Just Claire (15 page)

F
eather fussed in her arms
, and ClaireLee spoke as Daddy disappeared behind his door. “But. The party.”

She held squirmy Feather and stared at the front door—her gateway to a few hours of freedom. Settling into the rocker and rocking with the baby, his eyes began to close. Patting his back, he burped.

The whole time, she was thinking of a way out of this. An idea formed.

She searched the cabin for a spare baby blanket. Finding none, she slid out her clothes box from underneath the bed and retrieved her bulky sweatshirt. Wrapping him in it, she then tied the sleeves together. Cradling Feather, the clock showed it was seven thirty.

C
laireLee reached
Pit Street and walked across to Wendy's road. Within a few minutes, the Lavenders' bright lights shone behind a picket fence. “Wendy's house.” She repositioned Feather and stopped.
What should I say when the Lavenders see the baby?

She hadn't thought this far ahead.

Would Kaye spout off a wisecrack? ClaireLee didn't care. Wendy and Valerie were who she wanted to please. Then, the perfect solution popped into her mind. Everyone would love her for it.

At ClaireLee's knock, Wendy opened the door. “Why do you have a baby?”

Talking in a rush, ClaireLee passed her in the doorway. “I decided to add excitement to the party.”

“So, you brought a baby?” Wendy followed her inside.

ClaireLee faced her host, and her voice rose to a higher note. “My mother fed him and he's asleep. Besides, I wanted to show him off.” She pulled down the shirt's neckline to show all of Feather's face. “Isn't he cute?”

Kaye came in mouth first. “Is it Claire—” She halted, making her high heels scrape on the floor. “What are you doing with this?”

A glance passed between Wendy and Kaye. “She brought her baby brother,” Wendy said.

“He's a good baby.” Caressing his forehead, ClaireLee swayed with him. “He won't give us a bit of trouble.” She readjusted his weight to her other arm. “I told Wendy, Feather would sleep right through the party, and everyone can hold him. Won't it be fun?”

“Well, he better stay quiet.” Kaye frowned. “A crying baby would ruin our party.”

Valerie walked in and gushed. “Oh, how sweet.” She reached for him. “May I hold the baby?”

Handing him over, ClaireLee let go after Valerie had him in a secure position. She cooed, “Sweet. He's in dreamland.” Then she giggled. “He's sucking in his sleep.”

Wendy leaned closer. “He sure is.”

Waving them over, Kaye said, “C'mon, girls, let's do ClaireLee's fingernails.”

Wanting to apologize for being late, ClaireLee pulled off her jacket. Someone might ask why. They couldn't know she'd had a ton of chores to do before she came. She had to bathe her sister and make sure the boys changed into clean pajamas. And she almost made it out the door without her baby brother.

Kaye stopped in the dining room. “You're a whole half-hour late, Miss Monteiro.”

Complicated. This is my life.
ClaireLee made her face as blank as a clean chalkboard.

“Sit here, ClaireLee.” Wendy sidled next to the table, where a row of colorful nail polishes waited. “I'll clean your nails, while you decide on a color.”

“My favorite color is pink.” She did as she was told, grateful there was no lipstick or makeup in sight. The temptation might have been too great. ClaireLee pointed. “I choose this shade.”

“I chose the same one.” Valerie stopped swaying the baby and held up her hand. “Doesn't it remind you of the pink medicine our mothers make us take for an upset stomach?”

ClaireLee said, “It's nice and bright.”
Like the medicine I have to give to us kids, since Mama's been sleeping too much to notice
.

To start, Wendy used a miniature brush to scrub ClaireLee's nails in a dish of soapy water. Later, Wendy applied ClaireLee's choice of polish. Off to the side on the dining room table sat bowls of chips, candies, cookies, and purple punch. Throughout the evening, the Lavender Girls filled their plates and cups and chatted.

When the clock chimed nine times, ClaireLee gasped.
Feather's going to be hungry. I've got to get home.

“Got a date, do you?” Wendy was cocking her head to one side. Everyone giggled, even ClaireLee, but hers was more like a nervous titter.

“We're used to staying awake until midnight.” Kaye popped the last bite of a sugar cookie in her mouth and chewed. “Aren't we, Wendy?”

“Indeed.” Examining her fresh nail polish, Wendy curled her fingers and blew.

