Just Like Me (29 page)

              Jonathan looked at Taylor, appalled.

“You see how she treats your family?”

“It was in response to how you talked about her. She was defending herself, she has every right to. I’m proud of her.” He gave me an approving glance.

“You’re wasting your life on a nobody is what you’re doing!”
“I love her.”

              There was a clank as Jonathan’s fork dropped from his hand and hit his plate. His face turned a bright color and he squinted at Taylor. I recognized a similar face, back when I lived in a trailer park, that was the type of face my dad would make when he was about to hit my Mom.

“Daddy, want to see a magic trick?” Clara’s voice squeaked, holding up a pea. Taylor abruptly pushed away from the table; he helped me out of my chair and onto my feet. He placed a hand on my back and led me to the dining room hall entrance. He turned briefly back to his father.

“My whole life you’ve complained that I’ve never been close to you. That I always chose Mom’s side in a fight. And if this is your idea of becoming closer?” I felt his hand tense against my back as he started moving me out into the hallway. “This was me trying to reach out to you and show you the best thing that’s ever happened to me. If you can’t appreciate that, then don’t bother trying to come around anymore. I’m gone.” He yelled over his shoulder. He took the lead and I tried to keep up with him as he sped through a spider web of hallways. Jonathan never made a move to come after us, the Jetts I assumed simply resumed their dinner. Soon we reached the front door; and Taylor wrenched it open and led me out first. He made sure to slam it behind him as he reached for the keys at his belt loop. His hands shook as he stomped down the steps and before I knew it, we were speeding back down the highway back to Taylor’s house.

“You know,” Taylor was saying as he threw his keys onto the counter of his kitchen. “If you’re going to be walking the red carpet with me, you might want to have a clue about the zombie series.”

“Taylor…do you want to talk about-”

“They might ask you questions at the premier. You may want to know what’s going on.”

“Yea, it’d be quite awkward if someone started asking me about the first two and I’d have no idea. But Taylor-”

“Yea. I’ve got a theater upstairs; I can put them on if you want. Movie night!” The fake enthusiasm in his voice stung.

“Alright, let me get out of these tight pants and put on some sweats or something.” I finally agreed. He obviously was not up to talking about it.

“Ok, I’ll go start the previews.”

              I skipped down the hallway, smiling when I saw my room. It was still as beautiful as yesterday. I pulled open a drawer, taking out some sweats and a t-shirt. I quickly slipped them on and started to head up the stairs. Thoughts about Taylor whirled around in my mind, he was acting off. Way off.

I met Taylor when I was halfway up the stairs.

“Where you going?”

“Just gonna grab some snacks and stuff. Go ahead and start watching, I’ve seen it before. Go ahead.”

              He winked and ran down the rest of the stairs. I shrugged and heaved up the rest of the steps. I stopped in the movie room, sitting down in the front row. I ignored the popcorn machine and settled in to watch the movie.

              The movie started off following a teenage girl who was an outcast at her school. No one liked her. A guy moved to their school (Taylor, of course) and they hit it off immediately. At the end of one of their dates he was transformed back into a zombie. Even though he was a zombie and tried to convince the girl they weren’t meant to be together, the girl didn’t listen.

              I kept watching as they spent the majority of the movie making their way to a zombie cult to convince them that they were meant to be together. It wasn’t until the movie reached it’s halfway point that I glanced around, wondering where Taylor was. I spent a few more minutes debating on whether or not to go find him, and finally got up from my seat and made my way out of the theatre room.

              I found Taylor in the living room, sunk down into the couch. Several beer cans were empty and scattered across the coffee table. He was tipping a beer back, finishing it off when I walked in.

“So…you don’t drink after you meet my family. I met yours today…and you’re the one drinking.”

“Yeapp.” He tried to pop his p, but it slurred. Was he drunk? He grabbed for another beer out of his pack, I heard it hiss with relief as he opened it, tipping it back into his mouth.

“How many have you had?” I asked, cautiously entering the room.

