Just as Long as We're Together (20 page)

"I'll probably take an apartment in the city," Dad said, "at least in the beginning."

What did that mean? "So you'll be living in New York starting May first?"

"Yes," he said. "Life out here isn't what I expected. And I miss you and Bruce very much. Once I'm in New York we'll be able to see each other every week."

Every week? Did that mean he would come up here or Bruce and I would go to the city? My stomach started growling but I didn't feel hungry.

When I hung up I went to Mom's room. "Did you know Dad's coming back to the New York office?"

Mom was at her computer. "Yes," she said, quietly.

"And his fling with Iris is over, too."

"Yes," she said again.

"So what does it mean?" I asked.

"We don't know yet, Steph. We've still got a lot of thinking to do."

"But you might get back together.. . right?"

"Don't get your 'hopes up."

"But it's a possibility, isn't it?"

"I suppose it's a possibility . . . but it's not likely."

"I hate not knowing what's going to happen!" I shouted. "I'd almost rather know you're getting a. divorce. I want it to be settled one way or the other so I can get used to the idea, so I can stop thinking about it."

"I'm not going to lie to you, Steph," Mom said. "We just don't know. . ."

"You're supposed to be grownups," I shouted at her, "so why can't you make up your minds?" I ran to my room and slammed the door.

This time Mom followed me. "I'm getting tired of your moody outbursts!" she shouted. "Other people live here too, you know. And it's time you showed some concern for their feelings."

"I show a lot of concern for Bruce's feelings!" I shouted back at her.

40.

Killer Flu.

In March everyone got the flu. Everyone but Alison and me. Rachel had it. Dana had it. Miri Levine and Peter Klaff have it and I think Eric Macaulay is coming down with it because he coughed all day today and fell asleep in homeroom, with his head on his desk. Mrs. Remo says if we develop symptoms we should definitely not come to school. I heard her tell Mr. Diamond, "They're dropping like flies in my homeroom."

I called Peter to see how he was feeling.

"This flu is a killer," he said. "I cough half the night."

"Can't your mother give you something?"

"She's working on it."

"When are you coming back to school?"

"Not until I'm better, which at this rate means next fall."

"Well, cheer up," I told him. "You're not missing that much. Half the class is absent."

"Yeah. . . Mom says it's an epidemic."

"Probably I'll be next," I said.

"Then I'll call you."

"Deal," I said. The thing I 'like best about Peter is he's not just a boy, he's a friend.

When Alison called a few nights later, in tears, I figured it was to tell me that she had the flu, too. But instead she said, "This is an emergency." Her voice quivered. "I've got to see you right away."

"You want me to come over?" I asked. Never mind that it was close to nine on a school night and outside it was windy and raining. If Alison needed me I would go. That's what friends are for.

"I'll come to your house," Alison said.

"Did somebody die?" I asked, thinking of Sadie Wishnik.

"No. . ." Alison said, "nobody died."

"That's a relief."

Alison came to the kitchen door carrying her overnight bag in one hand and Maizie tucked under her other arm. This was the first time Alison had brought Maizie to our house. I won-

dered why she'd picked a rainy night for Maizie's first visit. And how come she was carrying an overnight bag.

Maizie shook herself off, then sniffed around the kitchen.

Alison took off her wet slicker and hung it over the back of a kitchen chair. Her eyes were red and puffy.

"What's wrong?" I said.

"Where's your mother?"

"In her room. Why?"

"Where's Bruce?"

"He's upstairs too. What's going on?"

"What I have to say I have to say in private."

"Okay. . . fine."

"Can we get to your room without anyone seeing us?"

"We can try," I said.

Alison grabbed Maizie and held her jaws together so she couldn't bark. We crept up the stairs slowly and ducked into my room. Then Maizie leaped out of Alison's arms and hid under the dresser. Alison sat on the edge of my bed, her hands clasped tightly in front of her. "My mother is pregnant," she announced.

"No!"

"And they don't know .how it happened."

"You mean It didn't happen in the usual way?"

"I mean, she's forty years old and she's never been able to get pregnant and now, all of a sudden, she is."

