Just A Small Town Girl (19 page)

I shot to my feet, looking away from Fisher’s eyes where I knew I would find shock and sadness.

“I’m sorry,” I breathed out before running for the door.

I raced down the hall and descended the stairs, taking them two at a time, hoping Fisher wouldn’t catch me before I figured out where I was going. I didn’t have a jacket and I didn’t have a car, so I wasn’t sure what my plan was until I saw Sam’s truck parked across the street from my building.

“Stalker!” I shouted, getting his attention.

I broke into a full sprint toward his vehicle, my hair flying back as I ran.

“Piper!” Fisher called after me.

I looked back as I ran; his black t-shirt and dark hair were such an inky contrast to the white world around him. I turned away, not wanting to remember the forlorn expression on his face.

“Where’re we going girl?” Sam asked as I slammed the door behind me.

“Anywhere,” I breathed out letting myself watch Fisher’s slumped form get smaller as we drove away.

For a fleeting second I couldn’t help wondering why all of my bad decisions seemed to have something to do with Sam.

Sam tried to convince me to go back to Meadow Views with him, but I refused.

Instead, we spent the afternoon sitting in silence at a Chinese restaurant in the next town. I slowly chewed my broccoli and shrimp while he slurped his weight in lo-mein.

“Why did you cheat on me?” I finally broke the silence, letting my chopsticks clatter onto the table.

“You scared the hell out of me girl,” he gave me a half smile and shrugged, “You are the perfect woman for me to spend the rest of my life with, but I wasn’t ready for forever.”

“Are you now?” I didn’t really care, I wasn’t going to get back together with him, but I wanted to know.

“I don’t know. I didn’t like the idea of your forever being with someone else, so when your mom came home talking about your instant family with the neighbor boy I came to see,” he stabbed at the noodles on his plate, “I miss you and I don’t like the fact that we won’t be friends if we aren’t married. If being with you is the only way I can spend time with you then I’ll try my hardest to be faithful.”

“I don’t want you to have to ‘try your hardest’” I impersonated his masculine drawl and he laughed, “but I do want to stay friends.” I reached across the table and placed my hand on top of his, “You’re my best friend Sam, you know everything about me and I know everything about you, but we’re not in love, I don’t think we really ever were.”

“Can we be the kind of best friends where the girl has sex with the guy from time to time?” he asked, hope evident in his eyes.

I snatched my hand back, picking at my broccoli again, “absolutely not,” I clipped out before shoving food in my mouth to hide my smile.

All of the hurt Sam had caused me melted away in that restaurant and all without a single apology. We laughed and I cried as I told him about Fisher’s proposal. We were back to being friends, but we both knew our friendship wasn’t the kind that would ever work romantically.

“So you really love him baby girl?” Sam asked when the whole gritty story was out and all of our bridges were mended.

“I do,” tears welled in my eyes because I couldn’t stop myself from wondering if my botched reaction to Fisher’s proposal would make him stop loving me.

“Then I have to take you back to him,” Sam huffed out, “You have to go back and give this thing between the two of you a chance.”

“I’m not ready to be married again,” a tear ran down my cheek.

“I’m not telling you to marry him girl, I’m telling you to talk to him,” The irony of Sam giving me relationship advice wasn’t totally lost on me and I couldn’t help a small chuckle at his words, “You tell him how you feel and you figure it out
together
.”

“Well okay then,” I smiled, sliding out of the booth, “Let’s go back to my apartment then
Dr. Phil
”

If only making things right with Fisher had been as easy as Sam made it sound in the fluorescent lights of the Chinese restaurant.

“I can handle you saying no. I can handle you freaking out. I can handle you leaving. I
can’t
handle you leaving to be with him,” Fisher ground the words out the moment I crossed the threshold into his dark apartment.

It was well into the evening and Sam had just dropped me off promising everything was going to be okay with Fisher. So far he hadn’t managed to improve on keeping promises.

“I didn’t leave because I wanted to be with Sam,” I swallowed the lump in my throat, “I was scared.” A few tears dripped from my eyes.

“Are you fucking him?” Fisher asked, clearly blinded by anger.

I glared at him in the dark, “I’m glad I didn’t say yes to you, you’re an asshole,” I turned to leave his apartment, but stopped just in time to hear his final comment.

“Go get on your back for him again Piper. I’m done with you.”

I didn’t spend the night with Sam. I went to my apartment and slept on the couch bundled in blankets I’d retrieved from the hall closet.

Before anyone else was awake I crept into Fisher’s room, packing the things I’d moved in for his family’s stay silently and peeking in on Riley before I left the apartment. Bailey picked me up before anyone in the building was awake and I went to stay with her until January 2, when Fisher’s family would return home.