“Not that much.” He slurred and had a hard time trying to find where my voice was coming from. Yea, he was drunk.

“Come on, let’s get you to bed.”

“I’m good. Here.” He slammed his empty hand down onto the couch. He then burst out laughing. “You’re watching me as a zombie.”

“Yea?” I asked, walking over and tugging at his arm. He fumbled, but was finally able to stand, using me as support.

“Yea. I play a zombie.”

“That’s nice.”
              I started dragging him down the hallway, he stumbled every few steps, having to really use me as support.

“I wanna tell you something.” He said, pausing to point a finger in my face. “You can’t tell.”

“I’m not sure if that’s a good idea,” I said, shifting him slightly so I could open his bedroom door. I pushed it open and half dragged him to his bed.

“I think it’s a greaaaat idea.”

“I’m not good at keeping secrets.”

              He flopped down on the bed and couldn’t stay still on top of the covers. He clumsily sat up and put a finger up. He tried to hit my lips with his finger but ended up hitting the side of my face.

“Ssssh!” He muttered. “Can’t tell.”

“Taylor…” I slipped his shoes off and wondered if I should just let him sleep with his clothes on. “I knew!” He exclaimed, trying to focus on my face. “I knew you didn’t like me when you won.” I could barely make out the words as they passed through his lips. “I was feeling bad. If you didn’t like me, I mean, who the hell were you?”

“Well, I like you now.” I said, heading into the bathroom and glancing around for some aspirin.

“I showed you.” I heard him yell from the bedroom. I fumbled around in a cabinet, finally finding some medicine. Should I wait until he wakes up to give it to him? What exactly did you do with someone who was drunk? “I wanted to make sure people still wanted me.”

“I’m sure.” I answered, coming back into the room with a glass of water and an aspirin. I decided not to take a chance mixing the aspirin with the alcohol in his system. “Drink some water, Taylor.”

              He waved me off. To him, water was unimportant. Bread, wasn’t bread what you gave people who were drinking?

“I fucked Kara.” He said. His eyes widening then squinting up, he stumbled off the bed into the bathroom. I heard revolting sounds as he retched into the toilet. I went in, and got down on my knees behind him, rubbing his back. I focused on the ceiling and tried not to breathe through my nose.

“I screwed her.” He choked. “Before I had to go out with you, I screwed her.” He laughed, and then shook his head, wiping the back of his hand over his mouth. I wanted to cry. Was he just delusional? “I wish I didn’t. I didn’t want to now. I was just feeling bad that you didn’t like me.”

“So…you screwed her before we went on our date?”
“Yea. I did.”

“Oh.” I wasn’t sure what to say. I didn’t know how to respond to that. Taylor started throwing up again and I kept rubbing his back, trying to hold back all the anger that was boiling inside. All that hurt that threatened to spill out into tears. It didn’t make me feel comfortable knowing he had screwed his ex-girlfriend before we’d gone out for the first time.

“I don’t want to push you.” He said, trying to point a finger in my general direction. “It wasn’t good for me wit her.”

“Really.”

“Yea. I screwed fan girls when I wasn’t dating anybody.”

“Please, Taylor. I don’t want to hear this.” He sat back finally, leaning his head back against the cool of the bathroom wall.

              I sat down, I had to. I felt my heart crush as I heard him slur incomprehensible things. Confessing to me, unaware that I’m the exact person that shouldn’t know all of this. Of course he would be screwing girls, he was Taylor Jett. He could have any girl in the world he wanted. It was stupid to think I was a permanent in his life. It was stupid to even consider the possibility. Why would he choose me? Why would he even bother with me when he could have half the girls in the world at his back yard, wanting to bang down more than his front door?

“You wouldn’t cheat on me would you?”

“No. I love you.” He eyed me for a second. “You’re not happy.”
“You think I like seeing you like this?”