"That's amazing!" I said.

"It's more than amazing."

"What's she going to do?"

"She's going to have it. She and Leon think it's the greatest news they've ever heard. It doesn't bother them that when the kid is my age Mom will be fifty-three and Leon will be sixty-five."

I tried to picture Gena Farrell pregnant, but I couldn't. I couldn't picture her old either.

"What about the series?" I asked.

"How can you think of a TV series at a time. like this?"

"I don't know. It just popped into my head." I like Gena's new TV series. It's funny but not silly. I watch it every Tuesday night. Maybe Leon could give Franny-that's the name of the character Gena plays-a baby on the show. That would be very interesting.

Alison was crying again. "Mom says she didn't tell me until tonight because they just got the results of the amniocentesis. . ."

"What's amniocentesis?" I asked.

"Some test they do on older women to make sure the baby is okay. They even know what sex it is."

"What?"

"It's a . . ." She shook her head. I sat beside her and put my arm around her shoulder. "It's a boy," she finally managed to say..

"So you'll have a younger brother, same as me."

"You don't get it, do you?" she cried. "This isn't anything like you and Bruce."

"Because you'll be thirteen years older?"

"No. . . because it will be their baby. Their own baby. Not some baby Gena adopted because she couldn't get pregnant. This baby will look like them."

"I hope it looks like Gena," I said. "Not that there's anything wrong with the way Leon looks

but Gena's a lot . . ." I stopped when I realized that wasn't what Alison meant. She meant this baby won't be' Vietnamese.

"They won't need me anymore."

"Come on, Alison! I never saw a kid as loved as you."

"Until now! But who knows ' what's going to happen in July?"

I wanted to tell her about Dad and how he was coming back to the New York office on May first. 1 wanted to tell her that I don't know what's going to happen either. But it didn't feel like the right time to bring up my family problems.

"I'm going to France tomorrow," Alison said. "I'm going to find my biological mother."

"How?"

"There are ways."

"I think you're making a big mistake," I 'said.

We both heard the doorbell ring. Alison rushed to the window and looked out. "It's them," she whispered. "I'll hide in the closet."

"Alison, I wish you'd. . ."

"Shush. . ."

She was in the closet, with Maizie, when Mom opened my door. "Is Alison here?"

You could tell Alison was trying to keep Maizie from barking by the muffled sounds coming from the closet.

"Your parents are downstairs waiting, Alison," Mom said, as if nothing unusual was going on.

As soon as Mom was gone Alison opened the closet door and came out with Maizie in her arms. "I guess I'll go home now," she said. Her voice sounded hoarse. "I guess I'll wait until tomorrow to decide what to do."

"You look kind of funny," I told her.

"I feel kind of funny," she said. And then she just keeled over.

"Mom!" I called, "Come quick. . ."

Mom, Gena and Leon raced up the stairs. "Pumpkin!" Leon said. He lifted Alison onto my bed.

Gena felt her forehead. "She's burning up!"

"It's probably the flu," I told them. "The kids at school are dropping like flies."

"What's going on?" Bruce asked, standing in my doorway.

Alison opened her eyes. "My dog can talk," she said.

"What was that all about?" Mom asked, after Leon and Gena took Alison home.

"Family problems," I said.

"I hope it's nothing serious." Mom turned out the lamps in the living room.

"Gena's pregnant but no one's supposed to know. And Alison thinks once they .have their own baby they won't love her anymore."

"Of course they will," Mom said, as we went upstairs.

"That's what I told her," I said. "I never saw a kid as loved as Alison."

"What about you and 'Bruce?" Mom followed me into my room.

I shrugged.

"You don't think we love you as much as they love Alison?"

"I don't know."

"Stephanie. . . of course we do!"

"Maybe."

"Just because we have disagreements from time to time doesn't mean we don't love each other," Mom said.

"I guess."

"I was tough on you that night, wasn't I?" Mom asked.

"What night?"

"That night I told you to think of other people's feelings."

"Oh. . . that night."

"From now on," Mom said, "if we have something to say we should say it. It's not good to hold in feelings. . . anger and resentment build up that way."