Right then, the same lady who served ClaireLee at the Easter party appeared in the dining room doorway. “Do you ladies need anything else before I retire?”

“I don't think so.” Wendy squinted. “Do we, Kaye?”

On the crunch of a rippled potato chip, Kaye said, “Nope.”

The lady clasped her hands together. “Very well.” She bowed her bun-topped hairdo.

After she left, ClaireLee
had
to ask, “Is she the maid?”

In fits of giggles, Kaye and Wendy threw back their heads.

The baby jumped in his sleep.

ClaireLee pleaded with her eyes for Valerie to help and Valerie said, “No. She's the nanny.”

“Oh, sure, you told me this.” She pressed her lips together, to keep silent about all Valerie told her concerning the Lavender Girls. Then, ClaireLee thought of another question. “What does your nanny do besides act like a maid?”

“Well, you see it's like this.” Wendy wiped her mouth with a napkin. “She was first my babysitter, like a second mother. Now, Albreena—it's her name—keeps house for us.”

ClaireLee stared down the hall where Albreena disappeared. She already knew this, so she said, “I see.”

The baby squirmed in Valerie's arms. “I think he's wet.”

“Let me have him.” ClaireLee set her cup of punch on the table. He sure enough had wet his diaper through. Her face grew warm from embarrassment. “I better go.”

“Did you forget to bring a diaper?” Valerie said.

For sure, her face was red as a hot coal. “I did.”

Kaye laughed. “It's dumb to forget a diaper. Babies wet, and you change them.”

“Cut her some slack, Kaye.” Valerie touched ClaireLee's arm. “We're glad you came. Did you have fun?”

“Yes.” ClaireLee stood. “Thank you.”

Holding the baby while ClaireLee shrugged into her coat, Wendy gazed at the little guy. “He's not so wet. Sure is cute.”

Gladness filled ClaireLee's heart, for Wendy liked her baby brother.

T
he cabin was quiet
, with only the
crackle pop
of a fire in the woodstove. After changing Feather, she stared at her parents' closed bedroom door. Dressed in her nightclothes, she brought her flashlight, diary, and Feather to bed with her. Carefully, she placed the baby by the wall and pushed Lolly toward the outer edge. Getting in between them, she moved on her side. To nestle next to the baby made her happier.

She opened to the middle of the diary and wrote:

I
went
to a Lavender Girls party tonight. I'm a Lavender Girl. Can you believe it, Diary? Me, a part of the club I wanted so much to belong to. My life outside of the cabin is better for the time I have left here in Gallagher Springs.

W
here was her transistor radio
?
Oh, yeah.
She reached under her pillow. Switching it to low first, she twisted the knob on. The song played, “Each time my feet in some sin have slipped, He took me from its clutch. . .”

A
week
later and on a long walk back from the frog pond, Belinda grabbed ClaireLee's arm. “Hurry, love-struck fool, we can't let the dark catch us.”

“But I, “ she stumbled behind Belinda, “am not love-struck.”

“Are so.”

Getting steamed, ClaireLee said, “No sir.”

“Are so.”

Refusing to take another step, ClaireLee halted in the middle of the dirt road. “What are we talking about, Belinda?”

“Back there.” She pointed at the direction from where they came. “The kid from our class, Adam. Ya flirted with him.”

“The boy is a friend of Liam's.” Hands on hips, ClaireLee's stare turned hard. “I was not flirting; I was talking to him about frog-gigging.”

Shaking her head, Belinda grumped. “Spare the lies, ClaireLee.”

“
Don't
call me a liar.” She poked Belinda's arm.

“I'm sorry, you're right.” ClaireLee was nodding with satisfaction, when Belinda said, “I should say you're two times the liar.”

“How
dare
you.” ClaireLee was trembling with anger. “Why are you doing this?” The girls got nose to nose where they stood in the middle of the dirt road, wasting dusk light.

With a hurt expression, Belinda said, “You were supposed to be my best friend.” She crossed her
arms.

Barely able to speak, ClaireLee crossed her arms. “Whh, but I
am
your best friend.”

“Oh? Is this so?” She stomped off toward the pond.

Should she go after her? ClaireLee swallowed down her pride and ran. “Belinda, wait. I can explain anything.”