“No. You may end it after this. I wouldn’t blame you.” I sighed. I got up and glanced at my face in the bathroom mirror. I looked terrible in the sweats and t-shirt. My eyes were growing red with held back tears and my face was puckered up with sadness. I turned my back on my reflection and helped Taylor to his feet. “Are you leaving me?”

“Not a bad thought.” I muttered under my breath.

“And my sorry excuse for a father.” He shook his head. “He can’t even accept the fact that I love someone. That I want to spend the rest of my life with her. He treats her like trash and I walk away, like a coward.” I helped him to the bed finally and he sunk down onto the mattress. “I’m going to marry her someday.” I looked down at him. I wanted to hurt him. Wanted to hit him. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. And now he had to say this shit. “I want to marry her.” He insisted.

“You think she’d actually to say yes to you?” I tried to keep up with him as he forgot who he was talking to.

“I’m an ass. I know that. I don’t know how she can stand me. But she does. She doesn’t let me screw her. You see, you’re just a fan girl. If I asked you to fuck, you’d say yes. But with her, I have to work for it. She loves me because of me. Not because I’m a zombie. She just treats me normal.”

“But you could have any girl in the world. It sounds like you’ve screwed a lot of them.”
“I don’t want them now. They were nothing to me.”

“Yea, make sure to tell her that.”

“I probably shouldn’t ask her. I don’t think she’d marry me right now.”
“Yea, I doubt that.”

              He started to lie back in the bed, suddenly exhausted. Before his eyes shut completely he squinted at me.

“You check on her? Make sure she’s ok?” He mumble/slurred. I nodded.

“Yea, I’ll check on her.”
“I don’t want to lose her. Don’t let her see me like this.”

              He closed his eyes and was snoring almost immediately. I felt my heart, heavy in my chest. How could he put all that on me? And how could I be so stupid to think that he wouldn’t go out and screw every pretty girl that walked his way? How could I possibly believe that it would just be me and him forever? The next pretty little thing that walked up could easily steal his affection.

I closed the door behind me and padded down to my room. I tried to keep tears from spilling down my cheeks as the hurt in my heart grew bigger and bigger with each step I took. I was meeting his mother tomorrow. He wanted me to move in with him. All of this seemed pretty permanent, something he shied away from. Yet I had an eerie feeling that I still had no clue about who Taylor Jett really was.

              That morning I woke up early. I wasted time and watched the rest of Taylor’s zombie movie. I tried to waste at least a small amount of time before I stomped down the hall into and into Taylor’s bedroom. He was lying on his stomach, arm slung over the side of his bed. I quickly stepped over to him and clapped my hands loudly in his face. He sat up quickly, a hand to his head.

“Oowww” He moaned. “My head.” I stepped over to the closest window and yanked the blinds up. The light hit his face and he cringed. He moaned with his hand to his head. “God, what was that for? It’s really bright.”

“That’s for last night.” I snapped and made my way back to the doorway, intending to stomp out. “You better get up; we’re supposed to be at your Mom’s in an hour.”

“God. I think I’ll call her and tell her we’re not coming.”

“No, we’re going.”

              He looked up at me, sharply.

“Are you ok?”

“No.”

              He considered that and then cautiously stood up. He glanced down and noticed his clothes were still on. He looked at the bathroom door then at me.

“What…happened last night?”

“Well, let’s see, where should I start?” I walked down the hall and out into the living room. I didn’t care if he followed me. My anger from last night was burning a hole through me. I started clearing beer cans away from the table and dropped them into the trashcan in the kitchen. I had to do something with this energy. Taylor paused at the living room doorway and glanced around.

“Oh, shit. Kale, don’t worry about cleaning up. I’ll-”

“Yea, that’s right.” I muttered, slamming cans down with unnecessary vigor. I felt hands on my shoulder and I whirled around to face him. Taylor put a hand to his head, trying not to wince.

“Kale, what’s wrong?” He sounded firm in his question.