"Did you know I went to see the counselor at school?" I asked.

"Only one time . . . she wanted to help me with my problems but I told her I didn't have any. Rachel says I don't face reality."

"Is that what your fight was about?"

"That's part of it. Do you think I face reality?"

"I think you handle it in your own way. I don't see you hiding from the facts. I don't see you withdrawing."

"Sometimes I pretend everything's okay when it's not."

"So do I," Mom said. "That's how I make it through the day."

"We're a lot alike, aren't we?" I asked. "We're' both optimists."

Mom hugged me. "We sure are."

41.

Spring.

It's been seven weeks since Rachel and I stopped speaking. At the bus stop in the morning she doesn't even look at me. She and Dana stand together, talking and laughing. Sometimes they talk so softly I can't hear what they're saying. I wish Alison would hurry and get better. I hate standing at the bus stop by myself. I've never felt so left out in my life. It's as if I'm invisible, as if I don't exist. Well, fine. Because as far as I'm concerned, Rachel Robinson doesn't exist either. Besides, I have more important things on my mind, such as what happens on May first when Dad starts working in New York?

I took Alison's homework assignments to her but the first three days she was too sick to do

anything. Leon let me peek into her room. Seeing her like that, so small and pale with her eyes closed, frightened me. I guess Leon could tell because he said, "It looks worse than it is. She's going to be fine."

Later that week when I got to her house, Alison was sitting up in bed, sipping grape juice. "I feel a little better," she said, coughing.

"I can tell."

She held up a book-What to Name' the Baby. "I'm trying to find a good name for him. You'd be amazed at how many names there are. So far Mom likes Alexander, Leon likes Edward and Sadie Wishnik likes Nelson..

"Nelson?" I said.

"I know," Alison said, "it's terrible." She laughed a little but that made her start coughing again. "You better not come too close."

"I'm not afraid of catching it," I said. Actually, the idea of a week in bed, with Mrs. Greco making me cinnamon toast and camomile tea, didn't sound all that bad.

"It's good I didn't go to Paris after all," Alison said. "I'd have been stuck there with the flu."

"Yeah . . . and without Leon to take care of you."

"I've decided to wait and see what happens. Maybe it won't be that bad. And if it is, I can always leave after the baby is born."

"Right," I said. Maizie came in and jumped up on Alison's chair "Guess what~" I asked, running my fingers along Maizie's back. "My father's coming back to work in New York."

"When?" Alison asked.

"May first."

"What's going to happen?"

"I wish I knew!"

"Well, at least you'll be able to see him whenever you want."

I nodded.

"Leon says you can feel spring in the air today," Alison said, lying back against her pillows. "I wish I could go outside. I hate staying in bed."

"You'll be better soon," I told her. "Did you hear that Dana and Jeremy are going to the ninth grade prom together?"

''I~~o. . .

"I heard Dana telling Rachel at the bus stop this morning."

"Is she wearing his bracelet again?"

"No, they decided it was the bracelet that was the problem."

"That doesn't make sense.
 
Are you sure you heard right?" '

"Yes. I listen to everything they have 'to say. Besides, she's humming under her breath again."

"The way she did when they first started going out?"

"Yes. . . the same way, only louder."

Alison yawned. "I think I'll take a nap now."

"Okay. . . see you tomorrow."

Jeremy Dragon is back to wearing his chartreuse jacket. He bumped into me in the hallway at school. I saw him coming but he didn't see me and we collided. I suppose I could have stepped aside but I didn't. He knocked my books out of my arms..

"Hey, Macbeth!" he said. "Long time, no see."

"I'm still on your bus."

"Well. . . long time, no notice."

I could smell his breath and his hair and a woodsy scent coming from his shirt as he crouched next to me, helping to gather my books. I got tingles everywhere. Dana is so lucky!

I had trouble concentrating for the rest of the day. I was still thinking about him that afternoon when I got off the bus. Rachel and I were the only ones to get off at Palfrey's Pond. I walked behind her, humming to myself. The crocuses were beginning to bloom. I love the way they work themselves Out of the ground. One day there's nothing there and the next, little blue, yellow and white flowers.