!”

“Of course you did,” Bailey smacked my arm with the back of her hand, “You’re a smart cookie, and your boobs look huge in that shirt,” she tilted her head sideways, regarding the loose fitting v-neck t-shirt I wore, “Actually they’ve been looking huge in general recently.”

I laughed off her comment, still not ready to admit to Bailey that I’d been keeping my pregnancy a secret for a month, and tried to change the subject to my new car’s upholstered seats.

I made a mental note to ask Dr. Schultz if the swelling in my shirt was a normal pregnancy thing.

16 Weeks:

I smiled to myself as I pushed my cart through the grocery store. I was basically shoveling everything off the shelves into my cart because everything looked delicious, except chicken nuggets. Something about their smell was terribly off-putting. It seemed my baby didn’t like chicken nuggets. She was going to be a picky eater.

I was having a girl. I almost laughed at the memory of her on the ultrasound screen that morning with her legs wide open. We would have to talk about that in the future. I chuckled to the box of instant pancakes in my hand; it was very unladylike for her to flash everyone looking at the ultrasound.

Dr. Schultz had told me we couldn’t be sure for a few more weeks, but I didn’t care. I knew she was a little girl, I could feel it.

I turned the corner, starting down the frozen food aisle and stopped in my tracks. At the end of the aisle Riley sat in the child seat of a grocery cart. I watched June talk to him for a minute before grabbing something from one of the freezers and inspecting the back of the package.

I didn’t think of how awkward it would be with June before I started walking toward them. I pushed my cart to a stop next to theirs and Riley squealed out, clapping his hands.

“Please be good for aunt JuJu honey,” June turned to him and came face to face with me.

“Can I hold him?” I asked, tracing his chubby hand with my finger.

Riley stretched his arms out to me and June nodded.

“Hi little monster,” I propped him up on my hip and kissed his forehead, “you got so big.”

I’d missed his first birthday. I knew Fisher would probably come home for it, so I hadn’t even bothered trying to visit or leave the gift I’d wrapped and stuffed in my closet.

“Mamamamamama,” he squealed out, smacking at my tender chest.

I grabbed his fingers and nibbled at them, trying not to wince. He settled the hand on my stomach, rubbing my little bump as if he knew his baby sister grew there. I placed my hand on top of his, unable to stop myself from engaging in that special moment with the baby boy I loved as much as I loved my own baby girl. A tear rolled down my cheek and I raised my hand to brush it away.

June was staring at my belly, most specifically the growing bump I couldn’t quite zip my jeans over anymore. Her eyes grew wide, making me uncomfortable.

I quickly placed Riley back in the cart, kissing his head softly when he was settled in.

I pulled my open jacket closed over my stomach, camouflaging the growing child I was pretty sure we both knew was there.

“Thanks for letting me have a few seconds with him,” I turned back to my own shopping cart and began walking away with purpose. I heard Riley begin to wail as I marched away.

“Piper wait!” June easily caught up to me, touching my shoulder, “you should come over sometime. He misses you.”

I wanted to say yes, but I shook my head again, “Fisher wouldn’t like it.”

“He misses you too,” she noticed the pained look in my eyes and began to backtrack, “he’s still gone, he has three more months on tour and he won’t be back for a day off until the end of next month and I could really use a lot of help with Riley. I’m so much better at being a cool aunt than a parent,” she sighed, “Just tell me you’ll think about it?”

“Sure,” I smiled a little before pushing my cart to the end of the aisle and checking out. Somehow I wasn’t in the mood to shop anymore.

That night I invited Bailey over. In true Bailey form she gave me a giant hug when I opened the door, waving the bottle in her hand in the air as she spoke.

“I’ve missed you,” she drawled, pulling two glasses from the cabinet and making her way to my living room.

“Me too,” I sat next to her and swiped my sweaty palms over the legs of my jeans, “um I have to tell you something,” she sipped from her glass, nodding, “Something big,” she nodded slowly, making an ‘out with it’ motion with her free hand, “I’m pregnant.”

“I know,” she smiled, “but I’m glad you and Fish finally decided to tell me!”

“It’s not Fisher’s,” I didn’t want Bailey telling him my baby girl was his.

“Bull shit,” Bailey glared at me, waiting for the truth, but I refused to give it, “then whose baby is it Piper?”

“Sam offered to marry me again when he found out,” I hoped this truth would make up for the lies I was telling.

“Oh honey, no wonder Fisher won’t talk about you anymore,” she picked up the other glass and held it out to me, “It’s cider,” she added when I was hesitant to take the amber liquid from her.

“He won’t?” I knew the answer would hurt, but I wanted to hear it.

“No and then there’s,” she bit her lower lip, “never mind.”

“What is it?”

“The song,” she winced.

“Fisher’s song for me? The one about the steps?”

“It’s his song for you alright, but it’s not about steps,” she rifled through her purse until she could find her phone and clicked into it for a few seconds before turning it to face me.

