Just Me (2 page)

***

The cafeteria always reminded me of an asylum, neutral to the extreme so as to not incite the inmates, which surely splashes of color would do. Walls were painted in a one-dimensional beige color, and the floors were black-speckled white tiles like you see in most hospitals. Rows of those heavy-duty plastic tables with the built-in benches finished the painstakingly sane decor. I pushed my salad around my plate and half-listened to Poppy tell her story about the European vacation she and her parents, a surgeon and a lawyer, had taken.

Poppy's family lived in the biggest house I'd ever seen with award-winning gardens, fancy cars, and all the trimmings. Even for all of their wealth, they were really nice people and they had brought me into their fold from the time I was nine years old. I loved the Wrights. They were the closest to family that I'd ever known. I'd often thought how lucky I was to have Poppy as my bestie, because she could have been a “popular”, she certainly fit the criteria, but she saw them as I did: self-absorbed and boring.

I had been invited to join Poppy and her family on their trip to Europe, but I couldn't go. I needed to work so I could put money away for college just in case I didn't get the academic scholarships I was trying for. My uncle's salary disqualified me from financial-aid scholarships and grants and I had no intention of asking my aunt for a dime, stupid and nearsighted maybe, but I had pride and would rather be damned than be indebted to her for anything.

A mild commotion heralded Sebastian’s entrance to the cafeteria with Kira—light and dark together. I felt it again—the bitterness that left an unpleasant taste in my mouth. My eyes tracked him as he walked through the line and paid before following Kira to the popular table. He didn't belong at that table, and why I felt that way when I didn't know him at all, I couldn't say. They were all so superficial and shallow and he…I don't know, when I looked into those eyes earlier, I saw a hell of a lot looking back.

“
Lark!”

I pulled my focus from Sebastian to look over at Poppy. “What?”

“
You were drooling.”

“
No, not drooling, just looking.”

Poppy's blue eyes peered over at Sebastian. “He is something else. You interested?”

“
Wouldn't matter even if I was.”

She looked genuinely confused. “Why?”

My exhale sounded more like a sigh. “Look at him and then look at me. You do the math.”

“
What does that mean? Yeah, I wish you wouldn't wear black all the time, but you're beautiful.”

Leaning over the table, I looked, really looked, into Poppy's eyes to see if she was tripping. She didn't do drugs, as far as I knew, but she sure as hell was acting like she was on something. I was not beautiful. I would say attractive, maybe even exotic because of the bright green color of my eyes, but I was definitely not cheerleader-caliber-beautiful.

“
Are you high?”

“
You really need to get a grip on reality. Trevor thinks you're gorgeous.”

Trevor was Poppy's cousin—her wildly attractive, college freshman cousin—whom I’d had a crush on since I was ten. Recently, my feelings for him cooled from adoration to affection as our relationship morphed into that of family, but I couldn't deny I liked hearing he thought of me as pretty.

“
You lie.”

Poppy turned to Shawn. “Tell her.”

Shawn held my gaze and humor danced in his eyes. “He does, Lark.”

Goosebumps prickled my skin as I tucked that lovely little tidbit away with all the other happy moments I wanted to remember always. There weren't many, but the ones I had were definitely keepers. I didn't respond with words, only a contented smile, but Poppy was still on her warpath.

“
So again, why would it be so unreasonable for you and him...” she gestured with her head to Sebastian “to get together.”

“
He's with the Cheers.”

“
Well, yes, that does show an abominable lack of sense, but he is new. Maybe he just needs someone else to take him under their wing.” She said this as she wiggled her eyebrows.

“
You're ridiculous.”

“
No, I've just never seen your eyes sparkle like they're doing now and I've known you for a really long time.”

She might be like a dog with a bone, but she really was the bestest friend a person could have. I reached across the table and squeezed her hand. “Thank you.”

She gave me a moment and then she asked, “So are we a go for operation “Win Sebastian?”

“
No!”

“
Well, you let me know when you're ready.”

“
That's easy, I can answer that now, never.”

She said nothing, but I didn't miss the calculating look in her eyes. That was all I needed, for Poppy to have a mission and one that revolved around me. I resisted the urge to bang my head on the table. This was going to be a very long year.

***

On my way to art class for my free period, I noticed a cluster of boys farther down the hall. They were talking, leaning up against the lockers engaged in whatever it was boys talked about. When my eyes collided with Sebastian, I was surprised to see him in the mix or rather surprised at the ease in which he mingled with the others. He was new to school and yet to look at him, you'd think he had spent the past three years with these guys.

In English earlier, my reaction to Sebastian had been out of character but I had chalked that up as embarrassment because I had been acting like a bit of a goof. The same could not be said of now, since Sebastian wasn't even looking in my direction, and yet my heart fluttered. It wasn't an unpleasant feeling, quite the opposite, but physically reacting to a boy was definitely unusual for me. Nervousness filled me as I passed by the guys, or maybe it was self-consciousness. I didn't mean to look, I really didn't, but I felt his gaze on me and seeing those turquoise eyes staring so intently, turned the fluttering into a nearly painful thumping. There was no grin on his face; in fact he looked at me as if he was trying to figure me out. Pins and needles were shooting down my arms and my hands grew so damp, I feared my notebook might just slip from my grasp. I honestly didn't understand what I was feeling but I had to say, I really liked feeling it.

It was hard to pull my gaze from his but I managed it and as I continued down the hall, somehow I knew those eyes were still watching me.