“Ya gotta be kidden' me,” Belinda yelled over her shoulder.

ClaireLee ran to catch up. “What's wrong?”

Belinda stopped, like a tree rooted to the ground. “Are ya this stupid, or so full of yourself ya can't see what you're doing to people?”

Words froze on ClaireLee's tongue, uncertain as to what she was talking about, ClaireLee stared.
Ah, oh. Is this about me joining the Lavender Girls? I should have told her by now
. Then, she grew angry.
How dare she call me stupid.

Belinda's eyes narrowed. “Well, aren't ya curious as to what I could be meanin'?”

“Maybe I don't care.” She crossed
her
arms over her chest. “You're mad about me joining the Lavender Girls, and then I didn't tell you. I wasn't trying to be thoughtless, or selfish. I— I wanted all of us girls to be friends.” She met Belinda's glare, once again. “You believe me, don't you?”

“Not sure.” She pointed to herself. “Ya know I don't like the Lavender Girls, ClaireLee, and ya know they
hate
me.”

“You said Valerie was different.” ClaireLee put out her hand in a plea. “I thought there was a chance, you know? Don't you see?” She nodded for Belinda to agree. “Three of us more alike, and then there's Wendy and Kaye.”

“Nope. Not buying it.” She kept her arms crossed and walked away. Hollering, she said, “I can't believe ya thought I'd join the club. Ya got suckered.”

“But—” A pang of guilt smacked ClaireLee's heart. “I just wanted to be a Lavender Girl. I thought you would, too, if I became one.”

Belinda spun round again. “I changed my mind,” she spat like there was dirt in her mouth. “You are not a deep pool of water. You're a shallow puddle just like the Lavender Girls, ClaireLee Monteiro.” With this, she bolted into a run.

A tear rolled down ClaireLee's cheek. “I'm sorry,” she whispered.

Coming to a stump off the road, ClaireLee sat on it and hung her head and cried.

O
n the way
to school ClaireLee dragged her feet. How could she face Belinda after what happened? Last weekend, her feelings of loss banged in her stomach like rocks. Her friend hated her.
How had this happened?
Belinda believed she was a traitor, a liar, and not worth the time to discuss it.

As the school building came into view, ClaireLee's thoughts reversed to anger.
Who does Belinda Cruz think she is anyway?
ClaireLee raised her chin and picked up her feet. She meant for the five girls to be together as friends. As she walked on the school steps, she decided she didn't know Belinda at all.

ClaireLee entered the class full of students. Mrs. Reed motioned for her to come forward. She said in a quiet voice, “Why are you late, Claire?”

Keeping her eyes averted, she finally surveyed the teacher's desk before answering. “I didn't feel well, but decided to come anyway.” The truth? ClaireLee wasn't ready to see Belinda, so she lagged behind her brothers all the way to school.

Shuffling her weight, her nerves grew taught at the lie she told to someone who trusted her.
No. I choose when to lie only to protect myself. Surely it's okay
.

“Did you hear me, Claire?”

Her teacher's face came into focus. “What?”

Mrs. Reed's eyes softened. “Take your seat. We're on page ninety-eight in the arithmetic book.”

I'll ignore Belinda's area of the room.
Keeping her head down, she took the few steps to her seat. Was it whispering she heard? No, they had no way of knowing what took place last weekend. Unless…
Would Belinda stoop this low as to tell others what she thought of me?
ClaireLee placed her chin in her cupped hands and sighed.

What was bad just got worse if it were true.

Trying to see the good, like a plan B, a thought surfaced.
At least the Lavender Girls will keep me. Wendy and Kaye will like Belinda being angry
. ClaireLee belonged with them now. In the next instant the idea left her feeling hollowed out like an old log. Like the skunk when he eats rotten eggs, ClaireLee worried she, too, would live with the nasty situation she had created for herself.

At first bell, ClaireLee didn't move. She tidied the inside of her desk, deep in concentration. “Hey, ClaireLee, are you coming?” Beckoning, Valerie's face glowed.

“Yes, just cleaning my desk. It's messy.” She laughed, but her heart wasn't in it.

Folding her hands in front of her, Valerie waited. After long moments, she said, “Is something wrong, Claire?”

“No.” She didn't meet her eyes.

“You seem, I don't know, like you don't want company.”

