Just Like Me (31 page)

“Was there anything in particular you were hoping your lady would be wearing?”

              Since Taylor had produced the credit card, the man was pulling out all of the stops.

“Something that isn’t overwhelming, we’re not going to a ball. Something red carpet appropriate, something that will really get the media’s attention.”

“Of course, ma’am if you’ll follow my assistant into that room? We’ll pick out an assortment of gowns for you to try on.”

              I was shuffled into one of the dressing rooms. They were fairly large. No mirrors, but the lady in the red dress brought in multiple lavish dresses after obtaining my measurements.

“Ok, let’s try this one on. I do believe this orange will bring out a better color to your pale skin.”

              I hated orange. But I didn’t tell her that. The dress was a full-length, bright orange, the top had strips that hung sideways across my torso. Long strips went across the back all the way down. After I was zipped up, I stepped out and onto the little platform in front of the mirrors.

              Taylor was slouching in a chair. His eyes casually looked me up and down. The guy in the silver vest looked at Taylor expectantly. I found myself feeling nervous under Taylor’s gaze. He raised his eyebrows at me, asking my own opinion without speaking. I very slightly shook my head. Taylor lazily flicked his fingers.

“Let’s see another one.”

              I nodded and took a look into the mirror. The orange did make me look slightly tanner, but it didn’t really feel comfortable. Still, it would have been nice to see a little bit of approval from Taylor.

              We went back and the lady pulled a light pink number from the pile. It looked more like a dress Lisa would wear. It had a lot of frill and was short. It looked like I was wearing a tutu. I felt another twinge of guilt and wondered what Lisa was up to.

              I stepped out and onto the little platform. Taylor had an amused expression on his face.

“You look like a ballerina doll. All that frill.” He said, breaking his character.

              I looked into the mirror and laughed at the reflection. The pink made me look almost sickly; it clashed somewhat with my dark brown hair. I did a mock twirl and faced back toward Taylor.

“I feel like a clown.” I answered honestly. Taylor snorted and eyed the woman who was helping me. She looked nervous as she shooed me back into the dressing room.

              She spent more time picking out the next dress. The next one was a deep green. It hugged the top of my body. There were thin black lace designs trailing up to the top. It had sleeves that hung off to the side, a little tuft of fabric representing a side sleeve. At my waist it flowed out slightly and went down to my knees. The dark green was underneath; a thin black sheer hung at the surface. It was a beautiful dress, and it was my favorite color.

              I walked out and as soon as the door opened, Taylor sat up a little straighter. A smiled touched his lips as I turned on the platform to face the mirror. The green made my eyes pop and made my hair seem to shine a little brighter. I did a twirl and smiled at my reflection, then smiled back at Taylor.

“That’s it.” He said. He stood up and strode over. He ran the sleeve fabric through his fingers, and then ran a hand down my side. “You’ll need to tighten this line here,” He said, running a finger along the top of my dress. A shiver went through me. “And maybe take the dress up a little bit, make it a little bit shorter. I’d say black pumps would look good with it, and a black handbag. Also, an onyx necklace with matching earrings. I’m sure you can provide me with a suitable vest and tie to match?”

“Of course, sir.”

“Very well. Go ahead and make the adjustments.” He flicked the credit card between his fingers and the silver vest man quickly snatched it from his fingertips. The lady was now slipping pins into the dress, making it better proportioned for me. Taylor was watched and kept his gaze steady on me.

“Did you want us to ring up the accessories as well, sir?”

“Yeap,” Taylor answered, finally tearing his gaze from me. “Make sure to keep out a nice tip for your hard work.”

              I heard a knock on my door as I was folded down my bed. We had made it back to South Carolina and Taylor had planned on putting me on a plane in the morning so I could get back to school. He had said it would be a good time to start thinking about what kind of classes I might want to take online and maybe start moving items from my dorm room slowly into his California abode. That is, if I made up my mind to move in with him. I wasn’t sure how I felt about moving all the way across the country. There was a subtle excitement coupled with a hurricane of nervousness. It felt like my neck was bared for a guillotine to slice through.

“Come in!”

              Taylor cracked the door open and peered in to see if I was decent. I felt a little self-conscious in a big t-shirt and the boxer shorts he had given me.

“Want to watch a movie?”

“Yea, that sounds alright. But I prefer not to watch anything where you’re kissing other girls.”

“I wasn’t going to put on any of my movies.”

“I wouldn’t mind if you did.” I answered honestly. “I was just kidding.”

              I followed him down the hall and into the living room, he flipped on the T.V. We settled onto the couch and I leaned against him. We sat there for a few minutes and stared at the screen in silence. He kept shifting around, unable to settle in.

              “I’m surprised you knew what onyx means. And black pumps? I think maybe you need my assistance in coming out of the closet.” He chuckled, but it didn’t touch his eyes. We were silent for a few minutes.

“Why are you in college?”

              The question took me by surprise. I thought about it, wondering where he was going with this.