“Hey baby,” Dustin screamed over the chatter of a crowd, “I love you and I want you to know I miss you. Now this isn’t the song I would play for you if we were alone, but I want you to hear our new stuff, so I’m putting you right here,” the phone was propped up on something and he blew a kiss into it before shrugging on his bass and striding onto stage where Kyle was already settled in behind the drums. The crowd screamed, chanting ‘wharf, wharf, wharf’ and Fisher walked past the camera and onto stage. He looked sexier than ever and my heart caught in my chest. He’d grown his hair out more since he left and it fell around his ears and onto his forehead. He wore black jeans and a fitted white shirt with a skate logo on it. I imagined he’d received it for free at one of their venues. He strapped the guitar I’d given him to his chest before leaning into the microphone and saying, in a sexy almost whisper that instantly silenced the crowd, “We’re Fisherman’s Wharf, this is a new song and it’s good to hear all of you have a healthy set of lungs on you, that’s good for screaming and for singing along,”

Kyle clicked the drumsticks and the crowd screamed, but I could still hear the words of Fisher’s song as clearly as if he was singing them to me. I guess in a way he was. The guitar was sweet, but then it was joined by clunky base and tired drums. When Fisher started to sing it was almost sweet until I started to comprehend the words. It was a song of regret, describing a girl with baggage who didn’t know what she wanted. I thought it might be a lyrical wish for something to happen between us, but the chorus confirmed my suspicion that it was in fact an anthem to his hatred for me. I listened as Fisher told the world he hated singing that song because it was about me. By the second verse I was crying, but I stopped Bailey from putting the phone away. I needed to hear all of it.

When the song was over Fisher leaned into the microphone again and said “That song’s called P is for Pessimism,” chasing away any possible stubborn hesitations I may have had about whether the song was for me or not. Dustin picked up the phone again, waving before the video ended.

“Wow,” I gasped out, my mouth full of unshed tears.

“I’m sorry honey,” Bailey scooted close to me and wrapped her arm around my body, “I shouldn’t have shown you that.”

“It’s okay, I needed to see,” I wiped a hand across my face and rose to my feet, “Now I’m pregnant girl hungry for chocolate cake.”

We spent the evening baking the best chocolate cake with double chocolate frosting I had ever eaten and I realized how much I needed girl time. I’d been lonely since Fisher and I broke up and I needed to work on rebuilding a life for myself.

Around eleven and coincidentally my third slice of cake, a thunderous knock at my front door disturbed our peaceful night.

“I’ll get it,” Bailey exclaimed, leaving me to the last of my large slice of cake.

“You cheated on my brother?” June yelled into the room, pushing past Bailey and coming to a stop in front of the couch where I sat with a mouth full of cake and chocolate frosting on my face.

“I called him Piper and he fucking cried,” June placed her hands on her hips, “He said you told him you were pregnant with someone else’s kid.”

I finished chewing, washing it down with a sip of milk (hey the baby needed to get nutrients somehow right?). Lashing out at June wandered through my mind, but I decided against it. There was no real reason to be angry with her. It was my own lie that got me into this mess and my own decision to persevere that would get me out.

I stood, collecting the plates and glasses from the table and stepped around June on my way to the kitchen.

“I thought you guys had something special,” June yelled, trying to block my path, “How could you?” the last statement came out as a choked sob and I couldn’t help turning to make eye contact with the pixie-like girl defending her brother.

June saw something in my eyes and I dropped them to the floor, keeping my sight locked on the floor as I scraped the remaining cake on my plate into the kitchen wastebasket.

“You didn’t cheat on him did you?” she gasped out and I ignored her, turning to the sink, “Does he know you lied about that baby being his?” June followed right behind me, “what am I saying? Of course you didn’t otherwise he wouldn’t be so upset.”

I began washing dishes, ignoring the young woman muttering curses while she walked in circles behind me.

“Wait, it
is
Fisher’s kid?” Bailey chimed in from somewhere behind me.

“She’s mine,” I turned off the tap and dried my hands and turned to face them, “I don’t see how anything else matters at this point.”

“It’s a girl?” Bailey swooned, coming over to kneel in front of my belly, whispering things about boys and makeup I didn’t have the patience to follow.

“My brother deserves to know his child,” June choked out around tears.

“I know he does June,” I shrugged Bailey off and wrapped June in my arms, “Just please think about this from my perspective. When I told him I was pregnant he was horrified. He doesn’t want to be a dad again and it’s not fair for me to push that on him, especially considering the fact that he has a real chance to do something with his music right now. He won’t leave two kids at home while he’s off being awesome; you know how hard it was to get him to leave one.”

“You two are so hard-headed,” she mumbled into my shoulder, “Will you ever tell him?”

“Yeah,” I nodded. And I would, just not until the tour was over and maybe not even for a little while after that.

I dropped my arms from around her, letting her step away and wipe her eyes.

“Can you just promise me something June?”

“What?” the look on her face told me she knew what I was going to ask, but it didn’t look like she was going to definitely say no.

“Can you please let me be the one to tell Fisher? I need him to hear it from me when he does.”

“Okay,” she seemed like she wanted to ask when I was going to tell him, but I went on before she could.

“You too Bailey?”

“Anything for you honey,” she smiled a smile that told me she didn’t agree with my choices, but she was a good enough friend to support them anyway.

“Not even Dustin okay?”

Bailey nodded, hugging her arms around her body.

I felt bad for deceiving Fisher and for making them help me, but I knew it was best for him and best for my heart if we let him believe I was carrying another man’s baby just a little longer.