Just for the Summer (Chasing Carolina #0.5) (16 page)

When we get down to the water, he stops a few inches away from the waves rolling in so he doesn’t soak his jeans and just holds me to him. I rest my head against his chest and listen to his heartbeat mixing with the gentle sound of the surf crashing against the shore. I’m going to miss this, miss him.

He’s running his fingers through my hair that’s falling down my back, stopping at my shoulder blades. It’s soothing and slightly helps me relax.

We stay like this for a few minutes, neither of us saying a word. Finally, Chase breaks the silence when he presses a kiss to the top of my head and murmurs into my hair, “God, I’m going to miss the hell out of you.”

It feels as if someone squeezes my lungs as his words hit me. They burn as I try to fill them with air. I’m trying so hard to fight back the tears that have been threatening to fall for hours. I don’t know how much longer I can hold them back.

“I’m going to miss you too,” I whisper so quietly I can barely hear myself, and I don’t think he can hear me either.

Holding my head in his hands, he pushes me from his chest and stares down at me with his gaze dark and brooding as he looks into my now watering eyes.

“We’ll keep in touch. I promise. There’s no way I can just walk away from you and never look back. You’re special to me, Ashlynn, and what we had this summer will forever be extraordinary to me.” Raking his hand through his hair, he lets out a loud sigh. “God, I swear I’m not going to be able to escape you, even after you leave. You’ve imprinted yourself everywhere.”

I don’t know what to feel as I hear him confessing my secret wish. My emotions get the better of me, and I allow a tear to escape and roll down my cheek. Immediately, he catches it with the pad of his thumb, brushing it away.

Letting out a sob, I ask him, “Why did I have to fall in love with you?”

The words leave my mouth, and as soon as they do, I regret it, because the look on Chase’s face tells me he doesn’t feel the same, and it hurts worse than anything I’ve ever felt before.

“Shit! Shit!” he shouts releasing me, and he begins pacing back and forth in front of me. “It was just sex. Nothing else.
Fuck
!” He continues to curse under his breath and run his hands over his face.

I jump slightly as he shouts out towards the ocean, but I refuse to cry in front of him. I rub at my eyes and scream at my subconscious to shut the hell up and cut the fucking waterworks!

Turning around, I leave him there staring out at the ocean and make my way back up to the boardwalk. I’m suddenly very sober and extremely pissed off. I press my hand to the intense pain in the middle of my chest. My heart is breaking, and my perfect last night in Myrtle Beach has just fallen apart.

Not even bothering to find everyone, I call a cab and wait until I’m already on my way to the house before texting Nikki.

I don’t feel well, so going back 2 the house. U guys stay & enjoy ur final night. I’ll c u in the AM.

My phone vibrates just as I’m putting it back into my clutch. I see it’s Chase and ignore it. I don’t want to listen to anything he has to say. Nothing will help ease the pain I’m feeling right now. I’m done with him. This just makes leaving tomorrow easier. He can go back to his manwhoring ways, and I’ll go back to Athens and move on with my life.

Stripping out of my dress, I slip on my favorite University of Georgia tee and a new pair of panties, and climb into bed. The moment my head hits the pillow, I lose it.

I bury my face in my pillow and let out all the tears I’ve been holding in all day. My shoulders are shaking and my head and eyes are pounding. Grabbing a handful of tissues from my nightstand, I blow my nose and try to dry my eyes, but the tears won’t stop falling.

Why? Why did I have to go and fall in love with the asshole? Even now, as my heart is being shredded into a million pieces, I find myself still wishing he was here. I love him, and even if he doesn’t love me, it doesn’t change anything.

This summer was amazing, and every moment spent with him is a moment I’ll never forget. What started out as a hot summer fling I could tell all my sorority sisters about, has now turned into a tragic love affair, with me being foolish enough to fall in love with him, even when I knew it was only until I went back to Georgia.

My cries begin to taper off when I hear my bedroom door click open. For a moment, I allow myself to get my hopes up that it’s him, but I’m foolish like that. Blame it on the hopeless romantic in me.

Rolling onto my back, I look towards the door and see Becca. “I heard you crying. Are you okay? We tried to text you, but you never wrote any of us back.”

I wipe at my tears with the palms of my hands and croak out, “I’m fine. It’s nothing a pint of ice cream can’t fix.” My throat is sore from crying, and I lose myself again as I begin to think about it. “I’m tired, so if you can, just shut the door so I can go sleep. We can talk about it tomorrow while we’re trapped inside my car for five-plus hours,” I tell her as I roll back towards the wall.

“Okay, sweetie. If you need anything, I’m only a room away.”

I don’t respond. I choke back a sob as I adjust my blankets and the scent of Chase fills my nose. He slept here last night, so every inch of my bed smells of him. I breathe in the scent deeply, torturing myself as fresh tears fall and I remember how simple life was this morning when I woke up wrapped in his arms, and before making love to him like we’ve done almost every morning since we began whatever it is we are—were.

My door popping open again startles me, and I snap my head towards the light shining in from the hallway. “I told you I’m fine.” I freeze as my eyes land on Chase, who’s standing in my doorway with a pained look on his face.

Good. I’m glad he feels like shit. Asshole. If I wasn’t so exhausted from crying, I’d get out of bed and kick him straight in his junk!

“What do you want?” I ask quietly as I wipe at my nose and my eyes with another tissue. I toss it onto the nightstand, adding to the pile I started.

“I’m sorry.” His words hit me hard and the tears start falling once again. I watch as he slips his shirt over his head and starts to remove his jeans. My head is screaming at me to tell him to get out, but the sliver of my heart that’s left in my chest is telling me to be selfish and take from him what I can get before tomorrow comes and I have to leave.