“I’m in college so I can have a career, make money, and never have to worry about anything.”

              It was quiet for a few more minutes before Taylor continued.

“You know, with me…you can have a career. You know I’ve offered you a script job. You could work for me.”

“I know.”

              Silence.

“And you’d make money doing it.”

“Yeapp.” I popped the p.

“With me, Kale, you’d never have to worry about anything.”
“Ok, Taylor, are we going to watch the movie or are we going to talk?”

“It’s just that,” He reached over and hit a button that muted the movie. “You can already have all that stuff. You can have a career, money, everything. It’s all here, for you. You have me.”

“So what are you saying?”

“I’m saying…why do you need college anymore?”

              I hesitated. College was always something I had worked for, something I had planned. There was never an alternative, it was go to college or fail at life. No middle ground. College had been my plan, my future. An opportunity to prove my worth.

“Because it’s what I’ve always worked for. My life would be pointless. All the good grades in school, I mean, school was my life.”

“But you don’t need it any more. You have me.”

“Sweetheart, I love you and everything, but you are not the equivalent of a college education. I’m considering the online classes, you can’t expect me to give up on everything entirely.”

              He put a hand up to my face, tentatively. He watched my eyes, a decisive look on his face.

              “You’re right, I’m sorry. Have you considered taking online classes and potentially moving in with me?”

              “I have considered your proposal,” I began, trying to make sense of the nerves that ran through me. I still hadn’t truly made a decision, but I knew I couldn’t keep him waiting. “I’ll do it.”

              His eyes lit up and he embraced me. “Kale,” He murmured into my hair. “That’s wonderful.” He pulled back and his smile was beautiful. Happiness touched every part of his face. “I love you so much.”

              I don’t think he noticed that my smile felt more like a cringe. The small, negative voice at the back of my head took a sharp breath and fell silent. I felt the judgmental bastard color my nerves with disapproval and panic.

              This is what you do for love. This is what happens, right?

              It was weird being back at the dorm. It seemed like it had been a lifetime since I had seen Lisa. I shoved my key into the door, and opened it.

“Hey.” I said.

“Hey.” She said, not taking her eyes off the T.V. She had on her pink fuzzy socks and was shooting some zombies or something on a video game.

“I thought you loved zombies? Why kill them?”

“These aren’t hot.” She popped another one and blood sprayed the screen.

“I kind of have some news.”

“No! Down! Down!” She yelled into the headset she had on. She was probably yelling at some thirteen year-old kid who should probably be doing his homework. Lisa should probably be doing her homework.

“You’re pregnant?” She asked. My face flushed.

“No! God, no. I think I’m going to be spending a lot more time with Taylor on set.”

“Is that the news? Because you’ve already been doing that. What, you enjoy sitting around and watching him make out with other girls or something?” She snorted and continued pressing buttons on her controller.

“I’m going to try to help him out on set. You know, helping with lines and stuff.”

“Really.” She didn’t sound enthused. I took a breath and continued.

“Well, you see, it’ll be a full time thing. It’s being shot in South Carolina, on the beach or something.”

“Yea, you gonna be flying here and there on a regular basis?”

“Well, you see, I was thinking about dropping out. I’m going to be taking online classes.”

              Her thumbs stopped moving across her controller. She paused the game and yanked her head set off and gave me a hard look.

“What?”

“Just for now.”

              She just stared.

“You convinced me to attend actual classes, to
experience
college.” She snapped.

“I know but-”

“But what? This is different? I wanted to do game tournaments and you realized pretty quickly that I wouldn’t take my schooling seriously. Remember what you told me? We’ve only got one opportunity to experience this. We get to screw up and have fun and take time to figure life out. And now you’re giving all of that up.”

“Yea, but this is what I want to do. ”

“Kale, I don’t believe you.” She shook her head and yanked her headset back on. “Do what you want. It sounds like you’re not the one in charge of your own decisions anymore.”

              I got steamed. I marched over to the plug in the wall and yanked the game system’s cable out of the outlet.

“Hey!” She screamed. “What the hell is your problem?!”

“Talk to me!”

“What do you want me to say Kale? Congrats on dropping out? Congrats on getting laid by a Hollywood bad boy? We were supposed to do this college thing together! Graduate together! And now you want to be one of those girls that sacrifices it all over a guy?”

“You’ve always put your relationships before everything else. Why can’t I do the same?”

              I bit my lip. That was harsh. I wanted her to accept this. I wanted her to be on my side more than anything. She was the only person in the world who could potentially understand what I was going through.

              “I don’t know who you are anymore.” She finally broke, shaking her head. “The Kale I knew was a strong, stubborn, smart girl who wanted the world. And now you’re standing in front of me…” She looked away from me and reached for her headset. “It sounds like you’ve made up your mind. Do what you want. Plug my game back in, will you?”

I did. Then I silently moved around the room and began packing some of my items up into the bad I’d brought to college with me. The tension between us sizzled through the room, and my chest felt heavy as I suppressed all of the feelings that threatened to well up inside of me.