***

After school, Poppy offered me a ride home but I could tell that Shawn was hoping to get Poppy alone, so I claimed I needed to stay late to chat with my art teacher, Ms. Whitney. Stepping outside, the bright afternoon sun blinded me, causing me to miss the small congregation that had formed in the parking lot. It only took a moment for understanding to dawn. I had been wrong. There wasn't a line of girls at Sebastian's locker; they instead were surrounding his bike. I wondered if his starry-eyed admirers were holding him captive. Though, from where I stood, he didn't appear to be in distress. And then my brain took a detour, as it had a tendency to do, and I envisioned rescuing him: the damsel saving the knight for a change. The idea was so comical, I nearly laughed out loud, again.

Since he was surrounded, literally, I blatantly stared. Resting up against his bike, his feet crossed at the ankles, he looked sexy. And though he wasn't grinning like he had in class, there was something about his expression that was very appealing. Maybe it was simply that he looked really comfortable in his own skin. I couldn't deny I was fascinated with him but clearly I wasn't the only one. And on the cusp of that observation, an unfamiliar and equally unpleasant feeling twisted in my gut but I had no desire to analyze it. What would be the point?

Just when I was about to turn my attention away from Sebastian and his horde, his head lifted and those eyes speared me from across the parking lot. I hadn't a clue what he was thinking, but the intensity of his focus turned the unpleasant feeling in my gut to a very pleasant one. Several in his fan club twisted their necks to see what had gained his attention. Having never been fond of the spotlight, I lowered my head and moved it along but I couldn't help the grin that curved
my
lips or the tingles that swept through my entire body.

***

Instead of heading home, I detoured into town for a cup of coffee. My cousins wouldn't be home yet from school and frankly I didn't want to be alone in the house with my aunt. She usually ignored me but there was no denying the hostility and tension from her aimed at me, so thick and prominent that at times it felt as if there was another person in the house with us.

I didn't understand her attitude toward me, especially since I was the daughter of her only sister: a sister she had lost at such a young age. You'd think she'd love and protect me based on that alone, but it definitely wasn't love that she felt for me.

The heart of town was an easy walk from school and before long, I was settled at an outside table at the cafe sipping my coffee. I had intended to start my homework but it was too nice a day, so instead I people watched. I did that often, silently observed people. I assumed it was the artist in me.

A loud and sexy rumble came from down the street and I didn't need to look to know whom it was. Somehow I managed not to look in his direction, but the exhale was involuntary when he drove past alone. So none of his admirers got a chance to ride on the back of his bike. I was far more relieved by that observation than I should be.

He looked sexy, women watching him intently and turning their heads to keep him in their sights, was proof of that. What would it feel like to have the roar of his bike's engine pulsing through me while having Sebastian Ross wrapped in my arms? He stopped at the light, and I had to say it was damn sexy the way he straddled his bike. I'd love to sketch him when he was unaware I was doing it: to capture that quiet confidence that he exuded so easily. It was while I openly stared at him that his head turned and our eyes met. What was even more unusual, it was like he knew I was there. Unlike in the parking lot at school, his lips curved up into the slightest of grins. Before I had time to react in anyway, the light changed. There it was again, just a barely-there grin and my body was all warm and flustered. If he actually touched me, I'd probably spontaneously combust.

***

That night I was working: the same job I had had for the past few years waiting tables at Alfonso's Pizzeria. Around seven the bell sounded over the door and a group of people entered. I didn't recognize any of them until the last person filed in—Sebastian. From my spot near the counter, I watched as he and his friends settled in a booth in my section. Great. Wearing my uniform of black jeans, white tee and sneakers and with my black hair pulled back into a ponytail, I looked eleven, maybe twelve. No point in dragging out the inevitable—I grabbed four menus and headed over to them.

Sebastian's friends at the table looked much more like him, unlike the golden gods of the popular crowd that he had spent his day with. They were all dark-haired, all inked and all had an edge to them. Who were they? I knew they didn't go to our school.

As soon as I approached, Sebastian looked up and our eyes met. I'm not sure where the thought came from, but I had the sense he wasn't surprised to find I worked here. A slow, sexy smile spread over his face and, as was the way whenever he was near, my body reacted. I never understood the expression about knees going weak, but I got it now. My legs turned to noodles. The fact that I stayed upright was a feat.

My hands shook from nerves when I handed out the menus and I prayed that Sebastian wouldn't see that telling sign. Before I could ask them what they wanted, all eyes suddenly were fixed on me, but I didn't get the sense they were waiting to place an order. Their staring felt more like an inspection. I had to resist the urge to peer over my shoulder to see if there was something large, scary and possibly alien in nature standing behind me. And then I heard that deep voice and my mind shifted gears: the potential brain-sucking monster completely forgotten.

“
Hello Larkspur.”

Sebastian Ross remembered my name. Sure we'd shared some heated glances, but actually remembering my name caused irrational joy to burn through me. But then again, I had made a bit of a spectacle of myself in English class, not to mention Larkspur was a hard name to forget. My joy fizzled out almost as quickly as it flared.

“
Hi Sebastian. Can I get you something to drink?”

One of his friends, the one sporting a nearly shaved head and three earrings in his left ear, spoke up. “Can we get two pitchers of Coke?”

“
Sure thing.”

I moved on, since loitering and staring didn't seem all that cool, and headed for the back to get their drinks. A short time later I managed to place their pitchers down without sloshing Coke over the sides since my damn hands were still shaking.

At least my voice sounded steady. “Are you ready to order?”

“
Yes…” This came from Sebastian, but as I waited for more, nothing followed. My head tilted to the side as I studied him, because I couldn't tell if he was nervous or just not interested enough to finish placing the order. When I saw the light color infuse his cheeks, I had to resist the temptation to lean into him for a closer study. Could he possibly be nervous talking to me?

The dude who ordered the drinks laughed out loud before he said, “Can we get one large cheese and one large pepperoni and four orders of fries?”