Just For You (25 page)

"Since when?"

Since Imogen told him it was bad for him during the weekend at his parents' house, he remembered. Cameron scowled, shaking the memory from his mind. He took a second look at the cigarette, a longing glance, and shrugged his shoulders.

"What the hell," he said, taking the burning stick from Todd's fingers and placing it into his mouth. His lips wrapped around the butt and he sucked in the heavy smoke, holding back a cough. Noticing his drink, Todd bent over and took the beer bottle from Cameron's opposite hand and took a long sip.

"Hey," Cameron protested.

"I've been watching you for an hour, Cameron. You weren't going to finish the beer."

He didn't respond, only watched the red-orange flame glow brighter with every hit he took off the cigarette. His eyelids were heavy and he knew he was close to sleep, but he was afraid of closing his eyes. He was terrified that, should he open them, he'd awake from a dream, and that when he went to see Alex in the hospital, he would still be asleep, maybe even in a coma. He was afraid that he might have dreamed the way Alex said his name earlier that morning when he opened his eyes. If he woke up and nothing had changed, he just might go bat-shit crazy.

Birds were starting to chirp now, and Cameron smiled at the insensitivity of reality. He chuckled darkly to himself, marveling at the way small pieces of the world's beauty found a way to show themselves in even the most sordid of places, in the most difficult and ugliest of times.

"You ever gonna tell me what the hell went on between you and Imogen tonight?" Todd asked. His gruff voice scraped against the edges of Cameron's brain. Cameron watched as Todd stretched out his long, slender legs and then leaned back on the stairs, resting his head on the open palms of his hands.

Cameron raised an eyebrow. "Why would I tell you that? It's not important."

"It looked pretty important to me. The way you were makin' eyes at her there in the room. I swear, you redefined for me what it means when people say 'if looks could kill.'"

"Shut up."

"Come on, man. You're just gonna leave me hangin' here like this? She's my friend, too, and neither of you have been acting the same ever since you got back from your parents' house. What the hell happened?"

"Todd," Cameron ground his teeth together and turned his face to his friend, though he kept his eyes low on the horizon. The sky was beginning to turn pink and purple. "Can we please drop this? Too much shit has gone on for me in the last ten hours and I really don't need your best friend act right now."

Todd shrugged and closed his eyes. "I know what you do need. You need some sleep."

There were minutes of silence before Todd sucked in air through his nose and shot up to a sitting position. He blinked rapidly and rubbed his long, skeletal hand down his face. "Yeah, you and I both need some sleep. Let's go. We've got five hours before checkout."

Cameron felt Todd's tight grip around his left elbow. As his arm was being lifted into the air, Cameron grabbed onto the railing of the stairs to hoist himself up. Together they stumbled up to the room, collapsing side-by-side onto the old, hard queen sized bed, only halfway conscious.

The last thing either of them remembered before they fell into an oblivion of exhaustion was the sound of the horn on another train as it went by.

* * * *

A few days passed and Alex was doing much better. Cameron sat at his bedside, holding his hand, unwilling to let it go. He forced Alex to keep talking- about anything and everything. There was no way at all Cameron was going to miss out on another second of Alex's life.

Cameron thought he would never get sick of hearing Alex's stories about school, his art, his ambitions and dreams, and, probably most important of all, his crush on Katie Simpson.

At the first mention of her name, Cameron's eyes lit up and he ran with it.

"Katie, I remember you talking about her," he smiled. Alex blushed and looked down at his knees, small and knobby underneath the thin hospital blankets. "Did she ever answer you about prom?"

"No, I hadn't asked her yet," Alex mumbled, picking at a loose thread by his thigh. "I was going to but then…" he sighed. "This whole thing happened. Who's going to go to prom with a gimp, Cam?"

Cameron made a face and buried his hand in Alex's thick hair. "At least you can still go to prom, right?"

Alex's mouth pulled to the side and he nodded. It was odd for Cameron to play the part of the optimist. They both knew this but left it unsaid.

"I guess I could still ask her. She has to say yes to me, right?" Alex looked up and caught his brother's eyes, smiling. "I mean, what kind of a girl says no to a boy in a hospital?"

Cameron laughed. "That's my boy."

"Where's Imogen? She hasn't come to see me since I woke up. Mom said she would."

The edges of Cameron's mouth turned down and his eyes darkened. He wrapped an arm around Alex's neck, grabbing his shoulder and squeezing, shaking his head. "I'm not sure."

"Don't you see her?"

Cameron closed his eyes. "She's very busy lately. She'll come when she gets a chance. She promised."

Now, more than ever, Cameron and Imogen were in a pickle. This was exactly what Cameron dreaded; this same situation was the one he'd tried to avoid since he ran into Imogen on that fateful day. No longer was it just the two of them who were involved, but his family was invested, too. And, since the world was never very kind to Cameron, it was his luck that his family were all head-over-heels in love with the girl while he was the only one with the opinion that they might all be better off without her.

He gulped and closed his eyes. He needed to be civil, he reasoned. He wasn't a complete Neanderthal. If Imogen walked through those hospital doors, he would be cordial. The words Todd told him back when he'd first made Imogen's acquaintance came rushing back to him.

"
You're mean, Cameron, but you're not cruel."