“Want to take a walk?” I finally asked.

“Sure.” She grumbled and took a second to save her progress.

              We both shrugged into our jackets and exited our dorm.

“God, I feel like I haven’t talked to you in forever.” She said, jamming her keys into her pocket. “I’m feeling a smoothie. What do you think?” She was to staying light and trying to salvage our exchange.

“Yea, that’s fine. I could grab a coffee from the smoothie shop.”

“Ok.”

              We walked down to the smoothie shop and it wasn’t long until we were making our way to the bridge, our favorite spot to talk. There was an awkward stiffness between us. Normally we’d be bubbling and joking. Words would flow between us nonstop, and yet it seemed we could hardly scrape a few words together.

“So…I’m thinking about changing my major.” Lisa announced.

“To what?” I sipped on an iced mocha and she sipped a banana-strawberry. Her smoothie was bright pink of course. I imagined her insides to be hot pink to match her often pink exterior.

“I don’t know, business administration maybe.”

“Biz? What are you going to do with an admin degree?”

“Maybe be a manager somewhere.” She grinned at me. I smiled.

“That’d be neat.”

“Yea, take your old job at the theater.”

“You wouldn’t need a degree for that.” We both stopped, both of our thoughts I’m sure revolved around my hasty decisions.

We crossed over to the bridge over the small pond over campus. Orange fish swam far beneath the surface, barely visible to onlookers. Trash was in the pond, littered bottles and wrappers were bobbing around in the water.

I hate the cold. Especially at night. Lamp lights lit paths across the dead campus in a spider web of bricks. The trees were dying now. Their limbs were bare of leaves and they looked sickly as they tried reaching for the sky. The crunchy remains of leaves littered the campus.

“Taylor asked me to move in with him.”

              Lisa paused, staring at me with wide eyes. She looked surprised, and then her expression grew different. Angry?

“Really.” She said, but she didn’t sound enthused. She made her way to the railing of the bridge and gazed down into the water. I joined her.

“Yea.” She shook her head, again looking a little bit angry. She spit some of her smoothie out for the fishes to swim up and eat. I didn’t follow suit.

“What’d Taylor say when you told him no?”
“I…I didn’t tell him no.”

“What?”

“I told him I’d move in with him.”

“Oh. Wow.” She stopped to consider it. “You…you should do it, then.” She said and nodded slowly to herself. “I mean, it makes sense if you’re quitting school.”

“I’m not quitting, Lisa. I’m taking online classes. But…I don’t know, is it too fast?”

“You seem to know what you want. What has it been, a month?” She snorted.

“You and Ben have been together almost a year.” I noted.

              She shifted her body weight and her jawline stiffened.

“That’s right.” She hissed. “Over a year. And you come along with Mr. Perfect and suddenly you can be moved in together within a month.”

“What? Lisa I-“

“Where the hell is my friend? Kale! I would like to speak to her, please.”

“Lisa-“

“Look at you!
Look at you!
” She turned and threw her hands up in the air in exasperation. She turned back to the bridge and gripped on to the railing and tossed her smoothie cup into the water. It splashed and scared the fish even further into the depths of the under waters. It sent ripples along the other trash in the water and joined amongst the ranks. Now one of them.

“Lisa…I know we never expected this, but I’m…I’m…happy.”

              She shook her head angrily, taking a deep breath.

“You’re lying to yourself if you think this is happiness. You’re not yourself any more. You’re not Kale Delaney. You’re never here. You’re acting like some sorry excuse of a girl who can’t think for herself. You’re not a person any more. You’re a possession,
his
possession. He wants you to quit college, you quit college. He wants you to move in, and you do it. Every decision you make is based off of him! ‘If I do this will it make Taylor look bad?’ ‘If I say this how will it reflect on Taylor?’ ‘If I lose twenty more pounds will the media leave me alone?’” She mocked my voice in a high pitch and an annoyed tone. “Who cares?! Kale! Why do you care?”

“I just...” I felt tears well up in my eyes and fought to keep my breath steady.

“Kale! Just be honest with me! Because God knows that you can’t be honest with yourself, apparently. What is it that you want? I miss…” She took in a sharp breath. “I miss my best friend.” She finally choked.

              Tears fell down my cheeks then. She didn’t understand. How could she? She wasn’t in my life; she didn’t know what I had been through.

“You’re jealous.” I managed to spit out. “You’re jealous of what I’ve become. You wanted to win that contest and you’re jealous that you didn’t! You’re jealous that for once I’m in the spot light while you’re stuck on the sidelines! You’re jealous that you’re suddenly in the dark like I was for so many years! You can’t stand the fact that I attract more attention than you do!”

              She shook her head and looked disgusted.

              “I wish I could say goodbye to the friend that I used to have, but I guess that’s just not going to happen.” She stomped off the bridge and followed the path to our dorm. Well, I guess it would be her dorm now. I stood there, paralyzed and watched as she walked into the fading light of the lamp posts.