Now, ClaireLee stared at her. A small frown puckered Valerie's brows.

Giving in, ClaireLee shut the desk lid. “Actually, I do want company. Where are the other girls?”

“You didn't notice? Wendy and Kaye are absent. Not sure why.”

ClaireLee brushed a stray hair off her cheek. “I hope they're okay.”

Hooking an arm through ClaireLee's, Valerie said, “Let's get in the tether-ball line.”

This. This would be a normal thing on an otherwise unusual day. She'd stay close to Valerie and give her attention to no one else.

C
laireLee listened
for Belinda on the playground. Then, she scolded herself for doing so. However, she couldn't stop her ears from searching for a certain voice, one deeper and bolder than the rest. One you could never mistake for anyone but Belinda Cruz. Several times, Valerie said, “ClaireLee, did you hear me?” Well, no, she hadn't. By the end of recess, she understood she missed Belinda and more than just a bit.

Curious, she had to ask, “Valerie, did you see Belinda on the playground?”

“ClaireLee?” Valerie stopped walking toward the classroom. “You haven't noticed much today, have you?”

Jolted by the accusation, she said, “What do you mean?”

“Belinda's absent, also.” Valerie shrugged. “I guess since you came in late you didn't have a chance to see anyone.”

The tension in the back of ClaireLee's neck melted, and she straightened her shoulders. “I wonder if Kaye and Wendy are sick.”

Now, in the line for class, Valerie said, “Don't know. I sure hope not. I've never had the measles, or mumps, knock on wood.” She made a fist and knocked on the wooden pole, which helped secure the outside hall roof.

The idea of knocking on wood made ClaireLee laugh. This time her heart was in it.

L
ater after school
, ClaireLee hurried with her brothers to the cabin. The boys wanted to gig frogs, and she decided to catch up in her diary writings. Inside, Mama's door was locked, and Lolly still napped on the bed.

ClaireLee reached under the bed for her box of clothes and grabbed fur. Jolted, she withdrew her fist, but harmless Laddie crawled out and licked her hand. “Hey Laddie, Laddie.” She smothered her face in his neck. “I love you, big boy.”

After she changed, she and Laddie sat on the porch steps, where the sun cuddled her with its warmth. Basking, she lifted her face and listened to the hymn radio station. A certain song pulled her deep into its words, and the words got her to thinking. “I'd rather have Jesus than men's applause. . .”

What exactly does this mean?
ClaireLee repeated the verse in her mind, ignoring the rest of the song.

“Where are you, ClaireLee?”

Mama.

“I know you're here, and I need you to help me.”

ClaireLee switched off the radio and closed her untouched diary page. She bowed her head, pushed herself to her feet, and entered the cabin.

“There you are.” Mama's hair stuck out in a wild mass on the top of her head, a poor attempt at a bun. “This baby needs changing, and I need a bath.” In one smooth move, Mama placed Feather into ClaireLee's arms and walked into the bathroom. She slammed the door.

Within ClaireLee's embrace, Baby Feather wiggled. Like a whisper, she brushed her nose with his. “You stink, Mister Feather.” One side of his mouth tipped up, until it grew and he laughed. She forgot about everything and everyone except this—Feather laughing.

Interrupting the moment, the bathroom door swung open. Mama placed hands on her hips. “I said to change the baby, Miss Priss. Now, do it.”

Fingers tightened around Feather, she started to tell Mama about Feather laughing, but shut her mouth. A little nervous, she walked past Mama and into the bedroom, where Feather's diapers were stacked on a dresser. Mama came up behind her. “You're blocking my way. Get the diapers and get out.”

Hugging the baby to her, ClaireLee did as she was told. Mama went back into the bathroom to her waiting tub water, and ClaireLee stroked Feather's cheek. In a sweet voice, she said, “Our mother is a meany, isn't she? Bad, bad, bad, Mama.” His lip tipped, again, and he cooed. “Yes, she sure is, Feather.” She unpinned his diaper and nodded as she worked.

Daddy's words from days ago reminded her of Mama's condition: “
Your mama has had emotional issues since her teenage years.”

ClaireLee finished the diaper change and lifted Feather to her shoulder. She never wanted to grow up and be like Mama. In a singsong voice, ClaireLee whispered in the baby's ear, “No, I don't.”