Just Surrender... (21 page)
DIE FOUND A COMFORTABLE
couch in the waiting area and settled herself in. Hospitals had never been her favorite place. In fact, they were probably no one’s favorite place. People came here when they were sick, in hopes of leaving healed, but not everyone could be healed.
It took a strong person to work here, knowing that not everyone could be healed. Knowing that not every heart could be saved.
A strong person like Tyler.
A nurse appeared, holding a box of tissues. “Here. Can I get you some water? Are you waiting for someone?”
Edie wiped at her tears. “I don’t need any water. I’m waiting for Dr. Hart.”
“He may be in surgery for some time.”
She managed a smile. “I can wait.”
It was five hours until she saw him. He came out of surgery, pulled his cap off his head and then spotted her.
He came toward her with his doctor’s face, eyes careful, mouth serious, but she knew his secrets. Edie knew what Dr. Tyler Hart tried to hide from the rest of the world.
Dr. Tyler Hart cared.
What sort of shifty coward
wouldn’t
love a man like that? A great man who saved lives on a daily basis. Not Edie Higgins. Not anymore.
“I’m sorry,” she apologized.
He stood still for a moment, before taking a seat in the chair opposite her. “For what?”
“For leaving.”
“I was stupid. You didn’t need to come here to say sorry to me.” He pushed his hair out of his eyes, but she stopped him with her fingers, and stroked the silky strands away.
“I came here for you.”
His gaze told her he was cautiously optimistic. Wasn’t that what the medical professionals always said? Cautiously optimistic, as if they wanted to hope, but never could. It was all right because now Edie had enough optimism for both of them.
“I was wrong,” she told him, needing to get that out there first.
“About what?”
“About us.”
“It doesn’t matter. I lost the endowment.”
“I know. I’m sorry. You deserved it.”
“No.”
“I saw Mr. Heeney at the elevators. I’m sorry.”
“It happens. It’s part of the job.”
“You could have told me. You could have told me that you hurt. I don’t want you to hurt.”
Tyler looked at her with steadfast eyes. “You get used to the Mrs. Heeneys of the world.”
“Really? Sometimes don’t you feel it here?” she asked, putting a hand to his chest.
He shrugged as if it didn’t matter, as if he didn’t care, but Edie wasn’t giving up. Not anymore. From now on, she was in for the long haul—whatever it took.
“I love you,” she told him, laying her heart on the line. “Please stay in New York, Tyler. You’re carrying around my heart in there, too. I don’t want to lose it. I don’t want to lose you.”
Because he was stubborn, he shook his head. “You won’t be happy. You don’t like to be alone.”
Wisely she smiled, because now Edie understood. “I won’t be. You’re with me. You’re always with me. When you’re sitting next to me, when you’re inside me, when you’re two thousand miles away. You’re here,” she said, pointing to her own chest. “I’m never alone. Not anymore.”
Something sparked in his eyes. Cautious optimism. Hope. “What about the patients? What if they come up and tell you how great I am?”
“You are great,” she told him, grinning. “I might even agree.”
But still, he wasn’t convinced. “Someday I might have a building named after me. Probably a wing, not an entire building, but wouldn’t it bug you?”
She shook her head. “No. I’m renaming the diner. Edie’s. It’s not a hospital wing, but it counts.”
“Dr. Keating offered me an attending,” he said.
Edie sighed in quick relief. “I know. Dad told me. You should take it.”
“It’s not the endowment—”
“But it counts.” She locked her fingers around his because she wasn’t about to let him go. Not now. Not ever. “Stay, Tyler. Please. Stay for me. Stay with me,” she finished.
“I’ll have to deal with Lockwood on a daily basis.”
“I’ve heard sex goes a long way in soothing the savage beast,” she countered.
And finally, he smiled. Once. A quick nervy smile. A smile that she loved. “As a trained medical professional, I can definitively state that that’s true. It definitely does.”
HE CLOCK SAID 11:07 P.M.,
and Edie told herself she was fine. Yes, they were supposed to have gone to see a show tonight, yes, Tyler was in surgery, yes, this was their first week together in her apartment, but still…
She flipped through the papers on the desk, looking for something to read, when she saw the DVD. It was homemade, and with only one word on it: Edie.
She knew the handwriting. Doctor’s scrawl, she thought with a goofy smile. Curious about the contents, she slid it into the DVD player and sat back to watch.
It was Tyler, sitting in front of his computer, with non-mussed hair and a perfect Windsor knot. The ties were growing on her. As a bonus, she’d discovered they were great fun in bed.
“I know I’m supposed to be there with you. I know you’re sitting there home alone, and I didn’t want you to get lonely, or think I take you for granted. I made this, and I’m assuming that you’re watching it, honestly, this feels very strange. No, that’s not the point. I wanted to prove to you that I am no longer a brick. Actually, maybe I am, but I’m your brick. Please know that.
“I saw a woman on the street today, well, not today when you’re watching this today, but today the day I made it today, and she didn’t remind me of you. I know, because when I saw her, I wanted her to remind me of you. No, actually I wanted her to be you. And then I saw another woman with blond hair, she even had a streak, but she wasn’t you, either. And then I knew that I would never see a woman who would remind me of you because you’re the only you there is. On this planet. In my heart.”
Into the camera he stared with those steady, serious eyes, and Edie pulled at the box of tissues, drying her tears, but they kept rolling down her cheeks. Fat, happy tears.
And the dark wasn’t quite so lonely.
“I could sit here and talk about my feelings for another eight hours, but honestly, it would be about three more seconds of talk and another seven hours of awkward silence because I don’t know what to say, at some level, I have not changed that much. Not yet. But I knew you liked mummies, so I checked out a book.”
He cracked the spine and began to read:
“Around 3000 BC, the first Pharaohs ruled ancient Egypt—” then he looked up “—but you already knew that, because you know, you’re smart that way.”
After that, Edie pulled out her phone and sent him a text message.
“Hello, Mom. What are you doing?”
Copyright © 2011 by Kathleen Panov
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