I know once I’m gone he’ll replace me with the next girl who will fall for his charm and good looks, but I love him too much to not spend as much time with him as I can. He came back, didn’t he? So I can at least allow him to stay.

Without speaking, I sit up, flipping the pillow over so I’m not lying on a tear-soaked pillowcase, and watch him as he climbs into his side of the bed. “I fucked up tonight.” His voice comes out pained as he drapes his arm over me and pulls me to him.

I snuggle into his chest and rest my leg between his, keeping my hands up by his heart. It hurts to know he doesn’t feel for me what I feel for him. I don’t know how I allowed myself to fall for him. It was stupid and reckless. I knew from the start we had an expiration date. We were always just for the summer…nothing more.

“It is what it is. I’m too tired to talk about it, so can we just go to sleep?” I ask quietly as I bury my face into his chest and breathe him in.

I never want to forget the smell of his cologne, the sound of his voice, or the feel of his touch, but I know sadly it will happen. At some point in my life, I’ll fall in love again and forget those simple things about him I cherish so much right now.

“I truly am sorry. It kills me to see you cry.” He gently brushes his fingers through my hair as he hugs me to him. I hate that his touch soothes me, even when it’s him who’s causing me pain.

“I know you are,” I choke out as new tears run down my cheeks.

He flutters kisses from my forehead to the tip of my nose and stops at my lips. He presses his to mine, but doesn’t move them. His tremble as we both inhale and exhale slow, shaky breaths.

“You may not believe me, but I love you too.” He murmurs the three words I needed to hear from him on the beach. Instead of making me feel better, it only makes the pain intensify.

That’s the last thing he says to me before I cry myself to sleep in his arms.

I awaken to an empty bed and feel my stomach flip-flop. I feel all the pain from last night come crashing back down on me. Did I dream it all? Did Chase stay at his house last night and never come here telling me he loved me, or hold me while I cried?

Climbing out of bed, I pad across the plush carpet into my bathroom to pee and brush my teeth. I packed everything yesterday besides what I’m wearing home today, so I could spend the morning with Chase. Now I’m wishing I hadn’t, because at least it would’ve given me something to do to distract myself from the inevitable.

When I enter the kitchen, I find everyone’s still asleep, so I get to work bringing my bags down to the car before making myself some coffee. My head feels like it weighs a thousand pounds this morning, and my body aches from my intense sob-fest I had last night.

I hear the loud exhaust of Chase’s truck and glance to my right, spotting his truck pulling up to his designated parking spot. He and Parker jump out with trays of Starbucks and paper bags in their hands.

“What are you doing up already?” he shouts across the driveway at me as he makes quick strides to catch up with me as I reach the stairs.

Stammering, I pull on the corner of my tank top and look from him to Parker. “I woke up and you were gone. I thought maybe I dreamt it all. I figured you were already heading back to Charlotte.” I say glancing back to Parker. Everyone’s alseep still, so I figured I’d get a head start on packing up the car since there was nothing else to do.”

Draping his arm around my shoulders, he beams down at me and kisses my lips softly before walking beside me, back up to the house. “We snuck out to get you girls your favorite coffees and muffins before y’all woke up. We wanted to do something nice before you hit the road.”

“I’m not leaving until this afternoon. My dad is sending his jet for me later today,” Parker explains.

A private jet?

“A jet? Who the hell’s your father?” I blurt out without thinking.
Way to go, Ashlynn
.

Laughing, he opens the door and walks over to the island, setting everything down. “He’s a politician. Believe me, it’s not as glamorous as it sounds. Thanks to his career, I’ve had three stepmothers and an alcoholic for a mom, who drowns her sorrows over her failed marriage by shopping and drinking dirty martinis all day. I was never so happy to go away to college and get away from them.”

I suddenly feel really sorry for Parker. He seems like this goofy jock, when in reality, he has a pretty dysfunctional life. I can’t even begin to imagine what his family life must be like during the holidays. I take for granted having amazing parents. Not everyone is that lucky.

“How are you feeling this morning?” Chase asks, pulling me in for a hug.

“Okay. I have one hell of hangover, but this latte will make it better,” I tell him, grabbing the coffee with my name on it and sipping it.

“You know I’m not talking about hangovers, Ashlynn.”

Grabbing his hand, I lead him out to the deck. “Can we talk out here?” I ask sit down on the wicker outdoor seat. Hugging my knees with one hand and sipping my coffee with the other, I stare nervously out towards the water, watching the seagulls flying around above.

It’s a beautiful day, but inside my body, there’s a storm brewing, and I’ve never so badly wished a gust of wind would blow through me and shift the storm back out to sea, so I could just bask in the warm sunshine.

“What do you want to talk about?” he asks as he slowly rubs his hand over my back. Still, his touch sparks something in me, even though I feel dead inside.

Keeping my eyes facing forward, I talk to him. It’s too hard to look into his eyes; the pain is too raw. “I wanted to let you know I’m leaving here with no hard feelings against you. I knew what I was getting into when this all started. I should’ve been more careful. We blurred the lines and the end result is this,” I tell him, waving my hand around in front of me and I let out a soft sigh. “Heartbreak, disappointment…it all could’ve been avoided, but I foolishly thought we could give each other a piece of ourselves and still leave here unscathed.”

Chase scoots closer to me and rests his hand on my hip, all the while, keeping his eyes towards the water too. “We both went into this knowing there was a chance we could get hurt. Honestly, I knew the moment I saw you the first day you got here that I was going to break your heart, but still, I pursued you.”