Just Me (20 page)

I barely got good-bye out of my mouth before the door closed at his back. Only a minute or two later, the door opened again and expecting to see Brad, I was surprised to see Mica. I swear it looked like relief on her face when she saw me, but why I had no idea. Her mouth opened as if to say something and just as quickly she shut it again.

“
Mica?”

Without acknowledging me, she hurried away. What the hell.

***

The after-school hours found Poppy, Sophia and me sitting outside at the local coffee bar. I reached for my coffee as I studied Poppy from across the table. She looked tired. A glance at Sophia and I knew she shared my concerns. Tension had grown between her and Shawn, becoming obvious whenever we all got together. But even though Poppy was an open book, when she wanted privacy, no form of persuasion could get her to share and I knew this because I'd been picking away at her for days with no luck. I wasn't going to ask again, but my mouth opened before my brain could stop it.

“
What's going on with you and Shawn?”

Her head snapped in my direction. “Fine, I'll tell you since clearly you're a dog with a bone.” She exhaled loudly and started fiddling with her cup. “We're growing apart.”

I nearly spit out my coffee. I wasn’t expecting to hear her say that. Sophia voiced my thoughts. “You aren't kidding?”

“
No.”

“
Damn. Poppy, you and Shawn, you're like eggs and bacon,” I said.

“
I know.”

Concern rang clear in Sophia's voice when she asked, “What happened?”

“
I love Shawn, but I'm not so sure I'm in love with him anymore.”

“
Does he feel the same way?”

“
No and yes.” Poppy leaned up and put her elbows on the table. “The truth is, I watch Lark and Bastian and the way they act together and it reminds me of when Shawn and I had that. We've been together for years, so it'll be different from the newness of their relationship, but I just don't feel that connection any longer.”

“
Have you talked with him about it?” I asked.

“
A little. It's hard because we've been friends for so long. I don't want to lose the friendship, but I don't see how we can keep it when we end the romance.”

“
You are such good friends and have been even before you started dating. But it won’t be easy. Telling a guy you want to be friends is like the kiss of death, but in your case it would be stupid to allow the friendship to die just because the romance has. Shawn isn't stupid. You guys do love each other, even if you’re not ‘in’ love.”

Reaching across the table, I took her hand. “I think you'll both find your way to the other side of this. Sophia and I are here whenever you want to talk.”

“
She's right.” Sophia added.

“
Thank you, guys,” she whispered with tears in her eyes.

The fall leaves slowly gave way to the bitter cold of winter and before I knew it, it was almost Christmas. Bastian had been gone for almost three weeks, three long and lonely weeks.

Christmas had been the one day of the year that my mom had pulled it together and stayed sober, and I adored it. Every year that I was with her, I woke on Christmas day to a small tabletop tree with a single present underneath it. The gift was usually something from the dollar store, but I cherished what it represented. For that day, we were a real family. Dinner usually consisted of frozen meals that we microwaved, but I would have happily eaten dirt just to have her smile and talk to me like she had done every Christmas. Knowing in the morning she would revert back to her normal ways, getting drunker as the day wore on, didn't cause resentment in me. I was thankful for what she had been able to give me. After I met the Wrights and saw how they celebrated the holidays with their decorating, cookie-making and the annual viewings of the Christmas classics, it only had me appreciating all that much more the time I had had with my mom. We hadn't celebrated as elaborately as the Wrights, but the same vein of love wove through our simple celebrations. Even after my mom died, the holiday still remained special because of those happy memories.

This year it was going to be bittersweet for me though, because it was Bastian and my first Christmas together…apart.

He was supposed to have come home, but there was a change of plans and the crew was asked to stay on over the holidays. They were being paid triple time, which was great, but I couldn't deny I wanted him home with me.

It was the day of the annual Wrights' Christmas tree extravaganza, an affair I never missed. The entrance hall of the Wrights’ house was huge, three stories high, which meant that every year they purchased the biggest tree known to humankind. It was so big that special tree people had to come in to set it up in a cartoonishly large tree stand. The tree was even wired to the wall, once all the decorations were on, so it didn't fall over. After the tree was decorated, it was tradition to spend the rest of the night drinking hot chocolate, eating cookies and watching Christmas movies.

The day was simple, even a bit childish, but the closeness I felt to others—the welcome and acceptance—really made it special. Bastian grew up as neglected as me, so I knew that the perfect simplicity of the day would have meant to him what it did to me, but it wasn't to be this year.

I was in the living room testing the lights as the only one who had the patience to unknot the strands. Poppy, Sophia and Caden were in the kitchen whipping up the cookies for later and the Wrights were helping the tree guys. Shawn was coming, which I was happy about. Poppy and he hadn't officially broken up, but it was coming. Regardless, he was part of this tradition too. The doorbell rang.

“
Can you get that, Lark?” Dr. Wright called to me.

“
Sure.”

I untangled myself from the light mess I had created and went into the foyer where the scent of pine filled the hall.
It smelled so good.
I thought as I reached for the door and pulled it open. It took me a minute to react since I wasn't quite sure I was seeing what I thought I was seeing. Bastian smiled in that way of his and that was all it took for my body to react without needing any help from my head. I threw myself into his arms. “Bastian!”

“
Surprise beautiful.”

“
I've missed you.”

He buried his face in my hair. “Understatement.”

“
You told me you had to work.”

“
I lied.”

“
I'm so happy to see you that I'll let you live.”