“So, clearly you have no memory of what you said to me last night.” I cleared away trash on the floor. “The part where you told me you screwed your ex-girlfriend the day we went out on our date.” He cringed and continued watching me flutter around. “Or the part where you told me you sleep around?” I stopped and turned on him. “Or the part where you tried to make it all irrelevant when you said you’d marry me someday. I don’t know how to function right now. How am I supposed to pretend like this is all ok? I’ve told you over and over again that this is not for me, and it looks like you’re doing a fine job of proving me right.”

He licked his lips and held up his hands.

“Kale.”

“Don’t ‘Kale’ me.” I snapped as I whirled back and stomped into the kitchen. “Taylor, I don’t even know you. I don’t know a thing about you, and somehow you’re asking me to live with you. To give up my scholarship for you. You’re asking me to accept you as you are when I don’t even know if I can trust you. I have no reason to believe that I’m anything resembling a permanent relationship in your life.”

“Sit down.” He said, pointing to a bar stool around the island. I gave him a death look. He pulled a chair out, slowly so it wouldn’t scrape the floor. He came over and applied pressure to my shoulders so I finally did sit down. He rubbed his temples with his fingers, and then moved closer. He leaned one hand against the counter behind me and supported his weight as he bent forward. He let out a troubled sigh as he looked into my eyes.

“When I signed up for the competition, I expected a girl to win. But, Kale, I never expected a girl like you to come into my life. I didn’t expect someone so stubborn and so smart. So beautiful. I guess you took me by surprise.” A lightness touched his eyes. “And I didn’t know what to think of you. You thought I was arrogant. And maybe I am. For a pretty girl like to you walk into that library and simply be unimpressed with me? I’m kind of ashamed to admit that my ego took a major hit. I was looking for an escape from this new feeling that was hammering away inside me. The feeling of being…unwanted. Powerless. You had made me feel small, Kale. I’m sure you didn’t even realize that it affected me. And then I met up with Kara and-” He cleared his throat. “I did it to mend my pride. I wanted to feel in control of things again, I thought it would help me face you. You. The beautiful girl who thought nothing of me.” He paused, licking his lips. “The sleeping around, Kara, all of that is in the past. I didn’t realize what you would mean to me, I never thought I could feel like this.” He moved in closer, putting his hands around my waist. He gently lifted me up so I was sitting on the counter and he was sitting on the stool underneath me. “You matter to me. I was stupid. I’d give anything to take it all back now. I’ve hurt you. I’ve made you question me and in turn question yourself. And that’s the last thing in this world I wanted to do, Kale.” He smiled. “I want to be with you. Today. Tomorrow. And for as long as you’ll still put up with me. I can promise you it won’t always be easy, but I can also promise that as long as you’re here…you
are
my life.” He winced and his eyebrows furrowed. He tried to grin but it looked more like he was in pain. “Would it help if I mentioned my abs again?”

“Is getting drunk something you do a lot?” I tried to seem unfazed, tried hard to hold on to my anger. But I felt it sizzling out. Like a fire, I was dwindling down quickly to only a few flames.

“I drink…occasionally. It’s my drug of choice. Not my best quality, I’ll admit. But I’ll work on it, especially if it makes you uncomfortable.”

“After last night, I felt like I didn’t know you.”

“You do know me.”

“I know who you are when you’re with me. When you’re around other people? Or drinking?” I ran a finger across his shoulder, deep in thought. “I feel like I have no idea who you are. Sometimes, I think you’re just putting on an act with people. Other times, I think you’re putting on an act with me.” I sighed and slipped off the counter and onto the ground. Taylor watched me, concern in his eyes. “Sometimes I still wonder if this is all for publicity.” I finally admitted and pulled my hands back away from him. I ran my fingers through my hair, catching a tangle. He stood up and I backed up against the counter.

“If I have to spend every day proving to you that you’re everything I’ve ever wanted, I’ll do it. You are what matters.”

              He leaned down and wrapped his arms around me. When he kissed me I kissed him back. I tried to get lost in him, tried to get lost in the feel of his lips and the pressure of his hands on my back. As hard as I tried, there was a small voice at the back of my mind, yelling at me to run.