When I returned to my apartment after work on January 2 it felt empty. All of Riley’s toys were still there, but I knew there was little chance I’d be able to see my favorite little boy since his father thought I was a cheating whore. I sighed, rolling my suitcase to my bedroom.

I spent my evening washing sheets from Patricia and June’s visit. I regretted not telling them goodbye and wondered what excuse Fisher had given them. Maybe he’d just told them I crawled back to my ex-husband.

I couldn’t muster the energy to eat dinner and went to bed early.

Three days passed in essentially the same routine until lunchtime on Friday.

“Girl you look skinny,” Sam exclaimed, throwing a sandwich on my desk and settling into one of the waiting room’s comfortable chairs to eat his own.

“I haven’t had much of an appetite since the man I love became convinced I was sleeping with you,” I growled, glaring at him.

“That’s exactly why we should start having sex,” he beamed.

I rolled my eyes, unrolling the sandwich to find my favorite, grilled vegetables with provolone. I would never get tired of Sam automatically knowing what I liked. I took a few big bites.

“Slow down there girl,” he admonished, “You act like you haven’t eaten in days.”

I tried to remember the last thing I’d eaten and grimaced to myself remembering the yogurt I ate around noon the day before.

“I have,” I smiled with my mouth full, “You just got my favorite.”

“You aren’t fooling me little girl,” he heaved a sigh, crumpling his sandwich wrapper and shooting it into the wastebasket, “Do you want to talk about it?”

I shook my head.

“Do you want me to beat him up?” he rubbed his palms along the thighs of his jeans.

“No,” I laughed, “I wouldn’t want you hurt. He really hates you.”

“You’re so good for my ego,” he leaned across my desk to kiss my forehead and I let him, “Don’t forget to eat” he called out, leaving the office.

I loved him for being so thoughtful. That was what made him such a good friend. I made a mental note to eat more often, at least to make Sam happy.

I spent Saturday with Bailey and Dustin, being a third wheel while they went grocery shopping, visited Bailey’s parents, and window shopped for a new bass.

Sunday I stayed in bed all day and cried. I missed Fisher and he was so close, just across the hall, but I wasn’t willing to forgive the harsh words he’d spoken, especially because it seemed he still meant them. I wondered if he was as miserable as I was. I wondered if he had a hard time sleeping without his arms around me or felt his entire day was tilted off its axis when he didn’t get a kiss good morning.

Monday morning I was too sick to go to work and I couldn’t help wondering if it was some sort of emotional sickness borne straight from my soul. I tried to keep crackers and tea down, but I ended up returning to bed for the remainder of the day.

On Tuesday I didn’t feel much better, but I managed to get to work.

“You look ill Piper and that will be-”

“Bad for business, I know,” I finished Dr. Schultz’s sentence and closed my eyes, feeling a little dizzy.

He took a step toward me and I waved him away. I needed to pull it together and do my work. I swallowed back the nausea and lightheadedness with a smile.

“I’ll be fine, now go back to your office, you have an appointment in half an hour,” I shooed him away.

“You’re not eating,” Sam growled at me, throwing a breakfast burrito onto my desk. After giving me an assessing look he threw his on the desk too.

“I am,” I slowly unwrapped the food, hoping I would be able to keep it down.

“I know this guy was the love of your life, but please take care of yourself girl,” he ran his hands through his hair, making it into a tangle of platinum, “I might not be the love of your life, but I care about you too and it kills me to see you wasting away.”

I stood up and made my way around the desk, only tilting slightly in the process. I wrapped my arms around his waist and gave him a little squeeze. It felt nice to hug someone other than Bailey.

“Thank you for caring Sam,” I mumbled into his jacket.

“I’ll always care about you,” I could hear the smile in his voice, “you’re my best friend.”

“Ditto,” I groaned out, feeling the one bite of breakfast burrito I’d swallowed trying to fight its way up my throat.

“And we’re going to be the kind of best friends who have wild sex,” he said in the same soothing voice. I almost agreed before I realized what he’d said.

I dropped my arms, playfully hitting him and moving to step back around my desk. I held onto the edge to steady myself against the dizziness, but right before I sank into the chair my world went black.

“Piper, I want to run a few tests,” Dr. Schultz told me seconds after I opened my eyes.

I was in the examination room already, so I sat there on the paper, following his instructions and waiting for him to tell me I was dying of a broken heart and stubborn mind. He didn’t tell me I was dying of a broken heart, but what he did tell me was just as unbelievable and farfetched.

“Can I have the rest of the afternoon off?” I asked, sliding from the table, feeling the paper stick to my clothes.