Not cruel indeed.

Alex and Cameron turned their heads when the door opened and Todd came sliding in like he was impersonating Kramer from
Seinfeld
. His face lit up with a bright smile and Cameron knew something was amiss.

"Hey, kiddo," Todd waved. "How are you?" he asked, coming around the bed and sitting on Alex's opposite side. His eyes scanned Alex's face and Todd cracked a smile. "You're looking a lot better. Few days ago you looked like the dog poo on the bottom of my shoe."

Cameron guffawed and Alex made a face.

"Thanks? I guess," Alex laughed.

"No problem, I mean it with infinite amounts of sincerity. Hey, you, Sulky." Todd held a hand out toward Cameron's face and snapped his fingers to grab his attention. Cameron shifted his gaze, keeping it blank and barely interested. A dark eyebrow almost touched his hairline. Todd took this as his chance to go on, and so he did. "We should be heading back." He leaned back in the chair and patted his gaunt belly.

Cameron hesitated, scratching his temple and looking over to Alex.

"You can go, you know. There's no reason you need to hang around here all day. You're not the one in the hospital, I am. Go home, get some rest. Eat real food." Alex's voice was assuring and he made wild gestures as he spoke.

Cameron's chest felt like it was being torn open. He didn't want to leave his brother, but it was time for him to get back to the real world, as much as he hated it. Bills needed to be paid and if he wanted to keep his job he was going to need to show his face there by tomorrow. A huge part of him felt guilty for leaving Alex and he wished he could throw responsibility to the wind, but Alex refused to let him.

This accident threw into sharp relief for Cameron how close he was to losing someone he cared so much for. Now he wanted to grab hold of every moment and hold it tightly. He wanted to squeeze from every single millisecond all that he could.

He wanted to start collecting memories so that when he looked back on his life he would have some good things to remember rather than infinite amounts of gray TV static.

"Cam," Alex started. "I understand."

"I know, but---"

"No. Don't feel bad about leaving me here, I'm fine. I'm breathing, aren't I? Besides," his lips pulled up to one side in a crooked smile, "I'll be out of here soon. Then I can finish up school, I'll see you at my art show, and then I'll take you up on your offer to visit you this summer."

Cameron smiled. "That better be a promise."

"Of course it is."

It took Todd a few more minutes and several goodbyes to finally get Cameron to the car, but get him to the car he did. The drive back home was long and silent, save for the few moments peppered in between when, out of nowhere, Cameron would smile or laugh to himself. Without fail, Todd would tear his eyes from the road in front of him to look at his friend, who was staring out the window and watching the raindrops race each other across the glass, leaving behind wet stains.

Todd never asked Cameron what he was thinking about, because he already knew. It was Alex. It was all Alex.

Cameron could sleep a little better now that he was sure his brother was as well as he could hope to be after all that happened. Only a few more days and he would get to go home, and Cameron would be damned if he wasn't part of the audience that would welcome him back.

One muggy afternoon, when Todd asked him to join him for lunch at a local diner, Cameron agreed. The weight of the heat sat on his shoulders and the Chicago wind blew through his hair until he finally opened the door to the diner, bell ringing above the door as he entered, and took a seat at a table for two in the middle of the restaurant.

He was busy looking through the menu and deciding between a chili bowl or a tuna melt when the bell above the door rang again. He looked up, half-waving when he saw Todd. A slight move to the left and Cameron had a full view of Imogen, too.

His heart skidded to a halt and he shot up from his seat at the table.

Imogen saw him, too, and they stood there, staring at each other like two deer caught in headlights. Todd held a cautionary hand out toward Cameron, and, though Cameron couldn't hear what he was saying, Todd began to speak softly, begging him not to move one more inch. To Todd's surprise, Cameron stayed put.

Imogen grabbed onto Todd's elbow.

"What?" he turned and asked her, trying to yank his arm from her ironclad grip.

Her eyes were wide and her mouth clamped shut as she looked up at Todd. Through gritted teeth, she said, "You didn't tell me he would be here."

"Exactly," Todd replied, peeling her fingers from him one by one, "because I knew if I told you, there was no way you'd come with me. Don't look so betrayed, Im. I didn't tell Cameron you were coming, either. Wasn't that obvious from the way he practically jumped out of his skin just now?"

Imogen's brows pulled down and she studied Todd. He seemed pretty proud of himself, with an easy smirk on his face and his relaxed stance. "You must really think you're something else."

"A mastermind. An evil genius, even."

"How about just evil?"

"Never. Come on." Todd grabbed Imogen's hand and pulled her forward. Using both of her hands and leveraging all of her weight, she pulled back and was able to stop him from moving farther.

"Todd."

He stopped, flashing Imogen a small, reassuring smile when he saw her darkened gaze darting between himself and Cameron. He pulled his hands from hers and turned to her fully, holding her firmly on the shoulder. He lowered his head just the tiniest bit.

"Everything will be fine." Slowly, he turned to look over his shoulder at Cameron. He was still standing at the table, hands curled into fists at his sides. His expression was almost unreadable, but the tightness around his jaw gave away his annoyance. Todd focused once again on Imogen. "Cameron's still here. He's willing to talk it out. Aren't you?"