“
Well, let the boy in, Lark,” Dr. Wright said from behind me. I reluctantly pulled away from Bastian and turned to her. “You knew?” I was incredulous.

“
Of course I knew. Hello, Bastian. You made good time.”

He threw me a grin before moving past me to hug Dr. Wright. “I was in a bit of a hurry,” he said as he looked back at me. My heart rolled over in my chest. This just officially became my very favorite Christmas ever.

“
You can help me with the lights,” I volunteered as I reached for Bastian. I looked over at Dr. Wright. “Thank you.”

“
It wouldn't be Christmas without him,” she said.

As soon as we were out of sight, Bastian pulled me into his arms and fused his mouth to mine. Pressing myself against him, I gave back as good as I was getting. Poppy's voice jarred us out of our reunion.

“
Hi, Bastian.”

He kept his one arm firmly around my waist and turned to Poppy. “Hi.”

Sophia was chewing on a cookie. “Hey Bastian.”

Caden walked in then. “Took you long enough, man.”

“
Everyone knew?” I was outraged.

“
Of course we all knew, silly girl.” Poppy teased before she started toward the boxes of ornaments. “They're done getting the tree up, so let's have at it.”

***

That night, after everyone went to bed, Bastian and I sat on the floor in the foyer and looked up at the twinkling lights.

“
I can't tell you how happy I am that you're here. You are the best Christmas present ever.”

“
I was always coming, Lark.” He brushed his knuckles across my cheek, “I do actually have a present for you, but it's going to be a belated one.”

“
Really? Want to give me a hint?”

“
No.”

“
Just a little one?”

He rested back on his hands and shook his head. “Not even a little one.”

“
Fine, be that way.”

He moved with astounding speed and pulled me across his lap. “So let's talk about my present,” he cooed.

“
I got you the first five seasons of Downton Abbey.”

“
No you didn't.”

“
You're right. I only got you the first season.”

“
Lark.”

Grinning, I reached under the tree for a small package wrapped in silver. “Here.”

He looked like a little boy, his eyes all wide with wonder, as he slowly unwrapped the package. His fingers weren't quite steady when he lifted the lid to the box. Inside was a framed sketch I had done of us, sitting in the living room of the apartment. It took me a while because I had trouble sketching myself, but I was thrilled with how it turned out. He met my gaze and for a moment we just looked our fill. “It's beautiful, Lark.”

“
Merry Christmas.”

He leaned over and touched his lips to mine. “Merry Christmas.”

***

With the coming of the new year, I spent a lot of time doubling up on assignments since I'd be taking my exams a few months before everyone else—like Bastian, though it didn't come as easily for me as it apparently had for him. I missed him constantly. Even though our week together gave me many more memories for my happy place.

My brain was on overload, feeling much like a ticking time bomb. Genuine gratitude filled me for the reprieve offered when I looked up from my homework to see Poppy standing in my doorway. My mouth opened to offer a witty remark, but one glance and I knew that she and Shawn had officially called it quits.

“
Poppy.”

“
I knew it was going to be hard but I didn't think it was going to be this hard.”

“
How did he take it?”

“
He cried. I've never seen Shawn cry.”

The flood gates opened then and I felt helpless. There was nothing I could do but offer her comfort, which I did and pulled her close. It took a bit for her sobs to subside. She seemed embarrassed since she jerked away from me and refused to look in my direction.

“
Poppy, talk to me.”

Her red-rimmed eyes met mine from across the room. “Did I make a mistake?”

“
Did you make a mistake or do I
think
you made a mistake? You're the best judge of that, but don't confuse missing what's comfortable with making a mistake.”

She rubbed her hands over her face. “I know you're right. It's been off, for both of us, but it hurts seeing his face and knowing that after everything, I hurt him.”

“
He'll move past it and I think you'll both find your way as friends because you started as friends.”

“
I hope you're right.”

“
Time will tell, but I think I am.”

Sadness still marred her expression, so I sought to take her mind from it. “I think ice cream is in order. Let's go raid the freezer.”

“
Brilliant idea.”

We had only reached the stairs when Poppy gave me a quick hug from the side. “Thanks for listening.”

“
Always.”

***

From my spot against the wall, I’d been watching Poppy and Caden at this post-Valentine’s Day party and maybe it was just my imagination, but things looked intense between them. I wasn't sure what fueled it, but I definitely planned on talking with Poppy about it later.

Sophia was on the West Coast touring Berkley, the school she hoped to attend in the fall. Normally exuberant, she'd been practically bouncing off the walls with excitement over the trip. My fingers were crossed that she'd get in, she was currently on the wait-list, because I knew how much she wanted to go there.

The party was packed, but I just couldn't seem to get myself in the mood to party. What was the point? Instead of Bastian and I sharing our senior year together, he was still hundreds of miles away.

My attention drifted to Mica, who stood near the door. Instead of her preferred party attire of a short skirt and tight blouse, she wore baggy jeans and a sweatshirt. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail and it seemed as if she was looking for an excuse to escape. What was going on with her?

I didn't realize that someone had come to stand next to me until I heard my name. “Hi Lark.”

“
Hey Brad.”

“
You don't look like you're enjoying this.” He said but his focus was across the room to where Poppy and Caden were. If Brad was interested in Poppy, the sight of her with Caden was likely going to force him to make his move or he might just lose the chance.

Shifting my thoughts to his question, I answered honestly, “I'm really not. Can't get my head into it tonight.”

“
It's a little less crowded in the back. I think there's even a place to sit, so you don't have to stand here and hold up the wall.”