“Of course my dear,” he opened the door for me and placed his hand on my shoulder as we walked into the reception area.

“You scared the shit out of me girl,” Sam exclaimed, jumping up to stand next to me, placing his hands on my shoulders.

“Sorry,” I whispered, drawing from his strength to keep me from crying.

“She’s taking the afternoon off,” Sam announced, setting his jaw for a fight.

“Agreed,” Dr. Schultz seemed a little confused by the bossy young man in his waiting room, but he didn’t comment.

Sam busied himself with packing up my bag and the breakfast burritos I’d never finished.

The bell over the door chimed and Fisher rushed in.

“Baby,” he gasped out, cradling my head in his hands, “I’ll take you home.”

I looked around, confused.

“Dr. Schultz called me,” he explained.

“You didn’t have an emergency contact down,” the doctor explained, “and you gave me a little scare.”

“You scared the shit out of everyone,” Sam added, stepping around the desk with my packed bag in his hands.

“Again with this guy Piper?” Fisher dropped his hands from my face.

“Look Asshole, she wouldn’t be so sick if not for you, so I suggest you focus on helping her get better instead of what her social circle looks like.” That was the Sam I’d known my entire life, my protector.

“Screw you,” Fisher glared at Sam before turning back to me, “I can’t believe you’re still seeing this guy.”

“I’m not-”

“She can see who she wants,” Sam argued.

“After everything he did you still want to get mixed up with this asshole?”

I looked at him, bigger things on my mind.

“Fine, good riddance,” Fisher stalked toward the door and I did a disoriented jog after him.

I caught up to him on the snowy sidewalk outside the office, I pulled on his sleeve and he whipped around to face me.

“I asked you to marry me Piper!” he yelled, “I love you so much, but I can’t be the other guy. I can’t be so invested in you when you can’t decide if you want me or your ex-husband.” He heaved out a broken sigh, “I know what it’s like to watch two people break apart because there’s a third person in the mix. I won’t be that third person.”

He turned to walk away and I wanted to tell him I loved him, I wanted to ask for the ring, but there was one thing he needed to know before I did any of that.

“Fisher!” I cried out.

He stopped, but didn’t turn around.

Tears welled in my eyes as I tried to gather the courage to say what I needed to.

“I’m Pregnant,” I sobbed out, doing my best to stay upright. I wasn’t ready to be a mother and I knew Fisher probably didn’t want to be a father again so soon.

He turned around, staring across the ten feet of space between our bodies.

“How?” he asked simply.

“I was on the pill, but it got messed up when I was sick and took those antibiotics, I-” I swallowed hard, guilt seeping into my heart, “I didn’t know.”

Fisher slit his eyes and said the single most hurtful thing he could have in our situation, “Is it mine?” he said it like it really was possible that the child growing inside of me wasn’t his. He said it because he didn’t want another child and he said it because he knew it would hurt me.

A pained hole punched through my stomach. My emotions were already running in overdrive since he’d all but broken up with me moments before. He went from loving me, treating me like I was his world, a part of his future, to treating me like I was some loose girl he couldn’t trust. The transformation hurt me. It ripped at my chest and made me short of breath. The cold air burned my throat on the way down as I heaved, deciding what my next move would be. I wanted him to hurt too, without processing that decision, the most painful thing I could think of tumbled from my lips.

“I don’t know,” I whispered, waiting for the words to carry across the seemingly growing expanse of space between us.

It was physically apparent the moment his brain processed my words. Hi eyes grew large before shrinking into cold slits. Fisher shook his head, starting to walk away, but took only a few steps before he turned back to me.

“You had me fooled Piper. I didn’t think you were the type to cheat and I sure as hell didn’t think you would end up pregnant with another man’s baby days after I proposed. I guess I dodged a bullet.” His voice was so sad I wanted to take back my words, but it was too late.

I watched him walk away, feeling Sam come to stand at my side.

“You’re pregnant?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

“Now I know you better than I know myself girl and I know you aren’t a cheat, so what was that about?”

“He can’t have another baby right now,” I shrugged, grasping on the one positive effect of what I’d just done. At lease I was relieving a burden from Fisher.

Sam wrapped his arms around my shoulders, understanding how much the sacrifice I was making would hurt.

“I know I joke a lot Piper, but please take what I’m about to say seriously,” he paused for confirmation and I nodded into his chest, “I will marry you again. I’ll help you raise that baby as my own if you want and I’ll do my best to be faithful to you.”

I smiled at my best friend’s offer.

“Thanks Sam but no, I can do this on my own.” I had to.

I thought of Fisher’s tattoo.
I’ll either find a way or I’ll make one
I mentally chanted to myself the entire way home, knowing it would become my mantra over the next nine months.